


History

by AACT



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2018-08-20 10:20:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 114,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8245576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AACT/pseuds/AACT
Summary: Four years ago Christen Press broke up with her girlfriend Tobin to pursue a soccer career in Sweden. They eventually see each other again at a national team camp. Will Tobin ever forgive Christen? [AU - contains most of the USWNT members]





	1. History

**Author's Note:**

> AU Story is set in 2017 - doesn't follow any real-time events.

Have you ever met that one person that you connect with on a higher level than anyone else? Ok but have you ever met them and then allowed them to rip your heart right out… I didn’t think so. Well that is what happened to me when I met Christen Press. Four years ago she broke my heart and I haven’t seen her since, all that is about to change though because I just found out that we are both attending the next national team camp.

Christen and I have both been around the national team for the past three years but we have never attended camp together before. To begin with I got called up a lot but Christen never and then when I got injured Christen was getting called up all the time so this will be the first time we are called into camp together.

I hope everything goes smoothly and I don’t need to see Christen all that much, I will be pleasant but I refuse to go out of my way to see or speak to her. The good thing is that no one on the team knows that Christen and I have history or that we used to date so that means that I can avoid all the questions from my teammates about how I feel. Christen and my relationship wasn’t a secret, we just didn’t know many of our current teammates back then and the ones we did know weren’t really as close to me as they are now.

~

I don’t know if I am ready for this, I haven’t seen her for so long and yet there she is; staring at me. To be honest I really don’t know what to do; do I go over to her or do I ignore her. Ignoring her would be really immature but I don’t think I am ready to face her, she broke my heart and I can’t get passed that.

Since everyone else seems to be greeting her then I suppose I should too, it would look odd if I didn’t. I just have to suck it up for a few seconds and greet her before I can get out of this room and take a breath of fresh air.

“Hi” is what I hear from that voice I loved so much. “I didn’t know whether to approach you or not.”

“Hi” I say coldly before I begin to move away.

“Toby can we talk?” I glare at her, how dare she think she can just act like nothing happened.

“My name’s Tobin” I utter angrily. “And no, we cannot talk.”

“I don’t want there to be any tension between us.”

“There won’t be if you stay out of my way and I stay out of yours” I state before walking off to find some fresh air.

“Hey Press, long time no see” I hear Kelley from behind me before I hastily leave the room and sigh in relief when I get outside and the cool air hits me.

“Are you ok?” I hear beside me and then I see Ashlyn.

“Yeah, I just needed some air” I answer before issuing the keeper with a weak smile.

“Me too, it was getting awkward in there” Ash says and now I am confused. How does she know it was awkward, no one knows about my past with Press? Ashlyn must sense my confusion. “Ali and I aren’t in a good place at the moment so the team have sorta divided” she explains.

“What happened dude?” I ask concerned. Ali and Ash have handled a lot throughout their relationship but deep down we all know they belong together.

“I don’t really know, she’s got some family troubles but with me staying in the states and her in Germany it makes things hard” Ash tells me. “I want to be there for her and help her but I can’t be who she wants me to be when I am thousands of miles away. I hate seeing her so sad but it’s not like I can jump through the computer every time we Skype.”

“Woman are complicated sometimes eh?”

“Speaking from experience?” Ash asks and I nod.

“Kinda, yeah” I answer. “You know I had some trouble with my ex.”

“Yeah, I just fear that’s what will happen to Alex and me” Ash tells me worriedly. “I love her but I don’t think that’s enough.” It wasn’t enough for Christen clearly. I thought I had finally move on in life but I guess the world has other plans for me.

“Hi Ashlyn” I hear from behind me. Is christen deliberately trying to mess with my head?

“Hi Press, how are you?” Ashlyn says with a smile before hugging her. “Tobin, have you met Press?”

“Yeah, we’ve met” I answer before looking away from those eyes that have a tendency to draw me in. “I didn’t know you knew each other.”

“Yeah, she’s friends with Ali so we sorta just became friends by default” Ashlyn shrugs before smiling. “You are looking great Christen.”

“Thanks, the injury is all healed” Christen says before nervously playing with her hands. “Do you know where Ali is, I want to speak to her?”

“The last time I looked she was talking to Becky” Ash answers with a sad shrug.

“Ok… I am going to find her” Christen says before hugging Ash quickly and then leaving.

“Christen has been plagued with hip injuries so that’s probably why you haven’t seen her at camp” Ashlyn says. “She’s a nice girl, shy at times but really friendly.” I just nod, I know pretty much everything about Christen other than why she had to break my heart. I guess I should add heartless to the list of things I know about her. She may look cute and adorable but deep down she is nothing but a bitch.

“Do you know much about her?” I ask nosily. If she is going to be my teammate then there is no harm in me asking others about her is there?

“Who Press?” Ash asks and I nod. “She plays in Sweden, she moved there about four years ago I think.”

“Has she always been at the same club?”

“No, she’s at her second club just now. Tyreso I believe it is called, Ali and Frankfurt played them in the Champions League at the end of the European season last year” Ash explains. “As you know Frankfurt won, obviously since they won the Champion’s League.”

“Yeah unfortunately, I can’t believe that PSG and me never even made it to the round of sixteen” I say, still a little sad that I wasn’t able to have another go at the title.

“Kling used to play with Press as well but they don’t anymore” Ash tells me. “Press is a major deal over in Sweden, she wins quite a lot of club awards.”

“So she’s a good player then?” I ask but I already know the answer. I always knew she would be destined for greatness, it’s just a shame that she had to string me along and break my heart along the way to her achievements.

“Oh yeah, she’s a brilliant goal scorer but she is also a good all round player” Ash smiles. “I hate when she is on the opposite team in practice but then again I like it because it give me a good practice against someone of her calibre.”

“Is she single?” Jeez, the question is out before I even know what I am saying. I want to know but on the other hand I don’t.

“You have a girlfriend Tobs” Ash says with a smirk.

“I know that Ash, I was just curious. It doesn’t mean I am asking for myself” I retort.

“Honestly Tobs, I couldn’t tell you” Ash starts. “She’s very private about that sort of thing, she never talks about dating. After the last camp I had with her she went out with Ali, Kelley and a few others and apparently she got hit on a lot but I think she just laughed it off.”

“Right.”

“All I know is that she had a girlfriend in college, Kelley was able to tell me that” Ash says. “She didn’t say it outright but during Press’s first camp Kelley asked about her girlfriend from college, according to Kelley they were a big deal even though Kelley never explicitly got introduced to her when they were at Stanford together.”

“What happened between them?” I ask.

“No idea” Ash says as she shakes her head. “I have no clue.”

“Hey, may I steal my girlfriend Tobin?” Ali asks, appearing from nowhere.

“Sure” I answer with a smile before I begin walking off. When I look back over my shoulder I can’t help but feel a little sad seeing Ali and Ash in such an intimate embrace, that could have been me and you know who. Despite the fact that Ali and Ash are having troubles you can still tell how in love they are.

~

“Hi Ladies, welcome to our first team meeting” Jill says after we have all sat down. “Before we start I want to say welcome to all of you, whether it be your first camp or one of many. Today I will briefly go over what our main aims are for this camp and what I expect from you all…” I zone out for pretty much the rest of Jill’s speech and end up staring at the back of Christen’s head as she and Kling whisper to one another.

“Are you actually paying attention?” Alex whispers from the seat next to me.

“Not really” I answer distractedly while maintaining my gaze on Press and Kling.

“You need to pay attention so we know what the coach is saying” Alex whispers. “It is no good if we are both not listening.”

“You listen for us then” I hiss quietly.

“I can’t, I’m texting Serv so I am relying on you to keep me updated on this meeting” Alex says before going back to her texting.

“Tobin, Alex… is there a problem?” Jill stops her speech to ask.

“Yeah, Alex is texting her boyfriend and it is distracting me” I say before throwing Alex a cheeky smile.

“I….Uh, I was…” Alex says as I watch her flounder.

“Pay attention, both of you” Jill says sternly. It feels like we are in school again. “Everything you hear at a team meeting is essential.”

“Sorry coach” I apologise and then Alex does the same. I just manage to catch the quiet ‘I’m going to kill you’ that Alex mutters to me.

After another forty minutes of the meeting we finally get set free but not before Dawn issues us with our room assignments. 

“You better sleep with one eye open Heath if we get paired together” Alex tells me. “After your stunt earlier then you better watch out.”

“Oh I’m nervous, Ash protect me” I say sarcastically before pulling the blonde keeper in front of me. “You couldn’t even scare a fly Alex.”

“Tobin, you will be rooming with Christen” Dawn tells me, filling me with dread. This day just keeps getting better and better. If I didn’t know any better I would guess that Christen is behind this, she isn’t exactly hiding the fact that she wants to talk to me.

“Great” I mumble sarcastically under my breath.

“Hey, what’s wrong with that?” Kelley whispers, clearly she heard my mumble. “Chris is great Tobs, you will like her.”

“I am not so sure I will” I answer before walking off, leaving a confused Kelley O’Hara behind.

“What’s up Tobin’s butt?” I hear Kelley’s loud voice before I hear a few mumbles from Ash and Alex.

I slowly make my way to my room, I know it won’t be long before I come face to face with Christen again. She is probably already in our room right now.

“Hi” Christen says when I enter the room.

“Hello” I reply formally, too formally that it has just made everything ten times more awkward.

“Can we talk?”

“We already are” I say sharply.

“I mean about us” Christen replies, moving closer to me.

“There is no us, you ruined that” I say before entering the bathroom and slamming the door behind me. I am really not in the mood to deal with this right now.

As much as I want to remain locked in this bathroom I know I can’t because we are supposed to be having a team dinner at seven. I just pray that when I open this door that Christen is not in the room.

I slowly open the door and scan the room quickly and find that it is empty, thank goodness for that. As I make my way over to my luggage I notice a note on top of the bed.

I’ve took my clothes to Kelley’s room to change,   
See you at dinner,  
Chris x

I quickly grab a pair of jeans and a top before I disappear into the bathroom again for a quick wash. I text Alex to tell her to meet me in ten minutes so that we can walk to the restaurant together. At least if Alex is with me then she can act as a buffer and I won’t be cornered to sit with Press.

~

“Looking hot Heath” Alex says when she sees me. “What’s with the dressing up?”

“I am no more dressed up than you Alex” I answer.

“I know but you don’t usually make such an effort, normally you are the most casual one there” Alex says, eyeing me suspiciously.

“I wasn’t sure how fancy this restaurant was going to be so I thought I would play it safe and make more of an effort” I say, trying to get my best friend to believe me.

“You look good anyway” Alex compliments me before we make our way to the restaurant. Truth be told, I only dressed up to show Press that I am good without her and I don’t need her.

“What are Servando’s plans for tonight?” I ask as we walk.

“He’s going out with a few guys from his team” Alex answers. “I just hope he doesn’t drink too much he promised we could Skype in the morning.”

“We can’t have him breaking a promise” I say jokingly before Alex and I enter the restaurant.

“What took you two so long?” Kling asks. “We have been waiting here for a while.”

“Blame Tobin” Alex says before she sits down next to Ashlyn leaving me with the only other seat available which unluckily seems to be right across from you know who. At least I am not sitting next to her.

“Now that everyone is here can we please go to the buffet?” Kelley asks impatiently. “I skipped lunch for this.”

“So did I?” Ash interject before receiving a glare from Ali.

~

“Damn” I mutter under my breath before sitting down in my seat.

“What’s up Tobin?” Hope asks while trying to stop Kelley from stealing from her plate.

“There was no pork left and I hadn’t had a bit yet” I complain to the table.

“Yeah, Alex and Kelley seem to have took all the pork” JJ tells me.

“You can have my pork” I hear from across the table.

“It’s ok” I decline politely but it seems Christen has other ideas since she is leaning across the table and putting the meat on my plate. “Thanks.”

“No problem” Christen says, showing me her megawatt smile. Why did I need to look up?

“Are we all excited for camp to start?” Kelley asks excitedly. “I can’t wait to do another beep test.”

“Oh no, are we really doing one this camp?” Ash asks. Out of all of us, Ashlyn is the one who hates running the most and Kelley is the one who likes it the most.

“I missed the last two beep tests so I think my luck will have run out by now” I say while finishing off my pork. I am not going to be immature and not eat it since Press gave me it, I like pork too much to act like that.

“Do you remember at Stanford Press, we used to have the beep test every month?” Kelley asks to which Christen replies that she does. I remember it myself, getting a phone call from my girlfriend telling me how much she dislikes the beep test.

“How could I forget?” Christen replies before giving me a shy glance. How could I forget either? To encourage Christen I used to promise her that if she did well then she would receive an extra thirty minute massage from me the next time we saw one another. Let’s face it, those massages almost always turned into something a lot more than your average massage.

“You were good Press, not as good as me but you held your own” Kelley says with a small laugh.

“What can I say? I had good motivation” Christen says, looking straight at me. If my glare was fierce enough to kill someone then Press would be dead right now.

~

“Do you want me to wake you up the morning?” Christen asks while searching through her bag for something. We just got back from dinner so since we have a big day of training tomorrow we all decided to go back to our own rooms.

“No, I have an alarm for that” I answer plainly.

“I thought you hated alarms” Christen says.

“I don’t anymore” I reply. “That’s the thing Press, over the years you begin to love things that you hated and you begin to hate things that you loved.” I make sure I emphasise the last part.

“I guess I deserved that.”

“No need to guess, you know you did” I say. I know I am acting petulant but I am entitled too, she broke my heart so I am not exactly going to let her off lightly.

“I am going to the bathroom to change” Christen then departs and I decide to call my mom.

“Hey mom, it’s me.”

“Hi sweetheart, did you get to camp ok?”

“Yes I did” I say with a chuckle. It doesn’t matter how old I am I always phone my mom on the first night of camp and she always asks the same questions.

“Who’s your roommate this time?” my mom asks. 

“It’s just a new girl” I lie.

“What’s her name?”

“You won’t know her.” Another lie.

“Stop deflecting, I will be at the upcoming game so I will find out all of the names at camp eventually” my mom tells me. My mom likes to take it upon herself as the ‘head parent’ so to speak. Keeping all the other parents informed of where to sit and what time to turn up at the stadium.

“Don’t freak out but…”

“They roomed you with HER...” my mom says and I can hear a slight bit of anger in her voice. “Do you want me to phone the coach because I will, I am not having HER messing with your head and affecting your game.”

“For crying out loud mom, I am not a child” I utter. “I am not in school and need my mommy to phone the teacher for me, I can handle this” I say. “It will be a good test of character for me.”

“I knew she was going to be at camp with you but I at least thought she could keep her distance.”

“It will be fine mom, don’t stress about it” I say to try and calm her down. “And while we are on this subject, Stacy may be going to one of our games so please be nice.”

“I have no problems with Stacy Press, we can’t exactly pin it on her that her daughter is a heartless bitch” my mom says. “Stacy was just as shocked as I was when the bitch broke your heart.”

“Good but despite what Christen has done, don’t call her a bitch in front of Stacy, she is still her daughter.”

“Don’t worry about me Tobin.”

“I better go just now, she’s in the bathroom at the moment so she will be out soon” I say. “I love you mom.”

“Love ya Tobs.”

“Bye mom.”

“Bye.” And with that I hang up and as if on cue, Christen comes out of the bathroom. I can’t help but laugh, it’s not even that funny but for some reason Christen covered head to toe in pyjamas with cupcakes on them made me burst out laughing. It was either burst out laughing or be consumed by my thoughts of how even now I would probably find it cute.

“What?” Christen says insecurely. I know it is mean but for a few seconds I decide not to answer and continue laughing causing Christen to probably feel even worse. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Your pyjamas, they eh…” I say, trying to stifle my laughter.

“They what?” Christen asks annoyed, clearly not happy that I laughed at her.

“They look…” I start. “Delicious.”

“Oh grow up” is the harsh response I get. “I get that you are not my biggest fan but you don’t need to act like an imbecile.”

“I only laughed at your pyjamas” I say shaking my head. “On a scale from someone laughing at your obviously novelty pyjamas to getting your heart broken I know which end of the scale I would prefer, and it isn’t the latter.”

“Look Tobin, I…”

“No Press, that wasn’t an invitation for us to talk about how you broke my heart” I intercept before Christen can finish her sentence. “We are teammates and roommates, that’s it. There will be no talk of the past.”

“But…”

“No” I object. “I don’t care about what you have to say and I especially don’t care about you so please, stay out of my way.”

“I want to explain why I did it” Christen says pleadingly. “I didn’t want to break your heart or my heart, I didn’t want to live these past four years without you…”

“Stop it!” I say louder than I meant. “Please just stop, I refuse to let you ruin my life again. Goodnight.” I then disappear out of our room and I head for the lobby, a place where I can be alone.

Not long after I sit down on the large sofas adorning the lobby I get a text from my girlfriend; Rhian.

Rhian: Hi babe, how are you? How’s your day been so far? Xxx  
Tobin: Hi, I am good thanks. How are you? My day has been ok, boring really xx  
Rhian: I’m good too. I’m sorry that your day has been boring. I have some good news xxx  
Tobin: What’s the news?   
Tobin: Don’t leave me hanging  
Tobin: I need something to cheer me up, I’m sad  
Rhian: I am coming to your game on the twenty-eighth so that means we can see each other in two weeks xxx  
Tobin: Now I’m happy. I haven’t seen you in forever xx  
Rhian: I know. I miss you xxx  
Tobin: I miss you too xx  
Tobin: Alex is texting me, give me two minutes Rhi  
Rhian: Ok babes

I quickly scan the text from Alex before replying just as quick.

Alex: Tobin Heath where are you? I went to your room and Christen said you had left. Press seemed a little off, did you two argue or something? Text me back!!  
Tobin: I’m in the lobby Alex. Nothing happened between me and Press. She was taking a private call so I left and now I am trying to talk to my girlfriend and you are interrupting me. Everything’s good.  
Alex: I guess Press was maybe off because of her call. I will leave ya in peace, see ya at breakfast x  
Tobin: Night Al x  
Alex: PS Ask Press where she got her pyjamas, I want a pair. They look super cosy and cute x  
Tobin: ask yourself in the morning, goodnight x

I quickly go back to texting Rhian before it is about time that I go back to my room. Thankfully when I get through the door Press looks to already be asleep so I quickly get organised before I get into my own bed.


	2. Grenade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the chapters will be named after a song that reflects the mood of the chapter.  
> The song for this chapter is Grenade by Bruno Mars.

“Morning” Christen greets me when I eventually get out of my bed.

“M’nin” I grunt. Unlike Christen I am not a morning person.

“Do you want me to wait for you to go down to breakfast?” Christen asks cheerily.

“No thanks, I will manage on my own” I answer before locking myself in the bathroom. I guess Christen has forgot about last night since she seems to be in such a good mood. Her good moods in the morning used to be so infectious sometimes even if we were hundreds of miles apart at times. She used to always text me at exactly three minutes past seven every morning. My favorite text was the one I got on a Friday morning. Sometimes it would be: ‘Good morning baby, I can’t wait to see you tonight xxxxx’ or ‘Morning Toby. Can’t wait to Skype tonight xxxxx’. The texts were always the shortest in the morning because Christen knew I wouldn’t be awake so she didn’t want me to feel bad if I missed the text.

I hate the fact that I hate Christen but every memory I have of her is a good one; there are no bad memories. The only bad memory I have is of that day, when she broke my heart. Sure, we had the odd argument but we always resolved things immediately. I was a lot more mature back then than I am today. If Christen and I argued back in the day I wouldn’t storm out but now; I storm out every single time. I think it is a defence mechanism because I am scared to stick around in case I don’t like the outcome. Before I had my heart broken I always presumed that everything could be resolved so I never ran away but since then my response is to shy away in case I get hurt again.

“Tobin!!” I hear Alex shout. “Hurry up or we will be late for breakfast.”

“How did you get into my room?” I ask after leaving the bathroom.

“Press let me in, she was just leaving as I was about to knock on the door” Alex answers.

“Right” I reply with a nod before I grab my keys and then Alex and I head down to breakfast. “How’s Servando?” I ask as we walk. “Did you Skype him?”

“He’s fine, we were on Skype for a short time this morning” Alex answer solemnly.

“You don’t sound like someone who just spoke to their husband.”

“I just miss him, he said he can’t make any of our games over the next two weeks” Alex says. “I’ve hardly seen him the last six months.”

“Well at least after these two national team games the NWSL will start and you both are in Orlando now, you will see him a lot more” I say, trying to cheer my best friend up.

“I suppose.”

“Is there something else bothering you because you don’t normally feel this sad?” I ask gently. “You are usually the one telling the rest of us that that these sacrifices are part of being a professional soccer player.”

“Servando and I have been arguing a lot more recently about how much time we spend together so I guess that has just got me down” Alex says. “Servando is kinda clingy, not in a bad way though. I am more outgoing than him so sometimes when I am home I like to hang out with my sisters or my friends whereas Servando only goes out with the guys when I’m not there.”

“He just loves you and wants to spend as much time as possible with you” I says, giving Alex a gentle smile. “I’ve been in his position before where you feel like you don’t see your girlfriend enough.”

“You’re not clingy though” Alex argues. If only she knew the younger version of me. “It’s silly but for some reason it causes us to argue, do you think it will pass?”

“It will pass” I say. “Now that you will be living together for the majority of the season things will get better.”

“I hope so” Alex agrees. “Anyway, how’s Rhian?”

“She’s good, she is coming up for our second game” I reply with a smile. “My mom is coming for both games as well.”

“I love your mom, she’s so funny” Alex says before laughing slightly. “I will never forget that time your mom stormed all the way out of the crowd and over to the ref at half time because of that foul on you in the fourth minute.”

“I think she still thinks I am some kid and she is doing her soccer mom shit.”

“You threatened to never let her attend a game again.”

“Are you surprised?” I ask. “This is my job not a bit of fun, could you imagine if I was a magazine journalist or something and my boss didn’t like the article I wrote. Imagine my mom storming into my boss’s office and giving him/her a piece of her mind. I would be the laughing stock of the building.”

“I understand completely, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t funny though.”

“It wasn’t funny for me that’s for sure” I conclude when we finally reach the dining hall.

~

“Ok ladies, listen up” Jill says when we are out on the pitch. “This morning we will do some short fitness tests so that Dawn can take a look at what level everyone is at and then this afternoon we will have the beep test, I know you all can’t wait.”

“I am looking forward to it” Kelley says happily while bouncing on the spot. “I can’t wait to break another record.”

“That’s the spirit” Dawn interjects.

“Following our team dinner tonight at a surprise restaurant we are going to do a fun team bonding exercise so be ready for that” Jill adds before she then splits us into groups to begin our fitness tests.

One good thing about these fitness tests is that I am not put in the same group as Christen which is a bonus.

“How’s it going at PSG?” Pinoe asks me as we begin our tests.

“It’s ok, I am leaving when the season finishes in June” I answer. “The thorns are going to take me on a loan spell until the end of the NWSL season after that.”

“I am glad I am back on American soil this season, I loved my time at Lyon but it’s a lot easier to attend national camps when you are in America” Pinoe says.

“That’s the reason I am leaving, I don’t know what I am doing next season but I’m not going back to PSG in the autumn.” Pinoe and I aren’t what you would say the best of friends but we have a decent friendship and we respect one another. “I hear congratulations are in order, have you set a date for the wedding?”

“Thanks” Pinoe replies. “We haven’t planned anything yet, Sera wants something small and I wanted the big large celebration.”

“There is no point rushing, you still have plenty of time.”

“That’s what I said but it didn’t go down particularly well. My fiancée doesn’t like long engagements” Megan says with a laugh. “You are probably wondering how two people so different are together.”

“No no, I agree with the saying opposites attract.”

“It we were the same it would be boring, you need a partner that balances you out.”

“Exactly.”

~

“Come on KO!!” I shout. Once again Kelley is the last one standing for her group during the beep test.

“Let’s go!!” Hope shouts.

“Watch my eardrums Solo” I say to the keeper. “I know you are just being a supportive girlfriend but cool down the squealing.”

“She’s not my girlfriend” Hope says defensively. “She’s just a really good friend.”

“Who is a girl” I add. “A friend who is a girl equals girlfriend.”

“Whatever” Hope dismisses me before she continues to shout support for Kelley. I don’t really understand Hope and Kelley sometimes. At one camp I catch them kissing (no idea what that meant) and then the next camp they barely spoke to one another. I am not one to speculate about other people’s personal relationships but since my best friend is one of the nosiest people on the team, you hear things. It is no secret that if Alex knows a bit of gossip it won’t be long before she passes it on.

“You can do this Kelley, keep going honey!!!” Alex screams and if I thought Hope was loud, Alex is ten times her volume.

After breaking her record by two extra levels Kelley is finally beat.

“Well done ladies, you all performed excellent” Dawn tells us. “What I would like from you all while you are doing a light recovery is to come up with at least three areas you personally want to work on and then in two days I will discuss those areas with you individually and the areas I think needs work.”

“Good job out there” Jill shouts before telling us all to be at the hotel lobby by six so we can go to dinner and then do our bonding exercise.

~

“You done well out there” Christen tells me when we are back in our room getting ready for dinner. “You are an amazing player Tobin.”

“Thanks.”

“I don’t like this atmosphere between us” Christen says and I just glare.

“If you hadn’t been such a bitch then there would be no bad atmosphere” I respond harshly. “The bad atmosphere is because of you Christen.”

“I know that” Christen snaps before sighing. “Can you not at least hear me out?”

“You just don’t get it do you?” I say, sighing myself. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say because I don’t want to feel the same way I felt back then.” I look at Christen before I shake my head. “You messed me up Chris, so bad.”

“Let me make it better” Christen says desperately before kneeling in front of me and putting her hands on my knees.

“I was so hurt, I can’t even begin to describe how bad I felt” I say. “I loved you so much and you dumped me, out of nowhere I may add.”

“Toby, I…”

“Don’t” I say angrily, ripping my hands out of hers and standing up. “I hate you Christen. Do you know what it feels like when your world gets turned upside down and ruined?”

“I’m sorry” Christen says, tears flowing from her eyes. I don’t let her crying affect me though, she isn’t worth it.

“I wished you were dead” I say while looking at the crying woman. “At least if you were dead then I could pretend that you loved me and you didn’t disappear from my life because you chose to but because you were taken. It was wrong though because you weren’t taken, you just wanted to leave me.”

“Toby, please just hear me out” Christen desperately asks.

“We are done Christen, you have no one to blame but yourself.” And once again I walk out of our room and slam the door. I know my attitude isn’t helping the situation but why should I be the one who has to keep hurting. She has no idea how I felt, she doesn’t even know the repercussions of her actions so I refuse to give her any sympathy. If that makes me look like a selfish bitch then I don’t care, it’s her fault I am the way I am. I don’t particularly like who I am now but I can’t live in the past. The real me disappeared the day Christen did.

~

Dinner went reasonably smoothly, Christen deliberately stayed out of my way and I stayed out of hers.

“Right ladies, time for some team bonding” Jill announces. “I am going to split you all into groups of five and then I will reveal your mission.”

In a group with me are Kelley, Hope, Kling and… surprise surprise; Christen.

“Each group will receive a list of the tasks I want them to complete, it is not an exhaustive list so it shouldn’t take you long if you work together” Jill says. “As soon as you have completed the list go back to the hotel and wait in the lobby until everyone finishes, got it?”

“Yes coach” we shout before we split up into our teams.

“How shall we do this then?” Kelley asks excitedly, clearly showing why we all call her a squirrel.

“Stand at peace Kel, I can’t think” Hope says while studying the list. “I reckon we split up, three people do so many tasks and the other two do the other tasks and then we will come together for the compulsory team ones.”

“Good idea” Kling says. 

“Kelley and I will do the top three tasks and you three can do the next five before we meet at the beach for the beach tasks and the significantly harder tasks” Hope says.

“Who made you team leader?” Kling asks.

“It was either me or Christen” Hope says. “Christen wasn’t bothered so I’m doing it. You three would mess it up for us if you had to lead” Hope says, pointing at Kling, Kelley and me.

“We love you too Hope” Kling says sarcastically.

“Can we please just get moving, I am not losing another team activity” Hope complains. “If Carli’s team win again then I am not going to be happy.”

“On you two go then” Kling ushers Hope and Kelley away. “Right you two, how are we doing this? Wanna pick a task each or do all five together?”

“You and I would just argue Kling, the two of us in a team almost never works out” Christen says. “I will find a bucket and spade and purchase a bag of donuts, Kling you ask for directions to the theme park and Tobin can do the other two tasks.”

“Sounds good” I mutter.

“Why do I only have one task and you two do two?” Kling asks.

“Your task will take longer” Christen answers. “I will meet you guys at the beach in twenty minutes, hopefully Kelley and Hope will be there as well.” And with that we split up.

After I carry out my two tasks; taking a picture of myself in a seashell necklace (which I actually decided to buy) and purchasing an inflatable boat I make my way to the beach. When I get there I don’t see any of my team so I decide to catch the last few rays of sunshine.

“Tobin, look what Hope bought me” Kelley says happily while eating candyfloss.

“Well done Hope, buying the most energetic member of our team a sugary snack to get her more hyper” I say sarcastically. “Very clever, that will help when we need to get Kelley to focus on the harder tasks.” Hope just glares at me.

“Tobin what exactly is wrong with you, you seem to constantly be in a mood?” Kelley asks with a frown. “We are all trying to have fun and you keep making snide remarks, like all the time.”

“I’m sorry” I apologise sincerely. I don’t think I really understood how bad my attitude has been towards others. “Sorry again.”

“It’s ok Tobs, if there is something bothering you then you can talk to me” Kelley tells me. “I am here for you.”

“Thanks for the offer” I say before hugging Kelley.

“Hey, you guys done?” Kling asks and we nod.

“We are just waiting for Christen” Hope says. “Let’s take a look at the tasks while we wait.”

“Swim in the sea for three minutes” I read aloud. “Swimming is only acceptable if the water is at least knee deep.”

“Not it, I can’t swim” Kling says.

“I am not getting my hair wet” Hope says before looking at Kelley.

“I am not swimming in there, the water is ice cold” Kelley refuses.

“I am with Kelley here, the water is way too cold” I agree with the squirrel.

“I bet you two surf in colder waters” Hope tells Kelley and me.

“Yes babe but that’s when the sun is shining directly onto the water which makes it warmer” Kelley tells Hope.

“Big baby” Hope mutters to Kelley with a cheeky smile before Kelley playfully slaps her. Yep, definitely something going on there.

“Sorry I took so long, I couldn’t find a bucket and spade but I got one eventually” Christen apologises with a small smile. “What’s up next?”

“One of us has to swim in the sea in knee deep water for fifteen minutes” Kling says before correcting herself. “Not fifteen minutes, three minutes.”

“You’re doing it Christen because none of us want to and you were the last here so…” Kelley says with a shrug. As soon as I see the colour drain from Christen’s face I know I need to step up.

“I’ve changed my mind, I wanna do it” I say loudly. “I could do with a short workout.” I then make my way towards the water, not waiting to hear what everyone says. “Someone remember to take a video of me on their phone” I shout back before I jump into the water and swim until it is deep enough before I begin the challenge.

~

“I know you still care about me” Christen whispers in the darkness.

“I am trying to sleep here” I whisper back.

“Thank you for doing the swimming task.”

“Chris, please let me sleep” I ask politely. “Despite everything that has happened, I would never make you go in the sea if you didn’t want to.”

“Thank you anyway, I am still not over my fear of the sea” Christen replies. “Good night Tobin.”

“Goodnight” I say, relieved that Christen doesn’t seem to mind ending the conversation there. 

About two months after I met Christen I decided that for our next date I would take her surfing, show her a part of my life that I rarely ever share with anyone else. The date started off pretty well, I took her a walk along the beach until we reached the picnic that I got my sister to set up for me.

# Flashback # 

“Oh my god Tobin, did you do all this for me?” Christen asks in amazement.

“Yep” I answer smugly. “I got my sister to set it up for me but the idea was mine.”

“It all looks so good” Christen says before she sits down on the picnic blanket and I sit next to her.

“The beach is one of our favorite places so I thought it would be nice to have a date here.”

“Sounds good Toby” Christen replies before kissing me.

“I thought maybe we could go surfing after lunch” I say. “It is one of my hobbies and I want to share it with you, have you ever been surfing?” I ask with a smile which then turns into a frown when I see Christen’s face. “What’s wrong babe?”

“I... eh… I can’t swim” Christen says nervously but I know it is a lie.

“I know you can swim Chris, you took me to your friend’s pool party” I say as I look at my girlfriend. “Aside from playing beer pong all we did was swim and race each other.”

“Oh.”

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask. “If you don’t feel like surfing then I won’t force you, I just want to share my hobby with you. It’s no big deal.”

“I can swim, I just don’t like the sea” Christen says. “No one knows this apart from my family but when I was eight I went fishing with my grandpa. There was this big wave that caused the boat to rock and because I was too close to the edge of the boat I fell in the water” Christen says before tears start streaming down her face. “I blacked out and then the next thing I know I am in an emergency speed boat with my grandpa crying beside me.”

I immediately wrap my arms around Christen and hug her tight until she calmed down. “Its ok baby” I whisper before kissing her.

“I’m sorry Tobin but I can’t go in the sea.”

“Don’t be silly, we can find another hobby together” I assure my girlfriend before giving her another kiss. “It was only a suggestion, there are a million things we could do together.”

“Thanks” Christen says before kissing my cheek. “I am not scared of water, just deep water and the sea. Two things I presume you need for surfing.”

“I never want you to feel scared when you are with me” I say sincerely while looking directing into Christen’s green/gray eyes. “I promise to never let anyone force you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“I love you Tobin” Christen tells me while cupping my cheek. “I don’t know if two months is too soon to say that but I just thought you should know.”

“I love you too Christen” I respond. “And no, two months isn’t too soon. Not for us anyway.” And then we seal our confessions with a kiss.

# End of Flashback # 

I don’t really know how to get past all of this, every time I look at Christen I feel hurt and overcome with sadness. I want to move on, we are teammates after all, I just don’t know how to. It’s clear that I can’t ignore her forever but it’s also painfully clear that I am not ready to forgive her. Maybe some closure would help but I really don’t want to bring up the past during camp. I am at camp to show what I can do and how I can help the team, I can’t have my personal baggage affecting that or giving off the wrong impression of me.


	3. Amnesia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is loosely based around Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer

I’ve been tossing and turning in my bed all night so as soon as it hits six I decide to get up. I quietly make my way over to my suitcase and grab some clothes before I head into the bathroom for my shower. Today is the day that I move on, I am going to accept that Christen will be in my professional life at times but she is just a teammate. There is no point in me holding a grudge anymore, she hurt me but I can’t live in the past. The future is the key to ridding myself of my baggage and demons.

“Good morning” I say to Hope when I sit down next to her. It is no surprise that Hope is the first one at breakfast.

“Jeez Tobin, you gave me a fright” Hope says, holding her chest. “It’s not like you to be up at this time or be this cheerful.”

“Todays a new day, a fresh start” I say as I sip my coffee. “It’s time for a change.”

“Well… good morning” Hope chuckles.

“It will be” I answer with a smile. “Where’s the girlfriend?”

“Probably still in her room, no one can wake Kel up before at least seven in the morning” Hope answers and I smirk at her. “What?”

“I thought she wasn’t your girlfriend” I say smugly.

“She’s not… maybe she is… I don’t know” Hope stutters. “We haven’t explicitly talked about our status but I know we are both serious about one another. We wouldn’t start something with a teammate if we didn’t think it was something real.”

“I know you wouldn’t” I say. Hope takes her job extremely seriously so I know she wouldn’t risk her career if it was for some silly fling.

“I really really love her” Hope tells me before she begins to blush. “Sorry Tobin, I don’t know why I am telling you this.”

“It’s ok” I assure her with a smile. Hope barely ever talks about her personal life so I know Kelley must be pretty special.

“Can I ask a personal question?” Hope says nervously. “It is totally cool if that’s not ok, I’m not really used to this sharing my feelings stuff.”

“You can ask me anything.”

“You have a girlfriend, right?”

“Right” I laugh.

“Kelley is the first woman I’ve ever dated so I am not exactly sure if it is just me or not but I suddenly feel a lot more protective over Kelley than I ever was of my boyfriends” Hope says. “My ex boyfriends have all been big guys, over six foot so I always just presumed they could take care of themselves but I don’t know if it is because Kelley is a woman or not but I feel like I need to put her first and myself second.”

“It may be a factor of that but it may also be that you are more in love with her than you were with an ex-boyfriend” I answer.

“I just don’t want her to feel like because she is a woman I am treating her like she isn’t strong enough to protect herself” Hope says. “Woman can look after themselves as much as guys can, I know that. I don’t want to seem like I am mothering her either.”

“Relax Hope, just keep doing what you are doing” I tell the keeper. “Just be you, that’s who Kelley fell in love with.”

“Is that what it is like with you and your girlfriend?” Hope asks. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Truthfully, no” I answer, earning a confused look from Hope. “The person I am today is not the person I was. I don’t know if Rhian and I are deep enough into our relationship to be in love but if she is in love with me then she isn’t in love with the real me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Rhian doesn’t know the real me because I haven’t shown her that person” I say slowly, trying to understand what I mean myself. “I can tell you are a happy person now that you are with Kelley, right?”

“Absolutely, she brings out the real me” Hope replies.

“Well I’m the opposite” I start. “I am not in any way insinuating that Rhian brings out a fake me, I just mean that the real me was the person who dated my ex. When she left me, I was scared to be my true self.”

“You shouldn’t be scared” Hope says, placing a comforting hand in mine.

“I am not saying the real me doesn’t show sometimes, what I am saying is that I am not always one hundred percent the person I was” I elaborate. “My ex brought out the real me and now she is gone, so am I.”

“I had no idea you still loved your ex” Hope says and I shake my head.

“I don’t” I disagree. “I just can’t get over the hurt.”

“Maybe you can’t move on from that hurt because you are not over your ex, you want to move on but you can’t” Hope tells me. “Maybe no one knows the real you because you want to reserve yourself for your ex.”

“I… I don’t know Hope” I say confused. “I think if I was who I am really am, I wouldn’t be with someone like Rhian.”

“What makes you think that?”

“It goes back to your question actually, about wanting to protect your girlfriend” I say before I look into Hope’s trusting eyes. “I was a clingy girlfriend and a little insecure at times. I wasn’t overbearing or anything but I liked to be hugged and told I was loved. I wanted to feel protected even though I knew I could cope on my own and my ex did that. She was my person, my whole world so when she left so did my way of life.”

“It seems to me like you are in denial, I really think this ex means more to you than you think” Hope explains.

“Maybe a part of me does still have feelings for her or maybe I feel like this because she has suddenly appeared in my life again.”

“She’s back in your life?” Hope asks.

“Eh…” I stutter and then I realise that maybe I should tell Hope its Chris. If there is one person who I know will keep a secret then it is Hope. “Yeah, it’s actually C…”

“Good morning ladies, how are we this fine day?” A happy Kelley appears. 

“We were fine until you interrupted” I say. “You have the most impeccable timing KO.”

“Oops, did I interrupt a private conversation?”

“You did?” Hope says before she smiles gently at Kelley. They are like a pair of lovesick puppies with all their loving looks towards one another.

“I am going to head back to my room, see you both at practice” I announce as I stand up. “Thanks for the chat Hope.”

“I should be thanking you” Hope says with a kind smile. “You know where I am if you want to talk again.”

“Thanks.” I then slowly walk back to my room, thinking about what Hope and I just discussed.

~

“Wow, Christen really isn’t on her game today” Kelley says surprised as we stretch by the side of the pitch. Half the team were doing soccer drills and the rest of us are warming up on the side-lines before we swap. “Maybe something is bothering her.”

“Maybe its boy trouble, I know that is bothering me” Alex says before Kelley and I just look at her. “What?”

“Does everything have to turn into a conversation about you?” Kelley questions annoyed. “I am concerned about my friend. Even when having a bad day, Christen isn’t usually as bad as this.”

“Jeez Kelley, there was no need to give me attitude” Alex says, getting annoyed herself. I really can’t be bothered with drama today. “I was merely suggesting that maybe Christen has a problem with her boyfriend.”

“Christen has a boyfriend?” I ask quickly. Well done Tobin, you are trying to steer clear of all things Christen and now you have yourself involved in a conversation about her.

“I dunno” Alex shrugs. “She could have or she could have a girlfriend, I was just surmising.”

“She’s never mentioned one before so I doubt it” Kelley says. “Who says that just because she isn’t playing well means that the root of the problem is a romantic relationship?”

“Ninety-nine percent of the time someone has a bad day on this team it is due to a relationship issue” Alex says. “A soccer issue is easy to fix so you know it won’t get you down like a personal issue.”

“I think if it was a personal issue, it would be to do with a girlfriend rather than a boyfriend” Kelley muses out loud.

“Boyfriend, girlfriend… it doesn’t matter, they all produce the same issues” Alex says as she concludes her stretching. “I do agree though, something is bothering Christen. She just sailed that shot about thirty feet higher than the goal.”

“Someone should talk to her” Kelley suggests. “You should do it Tobin.”

“ME” I shriek in surprise. “Why me, I hardly know her?”

“You and Press are always having these secret conversations” Kelley answers. “You look at each other sometimes and it’s like you both know something that the rest of us don’t.”

“Don’t talk garbage” I say, waving off the thought.

“We are required to spend a lot of time together during camp Tobs, we notice these insignificant details” Alex butts in. “We have nothing else to do other than hang out together and observe each other.”

“Kelley, you are a good friend of Christen’s” I start. “You should be the one to check on her.”

“I don’t know, she seems to quite like you Tobin” Alex tells me. I really don’t like where this conversation is heading. “She asks a lot of questions about you.”

“She will be asking questions to scope out her roommate, she will just be making sure I’m not prone to killing my roommates in the middle of the night” I say, trying to divert from this topic.

“Tobin has a point, Press is quite shy when around new people” Kelley says with a nod. “She was probably just trying to figure out what she had in common with Tobs. I think…” Kelley immediately stops talking when a ball flies straight at the three of us.

“HEY!!” Alex shouts before booting the ball back. “Who kicked that at us?”

“ME” Jill says sternly. “In case you have noticed ladies this is the training field where we train not the coffee shop where we can have a chat with our friends.”

“We were just chatting tactics while stretching” Kelley fires back.

“The last time I looked stretching did not involve standing still in a group of three” Jill says. “The only muscle that was being stretched was your tongues.”

“Sorry coach” I reply before grabbing a ball and going over to Allie who speeds me up on our next training activity. 

“Are you alright?” Allie asks. “It’s not like you to get distracted.”

“You know Alex and Kelley, when they start on a topic it is hard for them to stop” I say before Allie chuckles. “I just got caught in the middle.”

~

When I walk into the room after training I hear Christen finishing up a phone call.

“Ok mom, I love you too. Bye” Christen says before she hangs up and then she blows her nose. I can tell by her voice and the sniffling that she has been crying.

“Do you want me to go back out?” I say as I awkwardly point towards the door. I don’t want to be rude in case Christen needs a moment by herself.

“No its ok” Christen answers before wiping away a tear. “My gran isn’t too well so my mom was phoning to tell me that she was in hospital. It was just a precaution but it still upset me a little.”

“Your gran is a strong woman, she will fight through her illness” I say, trying to provide some sort of comfort.

“Can you give me a hug?” Christen asks nervously. It’s on the tip of my tongue to say no but I quickly swallow the words down. Despite the past, I am not a completely heartless bitch. I would comfort any teammate if they needed it and I know that when Christen asks for a hug she must be really upset because she hates hugging. 

I wrap my arms around the crying woman and pull her into my embrace. I honestly don’t know how to hug her, I used to rub up and down her back with one hand and tenderly stroke her cheek with the other but those actions are too intimate so I settle for just squeezing her tight.

After Christen’s crying subsides I slowly pull myself away from her slightly to look at her face. I gently wipe some loose hairs out of her face and then I automatically regret it. It’s like I can sense it, before I know it Christen’s kissing me.

“No Chris” I say gently as I pull away. 

“I just need some sort of comfort” Christen says, tears threatening to fall again.

“I will give you another hug then” I say, pulling her back into me. I am guessing Christen’s poor play today was down to her gran being unwell. “Will you make it down to dinner tonight or do you want me to bring you a plate of something up?”

“I think I should manage to go down to the dining hall” Christen answers. “I am going to have a quick nap first though.”

“Ok, I will give you some peace” I say as I remove myself from the hold.

“Thank you Tobin.” I shrug it off, I don’t need thanked for doing something every decent human should do.

~

“Hey Chris, wake up” I whisper while gently shaking her.

“What time is it?” Christen asks through a yawn.

“Half past six, we need to move if we want to make the last serving of dinner” I say gently, not wanting to speak too loud since Christen has just woke up.

“Oh right… ok” Christen says as she wipes furiously at her tired eyes.

“I’ve put some fresh clothes in the bathroom for you, you’ve got ten minutes” I tell Christen before pointing to the bathroom. “If you are not ready in ten minutes then I am leaving without you and I may need to eat all of the chicken.”

“I will be ready in five minutes” Christen says, giving me a thankful smile.

Eleven minutes later and we arrive at the dining hall.

“You take a seat and I will make you a plate up” I say.

“Thanks” Christen says. “Don’t put too much…”

“Sauce on your pasta, I got it Chris” I say as I finish her sentence and then I make my way over to the buffet.

“Did you find out if anything is bothering your roomie?” Kelley asks, suddenly coming out of nowhere.

“I did actually, her gran is not well” I reply. I know it is not my place to share that information but knowing Kelley she would probably put her foot in it and say the wrong thing to Christen so it is best that she knows so she doesn’t open her big mouth. “Don’t tell anyone, I am just giving you some warning that her poor play can be excused so don’t bother making fun of her.”

“I am not that mean Tobin” Kelley says, slightly offended.

“Help me take this food over to the table” I tell my friend before handing her a plate and then we make our way over to Christen who is talking to Kriegs.

“Just put it anywhere KO” I say when we reach the table. I give Christen a glass of juice before I put her plate of pasta and chicken in front of her. “Wait a second” I say to Christen before I start removing the mushrooms from her pasta and placing them on my plate.

I know I have done the wrong thing when I look up and see the whole table staring at me.

“She doesn’t like mushrooms” I say to justify my actions. I am feeling slightly embarrassed now, I didn’t mean to fall back into an old habit.

“Well she could’ve just put them to the side of her plate” Ashlyn says with a chuckle. “You didn’t need to remove them as if she was a toddler, I am sure she could’ve managed herself.”

“Force of habit, sorry” I say before I even realise it is out of my mouth. Dig yourself a deeper hole Tobin, I dare ya.

“A habit, you mean you have done that before for Christen?” Ali asks confused.

“No, I… eh…” I stutter. “I do it for Cole.” Good save Tobin even though this could all have been avoided.

“Got ya” Kelley says while Ashlyn and Ali nod. Thank god they bought that.

“Who’s Cole?” Christen asks curiously.

“Tobin’s cute little nephew” Kelley says with a smile.

“He’s so precious” Ali says with a smile as well.

“You have a nephew?” Christen says surprised.

“Whoa Press, we don’t need to see your half chewed food swirling around your mouth” Kelley says with a disgusted face. “Chew then ask questions.”

“Sorry” Christen apologises after swallowing. She then looks to me, clearly waiting for me to elaborate on the nephew thing.

“Yes I have a nephew” I answer. “Katie has a two year old boy called Cole.”

“Show her a picture from your phone Tobin” Ali instructs me. “You will swoon Christen, I swear.”

I quickly get a picture up on my phone before handing it to Christen.

“He’s so cute” Christen says sincerely.

“Imagine he was holding a puppy, we would need to scrape Christen off the ceiling she would be that overcome with emotion” Kelley says jokingly before Ali slaps her arm.

“So I have a weakness for kids and dogs” Christen shrugs. “Sue me.”

“Does that mean you have kids and a dog in your future plans Press?” Kelley asks.

“No, it means you are a nosy bitch” I interject quickly. “Have you got a filter Kelley?”

“I am just taking an interest in my friends’ lives, it doesn’t mean I am nosy” Kelley defends herself.

“No Kel, it means you are nosy” I retort.

“Be quiet Tobin, it’s not like I asked you about your future” Kelley says before turning away from me. “Are you dating at the moment Press?” If that isn’t nosy then I really don’t know what is.

“No I’m not” Christen answers politely.

“You never said what happened between you and the girl from college” Kelley says and I shake my head.

“She probably never said because it isn’t any of your fucking business Kelley” I state in annoyance. “Are you deliberately trying to wind me up today?”

“I am talking to Christen so how the heck is that me winding you up?” Kelley asks with a frown.

“Just let Christen eat in peace will you?” I ask.

“Are my questions offending you Christen?” Kelley asks.

“No” Christen answers but I know she is just being polite.

~

“Christen, what are you doing?” I ask when I feel the bed dip behind me.

“Just let me hold you Tobin” Christen answers with a deep sigh. “I promise I won’t try anything, I just want to hold you.” I reluctantly agree, I know it is the wrong thing to do but when Christen’s had a bad day like today then this is how she seeks solace. I know she is my ex-girlfriend but she is also my teammate. “Thank you.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not really” Christen answers. “If I keep playing like I was in practice today I doubt I will even make it onto the bench never mind the pitch” Christen mumbles against my back. “I am also struggling with the transition of European football to American, it’s hard to adjust.”

“I know how you feel, I was the same when I joined PSG” I answer before turning in Christen’s arms. “You will get there, you are an amazing player.” After a few minutes I need to look away, Christen’s piercing gaze into my eyes is enough for me to almost crumble and do something I shouldn’t. “Turn around” I instruct, receiving a confused expression. “I think it is better if I hold you.” I then guide Christen to lie with her back to me so I can hold her in my arms.

“Thanks Toby” Christen says as she kisses the back of my hand. Why the heck do I allow myself to end up in situations like these, not only do I have a girlfriend but I’m lying in bed hugging my ex. I am lying in the arms that used to provide me with so much security yet all I wish is that I was somewhere else entirely right now. Things will have to change, I can’t slip back into the past like I did at the latter end of today.


	4. Someone Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is Someone Like You by Adele.

I slowly begin to wake up but I don’t open my eyes in the fear that the sunlight streaming through the window will blind me.

 

“Morning” I hear whispered in my ear.

 

“Good morning” I reply with a smile while snuggling further into the woman in my arms.

 

“We need to get up” I hear. I am ready to protest until I realise that the voice I am hearing isn’t the one I thought it was. I immediately come to my senses and realise that it is not Rhian lying in my arms but Christen. I am suddenly aware where I am and how I got into this position; I was trying to comfort Christen last night after she had a bad day.

 

“Yeah” I say with a nervous smile before I quickly remove myself from Christen and get out of bed.

 

“Thanks for last night” Christen smiles warmly at me. “I know it doesn’t change anything, I understand you are still angry with me but thank you anyway.”

 

“You are right, I am still angry but it doesn’t mean I like seeing you upset” I admit truthfully. “I don’t like seeing anyone upset.”

 

“Thank you again” Christen says seriously. “I probably should call my mom to see how gran is.”

 

“Ok, let me know how she is” I say before I go into the bathroom.

 

~

 

“I got you some breakfast” Christen tells me when I sit down at the table.

 

“Thanks” I say politely, looking at the plate full of my favourite breakfast foods. “How’s your gran?”

 

“She’s doing a lot better which is good, it makes me happier.”

 

“I’m glad.” I then tuck into my breakfast.

 

“You are going to choke if you eat any faster Tobin, what’s the rush?” Becky asks as she sips her coffee.

 

“My mom’s coming for the game tonight so I said I would meet her before we have our morning training” I answer as I swallow a bit of scrambled egg whole. “I want to make sure she gets settled into her hotel.”

 

“Aw, you are such a good daughter” Kelley mocks me.

 

“She’s the most important woman in my life, I gotta take care of her” I say with a smile.

 

“Is Rhian not the most important woman in your life?” Kelley asks.

 

“She’s my girlfriend so obviously she’s important but my mom’s my mom, she’s always there when I need her” I explain.

 

“Such a mommy’s girl” Kelley says as she pinches my cheeks.

 

“You can tease me all you want” I shrug. “I don’t really care.”

 

“I think it is sweet” Becky says. “I hope my kids love me as much as you love your mom Tobin.”

 

“You’re Becky Sauerbrunn, what’s not to love?” I respond. Becky and I have always had a solid friendship, she’s like a mentor to me even if she is only five years older than me.

 

“I love you too Tobin” Becky says with a wink.

 

“Right back at ya” I wink back before finishing my breakfast.

 

“I am going for more coffee, does anyone want any?” Christen asks to which only Kelley replies that she wants some. “Tobin?”

 

“Sure, thanks.”

 

“Black, two sugar?” Christen asks me and I nod. “I will be back in two minutes.”

 

“You and the roomie getting on ok?” Becky asks. “I don’t recall you two ever being in camp at the same time before.”

 

“We get on fine” I half lie, half tell the truth. I don’t know if I am just overanalysing or if I am right in thinking that everyone seems to ask me a lot of questions about Christen. “You are right, we haven’t attended the same camp before, and we both seemed to be injured when the other was at camp.”

 

“Christen is a cool chick, you guys are probably two of the friendliest on the team” Kelley says. “Do you remember when you and I were in our senior year at college Tobin, Press was a junior at the time and she scored that screamer from the half way line.”

 

“Everyone at UNC remembers that goal that was our first loss of the season” I say bitterly. Christen may have been my girlfriend at the time but that goal devastated me.

 

“Sorry it sucked but you know… Stanford were the best college team at that time” Kelley smirks.

 

“Do you remember when you got sent off against us?” I counter, this time smirking myself. “You were a junior and you went in on this tackle on Kling. What was the score in that game again?”

 

“I don’t really remember the score” Kelley says, feigning that she has no idea but I know she does know.

 

“Here’s Christen coming, she will know” I smirk at Kelley once more before I look at Christen. “Question for ya Press.”

 

“O-K” Christen says, looking a little confused.

 

“UNC versus Stanford six years ago, Kelley got sent off for her tackle on Kling” I say, setting the scene. “What was the score?”

 

“Eh… I don’t really remember” Christen says, looking like she is seriously thinking about it but I know she remembers the score as well.

 

“Since you both can’t remember, it was six to us and nothing to you Stanford gals.” I then throw the two of them a cheeky smile. “Your heaviest defeat if I remember correctly.”

 

“I don’t really remember that game, it must’ve meant nothing because we were definitely still the college champions that year” Kelley says. “Right Press?”

 

“Right” Christen says with a satisfied smile. She was and is the only college player who has won the college champions trophy every year she attended college.

 

“No one has surpassed your goal record at Stanford yet” Kelley says to Press. “It is some feat to beat.”

 

“I am sure someone will do it, I couldn’t have done it without all of you girls with the assists.”

 

“Always so modest Press, do you actually fail at anything?” Kelley asks jokingly.

 

“Yeah, relationships.” Oh wow Chris, way to spoil the upbeat mood.

 

“I better go meet my mom, see y’all at training” and with that I excuse myself from the table. I don’t need to hear any more of that conversation.

 

~

 

“There’s my girl” my mom says before enveloping me in a hug.

 

“Hi mom” I reply while I sink into my mom’s arms. There’s nothing better than a hug from your mom.

 

“How’s camp so far?” my mom asks. “Do you know if you are starting tonight?”

 

“Camp is fine and I don’t know if I’m playing yet” I answer before pulling away from the hug. “Thanks for coming to the game and coming to see me.”

 

“You don’t need to thank me” my mom says with a warm smile. “How has it been with you know who?”

 

“I am so confused mom, I thought I could just ignore but I can’t” I reply honestly. “She was upset yesterday because her gran was ill so I tried to comfort her but I think I have made the whole situation worse.”

 

“How so?” my mom pulls me down to sit next to her on one of the sofas.

 

“I think I am giving her mixed signals but not only that; I was so surprised at how quickly I could fall back into a pattern of taking care of her” I say before taking a deep breath. “One minute I hate her then the next I care for her and then she infuriates me, mom I’m so confused.”

 

“I am not surprised, you haven’t seen her in four years.”

 

“She keeps telling me that she wants to explain why she broke up with me but I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to go back to that place mom.”

 

“Maybe if you knew why she did it then you could get some closure” my mom suggests.

 

“Or I could hear her telling me that she didn’t love me enough to be with me” I say negatively. “I want to forget she existed but how can I when she is not only on my mind but she is always physically there.”

 

“You need to speak to her sweetheart, unfortunately I think you need to discuss what happened all those years ago” my mom tells me while rubbing my back. “I know you are scared but you can keep putting yourself through this torture.”

 

“I am just getting so worked up just now, I am on edge all the time” I explain. “I slept with her last night, in her bed I mean, not actually you know…”

 

“That wasn’t the smartest move Tobs.”

 

“In hindsight mom, I know that” I state. “She was upset and I hate people being upset and… I know I messed up there.”

 

“I just don’t understand why the coaches would room you two together, are they crazy?” my mom says puzzled. “Surely they should have more sense than to room two people with such history together.”

 

“I eh…” I say as I nervously scratch the back of my neck. “The coaches don’t actually know about my past with Christen.”

 

“Jeez Tobin, they have to know. You need to tell them.”

 

“Then everyone will know our business and then the whole world will know and have a field day” I say annoyed. “I can picture it now; ‘Midfielder and Forward’s Secret Past’, ‘Will their off field past affect the team’, ‘Do the US really think it’s wise to call these two players up’ and blah blah blah.”

 

“The coach is your boss, I really think you need to mention it since your past relationship is clearly affecting you both on the team.”

 

“I don’t know, I guess you are right.”

 

“I am your mother, I am always right.”

 

“I see who I take that from and it isn’t dad” I say playfully before my mom hugs me again.

 

“Good luck tonight Tobs” my mom says before kissing me on the cheek.

 

“Thanks mom, love you.”

 

“Love you too.” I pull out of the hug and then I notice my mom staring straight behind me. When I turn around I see exactly what my mom is looking at; Christen and her mom.

 

“We should say hi” my mom tells me before I give her a confused look. Why on earth does my mom want to say ‘hi’?

 

“Why?” I ask.

 

“I don’t want to be rude” my mom answers while walking away.

 

“Come back here” I whisper shout while gritting my teeth but it is to no avail.

 

“Stacy, so good to see you” my mom says with a genuine smile.

 

“You too Cindy, how have you been?” Stacy asks before her and my mom strike up a conversation. As I look at Christen I can tell I am clearly not the only one here who is finding this encounter awkward.

 

“Mom, I need to head to training” I say, interrupting the two women talking. “Do you want me to walk you back to your room before I go?”

 

“No its ok Tobs, I will find my way” my mom says before kissing me. “Good luck to both of you.” Christen and I then head off to training.

 

“I thought your mom would want to kill me” Christen says with a nervous chuckle.

 

“She did” I state. “Her exact words were; I am going to kill that little bitch.”

 

“Oh.” Christen actually looks kinda scared.

 

“I am joking Chris, my mom loved you” I say, easing the tension. “I am not going to lie, she wasn’t exactly thrilled that you broke my heart and done it so out of the blue but she wouldn’t kill you.”

 

“Your mom looks well.”

 

“Yeah, she’s ok. She’s better now that the divorce is finalised” I say and then I realise Christen has stopped walking. “What?”

 

“Your parents are divorced?” Christen asks shocked, catching up to me.

 

“Yeah, they split up not long after you and me” I answer. “She was my rock and I was hers.”

 

“Tobin, I am so sorry to hear that” Christen says regrettably. “Are you ok?”

 

“I guess, we all saw it coming” I say with a shrug. “It was obvious they weren’t in love anymore.” My parents’ breakup; that I understood. Christen and my breakup; that I don’t understand.  The way my parents’ felt about each other was nothing like what I felt for Christen and what I thought Christen felt for me.

 

“I honestly had no idea.”

 

“You walked out of my life without a care in the world Christen, of course I didn’t expect you to know.” That was a bit of a low blow, I probably shouldn’t have said that.

 

“I did it because I cared Tobin” Christen says as she shakes her head and walks away from me this time. I deserved that after the way I treated Chris I suppose.

 

~

 

“Game time baby!!!” Kelley screams from the top of her lungs as we get ready to leave the dressing room. “Let’s win this shit.”

 

“Can I have a word?” I interrupt Christen as she is talking to Alex.

 

“Sure, what’s up?” Christen asks.

 

“Can you give us a minute Al?” I look at Alex.

 

“Not really Tobin, I was trying to talk strategy with Press” Alex says, giving me a confused look. “Can it not wait?”

 

“It will only take a minute, I promise” I tell both girls before Alex sighs and then walks away.

 

“What’s up?” Christen asks coldly.

 

“I’m sorry for acting like a dick earlier” I apologise. “I just… I’m sorry…”

 

“Let’s just put it behind us and focus on the game” Christen says while looking at me.

 

“Ok” I nod. “About the game though…”

 

“What’s up Toby?” Christen asks before apologising. “Sorry, I keep forgetting you don’t like that name anymore.”

 

“How are you?” I ask, cutting to the chase. Earlier in practice Christen got hurt and ever since then I can tell she is playing through the pain.

 

“I’m ok” Christen says with a shrug but I know better.

 

“Don’t lie, I know you are not ok” I say before pulling Christen further away from our teammates. “Do you feel you can play tonight? It is ok if you don’t.”

 

“I want to play” christen assures me.

 

“Ok then” I accept her answer. “Forget about your bad practice the other day. Put everything negative out of your mind and focus on the game, do it for your gran. What better way to cheer your gran up than scoring a goal for her.”

 

“Ok, we are going to kick some ass” Christen says determined with a bright smile.

 

“That’s right.” Christen’s smile is so infectious that I can’t help but smile as well.

 

“Thanks Tobin” Christen says. “Your caring side is one of the reasons why I will never stop loving you.”

 

“Chris, don’t” I say disappointed. “Don’t ruin things before the game.”

 

“I’ve always loved you Tobin.”

 

“Can we please not do this?” I ask with a pleading face. “You broke up with me so please can we try and not talk about the past, you said it yourself back then; it’s over.”

 

“I didn’t stop loving you though, I broke my own heart as well” Christen says as she moves closer to me. “If you would just let me explain why…”

 

“STOP” I shout. “I was nice to you yesterday because you were hurting and worried about your gran but that doesn’t change anything between us. I don’t want to hear any of your excuses.”

 

“They are not excuses, I…”

 

“We have a game to play, let’s focus on that like you said” I say before I walk off. What is it with that woman and messing with my head? If she really loved me then she wouldn’t have broken up with me. This camp can’t finish soon enough, it really can’t. It’s like we take one step forward and three steps back all the time; we get along and then suddenly one of us says the wrong thing and we are disagreeing again.

 

~

 

“Tobin, you need to calm down or you will get yourself sent off” Jill warns me. “This is an extremely tense game but your tackles are sloppy and you are charging at players who don’t even have the ball.”

 

“Coach, all they are doing is fouling Tobin” Alex says in my defence.

 

“We need to play our game, we can’t let them dictate the play” Tony cuts in. “The reason they keep fouling is because they aren’t as clever as us, we can out smart them but not with ten players.”

 

“I’m sorry, I am just a little fired up tonight” I say.

 

“And you should be” Jill says. “Just make sure you use it positively and cut out the silly tackles.” I do need to clean up my game, I’m already on a yellow for pushing a German player after they tackled Ali from behind. The bitch never even got a yellow for the tackle which infuriated me more.

 

I do manage to clean up my tackles in the second half but the game doesn’t get any better at all. The German players are still playing as dirty as ever which is unusual for them; Germany normally has a lot more flare to their game but tonight they are just lunges into these late tackles.

 

“REFFF!!” I scream while marching over to her. “That’s the fourth member of my team she has fouled, you have to give her a fucking card” I demand. The German left back has been mistiming her tackles all night. “You have to card her.”

 

“Calm down” the ref sternly instructs me.

 

“NO!! I WILL NOT CALM DOWN” I shout. “You have to give her a card.”

 

“I know how to do my job, now go away before you receive a card.” I sigh before I walk away and let Ali, our captain for tonight talk to the ref.

 

“Are you ok Kelley?” I ask. KO was the one on the receiving end of the challenge this time.

 

“I will be fine, I just need to walk it off” Kelley replies before Moe and Christen help her up.

 

“We need to score another goal” I say before Alex tries to calm me down.

 

“Your tackles aren’t the best tonight either Tobs” Alex says with a laugh making me smile. “Your last tackle was so late it looked like you were trying to take the ball from JJ.”

 

“I have a lot on my mind, clearly I am taking my frustrations out on the pitch.”

 

“It’s better on the pitch than off the pitch I suppose” Alex chuckles again before one of the German forwards barge past us and almost knock Alex over.

 

“Hey!! Watch it!” I yell to the retreating forward who just scoffs.

 

“Tobin, leave it” Christen says as she pulls me away from the German forward after I went to shove her. “What has gotten into you tonight, you are ready to knock someone’s head off?”

 

“It’s you” I say angrily. “You have gotten into my head and its messing with me.”

 

“Tobin…” I walk off before I can even hear the rest of Christen’s sentence.

 

It’s only about two minutes later when Jill subs me out, it was probably for the best.

 

“You ok?” Ash asks me when I sit down on the bench next to her.

 

“Yeah, fine” I reply grumpily while watching the rest of the game.

 

It is in the eighty-seventh minute when the German left back strikes again, this time taking down Christen who doesn’t seem to be getting up as she holds her side.

 

“Is she ok?” Jill asks Broon when she calls her over.

 

“It’s her hip” Broon answers. “She’s going to have to come off.”

 

“How is that left back still on the pitch?” I ask incredulously to whoever is listening.

 

“I hope Press is ok, her hip has been a problem for her” Ashlyn says worriedly. I try not to look at Christen, I absolutely hate it when she’s hurt. She doesn’t go down often so when she stays down you know she has taken more than just a knock.

 

~

 

“We have to talk at some point Tobin” Christen tells me. “I know you don’t want to talk about what happened but clearly we have too, it’s affecting our play.”

 

“I don’t know” I sigh. “I don’t want to bring up the past.”

 

“We can’t have this atmosphere every time we get called up to the same camp” Christen says before sitting on her bed. “I know I am making things worse for you when I keep saying things that mess with your head. I don’t mean to do it.”

 

“I just don’t get it.”

 

“Don’t get what Tobin?”

 

“Why can’t we just move on? How can I be ok for the past few years but as soon as I see you again; I am not ok?”

 

“We should’ve talked before we came to camp, suddenly seeing one another for the first time at a team camp was probably the worst thing” Christen says and I have to agree. “We do need to talk at some point and we really should talk to the coaching staff about our history.”

 

“I am not ready to talk, this was too much for me” I say but deep down I do accept that we should talk at some point.

 

“I am leaving tonight Tobin, we don’t have much time left to talk…”

 

“You’re leaving tonight…” I say surprised. We’ve not even had our second game yet.

 

“My hip won’t heal before the next game so I am going back to Sweden to rehab with my club” Christen tells me. “I don’t want to leave camp without us having resolved anything but if you are not ready to talk then… I don’t know.”

 

“I don’t know either” I sigh. “I don’t even know what to think, I don’t know if I hate you or if I’m embarrassed that I let you affect me so much. I am so confused Chris.”

 

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you anymore and clearly I am hurting you when I am confusing you” Christen confesses. “I don’t think we should discuss the past tonight but we have to do it sometime if we both attend the national team camp in July.”

 

“I suppose you are right.”

 

~

 

I hear a knock on the door so I quickly jump up and answer it.

 

“Oh… hi” I say when I see Stacy Press looking right at me.

 

“Oh sorry Tobin, I didn’t mean to disturb you” Stacy says confused. “Christen is sharing my cab to the airport so I was coming to get her, I guess I have the wrong room. Sorry once again.”

 

“This is the correct room” I say as I step aside. “She’s in the bathroom just now.”

 

“Oh, right” Stacy replies before slowly walking into the room. “So… how are you?”

 

“I am good thanks” I reply politely before gesturing to Stacy to take a seat on Christen’s bed. “You?”

 

“I am fine thank you Tobin” she says with a smile. “Are you Christen’s roommate?”

 

“Yeah, hence the reason I am here.”

 

“Christen never actually said who her roommate was” Stacy says, that’s probably why she looked so confused when I answered the door. “Is it not awkward? The coaches maybe could have been a little more sensitive given the past history.”

 

“They don’t know about my past with Christen, none of the two of us have brought it up” I say sheepishly. “I don’t really want to relive any of the past if I am being honest.”

 

“I understand” Stacy says truthfully.

 

“I am sorry to hear about Cody’s mom.”

 

“Yeah we got quite a fright, she is getting better now though” Stacy informs me. “She loved you, you know?”

 

“I know, I loved her too” I say with a smile. “My grandparents all passed away before I reached the end of high school so it was nice to have someone like Christen’s gran in my life.”

 

“She was bossing my husband around this morning when I called Cody so I am guessing she is back to her old self” Stacy says with a laugh.

 

“Sounds like the woman I remember.”

 

“She certainly hasn’t changed, no.” Stacy then looks at me sympathetically. “I know Christen didn’t handle things in the best way four years ago but she was genuinely trying to do the best thing for you both.”

 

“With all due respect Stacy, I really don’t want to talk about this” I say politely, hoping my polite tone makes Stacy drop the subject.

 

“I appreciate that but at least hear Christen out at some point, let her explain to you why she did what she did” Stacy then places a comforting hand on my knee before she drops the subject. “She’s been in that bathroom for an awful long time, I hope she hasn’t fallen asleep in there.” I chuckle lightly, believe it or not but Christen has actually fell asleep in the bathroom before. She was taking a bath while reading her book and she just fell asleep.

 

# Flashback #

_“Babe, where are you?” I shout when I enter Christen’s bedroom. “Your mom said I could come straight up.” I quickly look around the room but see no sign of Chris. “Chris… babe…” I then notice the en-suite bathroom door is shut but I can see a tiny glimmer of light peeking through under the door. “Baby… I’m here” I say through the door but I still get no response. “If you don’t answer me then I will have to come in the bathroom” I say playfully, thinking Christen is jokingly hiding from me. “Chris?”_

_Still no response so I decide to chap the door._

_“Baby, its Tobin” I say once again. “Can you hurry up, I’ve not seen you in two weeks and I really want to hug you?”_

_When I still get no response I have no other option but to try the bathroom door and see if she is inside. When I get inside, I almost laugh at the sight; Christen’s head popping out of the tub surrounded by all these bubbles and a soaking wet book._

_“Is this a trick or are you actually asleep?” I ask with a smile, I wouldn’t put it past Christen to trick me. “Chris?” I shake her lightly but nothing._

_Ok she is definitely asleep I conclude before I grab a towel and shake her a little harder._

_“Huh… wha...” Christen says as she opens her eyes and splashes some water in the process._

_“I come here to see my girlfriend and find her asleep in the tub, that’s not exactly the welcome I was looking for honey” I say jokingly. “Jeez Chris, that water’s freezing.”_

_“Did I really fall asleep?” Christen asks, looking puzzled as she moves and grabs the towel from me._

_“Was it your intention for me to find you in the tub?”_

_“No.”_

_“Then yes baby, you must’ve fallen asleep” I answer while helping Christen out of the tub._

_“Hi” Christen says with a loving smile when she is standing in front of me._

_“Hi” I reply back with a grin. “I missed you.”_

_“I missed you so much” Christen responds while getting me in a hug._

_“Chris, you are making me all wet” I say as her soaking wet hair dampens my t-shirt._

_“That’s not the first time you’ve said that to me” Christen replies with a wink before kissing me. Yeah, Christen didn’t really get dressed that night after her snooze in the tub. It didn’t really matter that my clothes were wet either, I didn’t need them for the rest of the night._

_# End of Flashback #_

 

“Sweetheart are you ready?” Stacy shouts through the bathroom door. “We don’t want to miss our flight.”

 

“Is that you mom?” Christen shouts back.

 

“No, it’s your dad” Stacy says with a laugh. “Yes it’s me, are you ok in there?”

 

“Not really, can you come in here for a minute?” Christen asks. “I’m kinda stuck on the toilet.”

 

“You’re stuck on the toilet!!” Stacy says surprised in a high pitched voice. I can’t help but chuckle at her voice.

 

“Yeah” Christen says before Stacy starts howling in laugher. “I don’t mean on the toilet as in I was using the toilet, I mean I have sat down on the toilet lid and now I’m stuck because I can’t reach my crutches.”

 

“Oh dear sweetheart” Stacy says, trying to keep a straight face.

 

“Mom for heaven’s sake can you please just come in here and pass me the crutch so I can get up?” Christen says, sounding displeased. “My fucking hip is sore, hence the reason I have crutches in the first place.”

 

“Ok sweetie, I was only messing with you.” Stacy then goes into the bathroom and helps her daughter.

 

“I better not miss my flight because of you mom.” Suffice to say I think Christen is a little peeved off.

 

“I didn’t ask you to sit on the toilet and throw your crutches away to the opposite end of the room” Stacy says with a smile.

 

“I didn’t throw them, they were at the sink and fell out of my reach” Christen says through gritted teeth. “How long were you there before you asked if I was ok?”

 

“I don’t know, ten minutes maybe” Stacy says as if it was nothing. “Tobin and I thought you were taking a snooze in the tub again.”

 

“Very funny mom but if we don’t move we will miss our flight which means I will miss my flight to Sweden tomorrow.” Christen is definitely annoyed now if her tone is anything to go by. “Can you start taking my stuff down to the lobby, I wanna speak to Tobin before I leave.”

 

“Ok sweetheart” Stacy says before wheeling Christen’s suitcases away. “Take care Tobin.”

 

“You too” I reply and then Stacy is out the door. I then look at Christen. “Sooo… you’re leaving now?”

 

“Yeah” Christen nods. “I know this camp has been pretty crazy for us but I am glad you are doing well Tobin, you look like you really have yourself together. I wish I was the same.” I may look like I have everything in control but believe me, I don’t. I am still a mess inside and this camp really hasn’t helped that.

 

“I hope your injury doesn’t keep you out for too long” I say because I don’t know how else to respond to the previous statement. “You’re a brilliant player, the national team needs you.”

 

“You are not so bad yourself, still got plenty of tricks to do on opposing players.” Christen chuckles. “Take care Tobin and I am sorry once again for causing problems.”

 

“Have a safe flight” I say before I give Christen a short hug. The hug is awkward but I felt like I needed to do it, I don’t particularly want us leaving on bad terms even if we haven’t resolved anything from four years ago.

 

“Goodbye Tobin.”

 

“Goodbye Christen.” And with that, Christen leaves and I feel like my world has been turned upside down again but yet nothing has changed.

 

I still don’t know the real reason she broke up with me but that’s because I didn’t want to hear it. If we both get called into camp in July, which I foresee that we probably will, we have to resolve some of our issues. This is only April, I don’t know if waiting until July is the correct thing to do. I am not ready to talk about our issues yet but we can’t wait until the next camp, it is too much drama. If I leave right now and run as fast as I can I will catch Christen before she leaves the hotel, she’s on crutches so I am sure I could catch her.

 

“Wait!!” I shout as I see Christen and Stacy walking out of the hotel lobby. “Chris!!” I repeat until I catch up with them outside with their cab. “Christen, wait.”

 

“Are you ok Tobin?” Christen asks worried.

 

“I am not ready to talk about what happened but we should before the next camp in July” I say before I hand Christen a piece of paper. “This is my cell phone number, we will talk in a few weeks.”

 

“Ok” Christen says with a nod. “Take care Tobin.”

 

“You too, tell your gran I am asking after her” I say before I give Stacy a smile and then I leave and head back into the hotel. I really hope that was the right thing to do.


	5. Mercy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter - Mercy by Shawn Mendes

I slowly make my way back up to my hotel room and immediately lie down on my bed. I don’t have a clue what I feel right now, in a way I am glad she is gone so that I can get some time to think but on the other hand her presence is definitely missed.

Christen is like a drug, it’s fun when she’s around but when she’s not I suddenly feel confused again and regret letting myself enjoy being around her. As soon as this camp is over and I finish up the season with PSG I am going to stay with my mom for a few days and take some time to myself. Everything just seems so overwhelming, obviously I knew before the camp that Christen would be going too but I never imagined I would feel this mixed up. I just presumed she would keep out of my way and we could pretend like nothing happened all those years ago, I have no idea why I thought it would be easy to keep the past in the past. I think I really need a nap, today has been so tiring.

_Flashback – 9 years ago_

“ _How’s the high school girlfriend” One of my teammates ask me after we finished training._

_“Quit making fun of me. She’s still in high school, big deal” I say annoyed, so what if my girlfriend is still at school._

_“Does she have to go home early if it’s a school night?” another teammate asks while laughing._

_“Are you not allowed to see each other until her homework is complete?” Ash joins in this time._

_“I’m ignoring you, all of you” I state. “You guys are really immature.”_

_“We’ve hit a nerve Ash” Kling says laughing._

_“Oops” Ashlyn responds with a cheeky smile._

_“With the way you are all acting just now, I am actually very thankful I never introduced her to any of you” I say while shaking my head. “When both of you decide to grow up and actually have a relationship then make no mistake, I will be the first to tease you.”_

_“Tobin, college is a time for experimenting and playing the field” Ashlyn says. “We have no room for a relationship right now.”_

_“No Ashlyn, college is a time for educating and developing a better soccer knowledge” I say back._

_“You are so boring Tobin” Kling says. “You would be as well marrying this high school chick. You are practically married as it is.”_

_“Why am I the only one who gets teased about their relationship when we all know Whitney is in a relationship too?” I ask._

_“Don’t drag me into this” Engen says._

_“Whitney doesn’t drop us every weekend to fly back to California to see Ryan like you do to see your chick” Ash says._

_“That’s because Whitney can see Ryan anytime she wants since he goes to UNC as well, I can’t see Chris anytime I want so that’s why I go back so much” I say. “And it is not every weekend.” If only it could be every weekend._

_“Are you ever going to tell us your girlfriend’s full name?” Ash asks._

_“No, because then you will look her up on Facebook or something and ridicule her like you do to me” I say. “Plus it’s not your business, I don’t ask for the full names of people you date.”_

_“Probably because Ash dates that many people we would run out of trees to supply paper” Kling answers before Ash punches her shoulder._

_“I need to go to class, I will see you girls at practice” I say before I leave for class. I made sure I left early enough today because I want to phone Christen before class starts and I know she will probably be on her lunch break just now._

_“Hi Toby” Christen says when she answers her phone._

_“Hey babe, how are you?” I ask._

_“I’m good, how are you?”_

_“I’m ok, I’ve got a test in my next class and then I will have soccer practice.”_

_“That sucks.”_

_“I know” I answer. “Do you have any plans this weekend?”_

_“No, my diary has a big gap in it” Christen answers. “You haven’t visited for a few weeks so I was secretly hoping you could come and visit. You’ve still got that plane ticket I bought you.”_

_“Well lucky for you I was planning on visiting this weekend, my Friday class is cancelled so I’ve booked a flight for Thursday evening” I say. “My dad will pick me up from the airport since it will be super late and you will have school the next day.”_

_“I’m not going to school on Friday if you are back home.”_

_“Just because you have already been accepted into Stanford for next year doesn’t mean you can start cutting school” I say teasingly._

_“That isn’t why I’m doing it and you know it.”_

_“Look, if I spend some times with my family on Friday while you are at school then we can spend the rest of the weekend together.”_

_“Fine, I will come to your house when school finishes” Christen says._

_“How about I pick you up from school instead?”_

_“Ok, I am so excited now.”_

_“So am I, I love you Chris.”_

_“I love you too baby.”_

_# End of Flashback #_

I don’t think there is any surprise that I dreamt about Christen when I napped there. Even while sleeping she is on my mind.

~

I am finishing up my dinner when Hope approaches the table.

“Mind if I sit” Hope asks as she points to the seat next to me and I shake my head that I don’t mind. “How are you?”

“I’m ok.”

“You seem off.” I just shrug. “It’s Christen isn’t it?”

“I am worried about her” I answer before sighing. To be honest I am really just quite confused at the moment, I feel like I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t even know my own feelings.

“I don’t mean it is Christen that is bothering you” Hope says. “I meant, she’s your ex isn’t she? The one that hurt you.”

“Why do you think that?” I ask, trying to prevent the nervousness in my voice.

“The way you look at one another” Hope says with a sad smile. “She looks at you like you are the only person in the room and you look at her with such a sad but loving look.”

“I’m not in love with her Hope.”

“It’s ok to admit it. The only way you will get over her is if you admit it and face the truth” Hope tells me.

“What if I don’t want to do that Hope” I ask annoyed. “She hurt me so bad but she was the only one I felt myself around. I’m scared to admit it’s over because then it really will be, she has such a hold over me to the point that I don’t know what life is like without that pull of her.”

“Do you want to get over her?” Hope asks gently.

“I honestly don’t know” I admit truthfully. “On one hand of course I want to get over her because she caused me so much hurt but on the other hand I don’t want to get over her because she made me so happy, so happy that I don’t think anyone else could make me feel that happy again.”

“I don’t know what happened between you two when you broke up but are you sure it can’t be fixed?” Hope asks.

“I don’t know why she broke up with me either” I say with a shrug. “I’m scared to hear the truth in case it hurts me more.”

“Maybe that’s what’s holding you back and confusing you” Hope tells me. “If you actually knew the truth then you could determine if it was forgivable or not. Maybe Christen broke up with you because it was the right thing to do.”

“That’s the thing Hope, I can’t see at all how breaking up would ever be the right thing to do” I say, getting angry again. “She moved to Sweden and we done the long distance thing for a bit but then on one of her trips back home she was acting really weird and then boom; she tells me we should break up.”

“Maybe long distance wasn’t what was right for your relationship” Hope suggests. “Maybe you were one of those couples that need to either be together all the time or not together at all; there is no in between.”

“I don’t believe in theories like that, you are either together or you’re not. We done long distance when we were both in college, it wasn’t different continents but it was still long distance” I say. “For all I know she could have met some Swedish girl and left me for her.”

“That’s probably the silliest thing you’ve ever said Tobin” Hope tells me and I can tell she is annoyed. “I am not all buddy-buddy with Christen but she really doesn’t seem like a cheater Tobin.”

“You don’t know Chris, no one knows her that well because she doesn’t like to share things with people” I say. “She’s shy and reserved, she won’t share anything with anyone unless she knows she can trust them well enough.”

“Clearly you know her Tobin” Hope says with a hint of a smile. “Do you honestly believe Christen would ever cheat on you?”

“At this point in time Hope, anything is possible” I shrug. I don’t think Christen would ever cheat on me but I also never expected her to break my heart so anything really is possible.

“You need closure Tobin” Hope tells me while squeezing my hand. “I used to think you were this chilled out woman who never let anything faze her but this whole camp you have been so angry and moody.”

“I’m sorry I disappointed you” I say like a petulant child.

“I wasn’t having a dig Tobin, I am merely explaining that I don’t like seeing you this way so maybe sorting things out with Christen would ease the tension you feel.”

“Maybe it would help, I am not ready yet though.”

“You are never going to be ready so you might as well just suck it up and listen to what Christen has to say.”

“Do you like dishing out the tough love or do you just not know how else to handle delicate situations?” I ask, earning a glare from Hope.

“There are just some things we will never be ready to hear so sometimes it is just about putting on our big girl panties and facing our fear.”

“I guess” I say. Perhaps Hope is right

“Get this camp over with and then think about your next steps with regards to Christen” Hope tells me. “If you ever want to talk or want some more tough love then I am here for you.”

“Thanks Hope.”

“No trouble.”

~

I am chatting to Kelley and Alex when I suddenly feel someone coming up behind me and covering my eyes.

“Guess who?” is whispered in my ear.

“Rhian?” I say confused before turning around.

“Hey babe” Rhian greets me with a smile. She wasn’t supposed to arrive for another few days.

“Hi..” I say before hugging my girlfriend.

“Are you not going to introduce me to your friends?” Rhian asks me.

“Yeah sorry, I am just surprised you are here” I answer. “You weren’t supposed to arrive until Thursday, you’re two days early.”

“I just wanted to see you” Rhian answers with a beaming smile. “I hope its ok that I’m early.”

“Yeah of course, I missed you” I say truthfully. Christen may be playing on my mind but I did miss Rhian, she’s been good for me, she keeps me calm.

“I missed you too.”

“This is Alex and Kelley” I say introducing the first two before I introduce a few more of my teammates. Thankfully Christen isn’t around at the moment. I don’t think I am ready for her and Rhian to meet.

“Hi” Alex says with a smile. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You too, Tobin talks about all of you a lot” Rhian says with a smile.

“It’s not a lot” I butt in but Alex is already smiling at me.

“She talks about you and Kelley a lot” Rhian adds. “When I first met Tobin I actually thought the Alex woman she talked about was her girlfriend.”

“That happens a lot but I am very committed to Servando” Alex replies with a smile. “Tobs is my best friend though so if you do hurt her then you will have me to deal with.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt her.”

“I am here ya know” I interrupt.

“Yes we know that Tobin, your loud breathing never goes unnoticed” Kelley adds while I glare at her.

“Hey Hope?” I shout the keeper over as she was walking by. “This is my girlfriend Rhian, she’s a big fan of yours.” When I first met Rhian she told me that she only knew women’s soccer existed because she was a huge fan of the goalkeeper; Hope Solo.

“Hey, nice to meet you” Hope says with a smile to which Rhian just looks star struck.

“Huh-hi” Rhian mumbles and I can’t help but laugh, she’s blushing and everything. “I’m… big fan, your my favourite soccer player.”

“It’s nice to hear that but I think I will have some competition from Tobin as your favorite player” Hope says with a smile.

“I first saw you play when I was five, you were like seventeen or something” Rhian says. “You were so good, my brother said you used to be a forward but I like you as a keeper.”

“You are making me sound old” Hope says jokingly.

“Sorry, I just admire you so much” Rhian answers. “Sorry I’m acting so awestruck, I just can’t believe my idol is in front of me.”

“Don’t worry about it” Hope says. “Sorry to be rude but I have a session with the trainer booked, it was nice to meet you.”

“You too” Rhian says before Hope walks off.

“I have never seen you like that before” I say laughing. “You couldn’t even form a proper sentence.”

“You would be the same if you met your idol, Hope is what Ronaldo is to you babe so don’t tell me you wouldn’t act weird around him.”

“I guess you have a point” I concede. “I wish I could have pictured your shocked face when you first saw Hope, it was so funny.”

“Don’t be such a smartass, so I lost my cool for a moment.”

“it was kinda cute I suppose.”

“Are you a big soccer fan then Rhian?” Alex asks.

“I was when I was younger and obviously I support the US but I am not as invested in soccer as I used to be” Rhian says. “I used to have such a crush on Hope when I was a kid but not now.”

“Yeah that would be weird babe, Hope’s my friend.”

“I know that” Rhian tells me. “I used to go to most of the games and I knew almost every player’s name but now I only know the names of the players Tobin mentions.”

“Did you see our game on TV a couple of days ago?” Kelley asks.

“I didn’t actually, I was working” Rhian says sadly. “At least I will get to see the next game live.”

“My mom has your ticket” I tell Rhian. “I didn’t think I would see you before the game so I gave the ticket to my mom.”

“That’s fine babe.”

~

“So… no roommate?” Rhian asks and I shake my head.

“Eh no… she got injured during the first game so she left early” I reply. I don’t really know if Rhian would pay attention to who my roommate is or not but I don’t suppose it matters because she doesn’t know who my ex is or would ever think it was someone from my national team.

“That means you have the room to yourself then” Rhian says with a smile as she sits on my bed.

“I guess” I respond, not picking up on what Rhian meant.

“Are you allowed sleepovers?”

“I don’t think so. No one has ever tried it because we all have our own rooms so there would be no need to” I shrug as I continue to look for my lost shirt.

“Babe, I don’t think you understand what I’m saying.”

“What do you mean?” I ask confused before I turn to face Rhian. “I thought you… oh I get you now, you are asking to stay the night.”

“You have the room to yourself, no one will find out.”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on, you can bend the rules this once” Rhian pleads. “For me, pretty please.”

“I can’t babe, I don’t want to put my position on the team in jeopardy” I answer. “This is my equivalent to your business trips babe. I couldn’t go with you when you were trying to land a deal for your dad’s magazine company.”

“I suppose you are right.”

“Why can’t I find my running shirt, I swear it was here last night.”

“I don’t know babe, you are always losing something.”

“Tell me about it” I say annoyed. I love that shirt.

~

The next few days pass very quickly. I managed to distract myself from thoughts of Christen by training really hard however that did mean that I never really got to hang out with Rhian before the game tonight.

“Are we ready to go ladies?” Jill shouts. “Remember what I said, focus on our game and dictate the opponent. Don’t do the opposite.”

“Yes coach” we all scream at different times before we make our way outside.

I picked up a very minor ankle knock this morning in training so coach said she wasn’t going to put me on before at least half time.

“Is it ok if I sit here?” I ask as I point to the bench next to Hope and Kelley. “Your flirting isn’t going to make me sick is it?”

“Shut up Tobin” Kelley says, blushing slightly.

“No need to blush KO, I know about you two” I say with a smile.

“You do?” Kelley asks.

“I figured it out” I say with a smile. “I may appear oblivious most of the time but I really am more observant than you ladies give me credit for.”

“Right” Kelley responds.

“You are not upset that people know are you?” Hope asks Kelley.

“No, of course not” Kelley says. “I thought you would be upset.”

“I don’t care who knows, as long as I’ve got you then I’m happy” Hope tells her girlfriend.

“I think I may be sick” I say before Kelley frowns at me.

“Grow up” KO says.

“Relax, I’m joking.”

The first half and half time go by like a flash of lightning because before I know it I am lining up at the touchline to sub in for Moe.

“Go out there and do you thing Tobin” Moe tells me as we high five and then I run onto the pitch. Let’s win this match. I try as hard as I can to focus on the game but the little girl in the front row of the crowd with the number twenty-three jersey distracts me.

_# Flashback #_

_“Hi” I say nervously._

_“Hey” the girl replies._

_“I’m Tobin” I say before holding out my hand._

_“Christen” the girl replies while shaking my hand._

_Fast forward a good few weeks from that nervous encounter and it’s like Christen and I have known each other for years._

_“When do you leave for UNC?” Christen asks me as we stroll along the beach, hand in hand as usual._

_“Sunday morning” I answer nervously. I am excited to go, it was always my dream but I’ve just met Christen and I am not sure I want to be apart from her._

_“Are you excited?” Christen asks with a smile and I nod my head. “It will be hard not seeing you every day but at least I get to say I am dating a college student.”_

_“Is that all you care about? Your popularity” I ask playfully._

_“I think you know the real answer to that babe” Christen tells me. “I don’t care if no one likes me, as long as I get to call you my girlfriend and I get a good education then nothing else matters.”_

_“I won’t be able to come home every weekend but I promise to come home as often as I can” I assure Christen._

_“Toby, it’s ok. We can handle a little bit of distance” Christen tells me. “To be honest it is probably best that we are separated because all we would do is distract one another.”_

_“That’s true” I say with a large grin before kissing Christen. “I love you Chris.”_

_“I know you do” Christen says with a wink before she lets go of my hand and runs towards the sea. I’m eighteen years old and I think I’ve already met the love of my life._

_# End of Flashback #_


	6. Tattoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter - Tattoo by Jordin Sparks

It’s been five weeks since I have last saw Christen and I still can’t stop thinking about her. Everything I do always winds up with me thinking about her. I don’t want to feel like this, it took me a while to accept she was gone from my life and now she’s suddenly back.

“Are you ok babe?” Rhian asks, breaking me from my trance.

“I don’t know” I answer truthfully. “My head is bursting with stuff at the moment.”

“I’ve noticed” Rhian says before pulling me over to the couch and we sit down. “You’ve been so lost in your own thoughts since you came back from camp. Did something happen at camp.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, feeling slightly panicked.

“You were so excited for camp and couldn’t wait to get back with the national team but now that you are back you are so down all the time” Rhian says before stroking my hair. “You can talk to me babe.”

“It’s not camp that’s bothering me” I say truthfully before looking at my girlfriend. What am I supposed to say to Rhian? Hey my ex-girlfriend was at camp and I may still have feelings for her, we also shared a bed one night and I almost let her kiss me but don’t worry about it.

“You can talk to me babe, I want my happy girlfriend back” Rhian says with a smile before she moves closer to me and straddles my lap. “You couldn’t keep your hands off of me before you went away but now it’s like you don’t want to be anywhere near me.”

“Of course I want to be near you” I assure her. I just feel guilty that I haven’t properly explained to Rhian who my ex-girlfriend is so I’ve been distancing myself from her. “I just have a lot on my mind at the moment.”

“What’s on your mind babe, talk to me?”

“I’ve only got two games left here with PSG” I say. “You know I have a loan deal with the Portland Thorns from July until the end of August.”

“Yeah” Rhian says, urging me to continue.

“I’ve decided to end my contract with PSG for good and possibly move to the Thorns permanently next year” I say. “I am just not sure if I have made the right decision. I love France but Portland will mean I am closer to the national team.”

“What would make you happier babe?”

“In the long run, moving back to the US would make me happier” I say. “But France was my outlet, I came here three and a half years ago to rid myself of all the demons I had back in America.”

“It wouldn’t be fair of me to tell you what I want you to do because this is your decision, you need to decide what is best for you” Rhian tells me. “Obviously I want you in the US with me but if France is what you want then we can keep doing the long distance.”

“I honestly don’t know Rhian, I think once I am finished in France for this season I am going to take a trip to LA and spend time with my family before I head to the July national team camp” I say. “You have some business in LA as well don’t you?”

“Yeah, we could have some time together there” Rhian says with a smile. “You could finally show me where you grew up and all your favourite places that I have yet to see.”

“Yeah” I say with a small smile. It’s sad really that other than my family home, my other favourite places in LA were only my favourite because that’s where I spent my time with Christen.

~

As I am walking down the tunnel of the Stade Charlety for the last time I think I have made the correct choice by moving back to the US. This club and this town have gave me so many memories but it is time to go home, I need a new start.

“How does it feel to play your last game for us?” One of my teammates ask.

“It’s bittersweet” I answer. “I’m ready to go home though.”

“We will miss you” Another of my teammates say.

“I will miss you all too and this club, some of you have been on this journey with me from the start and others I have met throughout but I can truthfully say I will miss every one of you” I say, feeling a little sad.  “Enough with this sappy stuff though, let’s celebrate our win like we always do.”

“Yeah” Our keeper shouts. “Last one to the bar buys the first round of drinks.”

After an hour, I finally turn up at the bar. I know for a fact I am last but I did it deliberately. I wanted some alone time back at the stadium to absorb everything in for the last time.

“The drinks are on Tobin” Sophie, our English right back, says. I remember the first day I arrived here, I was so worried because I couldn’t even speak a word of French. Sophie was the first person I met and she was brilliant, she would translate everything for me and she even spent her free time teaching me French. Sophie is the only one who knows the real reason I came here, she knows I was running away from a country that reminded me so much of the girl who broke my heart.

“You girls better order quickly before I put my money away” I say jokingly before I hand over enough money to cover all the drinks.

“Where is your girlfriend tonight?” One of my teammates ask.

“She had to fly straight home, she has a business deal tomorrow” I say, trying to shout over the music. “My flight isn’t until tomorrow.”

“Lucky for us we get you all to ourselves for your last night” Sophie says with a wink.

~

As the celebration is dying down I decide to take a seat at an empty table and just watch my teammates make a fool of themselves on the dancefloor. I have danced enough tonight to last me a lifetime.

“So it’s time to go home then?” Sophie says before sitting down next to me.

“It’s time.”

“I think you are more than ready honey, you can’t stay away forever” Sophie says, giving me her sympathetic look.

“I’m not over it yet Sophie, I still feel broken” I admit. “I thought I was over everything and then I saw her again, during camp.”

“Shit Tobin, don’t tell me she has been messing with your head” Sophie says.

“I’m so confused, I’m so angry with her but I am also angry with myself because I won’t listen when she wants to tell me why she did it” I say.

“Did you just see her once or on a few occasions?”

“She was at camp Sophie, she’s on the US squad.”

“WHAT!” Sophie says before slapping my arm. “You never told me she was on your team, I just thought it was some random soccer player who now plays in Sweden. I probably know who the chick is Tobin.”

“She was also my roommate during camp.”

“Tobin, this is just…”

“A mess, I know” I say. “I can’t get her out of my head Sophie.”

“This girl really has some hold over you.”

“I thought I was over her and over what she did, I thought we could both just go to camp and avoid one another” I say as I sigh. “It was impossible. There was a weird tension around us all the time, sometimes we would be getting along and then suddenly I remember what she did and I get angry again.”

“Is she new to camp because you’ve never mentioned before about seeing her at camp?”

“This was the first camp we have attended together, she was injured for a bit and then obviously I was injured so our paths never crossed” I answer. “As long as we are both healthy then we are both going to be at national team camps so we really need to figure out how we can progress. There is no way I can have that sort of tension every time we are in camp.”

“Even avoiding each other would cause tension as well Tobin.”

“I know Soph, I just have no clue how to resolve this” I say with a shrug. “I think I am so confused because I am not truly over what she did. If I was over it, surely I would be able to ignore her.”

“You’re not over it Tobin and I don’t think you are over her either” Sophie tells me gently.

“It’s been four years, how can I not be over it?” I complain.

“Because you haven’t tried to get over it. All you have done is put it to the back of your mind, it’s still there” Sophie tells me. “The only way to get over what this chick did is to get over your feelings for her. Once you have no feelings for the woman then you won’t care what she has done. You are not over what she did because she still means something to you.”

“You make it sound so simple” I say wistfully. “I don’t know how to get over her, how do you get over someone who was literally your whole world? She was my girlfriend for five years, that’s a long time to be together since we were so young when we met.”

“I would say the first step is to figure out if you want to be over her” Sophie says.

“I want to be with Rhian” I say.

“That wasn’t what I asked” Sophie tells me. “Do you ever think about the future and see her in it?”

“I don’t know, I don’t really think about the future anymore” I answer truthfully.

“Why not?” Sophie asks.

“I just don’t, I want to live in the present.”

“So it’s not because this girl was your future and you don’t want to imagine a future without her?”

“I honestly don’t know what my future holds, I’m only twenty-six” I say. “You asked me if I wanted to be over her then the answer is yes. If being over her means I don’t feel like shit every time I think about her breaking my heart then yeah I want to be over her.”

“Ok then, let’s get you over her.”

“How do I do that though?” I ask. “I’ve already cried, screamed, comfort ate, deleted Chris’s number, I’ve already adjusted to not thinking about ‘what could I have done better’, I’ve tried to put all my focus on football, I’ve got a new girlfriend” I say. “I’ve done all these things and they worked, I wasn’t pining after Chris for four years. It’s only since I have seen her again that I feel like I’m not over her.”

“Maybe it’s because of America.”

“Oh yeah Soph, its America’s fault that I am not over Chris” I say sarcastically.

“I meant that maybe America reminds you of her” Sophie says. “You spend most of your time in France where there are no pictures of your ex, your apartment doesn’t have anything of hers in it. France doesn’t resemble this ex at all whereas in America, everything reminds you of her.”

“What do I do then?” I ask. “Is moving back there the wrong move, I love it here in France but America is my home, that’s where my future will be.”

“I thought you didn’t think of the future” Sophie says smartly.

“I don’t but America is where my family is, I am missing a lot of big things in their life and I don’t want to miss anymore” I say. “It’s time to go home but can I really go home if it means I am in limbo about Chris again.”

“Remove Chris from your life in America, do you have anything of hers at your mom’s house?” Sophie asks. “If so, bin it all. Get rid of absolutely everything until there is only the woman herself left, burn your photos of her, bin her clothes, avoid contact with her unless it is on a professional level. Don’t let yourself be alone with her until you are ready.”

“If I bin everything that reminds me of her then I am throwing away five years of my life” I say.

“If you want to be completely over her then you need to do this.”

“Ok” I say but it’s just to please Sophie. I don’t know if I could erase five years of my life. The small town where I grew up screams of memories of Christen and I so the easiest solution would be to not go back but that town was also where I grew up long before I met Christen. If Chris and I didn’t need to work together then this would be so much easier, how can I erase someone from my life when I know she will still be in my life through soccer?

~

As soon as I step off the plane onto Californian soil I know I am home. The sun is shining, the limited number of clouds in the sky are moving slowly, passengers are all walking in an orderly fashion unlike some of the other airports I’ve been at recently. Everything about this setting screams home.

I quickly make my way to pick up my luggage before I hail a cab and go straight to my mom’s house; my real home. It’s been so long since I have actually been back in this town yet nothing seems to have changed. I see kids walking home from school, I see birds in the sky, I see people rushing around the streets trying to do their shopping and then at the end of the journey I see my family home. I don’t think I will ever allow my mom to sell this place, this house is where all the important stuff happens. It’s where I grew up, it’s where we won the best decorated house in the neighbourhood at Christmastime on multiple occasions, its where I learned to ride my bike, its where we had the party after Cole was born, its where my brother-in-law proposed to my sister. This house is just special.

“Hey mom, I’m home” I shout when I come through the front door.

“Tobs, is that you?” my mom asks before I see her appear in the hallway, messy apron on as usual.

“It’s me” I say before I hug my mom. “I missed you so much mom.”

“I missed you too” my mom tells me. “I am almost finished baking your favorite cookies.”

“Mom you know I can’t eat treats like that so close to camp, camp is only a few weeks away” I say.

“You can burn them off with an extra jog honey” my mom tells me. “You are too skinny these days Tobin.”

“I will have a couple then” I say smiling at the massive smile on my mom’s face. I really did miss her. “I need to pick Rhian up from the airport in an hour.”

“You didn’t come together?” my mom questions. “Are you girls ok?”

“We are fine mom, Rhian left France earlier than me because she had a business deal in Florida yesterday” I reply. “I came straight here from France.”

“I am so glad you are here, your sisters can’t wait to see you either.”

“What about Jeff?” I ask. “Is he coming down?”

“He’s away with your father on that sailing trip.”

“Damn, I forgot” I say sadly. “So there is no point in me travelling to see dad either on this trip since he is away too.”

“I know it sucks sweetie.”

“It sure does” I agree. “Is it still ok if Rhian stays here with us? She will only be here for a week because she has another business deal in New York next weekend and then she will be travelling all over.”

“Of course it is ok sweetie” my mom assures me. “Are you only here for a week too?”

“I will be here for four weeks until I head to the July camp” I say with a smile. “Can I borrow your car for a bit, I want to run some errands before I pick Rhian up?”

“Of course, you know where the keys are.”

“Thanks mom, love you.”

“I love you too.”

~

I’ve been in LA for a few days now and it feels amazing to be home. Most of the time I have either trained or chilled out with Rhian or hung out with my family. It’s sad that Jeff isn’t here but other than that, this break is just what I needed.

“Can I borrow a hoodie babe, I’m freezing?” Rhian asks while sitting on my lap.

“It’s the middle of summer in LA, how can you be cold?” I ask with a laugh.

“This is cold weather for me babe, I grew up in much warmer temperatures this this babe. I am a Florida girl” Rhian says. “So can I have a hoodie or not?”

“Of course” I say, pecking her on the lips. “You know where my closet is.”

“Thanks babe.” Rhian then jogs off to my room.

“Did you get something?” I ask, not taking my eyes off my book, when I hear Rhian entering the room again.

“Yeah” Rhian answers before plopping down next to me on the couch. “I found this picture at the back of your closet” she says, handing me the photo. “Is that your senior prom?”

“It’s not my prom” I say sadly while looking at the photo, tracing my finger over the two smiling figures. “That was actually my girlfriend’s senior prom, she was a year younger than me so she finished high school the year after.”

“Is that your girlfriend with you in the picture?”

“Yep, that’s Chris” I answer, sending a sense of nostalgia through my body. I thought I was progressing nicely on my road to getting over Chris but this photo has brought it all back.

“The same one that broke your heart?”

“Yeah, that’s her” I respond as I stare at Christen in the picture.

“She was a fool for letting you go” Rhian tells me before she kisses me. “Her loss is my gain.” If only it were that simple. “Do you want me to bin the photo?”

“No its ok babe, I will get rid of it.” And by get rid of it I mean I will probably end up putting it in the box at the other end of my closet that contains all my memories of Christen. You know the saying ‘Out of sight, out of mind’, yeah that’s rubbish. The memory box is always out of sight but the memories inside it are always in my mind. I had every intention of doing what Sophie told me to do but I just couldn’t do it, I am not ready to completely erase everything. I just want to enjoy my time here without complicating things.

“What time is your training session with Alex?” Rhian asks. Since I am in LA visiting my family and Alex is also visiting we agreed to meet up to train.

“It starts at one” I answer, pulling Rhian on top of me and proceeding to tickle her. “Which means I have exactly two hours to spend with you, what do you wanna do?”

“I have a few ideas” Rhian says with a smirk. “Your family are all out.”

“And what would those ideas be?”

“Follow me to the bedroom and you will find out.” Rhian then winks at me and slowly walks towards my bedroom, me trailing behind her.

~

“I wish I didn’t have to leave” Rhian complains. “I have had so much fun this week with you.”

“I had fun too babe but duty calls” I say with a smile. “We will see each other soon, its only three weeks.”

“I know” Rhian says. “I hope we can meet up before you head to camp but I don’t know what my schedule will be like yet.”

“That’s ok, we will sort something out” I assure Rhian. “Have a safe journey.”

“I love you Tobin” Rhian tells me and it causes my heart to sink, I know I can’t say it back. I feel like if I say it back it would be a lie. I want to be in love with her, I really do. I am just not there yet, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about her.

“Me too” I mumble, hoping Rhian doesn’t overthink my response. “Call me when you land, ok?”

“I will.”

“You better go, you don’t wanna miss your flight” I say, kissing Rhian one last time.

“Bye babe” Rhian says before she leaves. I really hope that Rhian hasn’t picked up on how off I have been with her lately. I just feel like I can’t act normal around Rhian anymore, I feel so guilty when I am around her. I feel so lost at the moment. I was trying to take Sophie’s advice and forget about Christen but then the other day when I was training with Alex she said something that made me question everything.

_# Flashback – 3 days ago #_

_“How are things with Servando?” I ask. “Are you guys still arguing as much?”_

_“Things are a bit better actually” Alex says with a smile. “We were actually thinking of renewing our wedding vows next year on our anniversary.”_

_“Sounds good, you seem a lot happier.”_

_“I am, you have no idea Tobin” Alex says with a massive smile. “We went away for a few days after the last camp before our club seasons started and we spent the whole time reconnecting again.”_

_“You have a really happy glow about you.”_

_“I can’t wait for us to start our own family. We’ve agreed that we are not ready for kids yet but we are going to get a dog” Alex says excitedly. “I am honestly so happy Tobin.”_

_“Good, happy looks good on you” I say with a laugh._

_“Talking about being happy, you don’t look yourself these days” Alex says worriedly. “Even back in camp you didn’t look your normal smiley self” Alex says, momentarily stopping our passing of the ball. “Is everything ok?”_

_“I don’t know” I answer truthfully._

_“Don’t take this the wrong way but is everything ok with you and Rhian?” Alex asks before gesturing that we sit down on the nearest bench. “The way you talked about Rhian was like you guys were so happy together but then at camp when I saw you two together for the first time you looked so sad but Rhian looked ok.”_

_“I was happy with Rhian, everything I told you about her was true” I say honestly. “I just had a lot on my mind at the time with regards to leaving France and stuff.”_

_“Are you sure that’s all it was?”_

_“Absolutely, Rhian and I are good.”_

_“I just sometimes get the feeling that maybe Rhian is more into you than you are about her” Alex says. “I don’t want to offend you Tobin but Rhian doesn’t exactly scream the type of girl I would picture you with.”_

_“What type of girl do you picture me with?” I ask out of curiosity._

_“Someone who can look after you” Alex starts. “I am not saying Rhian can’t look after you but I always just pictured you with someone who would connect with you on a deeper level. Rhian strikes me as someone who is young and carefree whereas in my head I have always pictured you with someone who you can have deep conversations with.”_

_“I don’t need someone to look after me Alex.”_

_“I know you don’t, I just get the impression that Rhian doesn’t get you” Alex says before elaborating. “You seem like the type of person who likes romance and relaxing on the beach with your girlfriend whereas it sometimes seems like Rhian is into fancy restaurants and big gestures. I don’t know, you’re just so chill so I picture you with someone who understands that.”_

_“There is a lot of differences between us but they do say opposites attract.”_

_“For some reason I picture you getting married and having kids, I just don’t picture Rhian as your bride” Alex says. “I know your relationships are absolutely none of my business but I just want you to be happy but I just feel like you have been so down recently.”_

_“I just feel a little lost at the moment Alex” I say, trying to prevent myself from letting tears slip down my face. “I feel like I don’t know what I want from my life or what I want to do. I know I have been funny around Rhian, I do honestly like her though. I want to love her but I can’t force myself to do it.”_

_“Come here Tobin” Alex says as she hugs me. “It’s just a rough patch but I promise I will help you get through this.”_

_# End of Flashback #_

I am not saying I am jealous of Alex but deep down I do think I want my own version of a relationship like Alex and Servando’s. I am just not sure if Rhian could give me that. All I keep thinking is ‘what happens if Christen is my version of Servando.’ Maybe I’m not over Christen, maybe I never was over her but I just managed to conceal my feelings. Maybe if I get closure on why Christen broke my heart then perhaps that what would allow me to move on. Maybe I am holding on to Christen because I still believe she didn’t break my heart out of badness or to be mean. My mind is so messed up right now and it looks like there is only one way to sort this; I need to talk to Chris at our next camp. I need to closure to officially end anything between Chris and me.


	7. Chasing Cars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

“I am going for a jog along the beach mom, I will be back soon” I say before kissing my mom’s cheek and then I leave. It’s so nice to be back here, reminiscing about my life growing up in this small town.

The whole time I was jogging along by the sea I could see a figure in the distance but I never thought anything of it until I got closer. As I got closer I could see exactly who was sitting on the sand with their knees bent and arms and head on their knees. Christen is sitting in our spot, the spot she and I would always meet at if we arranged to meet up at the beach.

“Chris…” I say, causing Christen’s head to shoot up in surprise. “Are you ok?” It is now that I realise she has tears in her eyes.

“Not really” Christen answers with a shrug. “There is just so much going on just now.”

I decide it would be rude of me to leave Christen sitting herself when she is so upset so I sit down next to her.

“My grandma still isn’t fully recovered, my hip injuries don’t seem to be fully healing and then there’s the situation of how I play club soccer so far away from America” Christen tells me. “I was in Sweden last week to do some rehab with my club and I got talking to some of my coaching staff. I won’t bore you with the details but basically it isn’t ideal if I keep getting taken away from my club for national team duties when there isn’t any major national competitions.”

“I understand your frustration with the club and national situation because that’s why I left PSG.”

“You left PSG?”

“Yeah, my contract ended in May and I decided there was no point renewing it.”

“My rehab finished in Sweden so I thought I would come back to LA to spend time with my family before the July national camp” Christen says. “What are you doing in LA?”

“Pretty much the same thing, I was supposed to be on loan at Portland but they have deferred the loan until after the July camp” I answer.

“I was going to text you or call you but I never managed to get the guts to actually do it” Christen says. “I know I put a lot of pressure on you at the April camp and I know I went about things the wrong way, I just really wanted to tell you the truth.”

“I get that but it still hurts Christen, it may have happened four years ago but that doesn’t mean I can automatically forget and we can be all friendly again.”

“I know that Tobin.”

“I don’t think I will ever be ready to talk about what happened so it is probably wise that we get some closure before the next camp starts” I suggest. “How long are you home for?”

“Until I go to camp” Christen answers. “You?”

“The same” I respond before I look at Christen. “Do you wanna have some lunch and then we can talk?”

“Ok” Christen says with a weak smile. “Where do you want to go for lunch?”

“My brother always talks about this diner at the north side of the beach if you want to try that” I offer with a shrug to which Christen nods.

On the walk to the diner we were pretty much silent apart from the few hellos we issued out to passers-by. I think we are both just a little unsure what to say to each other and feeling awkward about it. The walk is a very familiar route for Christen and I, we know this town like the back of our hands. It used to take us double the amount of time it should to walk this section of the beach because we almost always had to stop midway so that Christen could write something cheesy in the sand.

It isn’t like that this time though. We walk at a reasonable pace, hands by our sides instead of interlocked with one another and we don’t stop at all.

“After you” I say as I open the diner door for Christen and let her walk inside first.

“Welcome to the diner, take a seat anywhere” the young waitress chewing gum says to us in a monotone voice. “Someone will take your order soon.”

“Thanks” Christen says before she picks a booth and I slide into the seat across from her. Christen then hands me a menu and we both sit in silence deciding what we could have until an older waitress approaches us.

“I thought my eyes were deceiving me but it is definitely you” the older waitress tells us. “Tobin and Christen.”

“Eh… yeah” I answer confused.

“Is that you Kathy?” Christen says before she hugs the woman. Who is this woman? “Tobin, this is Kathy. She used to work in Harry’s Diner. Harry’s wife.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t recognise you” I apologise. Harry’s Diner was Christen and my favourite place to go to for breakfast back in the day.

“I didn’t realise I had aged that much” Kathy says with a laugh. “It must be six years since I last saw you two; since Harry’s Diner closed.”

“Yeah it must be” Christen says. “How are you? How are the twins?”

“The twins are ten now, they have a little brother now as well” Kathy answers, referencing her grandkids. “We are all doing well.”

“I thought you and Harry were taking early retirement together?”

“We did but then I got bored so I started working here last year” Kathy informs us. “It is so good to see you two still together. It must me what… nine years since you two teenage sweethearts got together.”

“We’re not together anymore” I say, not realising that it would still hurt to say it out loud. “We broke up four years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that girls, you two were the cutest.”

“Some things don’t work out the way you planned” I say with a shrug.

“It’s good you are still friends.”

“Yeah” I say. There is no need to elaborate further.

“What can I get you ladies to eat and drink then?”

“Chris, you go first” I say to the woman opposite me. “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Can I have the grilled chicken burger with sweet potato fries please?” Christen asks politely.

“I will have the beef burger with extra cheese and a couple of slice of bacon please” I say. “Can I have that with fries?”

“Anything for my best customers” Kathy says with a smile before walking off.

“It so refreshing to actually get a waitress who looks like she enjoys her job” Christen says and I have to agree. “She didn’t take our drinks order though.”

“I will tell her when she walks by” I say before I look at Christen. “I know this isn’t the same diner but it feels like I have travelled back in time, being in this town again, sitting across from you in a diner.”

“I am so jealous of how our life was back then, everything was simple” Christen says. “All we had was college and each other, nothing else mattered. I miss it so much Tobin, I don’t just mean because we were together but I miss the simplicity that this town offered us.”

“We would spend our time together either at the beach or our houses” I say with a small smile. “We could take a break from our respective colleges and just be us. We never needed complicated to make us happy.”

“This small town will never stop being my home.”

“It’s so peaceful and it’s the only place I feel like I can just be me, I don’t need to be a good soccer player to fit in here. I just need to be a good person” I say. “This town is my sanctuary.”

“This is where we fell in love Tobin” Christen says and I nod. “But it’s also the place where I broke your heart.”

“Unfortunately it is.” I don’t know what else to say.

“I want to make things right between us, I don’t want to remember our home as the place where I broke you.”

“Let’s just enjoy our lunch for the time being and then we can go back to my house and talk about a few things” I say. “I just want to soak in this peacefulness for a little bit longer.”

“Ok” Christen says with a nod.

“Here’s your drinks girls” Kathy says as she sits one strawberry milkshake and one banana milkshake on the table with four straws.

“We haven’t ordered our drinks yet” Christen says.

“I know, I took the liberty of choosing for you” Kathy says with a smile. “One banana milkshake for you both to share before your food arrives and one strawberry milkshake to share with your food.”

“Just like old times” Christen says.

“Exactly” Kathy responds. “I didn’t think you would want to share a straw anymore so I got you two each, one for each milkshake.”

“Thanks” I say before Kathy leaves, informing us that our burgers are on their way.

“Tell me you won’t dip your fries into one of the milkshakes when the food comes so I know if I should claim one of these milkshakes as my own before you ruin them” Christen says with a small smile.

“I might dip my fries into both” I say with a playful shrug.

“Tobin, it gives me the shivers with how disgusting it sounds” Christen says with a frown. “A salty, greasy fry in a sweet milkshake, yuck Tobin.”

“I know you secretly liked it Chris, don’t deny it.”

“I didn’t, I can assure you of that.”

“You let me do it all the time, if you didn’t like it then you wouldn’t have let me do it.”

“I let you do it because it made…”

“It made me happy” I interrupt. “You can spin that line all you want Chris but I know it wasn’t just because of that. Admit it, you liked the taste.”

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t” Christen says with a smile and a shrug before she takes a sip of the banana milkshake.

~

Once we finished our lunch at the diner we made our way back along the beach and towards my house.

“Everyone is out at the moment so we should get some privacy to talk” I say as soon as we enter the house. “Do you want a drink or anything?”

“No thanks.”

“I am just going to grab a bottle of water, I will get you in the living room” I say to Christen before I quickly run into the kitchen and then I head to the living room.

“Is this your nephew?” Christen asks, pointing to a photo above the fireplace.

“That’s Cole” I confirm. “He is the reason Kate is my favorite sibling.”

“I always thought Jeff was your favorite” Christen says with a smile.

“It changes” I say jokingly. “Shall we sit?”

“Sure” Christen says before we both take a seat on the couch next to one another. “Can you promise to listen to me and not overreact?”

“I can’t promise anything but I will do my best” I shrug, it’s the best I could offer when I know I probably won’t agree with some of the things Christen has to say. “Chris, before you start…”

“Yeah?”

“I am being sincere when I say this but please try not to hurt me, I know you want to explain your reasons but just go easy” I say, feeling slightly vulnerable. “If you broke up with me because you met someone else then that’s fine but please don’t go into detail.”

“It wasn’t that, I promise you Tobin” Christen says while turning me to look at her. “Tobin, look at me.” I reluctantly turn to face her and I can tell by the look in her eye that she isn’t lying. “I swear to you that I never cheated on you or met anyone else. My reason for breaking up with you wasn’t anything to do with that.”

“I didn’t think you would do that but then I wasn’t sure, all sorts have been going through my head” I say as I wipe away a tear of relief, I am so glad there was no third person involved.

“I am so sorry I made you feel that way” Christen says as she wipes my tears. “You are the love of my life Tobin, no one could ever come close to that.”

“Why did you break up with me then?” I ask confused. “If I meant so much to you then why the hell did you break my heart?” I can feel my anger slowly rising. “Because of you I lost trust in women and relationships so when I met Rhian she gave me a new perspective on that and I finally thought I could be in a relationship again but now you are confusing me.”

“I’m sorry Toby, I really am.”

“Sorry isn’t good enough, it really isn’t” I reply bitterly. “Do you realise how demoralising it is to know that the one person you would give everything to doesn’t think you’re good enough?”

“You were good enough, please don’t ever think that.”

“You chose soccer over me, a game I put before everyone until I met you. Soccer was the only good thing I had until you came along, I would have given soccer up for life for you but clearly you thought the opposite.”

“Did you just hear yourself there Tobin? You would have given up the game you loved since you were one year old for me and I couldn’t let that happen” Christen says. “I didn’t leave you because I wanted to, I did it because you were going to throw your life away for me and I couldn’t let you ruin your life.”

“So you ruined it for me?” I say rhetorically.

“Soccer was your passion and your dream but I distracted you from that, if I said quit soccer then you would have said of course Christen and you would have quit and probably regretted it all your life” Christen tells me. “In nearly every childhood picture of you there was always a ball, every drawing you did you had a ball. Your dream was to be a professional soccer player but I distracted you from that, a club scout turned up at UNC just to see you but you skipped the game because it was my birthday.”

“I am a professional soccer player though” I argue.

“Yes but you got there because I wasn’t there to distract you, you know what I am saying is true” Christen says, the sincerity lacing her voice. “I loved you too much to let you throw your dream away for me, I broke both of our hearts Tobin and I hate that but soccer was your life and I would be damned if I prevented the woman I loved from reaching and achieving her dream. The only thing that got me through all these years was believing that I would see you again and perhaps we could reconcile when our careers were more settled, I know it was stupid but I had to hold onto something.”

“So I was good enough for you?” I ask insecurely. She’s the only person I can be vulnerable with despite how she broke my heart.

“You were too good for me baby” Christen answers as she wipes away my tears. “I’m sorry I made you think otherwise.”

“Why couldn’t we have continued the long distance thing then?” I ask. “I understand why you wanted to go to Sweden and I agree with you going there for your career just like it was best for me to stay at my club team at the time. I just don’t understand why you thought it was better to break up.”

“It was killing me Tobin. I cried myself to sleep every night because I wanted you there with me but I would never ask you to leave when you were doing so well” Christen explains. “I thought it would hurt more trying to make things work by long distance than breaking up. I know that sounds stupid but our five year relationship meant that we were in too deep to have such a drastic change to our relationship. I thought missing you when I know you were mine and I couldn’t have you would be worse than missing you when you weren’t mine anymore.”

“I’m not sure I understand…”

“We were on different time zones, we had different schedules, and we couldn’t visit each other like we did when we were at university” Christen tells me. “Do you not think it would be harder to keep our relationship going when we knew that we weren’t the type of couple who could be separated?”

“I understand slightly where you are coming from, I just think we could have persevered longer” I say.

“Did you ever feel guilty when you missed my phone call? Did you ever feel sad looking at the empty spot in bed next to you? Did you ever feel emotional because you missed your girlfriend? Did you cry when you saw something that reminded you of the love of your life?” Christen questions. “I felt all of that and a million more negative feelings Tobin, just being without you for a few days made it feel like we were already broken up.”

“Of course I felt all of that Christen.”

“Tell me how those feelings would make a healthy relationship.” Christen looks at me. “I know this sounds crazy but we needed to breakup in order to realise how we really felt. If we let distance spoil the good memories we had before I moved to Sweden then I guarantee our relationship would have ended itself. We would get sick of talking to voicemail, of staring at the empty side of the bed, of looking at our empty email inbox, of looking at Skype with our girlfriend offline. I would rather we ended the relationship on one of our terms than letting the relationship end itself.”

“I wished you had explained it better to me back then, I hated you all these years” I say as I stare into those eyes that used to tell me so much. “I hated you but I still loved you, how messed up is that?”

“It isn’t messed up” Christen tells me. “Life isn’t always simple Toby but it doesn’t help that sometimes we make situations more complex than they need to be. I am an idiot for the way I handled things back then but I honestly think it was the right thing to do.”

“In hindsight Chris, I agree. I understand now but that doesn’t mean I agree with the way you went about things.”

“I didn’t fully understand it myself back then so I couldn’t give you all these answers back then that I gave you today but I know I could have done better, I know that.”

“How do we move on from this?” I ask. “What happens now Chris?”

“I honestly don’t know Tobin.”

“I don’t know either.”

“Maybe I should give you some space to process all of this” Christen says. “I will give you my number and maybe we can meet up at the end of the week and discuss where we go from here. There is no point in overwhelming ourselves today.”

“Yeah, I need time to get my head around all of this” I say. “I need time to figure out how I really feel.”

“I understand” Christen says with a small smile. “If you don’t want to talk before camp, that’s ok.”

“We will talk before camp, I just need time to process.”

“Take care Tobin.”

“You too” I reply before I walk Christen to the door and then I collapse onto the couch when she’s gone.

~

“Tobin? Are you home?” I hear my mom shout.

“Yeah” I mumble through the couch cushion.

“Are you not even going to get up and greet your sister and nephew?” I hear Kate’s playful voice this time, causing me to stand up from the couch.

“Hi” I say with a smile, hugging Kate and Cole at the same time.

“How are you sis?” Kate asks before examining me further. “Have you been crying?”

“I’m ok, I will talk to you later about it” I say to Kate.

“Ok honey” Kate says worriedly.

“Did you have a nice run?” my mom asks when I enter the kitchen.

“Yeah mom” I answer with a smile.

“Have you had lunch because I was about to make something for Kate and Cole?”

“I’ve had lunch already thanks.”

“Is Rhian still here?” Kate asks while placing Cole on a chair.

“No, she had business to attend to” I answer. “I won’t see her again for a few weeks.”

“I see” Kate answers. “Where’s Perry?”

“No idea” I answer.

“She text me that she’s on her way here” my mom says. “She had work to finish up, she should be here any minute.”

“Saw-saw” Cole says excitedly while clapping his hands.

“Grandma will make you some sausage in a minute baby” Katie says.

“How’s my favorite little guy?” I ask as I pick Cole up and swing him around causing him to giggle adorably.

“Tee” Cole says before grabbing my hair.

“I missed you” I say before peppering kisses over Cole’s face.

“Hey” Perry singsongs when she enters the kitchen. “Hiya Cole.” Cole waves at his other aunt before he goes back to tugging on my hair.

“How are you Perry?” Katie asks.

“Good thanks sis, you?” Perry answers.

“I’m good.”

“I see you were out for lunch at Jeff’s favorite diner today Tobin” Perry says. “My friend Louisa saw you with a hot brunette.”

“Did she?” I ask. If there is one person I don’t like then it is Perry’s friend Louisa, she likes to involve herself in everyone’s business.

“Who was your lunch date?”

“I had lunch with a friend, big deal” I say. “Louisa really needs a better hobby than trying to get into everyone’s business.”

“You said it” Katie says.

“I know you two don’t like her but she’s been a good friend to me” Perry says, frowning at Katie and me. “Who was your friend?”

“That’s not your business.”

“I am not stupid Tobin, I know it was Christen. Louisa even said so. She knew it was Christen too” Perry says. “So spill, why are you suddenly having lunch dates with the woman who practically ruined your life?”

“It wasn’t a lunch date” I say. “I asked Chris to lunch because we needed to discuss a few things.”

“What things? She’s a bitch who couldn’t wait to shoot back off to Sweden after breaking your heart” Perry says.

“She’s my teammate and we had to clear the air” I tell my sister. “The last national camp was full of nothing but tension so we can’t afford to let that happen again.”

“Just tread carefully sis, you don’t want to be sucked in by her again” Perry warns.

“Too late now” I mumble.

“What?” Perry says. “Tobin, don’t tell me…”

“I still have feelings for her” I admit with a sad shrug.

“Oh sweetheart” my mom says, wrapping me in her arms.

“You can’t let her brainwash you Tobin, you have worked too hard to get over her” Perry says.

“I don’t know if I ever was over her or if I just froze her out of my mind” I say. “I know she broke my heart but I believe her when she says she didn’t do it because she didn’t love me.”

“You’re just confused sweetheart, seeing your first love again is bound to confuse you” my mom says. “You are always going to have history with her but it doesn’t mean there’s a future.”

“I tried to get over her but I can’t, I am not saying I have forgiven Christen but I can’t deny how I feel about her” I say. “All I have done for the past four years is run, I ran away from my problems and ran away from my feelings.”


	8. All Of The Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is All Of The Stars by Ed Sheeran

 “Morning” I say to my mom as I enter the kitchen.

“Good morning sweetheart, how are you?” My mom replies with a warm smile.

“I’m ok, I didn’t really get much sleep last night” I answer as I sit down at the breakfast table.

“Is your mind still on yesterday?” My mum asks.

“Kind of, I just…” I start but get cut off with Perry’s booming voice coming into the kitchen.

“Gooood Morning Heaths” Perry all but screams.

“Not so loud Perry” my mom says annoyed. “Good morning.”

“What’s up Tobin?” Perry asks, punching my arm. “You look sad.”

“I’m fine, I’m just tired” I reply.

“Are you stilling thinking about you know who?” Perry asks.

“I understand you are all trying to help but you don’t know the full story” I say. “I am a grown woman so it’s up to me whether I forgive Chris or not.”

“We are just worried about you sweetheart, I hated seeing you so upset all those years ago and I would hate to see it again” my mom tells me. “I know it is your decision honey, whatever you choose then I will support you.”

“Thanks mom.”

“When are you back at camp?” Perry asks, clearly taking the hint to change the subject.

“In a couple of weeks, I figured I would just stay here until I need to leave.”

“Does that mean you will come shopping with me, we have an event at work and I really need a new dress?” Perry asks.

“Perry, all we do is fight when we go shopping” I reply.

“That’s because you don’t know good taste when you see it” Perry says.

“I have my own sense of style, you go over the top sometimes” I say.

“Whatever, so are you going to come with me or not?”

“I guess I could.”

“Good, I will pick you up tomorrow morning at nine” Perry tells me.

“Ok.”

“I better get to work, bye” Perry says before rushing out of the kitchen.

“Do you have any plans today?” my mom asks.

“Not really, I may go surfing or just go to the beach” I answer.

“I’m going into work soon but I will be back early afternoon” my mom says. “If you’re not busy we could go out for dinner or do something else.”

“That would be nice mom” I say with a smile.

~

“You are not even listening to me Perry” I say annoyed as we drive back to my mom’s house from shopping all day.

“I am listening and I am telling you that you would be a fool to even forgive her, she destroyed you Tobin” Perry says.

“It wasn’t all Christen’s fault, the distance was already eating away at our relationship before Christen ended things” I say. “Can we please drop this, it is between Christen and I?”

“You need to forget about her Tobin” Perry sternly tells me. “You want my advice, pretend she doesn’t exist. Rhian is who you are meant to be with.”

“PERRY!” I shout to get my sister to shut up. “I don’t want your advice or your meddling.”

“I just…”

“I really am grateful for you being there for me and looking out for me but I’m older now, it’s time for me to make my own decisions” I say gently but firmly enough to emphasise my point. “Even if I make a mistake, I am brave enough to face it on my own. I am not the person I was four years ago, I am stronger now.”

“Ok, I won’t butt in again” Perry says quietly. “I love you sis, I am sorry if I am making things worse.”

“I love you too” I say. “This thing with Chris is more complex than you think, only she and I know the real truth.”

“I am sorry, I promise I won’t interfere” Perry says. “I know I am just an outsider and I am probably judging the situation based on what I know but I know that’s not fair.”

“Thanks.”

“What have you got planned for the rest of the night?” Perry asks, changing the subject.

“I am meeting some of my high school friends, we are probably just going to go to dinner and then head to a few bars” I answer. “The same as we always do when we get together.”

“Have fun Tobin” Perry says with a wink. “I have a feeling you will.” Things tend to get a little out of hand when I go out with my high school friends, not in a super bad way but we have been thrown out of a few clubs for this and that. Ryan got us thrown out of one bar because he tried to hit on the barman’s wife, Lisa got us thrown out of another because she broke a table and some glasses when she jumped up on the table to sing her rendition of Beyoncé’s single ladies and then there was the time when we were nineteen and I got us thrown out of a club because I threw up all over the floor before revealing that we were actually underage.

I was far too embarrassed to call my mom to pick me up that night so I thought I would call my dad, he wouldn’t be as harsh on me. That probably would have been true had I not pressed the number directly above ‘dad’ in my phone, the number with the name ‘Chris’. My girlfriend had no problems with me having a drink and getting a little drunk, she just wasn’t too happy that I threw up in her car.

# Flashback #

_“Heyyy daa’d, it To’in. Can ya pick… me… uuuppp” I stuttered out between burps. “Am lil… drunk… oopsies.”_

_“Baby, this isn’t your dad” I hear my girl’s soft voice. “You’ve dialled my number.”_

_“Shiiit bay-bee, so sorrrrry” I draw out. “Go back sleep. I will try call…. Right number.”_

_“It’s ok Toby, I am awake now” Christen says as I hear her moving about. “Tell me where you are, I am coming to get you.”_

_“I was… lil sick.”_

_“Alright babe, just tell me where you are” Christen says._

_“Court-ney, where we at?” I ask as I stumble over to my friend, somehow managing to keep a grip of my cell phone._

_“I dunno” Courtney laughs. “Josh… T needs to know where we at.”_

_“We are just outside The Waterman Bar” Josh says in a sober voice._

_“Dids ya get tha babe?” I slur. “We at da Waterhouse…”_

_“The Waterman Bar” Josh repeats._

_“Chris, I’m at the Watershed…”_

_“Toby, I don’t know where that is” Chris says worriedly._

_“Joshy boy tell ma girl where we a… cus I don’t have a fucking clue” I say, staggering closer to my sober friend. “She worried… ya know.”_

_“Hi Christen, it’s Josh” Josh starts after taking the phone from me. “We are outside The Waterman…… ok, see you in five minutes.”_

_“Wha she say?” I ask as I sway from side to side, trying not to fall._

_“She will be here in five minutes” Josh tells me. “Stand here and wait while I round everyone up.”_

_“Okaaay.”_

_Not even five minutes later and I see a familiar Audi drive up and then Christen rushes out._

_“Are you ok honey?” Chris asks me while holding onto my arms to stop me swaying._

_“Fine, lil too much… to drink” I say, hiccupping in the middle of my sentence. “So sorry.”_

_“It’s ok baby” Christen says before putting me in the front seat. “Does anyone else need a ride?”_

_“Rachel and I got them all rides” Josh replies to my girlfriend. Thank god there is always a couple of us who remain slightly sober than the rest. “Thanks anyway.” And with that Christen gets into the car and we drive off._

_“So sorry again” I apologise._

_“Its ok babe, you don’t need to apologise for having fun” Christen tells me with a smile._

_“I know but…” I say before stopping to burp except it isn’t just a burp this time, it’s a full on throw up._

_“Aw Toby…” Christen says while opening the windows and trying not to baulk._

_“I’m so sorry…” I say, feeling so angry with myself._

_As soon as we arrived at Christen’s house I was determined I was going to clean the car._

_“Just go inside and clean yourself up please?” Christen asks before she rushes to the kitchen for a bucket of soapy water, detergent and plenty of cloths._

_“You not cleaning it… I will do… it” I say, trying to grab the stuff from Christen._

_“I got this Tobin, now go and brush your teeth and have a wash.”_

_# End of flashback #_

As soon as I woke up the next morning I had never felt so ashamed and embarrassed in all my life. I couldn’t even look at my girlfriend or her parents. Christen brushed it off like it was nothing but it was something, I have never felt so bad in all of my life. I cleaned her car thoroughly until all you could smell was detergent and bleach, I bought her four new air fresheners, I used leather treatment on the leather seats, I polished all of the inside of the car. Basically I did everything I could but it still wouldn’t wipe away the memory of the fact that I threw up in my girlfriend’s car.

Cody and Stacy were very understanding, they believed me when I said it wouldn’t happen again but it still took me months before I could actually feel normal around them again.

“What time are you going out?” Perry asks, breaking me from my trance.

“If we are going to dinner it will be around six, if it is just drinks probably about nine” I answer as Perry pulls into the drive.

“Cool” Perry says before nervously looking at me.

“Spit it out” I say with a small laugh. “You’ve got that face where you want to say something but not sure how to say it” I say. “It’s weird when you make that face because normally you are so blunt and outspoken.”

“How do you find mom recently?” Perry asks.

“What do you mean?” I ask confused. “Mom’s mom.”

“I’m finding her a little strange Tobin, I feel like she is hiding something from me” Perry says. “I don’t know if I am imagining it but she seems different lately.”

“I don’t find her any different” I say with a shrug.

“You don’t see her every day like I do, she’s changed.”

“Way to make me feel guilty Pez.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I don’t know Tobin” Perry says before taking a deep breath. “I think she is definitely hiding something.”

“Ok you’ve got me worried now, what do you mean by hiding something?” I ask. “You don’t thing she is ill or anything do you?” I ask. “If you do then I need to know, I know I can be a little oblivious at times but if there’s something I should…”

“Nothing like that Tobin” Perry cuts me off with a wave of her hands. “I meant I think she is hiding that she has a man in her life or something.”

“Fucking hell Perry, you were acting like you thought she was ill or something” I say annoyed. “You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack.”

“Sorry.”

“Why do you think she’s seeing someone?” I ask.

“She’s been very secretive plus I heard her on the phone to someone called Ralf and they were talking about going out to dinner and how it was fun” Perry explains.

“If she is seeing someone then good for her, she deserves some happiness.”

“I need to find out more, I need to make sure this dude is good enough for mom” Perry says.

“Don’t Perry, there is no need for you to go snooping” I say. “The best thing you can do is let mom tell us in her own time, people’s love lives are their own private business.”

“But…”

“Seriously, don’t be so nosy.”

“Fine” Perry says reluctantly.

“Ok, now let’s get inside” I say. “I need to get ready for tonight.”

_~_

“You seem down tonight, are you ok?” Lisa asks me after we left the restaurant we were at and headed to one of our favorite bars.

“I’m fine, I’ve just got a lot on my mind” I answer before smiling at my friend.

“Does it have anything to do with a certain someone who has reappeared in your life?” Courtney asks.

“I’m confused” I answer. “I thought everything was ok but it’s not.”

“You still love her, don’t you?” Lisa asks. I know she already knows the real answer.

“How did you know Brad was the one?” I ask. Lisa and Brad were on and off more times than a light switch the first few years they dated until they broke it off two years ago and then got back together last Christmas, and have been together ever since.

“We had time apart to grow without relying on one another and that made us realise that no one else really made us as happy as we made each other” Lisa answers. “We broke up so many times back in the day but that’s because we never communicated properly. Now if we have a problem we talk to one another and face it together instead of just ignoring it.”

“Right.”

“It’s not my business Tobin so I am not going to interfere or try to sway your opinion but you deserve to be happy” Lisa says.

“None of us know what happened between you and Christen, and we shouldn’t because it is none of our business but just remember; we can all make stupid mistakes but it doesn’t mean we need to spend the rest of our lives being punished for them” Courtney says.

“In hindsight, Chris done the right thing” I say. “I see that now and I understand that, it still hurts though.”

“How do you know what it is that hurts?” Lisa asks.

“I don’t follow” I say confused.

“What hurts?” Lisa asks. “Does it still hurt because she broke up with you or is it hurting because you aren’t with her?”

“I don’t know” I say with a shrug. I don’t think I’ve ever actually thought about it. “How do I figure it out?”

“You admit your true feelings to yourself and then it will all become clear” Lisa says. “It would be hard for me to describe how you know, you just do.”

“What do I do about Rhian?” I ask, feeling nervous. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

“How do you feel about her?” Courtney asks.

“I do love Rhian but I don’t think I’m in love with her” I say truthfully. “I love her as a person and for bringing some happiness back into my life but I don’t get butterflies when she walks in the room like I do…”

“I think you know what you need to do” Courtney says and she’s right. I do know, I have to break things off with Rhian. Rhian deserves someone who can give her what she wants and needs, that someone isn’t me. I have been having doubts for a while, before Christen appeared again, but I chose to ignore them because I didn’t want to face the truth in case I didn’t like it.

“Let’s enjoy this night, we didn’t come here to talk about my complicated love life” I say determinedly. “The first drink is on me.”

“You are so sly Tobin, you are only saying that because not everyone is here yet so you won’t need to buy a drink for everyone if you go first” Lisa says before laughing.

“Damn, you know me too well” I say with a smile.

“You’re predictable Tobin” Courtney says. “That’s why we love you.”

~

After I knocked on the door, I nervously sway from side to side waiting for an answer. I really hope that Christen is home alone so we can have a proper chat. It’s been just over a week since I saw Christen and I feel like we need to talk a few things over.

“Just coming” I hear Christen shout from the other side of the door before I hear keys jangling in the lock. “Sorry, I couldn’t find keys… Tobin?”

“Is this a bad time?” I ask apprehensively.

“No, no… come in” Christen says. “I was just doing some yoga.”

“Thanks” I say as I step inside.

“Everyone else is out at dinner, I wasn’t really in the mood to go” Christen says as she leads me through to the living room.

“Eh… is that how you normally do yoga?” I ask as I point to a large bowl of potato chips on the coffee table, a blanket messily thrown over the couch and the Notebook movie paused on the TV screen.

“You caught me, I wasn’t actually doing yoga” Christen says with an embarrassed laugh. “I thought yoga sounded better than saying I was moping around feeling sorry for myself.”

“Why are you moping around?” I ask.

“I don’t know, I just feel off today” Christen says with a shrug. “I think I am coming down with a fever or something.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you caught a fever or something” I say as I gesture to Christen’s clothing; a tiny pair of shorts and a tank top. “I know we are in California but its cold out tonight, it’s not really warm enough to walk around like that.”

“I wasn’t intending to walk around like this, that’s why I had the blanket over me” Christen answers. “I got such a fright by the doorbell ringing that I never thought until I answered the door to you that I should’ve put a bathrobe or something on.”

“What have I missed so far in the movie?” I ask before I throw myself onto the couch and grab the bowl of potato chips.

“Does it matter what’ve you missed?” Christen asks before she sits next to me and steals the chips. “You’ve seen this movie lots of times, you could practically watch it without the sound.”

“I would prefer to watch it with the sound” I say with a smile before wrapping the blanket around Christen. “Whenever you’re ready, press play.”

“How are you?” Christen asks tentatively five minutes after we played the movie.

“I’m ok, I’ve done a lot of thinking” I say truthfully. “There’s still some things I need to sort through in my head but some things are clear to me.”

“I was worried I overwhelmed you” Christen says quietly while playing with the blanket.

“It was a lot to digest Chris but I am glad you told me everything” I say before looking at Christen. “There’s always going to be something between us Chris, I can’t deny that so there’s no point in pretending.”

“How do we proceed?”

“I need more time to evaluate some stuff” I say truthfully. “Rhian is still my girlfriend.”

“Right” Christen says evenly.

“I have to break up with Rhian, I do know that” I say, looking at the younger woman. “I am not going to be a dick and do it over the phone. I have to do it properly Chris, she still means a lot to me.”

“I understand.”

“Chris, I can’t promise you anything about us because I am still uncertain but that doesn’t mean there will never be an ‘us’, we have a connection” I say. “I need to do some soul searching to really find myself.”

“I know you can’t promise anything but I do want to know where we stand” Christen says before she turns to face me. “Is it ok for me to say that I have feelings for you?”

“I want us to be honest with one another Chris” I reply. “All I am saying is that I can’t promise that we will be together but I also can’t promise that we won’t be” I say, trying not to complicate things. “I do understand that it sounds like I am leading you on but I don’t mean to, what I am trying to say is that I don’t know how things will end up between us but I’m willing to fight for us. I need to do right by Rhian first.”

“You can’t let Rhian be affected by our mess, I get that.”

“I know I still love you and I have feelings for you but as long as I am with Rhian then nothing can happen” I say. “I know I sound controlling and it sounds like everything has to be on my terms, I don’t mean to be like that. I just want to do the right thing.”

“Tobin don’t worry, I completely understand” Christen says with a small but supportive smile. “I don’t want any more tension between us. If it comes to it and down the line we realise that there is no going back for us as a couple then I at least want to remain friends. You were a massive part of my life Toby and I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t know if I could’ve make it through college without you, I felt so lost before I met you” I admit sadly. I went through a period of really not knowing where my life was headed, all I had was soccer and an acceptance letter into UNC. I hadn’t a clue if going to university was what I wanted, I didn’t want to split up with my high school friends. This town was my home and the thought of leaving and moving on scared me. “As soon as I met you at that party that summer, my life changed. You made me see life in a different way; a more positive way. I didn’t feel scared anymore because no matter what happened I always thought I would have you.”

“I am so sorry that I took that away from you” Christen says, tears running down her cheeks.

“Hey, it’s ok” I say as I wipe away an errant tear on Christen’s nose. “I understand you had to do it, we needed a break from using one another as a comfort blanket. I get that now Chris, we were both never going to fully mature if we kept relying on one another all the time.” I dry the rest of Christen’s tears with my sleeve. “We had to be apart so we could be individuals for a bit, we had to learn to live without one another or else we would inadvertently resent each other.”

“I just…”

“Chris its ok, I forgive you” I state, staring Christen in the eyes. “We had to be apart to know how much we actually wanted to be together otherwise we would’ve took each other for granted. We couldn’t grow as individual people if we were always joined. I honestly get that now, I really do.”

“It didn’t mean I stopped loving you.”

“I know that Chris, I am so sorry for not understanding this until now” I say, slightly disappointed in myself. I spent so many years feeling so angry at Christen when all along she done the only thing that would ever give us a proper future. I had to be Tobin Heath and she had to be Christen Press before we could actually be the couple we aspired to be, before we could be Tobin and Christen as a couple.

“You don’t have to be sorry Tobin” Christen tells me before she starts yawning.

“Is that my cue to go and let you get to bed?” I ask teasingly.

“I don’t want you to leave” Christen says quietly. “I want to keep talking to you, I like your company.”

“You’re tired though” I argue.

“You weren’t just my girlfriend, you were my best friend” Christen tells me. “I miss talking to you, you know me better than anyone. I like that I can be me around you.”

“I guess I can stay a little longer” I say.

~

I slowly tiptoe out of Christen’s bedroom, gently closing the door after I picked up my shoes and then I make my way to the front door. I am just about to open the front door when I hear a cough from behind me.

“The door is locked” Channing says when I turn around to face her. “It usually is at five in the morning.”

“This isn’t what it looks like” I say with a nervous chuckle. I probably look as guilty as hell.

“Its five in the morning, you are tiptoeing through the house with no shoes on, you are wearing my sister’s clothes and you have a guilty look on your face” Channing recounts. “But it isn’t what it looks like, right?”

“It isn’t, I didn’t sleep with your sister” I say.

“So, what? Did you just drop by this early to borrow some clothes?”

“I spent the night, just not in the way you think” I say. “Christen and I had a lot to talk about last night, to clear the air, and it got late so we must’ve fell asleep.”

“If it was so innocent then why are you sneaking away so early with such a guilty look on your face?” Channing asks. Why do these Press women never give up?

“I have to meet my brother” I say.

“At five in the morning?” Channing says in disbelief.

“Yeah, we are going fishing” I lie. I am only leaving so early because I wanted to avoid anyone knowing I was here to save Chris the embarrassment of having to explain to her family. I even left Christen a note to explain. I only look guilty because I feel bad that Christen will probably have to explain everything.

“Look Tobin, I know she hurt you” Channing says gently. “But please don’t use this as a chance to get back at her.”

“I’m not… I wouldn’t…” I say. “Chris, she’s…”

“Channing?” I hear Christen’s faint voice before she comes around the corner. “Who are you talk… oh Tobin” Christen says, looking at me in surprise. “I thought you left, I got your note” Christen says as she waves the piece of paper around.

“I should’ve left by now but your sister ambushed me” I tell Christen. “She thought I was sneaking out.”

“Can you give us a minute Chan?”

“Sure” Channing answers to her sister before she walks away.

“You didn’t need to leave this early” Christen tells me. “It is no one else’s business why you were here.”

“I wanted to avoid any awkward encounters” I say truthfully. “We talked about a lot of stuff last night, it was a bit overwhelming.”

“I know, I feel the same” Christen says.

“I can’t deny I have feelings for you because I do, I always have” I say truthfully. “There’s still Rhian and there’s still my broken heart.”

“I understand Tobin, I am not going to force you to do anything you are not comfortable with.”

“I know I need to break up with Rhian and I know that I need to spend time by myself before I can even think about us, if there is even an us” I say. “I hope you don’t think I am leading you on or giving you mixed signals.”

“Tobin, I understand” Christen says with a soft smile. “We needed to talk further and we did that last night. Just because our talk was a success and we got some clarity doesn’t mean that I think we are going to get back together. I love you Tobin but I love you enough to let you figure things out for yourself, I don’t want to complicate your life any further.”

“Thanks” I say gratefully.

“If you need me then I am always there for you, I just want us to be friends” Christen tells me. “I don’t want to mess with your head. If you ever want to be with me again then I want you to work that out for yourself, it wouldn’t be fair of me to make you feel pressured to make a choice.”

“I feel like I am betraying Rhian by admitting to you that I have feelings for you before I even talk to Rhian” I say. “You still make my heart race and that’s why I feel guilty, I am feeling all of these things for you and my girlfriend is in a completely different state with no clue that I’ve just spent the night with you.”

“All we did was talk Tobin, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I did though Chris” I say regretfully. “I may not have physically cheated on Rhian but I emotionally cheated on her. I bared my whole soul to you, I told you everything I felt. I’ve never told Rhian that type of information, we don’t talk about deep stuff.”

“Tobin…”

“I think it is best if we don’t contact each other until we meet up in camp, I don’t need another reason to feel guilty” I say sadly. “I need to talk to Rhian and do everything properly, I can’t lead her on any more than I already have.”

“I guess I will see you in camp then” Christen shrugs. “Take care Tobin.”

“You too” I reply, trying to peel my eyes away from the woman who clearly still rules my heart.

“I… eh… keys” Christen says as she breaks us out of our staring. “I need to find keys to let you leave. Give me two minutes.”

“Ok” I say with a nod.


	9. Let It Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James Bay - Let It Go

“Alex stop screaming down the phone at me, I don’t know what you are saying” I say annoyed as I balance my phone between my ear and shoulder while I manoeuvre my suitcase into the hotel.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to shout” Alex says. “I just was a little shocked.”

“Things haven’t felt right for a while” I say as I make my way into the lobby.

“I know you were feeling down I just never realised you were going to break up with Rhian” Alex says. “Are you sure about this, it seems a little sudden.”

“I’m sure” I answer. “When are you arriving here, I don’t see anyone else.”

“It isn’t like you to be so punctual Tobs.”

“I know, right?” I say with a small laugh.

“I am waiting for Serv to pick me up and then I will be there” Alex says.

“Ok, talk to you later.”

“Bye” Alex replies and then I hang up and make my way over to the reception desk to check in. It really isn’t like me to be the first one to arrive at camp.

“What’s up Tobster?” I hear Kelley’s loud voice from behind me causing me to turn around.

“Nothing, it’s good to see ya KO” I reply.

“Likewise” Kelley says with a smile before she turns to look behind her. “Hurry up Press.”

“Yes” Christen snaps, appearing out of nowhere. “I can’t believe you just left me to pay that cab fare while you ran in here because you saw Tobin.”

“She’s been in a bad mood all day Tobs” Kelley whispers to me but by the look on Christen’s face, Christen heard Kelley as well. “Time of the month I suspect” Kelley whispers before Christen smacks her arm.

“Will you shut up?” Christen hisses. “You are really making it your mission to annoy me today.”

“How are you Christen?” I ask with a nervous smile. It’s been a few weeks so it is good to see Chris again.

“I am ok Tobin” Christen answers. “I was doing fantastic until I saw this one at the airport in LA” Christen points to Kelley. “And it all seemed to spiral from there, I had to sit and listen to her while she talked straight for over four hours on the plane and then the whole way from the airport to here.”

“See what I mean Tobster, very cranky today” Kelley says quietly, still not quiet enough though.

“Kelley I can hear every word you are saying to Tobin” Christen says with a shake of her head.

“You are a little tetchy today Press” Kelley says.

“Yes because you are annoying me” Christen says. “I was perfectly fine enjoying some peace and quiet at the airport until you came along and disturbed me.”

“I was bored walking around the airport on my own so when I saw you I thought we could hang out” Kelley says.

“Kelley why don’t you go and get us checked in” I suggest. “Christen and I will be over in a minute.”

“Ok” Kelley says, bouncing her way over to the reception desk.

“Are you ok?” I ask Christen as I move closer to her.

“I’m fine, Kelley is just a lot to handle on your own for almost six hours” Christen says, giving me a small smile. “How are you?”

“I’m ok” I say with a shrug. “I spent some time on my own, done some thinking.”

“Me too” Christen says.

“Remember I said I was going to break up with Rhian…”

“Yeah” Christen nods.

“Well I…”

“TOBIN!!” Kelley shouts. “Look who I found.”

“Oh shit” I mumble when I turn to see who Kelley is standing with… Rhian.

“Surprise babe” Rhian says.

“What the…” I say confused. I’ve only just arrived at the hotel and Rhian is here already. I wanted to put my stuff in my room before I met up with her.

“I know, I’m early again” Rhian says before kissing my cheek. “I just missed you.”

“I eh…” I don’t know what to say, I am completely caught off guard not to mention Chris is standing right next to me.

“I’ve checked the three of us in” Kelley says happily before coming over to Chris, Rhian and me.

“Thanks” Christen says quietly, clearly surprised as well to see Rhian.

“You’ve not met Rhian yet have you Press?” KO asks the forward. “Press this is Tobin’s girlfriend Rhian, and Rhian, this is Christen Press.”

“Hi” Rhian says with a smile. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too” Christen responds warily before looking at me, obviously wondering what the hell is going on.

“Have we met before? You look really familiar” Rhian asks Christen.

“We haven’t met” Christen says shortly before looking at me again.

“Did I say something wrong?” Rhian whispers to me.

“No, of course not” I assure Rhian. “Chris, can I have a quick word?”

“Sure, why not” Christen says slightly angry before she walks off to the side away from Kelley and Rhian.

“We won’t be a minute” I say with a smile before quickly walking over to Christen.

 “That was so rude Christen” I say as I shake my head.

“All I said was that we haven’t met” Christen says with a shrug.

“Your tone though Chris, Rhian was just trying to be nice” I say, taking a deep breath and then sighing.

“Tobin, what’s going on?” Christen asks. “Why is she here?”

“I asked her to meet me here” I say.

“Why did you do that?” Christen asks annoyed. “Why did you ask her to come to camp when you knew I would be here, things are awkward enough as it is Tobin?”

“I didn’t specifically ask her to come to the hotel” I say. “I meant I asked her if we could meet up while we were both in Florida.”

“Tobin, I am so confused” Christen says. “I thought you were going to bre…”

“I am” I interject. “I am going to break up with her Chris but this was the only time I could see her face to face unless I waited until after camp.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve only took this long because I didn’t want to break up over the phone or Skype, I have to tell her in person. She deserves that at least” I say to which Christen nods.

“Ok, I get that Toby” Christen says. “But at national team camp?”

“I know it’s not ideal but what am I supposed to do” I say, letting out another deep sigh. “Avoid Rhian while we are in the same state and prolong the fact that I am going to break her heart. I can’t lead her on.”

“I guess…”

“I have to do it so I can move on and not have this hanging over me while I am trying to work” I say. “I can’t let my personal life affect my national team career and I can’t lead Rhian on and make her think everything is ok between us when it’s not” I say. “I’m a terrible person Chris.”

“You’re not a terrible person” Christen tells me.

 “Rhian means a lot to me” I admit truthfully. That’s why I have to be tactful when breaking up with her. “I have to do this right, she was there for me during a time that I needed her.”

“Tobin if you are having second thoughts…”

“I’m not Chris, you know I hate upsetting people” I say. “I don’t want to hurt her but I can’t not hurt her.”

 “Break ups are never easy” Christen says. “Especially when you care about the person so much.”

“I don’t even know where to begin, how do you tell someone you really care about that you are breaking up with them because you would rather be alone?” I ask. “That’s like saying I would rather be single than be with you.”

“You are being a little overdramatic” Christen tells me. “Talk from the heart Tobin, tell her how much she means to you, how you appreciate her… tell her how you really feel. She deserves honesty.”

“Honesty?” I question. “Oh yeah, sorry Rhian I care about you deeply but I’m a little bit messed up, I still love my ex and I don’t love myself so I need time to find myself. Take care though.”

“Don’t be immature, I am trying to help you here” Christen snaps. “I know the truth hurts but in this instance lying using some cliché break up line won’t cut it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I am trying to be a friend to you” Christen says. “Do you really think this is easy for me? I can tell Rhian means a lot to you. Can you not see that the whole reason you are having to do this is because I ruined your life?”

“Chris...”

“No Tobin, if you hadn’t met me then you wouldn’t be here breaking up with someone who seems like a very good person” Christen says. “I am the reason you feel so messed up and confused, I met you, I broke your heart, I messed you up, I reappeared, I messed you up again, I am the cause of all this.”

“If I hadn’t of met you Chris then I’m not sure I would still even have a proper life” I say. “You saved me, meeting you that day nine years ago changed my life. You made me a person again not some figure who floated through life with no direction.”

“We really do complicated so well” Christen says with a sigh, a hint of a smile appearing on her face.

“We really do” I say, letting out a relieved laugh now that the tension has gone. “I better rescue Rhian from Kelley, its bad enough I am going to break up with her but torturing her by leaving her alone with KO is not something that should be added on.”

“What were you two talking about?” Kelley asks before throwing a nut up in the air and unsuccessfully catching it.

“Soccer stuff.”

“Damn I missed again” Kelley says, glaring at the nut on the ground.

“Come on you, let’s go and see if we can find anyone else” Christen says pulling Kelley away leaving Rhian and me alone.

“She’s chatty” Rhian says with a laugh.

“Sorry about that” I apologise.

“Anyway I need to run babe, I have a meeting in like an hour” Rhian says. “This was just a flying visit but I booked us a table for drinks later.”

“Rhi… we…”

“I have to run, drinks are at seven babe” Rhian says before kissing my cheek and leaving. This is a real mess, a real fucking mess.

~

As soon as I get to my hotel room I throw myself on the bed and groan. This is going to be a long, torturous day.

“Look alive Tobster, your roomie is here” Kelley shouts as she comes barrelling into the room with Alex. Oh no, please not…

“Don’t worry Tobs, I’m your roommate not KO” Alex says. Oh thank god.

“I am rooming with cranky pants, who is still in a mood by the way” Kelley says as she sits down next to me.

“Who’s cranky pants?” Alex asks. “I didn’t think Ash had arrived yet.”

“Not Ash, Press.”

“Why’s Press in a mood?” Alex asks.

“Something about me disturbing her peace and quiet time, I don’t know Al” Kelley says. “I wasn’t really listening to her.”

“Right” Alex says.

“She threw me out the room so she could do yoga and destress or something” Kelley shrugs. “Where’s the girlfriend Tobster?”

“She had to run to a meeting” I answer solemnly.

“Don’t look so sad, you will get to see her and kiss her soon” Kelley tells me with a smile.

“That’s not why I’m sad Kel” I say.

“Why are you so glum then, you can tell your best bud KO?”

“I am going to break up with Rhian” I say. “It’s not working out.”

“Why not? You two are so cute together” Kelley says.

“Being with someone is not supposed to be because you look good together, it’s about how you feel” I say. “I care about Rhian but I don’t see a future for us. We have fun and stuff but I am not in love with her.”

“Not everyone falls in love at the same rate Tobs” Alex tells me.

“There’s still plenty of time for you to fall in love with her” Kelley adds.

“I am not going to fall in love with her… ever” I say before looking at my best friends. “I know it won’t happen.”

“How do you know that?” Alex asks. “How do you know it will never happen?”

“I know what being in love feels like” I say. “With Rhian, I know there is no spark. There is no deep romance between us, everything is just fun and light.”

“Fun and light is good though, right Al?” Kelley says.

“Absolutely” Alex agrees.

“There’s no passion anymore” I say.

“Everyone has a little trouble performing, it’s a phase” Kelley says. “It will pass.”

“Performing… what?” I ask confused.

“You know?” Kelley winks. “Passion.”

“I didn’t mean passion as in sex, I meant passion as in strong, deep feelings of love” I say. “Being in love is about having a deep connection with someone, doing anything for them, allowing each other to be yourselves, putting your partner first, it’s about you and them.”

“Tobin I didn’t think you were into that sort of thing” Kelley says. “I thought you liked the whole fun, non-complicated thing.”

“I did” I say. “I liked it because it took my mind off what I was really missing, it made me forget that I no longer had that strong bond with someone that I used to have.”

“I am confused slightly” Kelley says.

“The day my ex-girlfriend broke up with me was the day I lost faith in love and the whole being in love thing” I say. “I liked the non-complexity of being with Rhian because it made me forget and cover up the pain of what I had and lost.”

“Is this the chick who broke your heart and ran off to Europe or whatever?” Kelley bluntly asks.

“Yeah” I say. “I was in love with her, the feelings I have for Rhian are miniscule compared for what I feel for _her_.” I look at my friends. “I can’t string Rhian along when I know she can’t give me what I want and she can’t be who I want her to be. Mostly importantly though, I can’t be who she wants. I am not the person for her.”

“Tobin, do you still love your ex?” Alex asks. “Is that why you are breaking up with Rhian?”

“I am breaking up with Rhian because she deserves someone who can give her the world, she deserves someone who will put her first and not someone who will just settle” I say. “She deserves better than me. It doesn’t matter whether I still have feelings for my ex or not, Rhian still deserves more than I can give her.”

“You can’t keep living in the past Tobs” Alex says. “Even if Rhian wasn’t in the equation here I would still tell you that.”

“I am in love with Chris and as long as I feel that way then there is no chance for anyone else” I say. “I am not saying I am going to automatically jump back into a relationship with my ex because I need to work on being Tobin again but once I find myself ad figure out what I want, if I still love Chris then I will be with her.”

“You are making this sound so simple” Kelley says. “That girl… Chris is that the name” I nod at Kelley’s question. “This Chris chick broke your heart and from what I hear from people you were absolutely distraught.”

“I was but that’s because I didn’t understand it back then, I understand it now though” I say. “I know why she did it and I know that it was the right thing to do. I was distraught but so was she, we were both heartbroken but it was the only way we could save what we had prior to that.”

“Tobin, are you in contact with her?” Alex asks. “How long?”

“It doesn’t matter how long, what matters is that the longer I let my relationship with Rhian go on the more I am hurting her” I say. “I’ve always knew deep down that Rhian and I weren’t meant to last. Even you were sceptical about us at first Alex.”

“Yeah but then you seemed to fit together” Alex says. “This ex of yours better not have brainwashed you.”

“Even if I was in love with Rhian, we would still want different things” I say. “I want a family when I finish soccer, I want kids and a big house by the beach. Rhian wants to take over her dad’s company and build an empire while travelling the world.”

“If you think you are doing the right thing then we will stand by you Tobs” Alex assures me.

“I second that, we just want you happy” Kelley says.

“Thanks guys” I say with a smile.

“I stand by what I said to you two years ago Tobin, I still want to kill your ex for breaking your heart.”

“If I can forgive her then you can too” I say, nipping the skin on Alex’s arm causing her to rub it.

“We will see” Alex answers before playfully hitting me because I hurt her.

“Is your ex still involved in soccer?” Kelley asks.

“Yeah, very much so” I answer.

“I feel hungry, does anyone know when dinner…” Alex begins after her stomach rumbles.

“Kelley are you in here?” I hear Hope’s voice as the door opens revealing Hope and Christen. “Oh you are… great.”

“What’s up babe?”

“I came to your room but Press said you went to Alex’s room so she led me here” Hope says. “I wanted to see if you fancied a walk.”

“Sure babe” Kelley says before kissing Hope’s cheek and bidding us goodbye.

“Ok what…” Christen starts but I cut her off.

“They are a thing.”

“Since when were Hope and Kelley a thing, how do I not know this?” Christen asks shocked.

“Come on Press, are you telling me you didn’t know” Alex says.

“I really really didn’t.”

“Wow, you really are in a world of your own sometimes” Alex says.

“I’ve just spent the better part of six hours with Kelley and she never even mentioned it once” Christen says.

“Six hours with a chatty Kelley and she never mentioned, what was she talking about then?” Alex asks surprised.

“The usual rubbish, you know Kelley” Christen says. “Nothing important, mostly soccer talk.”

“I was thinking of going to the gym for an hour before we have our team dinner” Alex says. “Do either of you two want to join me?”

“No thanks, I better head back to my room” Christen says. “See you both at dinner later.”

“See ya Press” Alex says.

“Wait up” I say as I follow Christen to the door. “This is yours.”

“What is it?” Christen asks, taking the item from my hand.

“It’s the clothes you let me borrow when we were in LA” I say. “I thought I better return them.”

“Ok, thanks” Christen says.

“So… see you at dinner?”

“I will see you then Tobin” Christen smiles at me and then leaves.

~

“Dinner time dinner time, let’s do this” Kelley shouts as she enters my room.

“Keep it down Kelley” Alex says annoyed. “I am on the phone.”

“Come on you, let’s leave Alex in peace” I say as I usher Kelley out the door. “Alex can join us when she is finished on the phone.”

“Ok” Kelley says as we walk into the hallway. “Is she on the phone to her lover?” Kelley asks with a playful wink. “Orrrr perhaps its Servando.”

“Ha-ha, very funny” I say sarcastically. “Stop making jokes about that though, you know Servando can be a little insecure at times.”

“He’s clingy not insecure Tobs” Kelley says with a scoff. “He needs to man up.”

“Leave him alone Kelley, I don’t get your problem with him” I say with a sigh. “Is it because he tried to set you up with his brother millions of years ago?”

“I’m a lesbian Tobin.”

“He didn’t know that though, give the dude a break” I say before we enter the elevators.

“Ok fine” Kelley replies before she turns to look at me, a serious look on her face. “Can I ask you something personal?”

“Eh… sure” I answer, slightly nervous by how serious Kelley looks.

“You know I am dating Hope right?”

“Yeah, I think nearly everyone knows” I answer. “Why?”

“I am not a very serious person so trying to get me to have a serious conversation is hard” Kelley says. “How do I… I mean what do I… Tobin I’m in love with her…. but we’re teammates, what if that is… what if she doesn’t feel that strongly about me?”

“You have to tell her the truth Kelley, especially since you are teammates” I answer. I know Hope is in love with Kelley, she told me so, but it’s not my place to tell Kelley that. “Honesty is really important, you knew you were teammates when you started dating so there must have been some semblance that it could turn into something serious.”

“So you don’t think I will ruin my relationship with her if I tell her?” Kelley asks.

“I don’t think you will, no” I clarify. “Just keep doing what you’re doing, keep it professional when it needs to be.”

“Ok cool” Kelley nods. “I was going to ask Ali or Ash this because they’ve been through this but I kinda suspected something was up with them, they seem off with one another.”

“I got that vibe too at the last camp” I say with a nod.

“Anyway, how are you feeling?” Kelley asks. “Are you meeting Rhian after dinner?”

“Yup and I am shitting myself, I don’t want to hurt her” I say.

“Trust me Tobs keeping the relationship going when you are not feeling it would probably hurt her more than breaking up with her today” Kelley tells me. “It won’t be easy but these things never are.”

“I know.”

“Have any of you seen Moe?” Kling asks us as soon as the elevator doors open.

“Yeah” Kelley answers. “I saw her in Georgia a couple of weeks ago.”

“I meant have you seen her today?”

“Then no, I haven’t” Kelley says before we all head in to get dinner.

~

“Hi babe, I am so sorry I am late” Rhian says as she sits down across from me.

“It’s ok” I say nervously.

“I have had the day from hell Tobin” Rhian says, downing the vodka and coke in two gulps.

“Oh really” the nerves evident in my voice.

“My dad’s an ass, he made a right fool of me in the meeting” Rhian says. “The sooner he retires the better.”

“Right” I say, unsure of where to start with this conversation.

“Are you ok?” Rhian asks. “You seem off, you’ve seemed off for the last few weeks.”

“Can we go somewhere a bit more private?” I ask, receiving a nod from Rhian before we make our way over to a quiet spot.

“Rhian we need to talk” I say gently. “About us…”

“What about us?” Rhian asks apprehensively.

“I really care about you Rhian, you are an amazing person…”

“I freaked you out when I told you that I was in love with you” Rhian says. “Tobin, I am not expecting you to say it back. You don’t have to.”

“I couldn’t say it back to you even if I wanted to” I say gently. “You deserve someone who can say it back to you and loves you as much as you should be loved.”

“Tobin, please don’t do this” Rhian says, grabbing my hand.

“I am not right for you Rhian” I say gently.

“Tobin, where has all this come from?” Rhian asks. “We just spent time together in LA a few weeks ago, you showed me where you grew up.”

“I’ve been doing some thinking for a while, you deserve someone better than me” I say.

“Don’t I get to choose what type of person I deserve” Rhian asks annoyed. “This relationship is between both of us, you can’t just call the shots.”

“Rhian I love you as a person and I have loved every minute we have spent together” I say, placing my hand gently on Rhian’s knee. “I just… we want different things, the differences between us is beginning to show.”

“Tobin I know we are different and see life in a different way but that’s what makes us work” Rhian says.

“It makes us work just now but what about in the future?” I ask. “When you take over your dad’s company, where do you see yourself?”

“Obviously I would need to move to New York, travel around the country a lot” Rhian says. “We’ve done long distance before babe when you were in France, we can do it again.”

“After you left LA, I spent some time on my own and managed to do a lot of thinking” I say. “Being back in LA for more than just a few days made me realise that LA is my future, LA is where I want to end my soccer career when the time comes.”

“That’s not for a while yet though, we don’t have to think about that now” Rhian says. “Let’s just live in the moment, like we always do. Let’s have fun.”

“I don’t know who I am anymore Rhian” I admit truthfully. “I thought I was this laid back woman who goes with the flow, takes life as it comes but I’m not.”

“What do you mean?” Rhian asks confused.

“I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not” I say, looking Rhian in the eyes. “Seeing my family again, spending time with my old friends from high school… it made me realise how much I long to be who I was.”

“Let me get this right, you want to break up with me because you’ve been pretending to be someone you’re not and now you’re bored?” Rhian asks, a bit of bite in her tone.

“It’s not like that, I want to be me Rhian” I say. “The real me.”

“Then be the real you, I won’t stop you.”

“The real me isn’t the person you want to be with though” I say.

“Stop acting like you know what I want, I am in love with you Tobin. YOU.”

“You are in love with a version of me, not actually me.”

“You are really annoying me now, I am not some child” Rhian snaps. “I know who the fuck I am in love with.”

“You’re a city girl who loves the rush and hectic lifestyle, I grew up in a quiet town with peacefulness” I say. “You like going to fancy restaurants and fancy dinner parties, I like laidback restaurants and dinner with my friends where I don’t need to wear an evening gown.”

“Tobin, I get it ok” Rhian says. “We’re different but it doesn’t mean we are not compatible.”

“Rhian, I am not in love with you” I say gently. “It wouldn’t be fair of me to be with you when we both know we feel different things for one another.”

“Is there something else going on because this feels weird?” Rhian asks. “This feels too sudden.”

“I had been thinking for a while but being back in my home town was what made me realise what I really want.”

“And that clearly isn’t me” Rhian says harshly.

“I’m sorry” I apologise. “I don’t mean to hurt you, I am sorry that I never picked up on this sooner before things got to this point.”

“Is there someone else?” Rhian asks.

“What… no” I answer, slightly taken aback by the sudden question.

“I am sorry but I just find it a little hard to believe that a town can make you realise what you want, it’s a town for fucks sake” Rhian says angrily.

“It was being home again, it reminded me of the life I could have when I’m older” I say. “I want to give my kids the same life I had growing up.”

“A town can’t make you break up with your girlfriend Tobin” Rhian states. “Who is she?”

“Who?” I ask.

“Is it one of your high school friends?” Rhian asks. “I didn’t even know you were still in touch with people from high school.”

“You did know I was in touch with them” I say, dreading where the conversation may head. “You’ve even met Josh, one of my best friends.”

“Tobin, if there is someone else I would prefer that you told me.”

“There isn’t someone else” I say.

“Is it your ex?” Rhian asks. “It is isn’t it?”

“Rhian, I…”

“Your face changed completely when I said ex” Rhian says, looking a mixture of hurt and angry. “You are still in love with your ex, that’s why you are so adamant that you can’t be with me.”

“Rhian, my ex has nothing to do with me breaking up with you” I say truthfully. Regardless of Christen or not, I was still going to break up with Rhian.

“Did you see her in LA after I left?” Rhian asks but before I can answer more questions come flying at me. “Did you kiss her? Did you sleep with her… you had sex with her didn’t you?”

“No I didn’t” I say a little louder than intended. “I didn’t cheat on you Rhian.”

“But you thought about it?”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, I wouldn’t do that to anyone” I say honestly. “I know you are hurt Rhian but I promise I made this decision based on us, no one else was involved.”

“If it has nothing to do with anyone else then why can’t we work things out?” Rhian asks sadly.

“We want different things Rhian” I say. “Not just small things, our futures don’t even match.”

“We are young Tobin, we don’t need to think about that now” Rhian says.

“I am ready to look to my future, I’m twenty-six now” I say, looking at Rhian again. “All my friends are settling down, my sister has a boyfriend, my other sister has a husband and a son, my brother has been with his girlfriend for years. I want what they have.”

“We can have that together” Rhian says pleadingly.

“Rhian you are twenty-one, you have your whole life ahead of you” I say. “You want fun, I want more than that.”

“No Tobin, I want to be with you” Rhian says. “If you just give it time then you maybe you will fall in love with me.”

“Rhian…” I sigh out. “There is no changing my mind.”

“I just… I don’t get it Tobin, I thought we were happy.”

“I’m sorry” I say sadly.

“So am I” Rhian responds while standing up. “I’m sorry I ever wasted my time on you, you are no different than all the other people who have screwed me over.”

“Rhian, wait…”

“Go to hell Tobin.” And with that Rhian storms out.

~

“Hey Heath” Ashlyn says as I walk into the hotel lobby,

“Hey” I answer.

“Some of us are going for a walk, wanna come?” Ashlyn asks.

“No thanks, I think I am just going to chill in my room for a bit” I answer. “It’s been a long night.”

“I wouldn’t go to your room if you are looking for peace and quiet” Ashlyn tells me. “I’ve just left there, Allie was wedding planning with Alex, Ali, Alyssa, Kelley and whoever else she dramatically texted for help.”

“Oh right” I say. I was looking forward to having a nap if I’m being honest.

“Syd and I have managed to sneak out so we are going for a walk” Ashlyn tells me. “Its crazy up there, Alex doesn’t like the flowers Allie’s picked and now Allie’s panicking.”

“Thanks for the heads up” I say gratefully.

“See ya later Heath.”

“Bye.”

As I am walking upstairs I see Christen walking down the hallway.

“Hi” Christen says.

“Hey” I reply, stopping in front of Christen.

“Have you seen Kelley?” Christen asks.

“I haven’t seen her but I bumped into Ash and she mentioned she was in my room helping plan Allie’s wedding” I answer.

“Right” Christen answers. “I got a text from Alex earlier asking if I could help if I was free but I felt a bit weird if I were to help, I don’t really know Allie or Alex that well.”

“You made the right choice by not helping” I say before chuckling. “Alex and Allie in a room together talking about weddings is enough to make anyone crazy.”

“Yeah” Christen laughs. “Should you not be joining them, you are the maid of honour.”

“It’s probably best I don’t join in, my ideas are not nearly diva enough to suit my best friends” I say with a smile.

“I don’t imagine they would be” Christen says teasingly.

“I broke up with Rhian” I say quietly.

“How did it go?” Christen asks nervously.

“It’s a break up so probably as best as it could” I say. “I hate that I hurt her Chris but I suppose it was the right thing to do.”

“Is she ok?”

“She stormed off but she had every right to I guess” I say, taking a seat on one of the couches in the hallway. “She has every right to be angry.”

“Breakups are horrible” Christen adds.

“Our breakup was on another scale” I say.

“That was the worst day of my life” Christen says.

“Mine too” I say with a sigh.

“Do you want to go get some coffee?” Christen asks.

“Still a caffeine addict Press?” I ask with a smile.

“Something like that, come on” Christen says with a smile. “You look like a coffee would really help you.”

~

“Just try it Tobin” Christen says laughing as she shoves her coffee towards me. “Please.” We decided to go on the short walk to Starbucks rather than drink anymore of the hotel’s rubbish coffee.

“I don’t like fancy coffees Chris, what’s wrong with a good old fashioned flat white” I ask.

“One sip, that’s all” Christen asks and I eventually give in and take a sip. “Thoughts?”

“I will stick to my own” I say with a smile.

“Fine” Christen shrugs. “Are you looking forward to training?”

“Yeah, I just want to get out there again” I answer. “I am looking forward to playing Japan, it will be a good test for us.”

“Japan are always a good test” Christen says.

“How’s the hip holding up?” I ask.

“Yeah its good, hopefully I get some minutes over the two games” Christen answers.

“I am sure you will” I assure Christen. “Want to head back to the hotel?”

“We probably should” Christen says. “We’ve got two training sessions tomorrow.”

“Let’s go” I say with a smile as we walk back to the hotel. “Hopefully all the wedding planning has ceased and I can finally get some rest in my room.”

“At least your roommate will let you get some peace” Christen says with a laugh.

“That’s true” I respond with a smile. “Thanks Chris” I say gently.

“What for?” Christen asks with a nervous smile.

“For distracting me tonight, I needed it after what happened with Rhian” I reply before smiling at Christen. “It feels good to be around you again.”

“I’ve missed you Tobin” Christen tells me. “I don’t know how things are going to work out but I do know I want you in my life, even if it is just as friends just now.”


	10. Hall of Fame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hall of Fame by The Script

“Ah… she finally returns” Alex says as I walk into the room.

“Yeah” I nod. “After I met Rhian I went for a walk.”

“How’d it go?” Alex asks with a small frown.

“You know, it’s a break-up” I say with a shrug. “It’s not exactly going to go smoothly.”

“Was she angry?”

“No Alex, she was jumping for joy” I reply sarcastically. “I really don’t want to talk about it, I feel like a horrible person.”

“Ok, I get it” Alex says, nodding her head. “FYI, you’re not a horrible person.”

“Thanks.”

“Open up, its Kelley” I hear shouted followed by a bang on the door.

“What’s up?” I ask when I open the door.

“I think I left my room key in here and I don’t think my roomie is back” Kelley says as I move out of the way to let her in.

“Christen’s back, I was just with her and I walked her to your room” I say, slightly confused.

“She isn’t answering when I knock on the door so I need my key” Kelley says. “Where could I have left it?”

“Check the table by the window” I say as I take a quick look around the room. “Hold on, I’ve got it.”

“Thanks Tobs” Kelley says as she grabs the key from me. “Christen must be in the shower or something.”

“Must be.”

“How did it go?” Kelley asks.

“I will tell you tomorrow” I say with a sigh. “Alex and Christen have both asked but I don’t really want to discuss it.”

“That’s cool Tobster, see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow” I say with a wave after I walk Kelley to the door.

“Bye KO” Alex shouts from the bathroom.

“G’night.”

~

It has been a hard week and a half of training but I’m glad of that. I like that I could just throw myself into my soccer and try to forget any personal issues I have been having. My intent for this camp is to get my football back on track, I haven’t played since my last game at PSG all those weeks ago so to say I am more than ready to play would be an understatement.

As we are lining up for the national anthems I can feel my blood pumping through my body, even in a friendly this team still treats it like a final. There is nothing like the feeling of playing for your country, especially when you are facing one of the best teams in the world.

“Let’s go and win this” Becky shouts after we have our team huddle.

“Come on” Alex’s scream follows a few other screams from my teammates.

From the very start of the match the competitiveness and drive was showing from both teams. It was constant pressure and fight. That’s what we need though.

“Nice goal by the way Tobster” Kelley tells me as we walk back to the locker room at half time.

“Thanks” I reply. “It was a good ball from Crystal, all I had to do was get it on target.”

“Don’t be so modest” Kelley tells me.

“We are still down two to one though” I say.

“Don’t worry, we will pull it back” Kelley assures me. “There is no way Hope is being scored on again, did you see her face after the second one went in?”

“She looked like she was going to kill you” I say.

“I don’t blame her, I can’t believe I let that forward in behind me” Kelley says angrily. “She was too quick for me.”

“Don’t worry about it, we all know you won’t get caught again.”

“I certainly won’t, let’s go inside and see what the coach has to say” Kelley says, leading the way into the locker room.

“You ladies played ok out there but we need to be tighter this half” Jill tells us. “There were too many loose balls. If you lose the ball, get it back immediately. Quick turnovers are what we are aiming for.”

“Yes coach” We all shout.

“How’s the ankle?” I ask Alex. Alex took a bit of a rough knock just after Japan scored their first goal.

“It’s ok, I’m not playing the second half” Alex tells me. “The trainer has told me to ice it and rest otherwise I will only make it worse.”

“That sucks” I say sadly.

“I know, coach is putting Press on instead which is good” Alex says with a smile. “Did you see those shots she was hitting in training, the girl is certainly ready for this camp?”

“She looks healthy again” I say, momentarily distracted by looking over at Christen who is having an animated conversation with Ali and JJ.

“I was in my junior year of college and we were playing Stanford, I think it must’ve been Press’s senior year” Alex starts. “It was the thirtieth minute and out of nowhere Press hit this booming shot from nothing right into the upper ninety.”

“Yeah I know, I was there” I say proudly. That was one of the few games I got to see Chris play live when she was in college. She played awesome that day.

“You were there?” Alex asks surprised.

“Yeah, some of my high school friends and I travelled up for the game” I say. “Quarter finals, right?”

“Yeah” Alex says. “I can’t believe Stanford won that day.”

“It was a good game to watch actually, both teams were playing really well” I say. The game was pretty good, obviously I was rooting for my girlfriend’s team but as an unbiased spectator it was probably one of the best college games I’ve watched.

“Did I ever play you in college?” Alex asks, looking deep in thought.

“You might have, I don’t really remember” I say with a laugh. I am not really one for remembering these types of things, I only remember playing against my friends if we were friends at the time or if the game had a deep meaning to it. Alex probably would’ve been two years below me in college so our paths never crossed until we were both on the national team. I’ve played that many games over my career that it’s impossible to remember.

Once we are all ready we head back out to the pitch so we can get the second half underway.

“Gather round ladies” Becky shouts to get us all to huddle up. Carli gives her usual speech; reaffirms the game plan with us one last time and then we head back onto the field.

“Let’s go Pressi” Kelley screams as she pats Christen on the back. Christen and Allie are the only subs to come on at half time. “Let’s do this Long.”

“Come on” I say with a nod, doing a quick handshake with Allie before fist pumping Christen.

~

Thankfully we managed to end the game with a tight victory of three to two. It wasn’t by any means our best game but we got the victory in the end. Jill took us to a restaurant so we could have dinner and have a quick debrief of the game and then Jill let us free to make our own plans.

Our own plans turned into Kling and Kelley dragging us all to this bar with the promise that it is more for the dancing than the alcohol. We are still in the middle of a camp so I don’t suppose Dawn or any of our coaches would be pleased if we all turned up to training with a hangover tomorrow.

“Hi” I hear from behind me as I sit at a table with Allie.

“Hey… Rhian” I say, feeling really awkward. I didn’t know she was still in Florida.

“Oh jeez, I think I just saw someone I know” Allie says before quickly departing, leaving me alone with Rhian. With Alex and Kelley’s big mouths, it didn’t take long for word to spread around the team that I had broken up with Rhian.

“Tobin, can we talk?” Rhian asks me.

“Eh… ok” I answer, following Rhian over to a separate table.

“I watched your game today, you played awesome” Rhian tells me.

“Thanks” I say politely. I really don’t know what to say to Rhian. “How are you?” I ask. It’s only been just under two weeks since we split up.

“Ok I guess, you?”

“Yeah, ok” I shrug.

“I am sorry for storming out the other night” Rhian apologises but I wave it off.

“You don’t need to apologise, I get it.”

“I miss you Tobin.”

“I miss you too” I answer honestly.

“Probably not in the same way that I miss you though?” Rhian asks. “Tobin, what happened? We were good.”

“You deserve someone better Rhian” I say with a sigh. “The differences between us is too big now, it started out as fun and light hearted but then things got serious and deep down we both know it would never work.”

“Can’t we work on our differences?” Rhian asks. “I know I am acting pathetic but you are the first woman that’s ever made me feel this way, you are different from my exes. I am not just going to throw away something I think is worth fighting for.”

“I can’t fight for us Rhian” I say. “For the last few months I have been trying to fight but I am too tired, I just want to be me.”

“You can be you and be with me” Rhian says. “I know long distance is hard sometimes but we aren’t always apart.”

“It isn’t the long distance Rhi, I can handle that” I say. “It’s the other aspects of our relationship, we want completely different things. I’m getting older now.”

“You’re twenty six Tobin, it’s hardly old” Rhian tells me. “I know it is hard to have a proper relationship when we are both traveling all the time but that will settle down eventually.”

“I know that but for me that will be a lot sooner than you, our relationship was getting to the point where we had to force ourselves to arrange time together.”

“That’s not true” Rhian disagrees.

“Rhian, I know you didn’t want to be in France a few months ago when you could’ve been at that meeting with your dad” I say. “I also know that when you spent a week with me in LA, you could’ve stayed another week. Your dad didn’t need you back so soon.”

“I just…”

“I am not blameless either, I could’ve flew to New York more, I could’ve spent longer with you after my last national team camp. There are so many times when we both could have made more of an effort” I say.

“Maybe we weren’t as invested as we should’ve been but we still supported each other when it mattered” Rhian says. “We just need to work harder.”

“I don’t think it’s a case of that Rhian, we both know we are not who we were at the beginning of our relationship” I say. “You know what I am saying is true.”

“I… how did I not notice this?” Rhian asks with a sigh, suddenly processing what I am saying. “I used to buy you a gift every month and then I just stopped… why?”

“The same reason that I stopped buying us a plane ticket each month so we could have our monthly date night together… we gave up” I answer. “We didn’t mean it, it just happened.”

“This is really it then, this is how it ends?” I nod my head at Rhian’s question. “How could I be so blinded by this, I should’ve seen this happening?”

“We were both too busy to realise, our lives always ran parallel to one another but they never intertwined” I say. “This doesn’t mean that I didn’t care about you Rhian because I did, I still do.”

“I know” Rhian says. “I guess I was more into the idea of being in love rather than actually being in love with you as a person.”

“When you fall in love with that girl who is the one for you then what you felt for me won’t even enter your mind” I say. “She’s out there, I know she is.”

“How do you know all this stuff about love and being in love?” Rhian asks.

“Experience I guess” I answer with a soft chuckle.

“Your ex, you were a lot more serious about her than you led me to believe” Rhian asks but I know it is more of a statement than a question. “Your relationship with your ex ending was a bigger deal than just her hurting you, right?”

“Yeah” I say quietly.

“Why did you never tell me the whole story?” Rhian asks. “All I know is that you were together for a number of years and then she left you.”

“You were my girlfriend, you were probably the last person who would want to hear about my relationship with my ex” I say, a soft smile on my face. “I wanted to forget about all the hurt and what I lost, talking about it would only bring that back.”

“I would’ve listened you know.”

“I know you would’ve Rhian but being with you should’ve been enough to erase the pain” I say softly.

“That’s why you knew we weren’t working out, you didn’t feel for me what you felt for her.”

“I wasn’t comparing you two, it wasn’t like that at all…”

“I didn’t mean to imply that you were, I just meant that you know what a good healthy relationship should feel like and that wasn’t us” Rhian says.

“I’m sorry” I apologise again.

“Don’t be, I get it now” Rhian says truthfully. “Our relationship fizzled out, truthfully I think it fizzled out a while ago and we’ve been acting like best friends not girlfriends for a while now.”

“Thank you for the times we had, I mean it when I say that. You were there for me at times when no one else was” I say, squeezing Rhian’s hand.

“Ditto, I don’t regret you being in my life even though I am super sad” Rhian says.

“The woman you are going to truly fall in love with is out there. Meet and fight for her Rhian.”

“Yeah” Rhian nods. “I would say the same to you but I think you’ve already met your one true love.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry Tobin, you don’t need to” Rhian says. “I am a big girl, I can handle this.”

“I know you’re strong, that’s what drew me to you.”

“How serious were you with your ex?” Rhian asks.

“Very serious, I had it all worked out how I was going to propose to her” I say. “I only had to buy the ring and pick when to do it. My biggest decision was whether to do it right away with a cheaper ring or whether to wait until I could afford a decent ring” I say with a smile. “That’s how serious it was.”

“At twenty-two you wanted to propose?” Rhian asks, looking a little shocked.

“Yes, I really did.”

“Our differences are really that big, I guess you were right” Rhian says before chuckling softly. “I thought I was in love with you Tobin but jeez if you proposed to me I would’ve ran a mile.”

“I know you would have” I say. “I know this is going to be awkward for a while but just because we are broken up doesn’t mean that you can’t come to me if you need anything. I still care about you.”

“I know” Rhian says with a nod. “It’s probably best we don’t contact one another for a while because even though I understand it now, I am still hurt.”

“I get that” I reply. “Look after yourself Rhian.”

“You too” Rhian replies before giving me a quick hug. I am not going to say it wasn’t awkward but I am glad we have talked again. “I don’t know exactly what your ex done to hurt you but maybe she’s worth a second chance.” And with that Rhian walks off.

~

“Your girlfriend is over there” Kling says to Christen with a laugh.

“It’s not funny Meghan, why did you need to mention I was single?” Christen asks.

“What’s going on?” I ask confused. After Rhian left I had a quick talk with Alex before we went to join the other girls.

“This woman kept staring at Pressi but Press wouldn’t do anything so Kling went up and gave the woman a drink claiming it was from Press” Kelley says laughing. “Now the woman keeps staring over.”

“Why don’t you two worry about your own love lives or lack thereof in someone’s case Kling” Christen says with a bit of a bite.

“Wow, that hurt Press” Kling says, mockingly offended.

“I am really not interested in dating right now” Christen says.

“It’s been a while since you last dated, never mind had a relationship” Kling says.

“Thank you for that Meghan” Chris says annoyed.

“We live together, I know these things and it worries me.”

“Correction we don’t live together anymore.”

“Maybe not anymore since we are on different teams in Sweden now” Kling says. “I still care about you though, you need to date again.”

“I don’t need to do anything” Christen says, gulping down her glass of water in one sip. “I am going back to the hotel.”

“Don’t storm off” Kelley says.

“I’m not storming anywhere, I am just not in the mood for drinking and dancing tonight” Christen says. “I just want to get an early night before training again tomorrow. I was going to leave when JJ and Ali did anyway.”

“Fair enough” Kling says before adding. “You’re a catch though Press, you should get out dating again.”

“Oh definitely” Kelley adds.

“Right Tobin?” Kling says. “She’s a catch?”

“You’re a catch” I say with a cheeky grin causing Christen to grin. I love it when she smiles.

“Have fun” Christen says with a smile before putting her coat on and standing up.

“I will walk with you, I am not really in the mood for drinking tonight” I say, standing up.

“Come on, not you as well” Kelley complains. “Why is everyone leaving so early?”

“Maybe because we have training tomorrow” I answer. “We won the game today but that doesn’t mean we don’t need to train for the next friendly in a few days.”

“It’s just a couple of drinks” Kelley says.

“Yeah, I am just going to have a beer and then drink water for the rest of the night” Kling says.

“Have fun, goodnight” Christen says with a smile to everyone before I follow her out of the door.

“How are you?” I ask Chris as we walk back to the hotel. “I feel like we have barely spoken to one another this past week.”

“I am good Tobin, I’ve just been trying to give you some space” Christen tells me.

“You don’t have to avoid me you know” I reply.

“I know and I wasn’t, I was just giving you space” Christen says. “You played amazing today.”

“Thanks but what about you; a goal and an assist to win the game for us” I say with a smile. “You really are a talented player Chris.”

“Thanks” Christen says with a slight blush.

“Where did you learn to nutmeg like you did to that poor Japanese left back on a number of occasions tonight?” I ask, a small smile on my face.

“Where do you think Tobin?” Christen asks as she hits my arm lightly. “When I was in college I got fed up of my girlfriend megging me when we would have a kick around so I got her to show me some tricks.”

“Your girlfriend must have felt strongly about you to show you the secrets to her tricks” I say with a smile.

“Yeah well, I showed her some tricks of my own in return so she was pretty happy” Christen says with a playful wink making me blush. In return for showing Christen how to nutmeg and fool other players into which way she was going with the ball Christen promised me a lap dance. She definitely didn’t fail on her promise that night, I can assure you.

“I remember” I say with a smile.

“Me too” Christen replies. Both of us slightly caught up in the memories of our past. “Kelley is planning a movie night tomorrow, are you coming?” Christen breaks our silence.

“That depends on the movie, what is it?”

“Apparently it is a surprise” Christen answers. “She thinks if she reveals the title then some of us will bail and say we don’t like it.”

“I guess I will come but if I don’t like it then I will bail, you know me I get twitchy when I’m bored” I say, smiling at Christen’s laughter. “Why is that funny Press?”

“It not really that funny, it just made me think of something funny” Christen says.

“What did it make you think of?” I ask.

“That time we went to that Art museum in North Carolina when I came down to visit you” Christen says. “You were that bored you tried to convince me that the place was haunted and tried to tell me there was no paintings left to see on four occasions.”

“Chris, it was an art gallery” I say. “You know I hate all that stuff. I tried to suck it up for you as much as possible but it was five hours of walking around looking at colors on a page.”

“Colors on a page, that’s harsh Toby.”

“I have a lot of respect for artists and what they do but that was five hours of my day that I will never get back” I say.

“I know exactly how you feel Tobin” Christen says. “Remember that six hour bus trip you took us on so we could attend that soccer camp but you took us on the wrong weekend and the camp wasn’t on until the following week.”

“Planning was never my strong point” I say with a laugh. “We made it a good weekend though, right?” I ask with a wink. “If I remember correctly we barely left the hotel room.”

“I guess it turned out ok in the end.”

“You guess?” I ask with a cheeky smile.

“It was an amazing weekend, every memory we shared together was amazing” Christen responds.

“Even the bad memories like when I threw up in your car” I ask with a frown.

“Maybe not the disgusting ones Toby” Christen says. “You did really make it up to me though.”

“I had to, I had never been more embarrassed and ashamed in my life” I say, laughing nervously.

“Really, what about that time your dad walked in on us having sex?” Christen asks.

“Jeez Chris, I had actually forgot about that” I say. “Why did you have to remind me?”

“Trust me, I would much prefer you throwing up in my car to anyone walking in on us, especially one of our parents” Christen says. “I was mortified Tobin, I couldn’t look your dad in the eye for at least a year.”

“My dad got over it pretty quick” I say, nothing seems to embarrass my dad.

“I didn’t Tobin, I was horrified.”

“It wasn’t that bad, we were pretty well covered and it was dark” I say. “My dad done the same thing to Jeff a few years later, my dad clearly wasn’t able to comprehend that when one of his kids are alone in their bedroom with their girlfriend it doesn’t mean they are playing Uno all the time.”

“Yeah” Christen says with a laugh. As if right on cue we end up outside my hotel room.

“This is me” I say, pointing my thumb at the hotel room.

“Goodnight Tobin, sleep well.”

“Night Chris” I reply, kissing Christen’s cheek. I don’t know where that came from, it was just instinctive.

“Bye” Christen smiles, watching me walk inside.

As soon as I close the door I take a deep breath; what an eventful day. First it was the game and then there was Rhian and now there’s Chris; the woman I will always be connected to.

~

“What are we watching?” I ask as I enter the room with Alex and Allie. We had a pretty easy day today. Some of us done some light training whereas the rest of us done some recovery and now we have the rest of the day off to relax. Alex and Allie have practically forced me to come to ‘movie night’ as Kelley calls it.

“Guess” Kelley yells.

“At least tell us the genre” Allie says. “We could be here all day.”

“It’s Disney” Cheney says.

“I’m out, I am not watching Disney” I say, trying to head out the room but Alex stops me.

“Just stay, you never know you might like it” Alex says. “Nearly every Disney film is a classic.”

“What Disney film is it?” I ask with a sigh. “If it is Snow White then no, I hate that film.”

“Is it Frozen?” Allie asks excitedly.

“Well done” Kelley says with a smile.

“You gots to stay Toby, Frozen is so cool” Alex says.

“Fine but if I get bored by half an hour then I am leaving” I say.

“Fine” Kelley says before instructing us to all get comfortable before she plays the movie.

“FYI Alex, don’t call me Toby” I warn.

“Whatever” Alex waves it off before looking at Kelley. “Did you kick Christen out of the room or was she not interested?”

“She’s supposed to be here but she got held up when she was running errands” Kelley answers.

“Is this it or is anyone else joining?” A-Rod asks. It’s only Kelley, Cheney, A-Rod, Alex, Allie and me that seem to be here.

“No one else was interested” Kelley answers.

“I don’t blame them” I mumble under my breath.

“Stop moaning” Alex warns me.

“Why do I have to sit and watch a stupid movie when everyone else got to decline?” I complain like a child.

“Because you never watch movies with us anymore and you promised you would” Allie says. “We don’t get to hang out as much anymore.”

“I get it, you guys love me and everyone wants to spend time with me” I say with a smug grin. “I guess I will stay.”

“Just watch the movie” Allie instructs. I nod my head and then go and sit next to A-Rod on what I presume to be Christen’s bed. It’s a lot neater than the bed Allie and Alex are occupying so I presume the messy one is Kelley’s.

“Frozen is not really my thing either” Amy whispers to me. “Ryan has watched it more times than I can count so I’ve lost interest in it.”

“Why are you here then?” I whisper back.

“Same reason we are all here, I miss hanging out with you guys” A-Rod says with a shrug. “Me, you, Cheney and Kelley are the longest standing in the movie group. It’s our thing you know.”

“Yeah” I say with a smile. Sometimes life gets so hectic that you forget all the traditions you started. For example Kelley, Ashlyn and I are the surfing group; Alex, Allie, Kriegs and HAO are the group that always get their nails done during camp; there’s the yoga group and various others.

~

“Whose teddy is this?” Alex asks when she picks up the item when she comes out of the bathroom. “Is it yours or Christen’s?”

“Christen’s” Kelley answers. “She’s had it since she was eighteen or something.”

“It’s cute” Alex says. “It’s like that teddy Tobin has.”

“You have a teddy?” Kelley asks before bursting out laughing.

“Jeez, it’s not that funny” I say, slightly offended.

“I remember that time Ryan stole Tobin’s teddy” Cheney says with a smile. “Thankfully he got bored of it and Tobin eventually got it back.”

“It has sentimental value to me” I say. “My sister gave it to me when I was a kid.”

“Where have you been?” Kelley asks when Christen enters the room.

“Sorry, I lost track of the time” Christen apologises. “Did I miss the full movie?”

“You did” Kelley says.

“Oh well, it’s not like I haven’t seen Frozen before” Christen replies. “Are you watching another movie?”

“That was the plan but we all can’t seem to agree” Alex answers. “Kelley, Tobin and A-Rod want something scary and Allie, Lauren and I want something cheerier.”

“Looks like you have the deciding vote Press” Kelley says. “It’s three each so what’s your decision.”

“What scary movie is it?” Christen asks. “I can watch almost every happy movie but there are some scary movies I don’t like.”

“Christen won’t watch any scary movie so we may as well admit defeat” I say, throwing Christen a cheeky smile. Christen likes to think she can watch a movie and not get scared but she can’t, hence the reason she almost broke my hand by squeezing it too tight when we were nineteen and I took her to the movies to see ‘The Last Exorcism’.

“Actually I will” Christen says stubbornly. “Whatever scary movie you have Kelley, put it on.”

“Trying to prove a point Chris?” I ask teasingly.

“Not at all” Christen answers with a smile.

“Alex where did you put Press’s teddy, she may need it if she gets scared” I say, earning a laugh from most of the group.

“You think you are so funny don’t you?” Christen fires back.

“That’s because I am.”

“Play the movie KO” Christen instructs before she joins me on her bed, taking up the place A-Rod was occupying before she went to sit on the floor.

“I can’t wait to see your face when you get a fright” I whisper to Chris.

“I can’t wait to see your face when you realise I am no longer scared by horror movies” Christen whispers back.

“Bring… it… on” I say, tickling Christen in-between each word.

“Tobin stop” Christen squeals causing the others to look at us.

“She’s practicing her screaming for when she gets scared” I say with a smile before taking a pillow to the face. “Thanks for that Chris.”

“You’re welcome” Christen smirks.

“Are you two quite finished?” Alex asks with a raised eyebrow. “Can we get this movie started or do you wish to flirt some more?”

“Sorry, we’re good” Christen apologises before Cheney plays the movie.

“Put the light off Kelley” Allie instructs. “There is no point watching a scary movie in bright light.”

“I am going” Kelley mutters before we all end up in darkness. “Great, now I can’t see my way back to sit down.”

“Ssh” A-Rod and Alex scold at the same time.

I turn to Christen to offer another cheeky remark about her being scared when it suddenly becomes apparent to me how close Christen is sitting next to me, her presence invading all of my senses.

“Are you looking at me?” Christen whispers confused into the darkness. “You are trying to creep me out aren’t you?”

“Not at all” I say, a sly smirk on my face as an idea pops into my head. I know the perfect way to scare Christen. “I heard there are cockroaches in this movie.”

“Are there?” Christen asks, seemingly quite nonchalant. I guess she is either not afraid of them so much anymore or she knows I am lying. Probably the latter.

“You know there is no cockroaches don’t you?” I ask.

“Yes, now be quiet” Christen hisses.

“Sorry.”

The movie doesn’t seem that scary to me, it’s mostly just boring to be honest. It doesn’t help that it is boring because it just makes me talk more. I’ve already been told to shut up on a number of occasions by just about everyone because I keep making silly remarks about how unrealistic the plot is.

“You ok there Chris” I whisper. “Are you scared yet?”

“No, so be quiet” Christen responds.

“You can hold my hand if you want” I offer with a smirk.

“I am fine thank you” Christen answers.

“You sure?”

“Yes” Christen states.

“Can you two shut up?” Amy asks. “We are trying to follow the plot.”

“Sorry mom” I say cheekily, receiving a glare from A-Rod. “Alex pass me Pedro please?”

“What?” Alex asks confused.

“Christen’s teddy; Pedro” I say.

“Right” Alex says before throwing the toy dog at me. “Can you shut up now?”

“Yes Al.”

~

“What are the thoughts on banning Tobin from future movie sessions ladies?” Cheney asks.

“Hey” I object.

“I am thinking it is a good thought” Kelley says, still clearly annoyed that I kept disturbing the movie.

“I agree” Alex adds, Allie and A-Rod nodding.

“I wouldn’t object to that” Christen says as she helps to tidy up the room. “I missed the majority of the movie because she kept whispering in my ear.”

“I did it for your own good Press” I say. “If I hadn’t been distracting you then all of these women would have seen how scared you were and would’ve had to endure all your screaming and hissing.”

“No, no Toby” Christen says as she points at me. “That is so not true.”

“I am just lucky I didn’t get my hand broken this time” I say, earning a slap on the arm from Christen. “My hand wasn’t broken but it may as well have been, you squeezed it way too hard during ‘The Last Exorcism’ and also ‘Reservoir Dogs’ which wasn’t even scary.”

“Do you really wanna go down this road?” Christen challenges and I shrug. “Ok Heath, you make fun of me so I will make fun of you.”

“What ya got Press?” Kelley asks clearly interested.

“Guess what Tobin’s favorite movie is?” Christen asks. Oh shit.

“That’s easy, ‘Bend it Like Beckham’” Alex says, looking smug.

“That’s what she tells people but no, it isn’t” Christen says. “It’s actually ‘The Notebook’.”

“No way, is it?” A-Rod asks.

“Is that why you wouldn’t watch it with me?” Cheney asks.

“You have no idea what you have done here Chris” I warn playfully. “You reveal my secrets so I will reveal yours.”

“I don’t really have any secrets” Christen says. “Not juicy ones anyway.”

“Come on, spill” Allie says.

“I have a secret involving Pressi” Kelley declares. “It’s from college.”

“Tell us” Alex says.

“I once walked in on Christen and her girlfriend having sex but she had no idea it happened” Kelley says.

“Um… no you didn’t” Christen says with a frown.

“How do you know she didn’t Pressi, Kelley said you never found out” Alex asks with a smirk.

“I know she didn’t, there is no way Kelley would walk in and then manage to keep quiet for five years or more” I say.

“Ok so I made that up” Kelley says. “You were pretty boring in college actually, if you weren’t studying or playing soccer you were on the phone to your girlfriend.”

“Just because I was studious and preferred to talk to my girlfriend than attend any of your juvenile college parties doesn’t make me boring” Christen says.

“College parties were so fun though, meeting people, hooking up” Kelley says.

“There are other ways to meet people plus I wasn’t remotely interested in hooking up” Christen says. “Having a girlfriend and being in love is way more fun than hooking up with a different person at each party.”

“I suppose from your point of view that makes sense, I mean you were with your girlfriend since you were like six” Kelley says.

“I wasn’t six” Christen says with a sigh. “I was sixteen.”

“Whatever” Kelley says. “Thank goodness you are not as boring now.”


	11. Still into You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still into You by Paramore

“You and Pressi seem to get along quite well last night” Alex says. “You sure know a lot about one another.”

“Yeah” I say as I continue to look for a pair of cleats. “Have you really not seen my orange cleats?”

“When did you two become so friendly?”

“We’ve always been friendly” I answer distracted. “Seriously where are my cleats?”

“I don’t recall you two ever meeting before the last national team camp” Alex says. “That’s quite a short time to strike up such a playful friendship.”

“Alex I really don’t know where you are going with this but can you please just stop and help me look for my training cleats?” I say annoyed. “They are orange and have a large white Nike tick on the side.”

“Why are you always losing stuff?” Alex asks with a groan. “Every time we are at camp you manage to lose something.”

“Quit moaning.”

“Knock knock” Ashlyn shouts as she comes walking into our room. “Ready Morgan?”

“Ready for what?” I ask.

“Ash and I have a photoshoot for the pride this morning” Alex answers.

“I thought you were going to train with me this morning” I say.

“I told ya last night that I couldn’t” Alex says, giving me that look that says ‘why do you never listen?’ “Why don’t you train with your new best friend; Christen.”

“What?” I ask confused.

“I am not being funny but what is the deal with you two?”

“Nothing” I say.

“Tobin?”

“Ok fine, Christen and I know each other from our teenage days” I say. “We knew each other prior to meeting through soccer.”

“Ok that explains why you two know so much about one another but why did she not get scolded like I did when she called you Toby?” Alex asks, raising her eyebrow.

“Did she call me that?” I feign like I don’t remember.

“Alex we have to go, come on” Ashlyn says impatiently.

“You better go” I add.

“This conversation isn’t over” Alex warns before leaving the room with Ash. Knowing Alex then the conversation really isn’t over.

~

I’ve managed to successfully avoid being alone with Alex too much so she hasn’t asked me about Christen again. It’s not that I don’t want to tell Alex, it just that Alex isn’t the best at keeping secrets and I don’t really want my personal life overshadowing my football.

“Come on ladies, keep pushing” Dawn shouts. “Two more.”

“This is killing me” Alex complains.

“Don’t be a baby” Kelley says. “It will all be worth it when we beat Japan again.”

“You didn’t hurt your ankle during the last game” Alex fires back at our friend. “There is no way I am going to be able to play.”

“You shouldn’t have lied to the trainers and said your ankle was better when it clearly isn’t” Allie says, earning a glare from Alex.

“Playing on it will only make it worse” I say but by the look on Alex’s face I wish I had never opened my mouth. “I am going to finish over here.” I then walk over to join A-Rod and Cheney.

“Are you ok Tobin?” Cheney asks.

“Alex is in a bad mood so I decided to move away” I say. “How are you both, I feel like I haven’t talked to you since the movie night the other night?”

“I am good Tobs, how are you?” Cheney replies.

“I’m ok but I kinda wondered if I could talk to you guys at some point” I say, feeling slightly nervous.

“Of course” A-Rod says. “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to talk about something” I say. “Can we maybe hang out later?”

“Of course” Cheney says. “We will go for a walk after dinner.”

“Cool.”

“Right ladies, one last scrimmage before we finish up for today” Tony shouts. “Split into the same teams as earlier.”

“Alex and JJ you two can sit this out, you need to rest your injuries” Dawn says.

~

“Hey” I say as I take a seat at dinner.

“Hi” Crystal says. “That was some cross earlier Tobin, not only are you the nutmeg queen but the assist queen.”

“Thanks” I reply. “The assist didn’t really count until you hit the ball into the back of the net though.”

“You got a mean left foot Tobs, that’s all I’m saying” Crystal replies before shouting Christen over. “Christen, over here.”

“Hey ladies” Christen says as she sits down next to me.

“We are talking about Tobin’s crosses at training today, she was on fire” Crystal says.

“She always is” Christen adds. “Have any of you seen Kelley?”

“No, why?” I ask.

“She hasn’t been back to our room since training and I really wanted to talk to her about something” Christen says. “If any of you see her can you let her know I am looking for her?”

“Yeah” Crystal says and I nod in agreement.

“Thanks.”

“Any plans for tonight?” Crystal asks.

“Not really” I reply with a shrug. “I am hanging out with A-Rod and Cheney and then I don’t know what I will do.”

“Some of us are going to have a game night if either of you are interested” Crystal says.

“I will think about it” Christen says.

“I might come by if I have some time” I answer and then we all go silent to finish our meal.

“I am going back to my room before the games begin, see you later” Crystal announces before leaving me alone at the table with Chris.

“Toby, are you ok?” Christen asks.

“I’m good.”

“Are you sure because you have been very quiet these last few days, during practice and team meetings?” Christen asks.

“I’ve just felt a bit off” I say with a sigh. “I just…”

“What?” Christen asks gently, placing her hand on my thigh which just derails me from what I was going to say.

“I just haven’t felt too well, it’s probably just a cold or something” I say.

“Have you spoke to the team doctor?” Christen asks.

“There’s no need, it will be something and nothing” I wave it off.

“You do sound a bit nasally, I will speak to the team doctor and see what they recommend” Christen says and I laugh softly.

“What?”

“I am a big girl Chris, I can deal with a cold myself” I say with a smile. “I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“Maybe I want to” Christen says. “You never used to complain when I wanted to take care of you, in fact you once pretended that you were ill so that I would stay at your house for an extra few days.”

“Chris, seriously I am fine” I say, squeezing Christen’s hand that is on my thigh. “Not even a cold will stop me from kicking Japan’s butt at the end of the week.”

“If you need anything then just ask me, alright?”

“Ok” I say with a nod and a smile.

“I am going to look for Kelley again.”

“Cool, I better go and meet Cheney and A-Rod” I say.

~

“I am so glad we can hang out together” A-Rod says. “We haven’t hung out for a while.”

“We watched a movie together the other night” I say, slightly confused.

“I know but I meant that the three of us haven’t spent time together” Amy says. “I miss the times when we would just get together and hang out all night.”

“So do I” I say.

“You mentioned you wanted to talk to us about something” Lauren says. “Is everything ok?”

“It’s nothing serious, I just wanted someone to talk to” I reply.

“You know you can always talk to us” A-Rod says supportively.

“So, I broke up with Rhian a few weeks ago” I start. “Things between us were ok but it just felt like our relationship faded. The relationship wasn’t how it was to begin with and our feelings changed.”

“These things happen unfortunately” Cheney says, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “It’s ok to still be upset.”

“I know but that’s the problem” I say. “I feel guilty because I don’t feel that upset, I miss Rhian but I actually feel better now that we are not together. Does that make me a bad person?”

“It doesn’t make you a bad person at all” Amy says. “It makes you human, you knew your heart wasn’t in it so you did the right thing and ended it to prevent further hurt.”

“There was actually something else I wanted to talk to you guys about” I say slightly nervously.

“Whatever it is, you can tell us” Lauren says.

That’s when I just let everything spill out; my feelings for Chris, our history together, what happened between us when we broke up, and how she makes me feel just now.

“I thought there was something going on with you two” Amy says.

“There isn’t anything going on between us” I deny.

“There isn’t anything serious going on but you can’t say everything is completely innocent” Lauren tells me. “Tobin, you are in love with Christen.”

“I am well aware of that” I say. “I know that, I just don’t know how to move on.”

“You only have two options; you either get over Christen or you don’t” Amy says bluntly. She always liked a bit of tough love.

“Thanks Amy, that really helped” I sarcastically reply before I look at Cheney. “Cheney, what do I do?”

“What does your heart say?”

“I wouldn’t know, Christen’s got my heart” I say, trying to make a joke out of the situation but it really isn’t funny. “My heart has always been controlled by Christen but that also has a negative implication because Chris was the one who broke my heart.”

“Do you trust Christen not to break your heart again?”

“I think so” I answer Cheney’s question.

“You need to be sure Tobin” A-Rod says.

“I still love Christen, I never stopped” I say. “I don’t want to get over her.”

“Do you trust her?”

“I do” I say with finality. “I am just not sure I trust myself.”

“What do you mean?” A-Rod asks.

“What happens if I can’t make her happy, what if our previous relationship was just some magical teenage romance that we will never get back?”

“Don’t doubt yourself Tobs, if you love her then you will make her happy” Lauren tells me. “I would say maintaining a long term relationship during your teenage years is harder than any other time of your life. If your relationship was so strong for almost five years then there is absolutely no reason it can’t be like that again.”

“I just feel like I am not good enough for her” I say sadly. “I know that isn’t why she broke up with me now, but for four years I thought that was the reason so it’s kinda hard for me to believe I am good enough.”

“Tobin you are good enough” Lauren says, pulling me into a hug. “You are too good of a person sometimes.”

“I can’t be with Chris until I can believe that myself” I say. “I need to be confident within myself first. I am working on it but it’s hard.”

“If you need us then we are here” A-Rod tells me.

“Thanks, talking about it helps” I say.

“How about we go and see what all the fuss is about at Crystal’s game night?” Amy suggests. “She wouldn’t shut up about it at practice earlier.”

“Let’s go” I say with a smile.

As soon as we reach the hotel corridor we can hear all the screams and laughter coming from down the hall.

“Thank god this corridor is solely for our team, I don’t think I would want to sleep next to that noise” Lauren says with a laugh.

“Yeah” I laugh and then we enter our meeting room where everyone is gathered for the games night.

“What’s all the noise?” A-Rod shouts.

“Hope and Becky completely schooled Alex and Allie at poker, it was hilarious” Kelley says. “Alex is in a bad mood now though.”

“I can’t wait to tease Alex” I say with a smile, thinking of the best ways I can annoy her.

~

I decide to get some air and head out onto the balcony when I hear Christen finishing up a phone call.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Christen asks, sounding a little insecure.

“Were you really just talking on the phone with your dog?” I ask with an amused smirk.

“I was talking to my mom too, the dog was just with her” Christen informs me.

“It was so cute” I smile watching as Christen blushes slightly.

“Look at you blushing” Ashlyn teases Christen as she also comes out onto the balcony. “Who knew Tobin Heath had that effect on women.”

“Shut up Ash” I say, punching the keeper’s arm. “At least I am not using cheesy pick-up lines like you do on Ali.”

“Are you saying you are trying to pick Christen up?” Ashlyn asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Not at all” I reply. “I am just telling the truth, she’s cute.”

“Aren’t you just out of a relationship because you are in love with your ex?” Ashlyn bluntly asks.

“That is not why I broke up with Rhian” I say, trust fucking Kelley and Alex to only tell half a story.

“You still love that chick from back in the day right?” Ashlyn asks with a frown.

“Yeah” I say, catching Christen’s eye slightly.

“So you broke up with Rhian and still love your ex” Ashlyn summarises.

“Yeah but that wasn’t the only reason I broke up with Rhian, there were other factors too” I say.

“I remember when we went to UNC together Tobs, you never shut up about your girlfriend” Ashlyn says with a sigh. “It really must be love if you are still pining for her now.”

“I am not pining you idiot, it’s complicated” I say.

“Is your love life this complicated Christen?” Ashlyn asks.

“Oh yeah” Christen says with a small laugh before excusing herself to go back inside.

“Christen is a hard nut to crack, she doesn’t say much about her personal life does she?”

“She’s just private Ash” I reply.

“People always said she dated Vero but I’m not sure” Ashlyn says deep in thought. “Ali and her are quite close but Ali’s never told me if it’s true or not.”

“Ali is not going to spill anything her friends have told her in confidence” I say. “Even to you.” I don’t know why but it unsettled me when Ash mentioned Chris possibly dating Vero. I obviously didn’t think Chris would be single for four years, I wasn’t, I just never really thought about her being with anyone before.

“What are you doing out here anyway?” Ashlyn asks. “I thought you would have been helping Alex to at least win a few card games to lessen her embarrassment after earlier. You are the queen of card games.”

“Alex can manage without me just now” I say as I take in the view from in front of me, looking at all the different Florida landscapes in the distance. “I just needed some time to myself.”

“Me too” Ashlyn says. “My life is a bit up and down at the moment so I just need to take a breath and take some time to think.”

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“I’m cool thanks Tobs” Ashlyn says. “You?”

“I’m cool too” I say with a smile and we just stand in silence with our thoughts until we hear the door opening and someone else joins us on the balcony.

“Hey babe” Ali whispers as she wraps her arms around Ashlyn’s waist. “Wanna go for a walk?”

“Sure” Ashlyn says, turning around to face Ali.

“See ya Tobin” Ali says.

“Have fun guys” I say as I wave them off. It does make me feel a little jealous watching them together when I know the person I want is just through the door but I can’t be with her yet.

~

As it is Krieg’s birthday on Friday and Hope’s birthday at the weekend, the coaches allowed us to go out for drinks tonight before our game against Japan in five days.

“What’s up with you?” I ask, hip bumping Christen.

“Nothing, I am just not a big drinker” Christen answers. “I don’t really drink that much.”

“How about a dance instead?” I ask with a wink and a smile.

“I am not really in the mood Toby.”

“Come on Chris, when have you ever refused a dance from me before?” I ask.

“Tobin, I’m not…”

“Let’s have fun girls” Allie shouts over the loud music.

“What she said” I say to Christen.

“Toby…”

“Let’s go Press, we are going to dance” I tell Chris, offering her my sweetest smile.

“Fine” Christen smiles, I knew she couldn’t resist.

“Since when did Tobin Heath dance?” Kelley asks with a cheeky smile.

“Since always” I answer. “I only dance with certain people.”

“Am I special?” Christen asks teasingly.

“You know it.”

“Come on Heath before I change my mind” Christen says before pulling me onto the dance floor.

“I’ve developed some skills since the last time you danced with me Chris” I say as I twirl Christen around on the dance floor.

“You have” Christen says with a smile.

“Katie didn’t want me to look like an idiot at her wedding so she forced me to go to dance class with her to get some practice” I say.

“How long has she been married now?” Christen asks.

“Just over three years” I answer. “Cole was born just under a year later.”

“A lot has changed in four years” Christen says with a sad smile.

“It has” I say. “On the flipside though, sometimes change is good. It makes you appreciate things more.”

“Check you out Tobs” Crystal says, dancing along with Christen and I. “You are giving me a run for my money.”

“What can I say, I clearly have good movement on and off the pitch” I respond, winking at Christen.

“Stop doing that” Christen says shyly. “You know fine well you are making me blush so please stop.”

“Do I really still have that effect on you?” I ask surprised but really not surprised. Christen still has a massive effect on me when she smiles.

“Of course you do” Christen confirms. “It’s never going to change Tobin, I am still the girl who goes weak at the knees when Tobin Heath compliments her and you are still the girl who gets a goofy smile every time I smile at her.”

~

“Jeez, this is bad” Christen says, a slight grimace on her face.

“Again, I am so sorry” I apologise sincerely. A bit of a fast song came on and I got a bit carried away with my dance moves. I ended up knocking into Christen who fell into a table. “I just…”

“Its fine, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before” Christen says, both of us laughing. I may have already almost knocked Christen out when we attended her parent’s New Year’s Eve party and my dancing went a little crazy. ‘Happy New Year baby; have a black eye to welcome you to 2010’.

“What the fuck was that?” Kelley asks before the group bursts out laughing.

“Leave it” I say embarrassed.

“Are you ok?” Ali asks Christen.

“I’m good, honestly” Christen says, looking as embarrassed as I feel. Christen never has liked being the centre of attention.

“Are you sure?” I ask worriedly. “You didn’t hurt your bad hip again did you?”

“I’m fine” Christen tells me.

“Sometimes when you tell me its fine it means it isn’t fine” I say, looking Christen in the eye.

“Tobin, I swear I am ok” Christen assures me before giving me a kind smile.

“Cool” I say, nodding my head.

“You could always buy me a drink to say sorry” Christen suggests with a playful wink.

“Bottled water or tap water?” I smugly ask.

“Very funny” Christen replies. “I want champagne with a strawberry.”

“I thought you weren’t in the mood for drinking?” Kling says to Christen.

“Tobin’s just embarrassed the hell out of me, I need a drink” Christen says playfully.

“Do you want to drink your champagne or wear it?” I ask before I walk off towards the bar, Ashlyn hot on my heels because apparently she’s desperate for a beer.

“Can I throw something out there Tobin?” Ashlyn asks when we reach the bar.

“Sure” I answer as we wait for our turn to be served.

“Is there something going on with you and Christen?”

“What do you mean?” I ask nervously. It’s not like I care if people find out that Chris and I used to date, I am more worried about how they will react. I don’t really want people to make a big deal of it, especially since we are in camp.

“I don’t know, you both sorta remind me of Ali and me when we first started liking each other” Ashlyn says. “We started as friends and very quickly things turned a little too flirty to be friendly.”

“We have history” I say.

“I know Tobs, we went to university together” Ashlyn says.

“Not you and me” I say, frowning. “Christen and I have a history together.”

“What do you mean?” Ashlyn asks, looking a little suspicious.

“We used to date” I answer. “Before all the national team stuff and before we were professional soccer players.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, we met after I graduated high school” I respond. “She’s the woman I dated through college. We were together for five years.”

“That was Christen?” Ashlyn asks surprised. “The girl that broke your heart, the one you were besotted with when we were at UNC.”

“That’s her” I answer. “She’s always been on my mind you know, even when I was hurt and trying to forget about her she was always at the back of my mind.”

“How did I not know this?” Ashlyn asks. “Does everyone know apart from me?”

“I don’t know if anyone actually knows” I say. “If they do know they haven’t said anything.”

“What’s the situation then, are you getting back together?”

“I love her and I think she loves me, I just need to work on myself first before I jump back into a relationship” I respond. “There is always going to be something between us so it is possible we will get back together.”

“Make sure you figure out what you want first” Ashlyn tells me. “I don’t need to know the specifics but I do know you were very hurt when you broke up so just take things slow.”

“I know Ash, thanks.”

“Anytime” Ashlyn replies and then we order our drinks and head back over to the others.

“Did you get lost?” Ali asks before Ashlyn glares at her. Ok, I guess those two are still having a little trouble.

“The champagne was too dear so I got you an ordinary white wine with a strawberry” I tell Chris as I hand her the glass.

“Is this actually white wine?” Christen asks causing me to laugh.

“Careful Chris, your snobbery is showing” I playfully say before telling the truth and revealing it is in fact champagne.

“I am not a snob Toby” Christen declares.

“Chris I am joking” I say.

~

“I think you have had enough champagne” I tell Christen as she sways from side to side while trying to put her jacket on.

“I agree” Christen replies with a hiccup. She’s not drunk but I can tell she is a little tipsy.

“That’s my jacket Press” JJ says, taking the garment from Chris.

“Where is my jacket then?” Christen asks.

“You didn’t bring one” Crystal answers.

“Oh right” Christen replies.

“You can wear mine” I say, taking my jacket off and draping over Christen’s shoulders.

“You will get cold” Christen argues.

“We all know you need it more than me” I say, forcing Chris to put the jacket back on.

“We can share” Christen says before giving me half of the jacket and pulling me into her side so we can huddle in close. I feel Christen wrap her arm around my back and the next thing I know I have butterflies in my stomach and tingles traveling up my spine.

We all make the short trip back to the hotel together. Since it was dry and the temperature didn’t drop too much we opted to walk.

“This reminds me of old times” Christen says with a smile. “We used to go out with your friends or my friends and then we would decline their offer of a cab home just so we could walk home together and make the evening last longer.”

“Those were the days when we weren’t allowed sleepovers” I say with a smile.

“I didn’t like that” Christen says with a smile.

“I didn’t either but it was for the best to have a no sleepover rule on a school night” I say. “We were young and our relationship was so new, we probably would’ve stayed up all night and you wouldn’t have been able to focus at school the next day.”

“I suppose it gave us practice for when you went off to college” Christen says.

“The distance was hard at times” I say, Christen humming in agreement. “We managed though.”

“We did” Christen confirms before pulling me to a stop.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“I’m sorry, I ruined everything.”

“Chris, please stop” I say with a sigh. “You don’t need to keep apologising ok?”

“I just…”

“We have to move on from what happened that night, move on from the breakup” I say. “We can still think about the happy memories but let’s try and omit the bad ones.”

“Tobin, we are getting close again and it’s scary” Christen says. “I just want to make sure that you don’t still hate me.”

“I never hated you, I was hurt and angry but it was never hate” I say with a reassuring smile. “I just need time and you are giving me that so please stop saying sorry.”

“Ok” Christen nods.

“Good.”

“Hurry up you two or you will be left behind” Crystal shouts at us.

“We’re coming” I shout back, noticing Alex giving me a weird look. What’s that all about?

~

We all arrive back at the hotel and make our way upstairs to our rooms.

“Thanks for sharing your jacket” Christen tells me before shrugging it off and giving me it back.

“You’re welcome” I answer before I look longingly at Chris. I still see the same girl who I first shared my jacket with when I was seventeen years old.

“I better go inside” Christen says, motioning to her room.

I gently kiss Christen’s cheek. “Goodnight Chris.”

“Night Toby” Christen smiles before going into her room with Kelley.

“Wha…”

“Don’t Alex, ok” I say with a sigh and then we all head into our rooms.

“Tobin, something’s going on” Alex says, causing me to sigh again. “You two have been getting pretty friendly during this camp.”

“She’s my ex-girlfriend” I blurt out before I even know what has happened. “She’s THE ex and it’s driving me crazy Al. I am so in love with her but it’s not the right time for a relationship.”

“Ok… wow” Alex says in shock. “I did not expect that…. Wow.”

“I am trying to put some distance between the two of us so I have time to think to myself and really figure who I am but it’s not working” I say. “Every time I try to stay away from her I find myself even closer to her.”

“We are in camp, it will be hard to keep away from each other” Alex says before looking at me. “So she’s the one that hurt you?”

“Yeah” I nod.

“Wow” Alex says, still looking shocked.


	12. How Would You Feel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How Would You Feel? by Ed Sheeran

“What are you all talking about?” I ask as I approach the table where a lot of my teammates seem to be gathered round, ignoring the fact that we should all be sat down to breakfast right now.

“You” Kelley says. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Tell you what?” I ask as I begin to eat from the plate of breakfast in my hand.

“About you and Christen” HAO says. I immediately look at Alex, knowing she is the one who has spilled everything. Other than Alex, I’ve only told Ash, Lauren, Hope and A-Rod but I know for a fact that it was Alex who has blurted it out.

“How did you expect me to keep that a secret?” Alex asks. “I have a big mouth and that is a big ass secret.”

“Hold up, hold up” Kling says. “Our Christen, like as in Press.”

“Yeah” Alex says.

“I didn’t realise you meant Christen Press” Kling says. “Jeez, I’ve lived with her and everything in Sweden and she never mentioned one thing.”

 “Christen was my college girlfriend” I say.

“The one that broke your heart?” Allie asks. “Your ex-girlfriend and the woman that broke your heart is our teammate?” Allie asks. “Christen Press?”

“Yes and yes” I say.

“I guess I could imagine it” Kriegs says.

“Me too” JJ adds. “The way Christen talks about her ex sorta sounds like Tobin.”

“I agree” Crystal nods.

“Am I the only one who was blind sighted by this news?” Alex asks.

“I am with you Alex” Allie says.

“I am shocked” Kling says.

“Let’s not make this a big deal” I say coolly.

“A big deal, it’s already a big deal” Alex says dramatically. “She fucked you over, you were heartbroken Tobin. How can we even be friends with her let alone let you get back together with her?”

“This isn’t some high school drama, this is real Alex” I state with annoyance. “These are real feelings, I know you care about me but you have to butt out. She knows she hurt me and I know that I hurt her too, I shut her out for four years.”

“Tobin is right, I know we feel a little shocked but it really isn’t our business” Ali says. “They are both our friends but their relationship is theirs, we aren’t involved.”

“Exactly, we weren’t in their lives when they were together four years ago so it really has nothing to do with us other than us treating them as we would normally” JJ says.

“I love you guys for caring but Chris and I are adults now, we are more mature” I say.

“I am sorry for being dramatic” Alex apologises and I chuckle.

“It’s ok, I don’t expect anything other than that from you” I reply.

“Guess what Christen and I just saw?” Cheney says as she approaches the group with Christen.

“Did you see an alligator?” Ashlyn asks excitedly.

“We went for a jog and there it was, in this wooded area” Cheney answers.

“Damnit, I knew I should’ve took up jogging” Ashlyn says disappointed.

“Why are you all huddled round this table?” Christen asks confused. “Are we not allowed to sit at those other tables for breakfast?”

“We were discussing something” Allie answers.

“I may have let something slip to Alex last night” I say, looking straight at Christen when I say it. “You know Alex has a big mouth so she kinda blurted it out to everyone this morning, hence the reason everyone has gathered round this table.”

“Let what slip?” Lauren asks.

“That Christen and I used to date” I say nervously, trying to gauge Chris’s reaction.

“Oh” Christen says.

“I’m sorry, it just sorta slipped out when I was panicking and then this morning big mouth couldn’t help herself” I say.

“It’s ok Tobin, people were going to know anyway” Christen says with a smile. “I don’t really care, I have nothing to hide.”

“Cool” I respond. “Can we just move on now?”

“I think we should” Christen says.

~

We tried to focus on our soccer as much as possible but our teammates still had the odd question and I still had trouble trying to put my feelings to the back of my mind. Apart from that though, everything seems to be going ok. The whole team is prepared to face Japan again tomorrow. It has been strange having such a gap between the two friendlies but it’s also been good to have extra time to work on our weaknesses so we can win more convincingly this time.

“Who would you say was the more romantic one?” Allie asks and I groan.

“Seriously, why are you all so interested in my love life?”

“Tobin, we have just found out two of our friends used to date each other without our knowledge” Alex says. “We just want to know some background.”

“You guys are so nosy, especially you two” I point at Alex and Kelley.

“I betcha Press was more romantic” Kelley says, answering Allie’s earlier question.

“I was thinking that, Harry does strike me as being a little romantic but Press gives off a vibe. She’s into all the love and romance stuff isn’t she” Allie says.

“I agree, I think Press too” Alex says and I scoff at my three friends.

“Do you have something to say Tobe?”

“Are you three actually serious right now?” I ask. When Alex asked if I wanted to go for coffee with her, Kelley and Allie at the local coffee shop I didn’t expect this. “You invited me to tag along to talk about the game tomorrow and all you want to do is have your own conversation, about my personal life might I add, while I sit here like a lemon.”

“Feel free to have some input” Allie says.

“We would love to hear your thoughts” Kelley says.

“Seriously, why is the topic of Chris and I dating so fascinating to you three?”

“Tobin, Christen is my best friend ok” Kelley says. “And I love her so much and I know that her ex-girlfriend was her whole world. I have been rooting for the two of you since forever. Admittedly I didn’t obviously know the girlfriend was you but I’ve never gave up hope that Christen can get back together with her ex. I want to know more about your relationship so I can help you get back together.”

“Kelley, I appreciate you wanting to help but Chris and I need to figure this out ourselves” I say. “I don’t want to force anything, it has to happen naturally.”

“Ok” Kelley nods.

“FYI, I was the romantic one” I say, laughing slightly. “Christen may be into love and romance but she isn’t very good at putting it into practice.”

“This is gold, Pressi has a weakness” Alex says. “She’s no longer Perfect Press.”

“So Harry, what sort of romantic things did you do for your girl?” Allie asks.

“That’s private” I say, sipping my coffee. “Plus if I told you, you would all make fun of me.”

“No we wouldn’t” Alex says. “We like to joke with you and tease you but we wouldn’t make a fool of you.”

“Please tell us” Kelley almost begs. “I am terrible with romance so I could use some pointers, it gets embarrassing when Hope does something nice for me and I literally can’t think of what to do in response.”

“You just have to make them feel special” I say. “I would randomly send Chris text messages with just a heart or I would email her love poems that I wrote, I would take her out on dates, arrange a picnic on the beach.”

“That’s so sweet” Allie says.

“If Hope loves you and you love her then she won’t care how romantic you are” I say. “As long as she feels loved then nothing else matters.”

“I do love Hope” Kelley says seriously. “I don’t take things seriously and I make jokes about everything but this is one thing I am serious about.”

“We should probably head back to the hotel” Alex says as she glances at her watch. “It’s almost our curfew.”

~

“Good morning gals” Kelley says, too loudly for this hour in the morning.

“Why are you so loud?” Syd groans.

“Probably because I have been up since five this morning” Kelley answers. “I have been up that long it feels like it should be evening already.”

“Why were you up at five?” A-Rod asks. “I know Hope likes to get up early on game days, did she wake you up?”

“Not my girlfriend this time” Kelley says before pointing to Christen. “Blame my roommate, she got up to do some yoga and decided that five in the morning would be the perfect time to bang about and disturb my sleep.”

“If you hadn’t left your stuff lying around then I wouldn’t have tripped and made so much noise” Christen argues. “I don’t know what you left on that floor this morning but I could’ve really hurt myself when I fell.”

“Don’t be so dramatic” Kelley waves it off. “It’s not like I done it deliberately.”

“The same way I didn’t deliberately wake you up this morning” Christen says before going back to eating her breakfast.

“Kel, can I have a word?” Hope asks as she approaches the table.

“Sure babe, what’s up?” Kelley asks before her and Hope disappear.

“She’s so loud in the mornings” Syd says. “The last time they tried to room me with her at camp I just refused, one experience was enough for me.”

“She was my college roommate, imagine how that felt” Christen says with a chuckle. “Stanford Kelley was a lot more energetic than adult Kelley.”

“I am not sure I would go as far as calling her an adult” Syd says.

“You’re kinda mean in the mornings Syd” I say with a smile.

“It’s because I haven’t had my two cups of coffee yet” Syd replies. “One cup of coffee is not enough.”

“Speaking of coffee, I wondered if you wanted to go for a walk and get some coffee after breakfast Chris.”

“Sure” Christen answers. “Syd and I are going to practice some extra drills in the afternoon but I am free all morning.”

“Cool.”

Once breakfast was done, I arranged to meet Christen in the hotel lobby around ten o’clock.

“Sorry, I am late” I apologise to Christen when I turn up at ten minutes past ten. “Alex wouldn’t let me leave before I successfully helped her find the perfect dress online to buy for Servando’s birthday party next month.”

“That’s ok Tobin” Christen says with a smile. “Shall we go?”

“Yeah” I reply as we start walking. “I was thinking we could get some coffee from Starbucks and then walk along the beach.”

“Sounds perfect.”

~

“If you try and push me in the sea again then I am taking you in with me” I warn.

“Is that a threat?” Christen asks, eyebrow raised.

“It’s a promise Chris.” Christen just laughs at me, I think I forgot how happy I feel when I hear her laughing.

“Walks along the beach is kinda our thing isn’t it?” Christen says as we slowly walk along the sand, the sea lightly brushing our feet.

“Yeah” I reply as I kick some sand. “The beach is like our home you know.”

“It’s where we met, where we had our first date, where we decided to become girlfriends and it’s also the place where I fell in love with you” Christen says. “Our beach back home is special though, that’s the real MVB.”

“Did you just say MV-B?”

“Yeah, most valuable beach” Christen answers.

“You are such a dork” I say, a happy smile on my face.

“I know” Christen shrugs.

“I wanted to spend some time with you today because I wanted to check how you are doing” I say. “I mean about everyone knowing about our past and stuff.”

“I’m fine” Christen says sincerely. “I don’t care who knows about us, it was never a secret and it certainly was nothing I was ever ashamed of. Obviously I am not happy with the way I ended things and broke your heart.”

“That’s in the past now.”

“I know, I just never told anyone about us because I didn’t know if you were happy with people knowing.”

“To be honest, the reason I kept it a secret was because I was heartbroken” I say. “If everyone else acknowledged the woman who broke my heart then I would have to as well and I didn’t want that. That’s was before I knew the real reason you broke up with me, I was angry but I am not now.”

“I just want to move on, create a fresh start” Christen says.

“Me too, leave the bad memories in the past.”

“How are you feeling about playing for Portland next week?” Christen asks.

“I am looking forward to it” I say with a big smile. “I just love playing soccer and Portland has a huge soccer fan base. I loved it at PSG but I want a new challenge.”

“I think that’s what I need; a new challenge” Christen says. “I don’t know what that will be though, my focus has to be on my team in Sweden at the moment. I want to win the Champions League.”

“Kriegs and Frankfurt put you out of the Champions League last year right?”

“Yeah, she still teases me” Christen says with a smile. “Do you think you will ever play abroad again?” Christen asks, momentarily stopping to pick a shell off of the sand.

“My soccer future is in the US now” I say.  “I am going to finish off the NWSL season with the Portland Thorns and hopefully play with them on a permanent basis next season.”

“Right” Christen nods.

“I want to focus on making sure I make the roster for the world cup in two years” I say. “Living in Paris was great but when it comes to national team duties I want to be more available to the coach and living in the US will give me that.”

“Do you regret leaving PSG?”

“I don’t actually, it was time to come home” I say with a satisfied smile. “It’s like when it is time for me to retire then hopefully there will be a club team in LA that I can finish my career with.”

“I always said that when I finish my career I want to finish it where it started; in LA” Christen says with a smile. “That would be absolutely amazing.”

“It would be but I don’t think either of us are ready to retire yet” I say. “We have more trophies to win.”

“Exactly” Christen adds.

~

“What have you been doing?” Alex asks, clearly amused at the sight of me. I am wet from head to toe and my white shorts are covered in sand stains. “Did you jump in the pool with your clothes on or something?”

“I was at the beach and Christen pushed me into the sea so when I tried to chase her I fell on the sand” I say.

“Just the two of you?” Alex asks and I nod. “A little date was it?”

“It wasn’t a date, I just wanted to check in with Chris to make sure she was ok after your big mouth ran loose the other morning” I say.

“Oh right” Alex says. “Is she ok?”

“She’s cool so it’s all good.”

“Good.”

“My dad is coming for the game” I say as we begin to get ready for our light training session.

“That will be cool” Alex says. “I can’t remember the last time your dad came to one of our games.”

“It’s been a while” I say. “I can’t wait to see him, I haven’t seen him for months.”

“Being a soccer player is tough” Alex says sadly. It is hard on all of us sometimes when we are away from our families all the time.

“You said it, is Servando coming to the game?”

“Yes and his parents” Alex answers. “Jill is still not sure if I will be able to play or not though. The physios haven’t cleared me on my ankle yet.”

“Don’t rush your recovery Alex, you don’t want to make the injury worse” I say.

“I know, I just can’t help it” Alex says with a sigh. “I just want to play every game.”

“I know you do.”

~

“That was the shit Press, who knew you could hit a shot from that angle” Kelley says as we walk into the tunnel at halftime with a one to nothing lead thanks to Christen. I knew she could pull off that shot, Chris could score from anywhere on the pitch. “I am im-press-ed.”

“Ok KO, thank you but enough with the puns” Christen says.

“I had to” KO replies before walking off to catch up with Hope.

“You’re pretty quiet, you ok?” Christen asks me.

“I’m fine” I say with a weak smile.

“No you’re not, you can’t fool me.”

“My dad was supposed to come to the game tonight” I say sadly. “He was meant to be sitting in the family area but he’s not there.”

“He’s maybe sitting up at the back, so he can get a better view of his amazing daughter from a higher angle” Christen says.

“He’s not here Chris” I say. “I know he’s not.”

“There’s still time, your dad loves watching you play.”

“This isn’t the first time this has happened Chris” I say sadly. “I know I am an adult now but I still want him to watch me play. When I was younger he never missed a game and I know that isn’t realistic anymore but one game once in a while wouldn’t hurt.”

“Come here” Chris says as she pulls me into a hug. “Your dad loves you, there will be a valid explanation why he isn’t here or that you haven’t seen him in the stands.”

“I hope so” I mumble into Christen’s neck.

“Don’t be so negative babe” Christen tells me before I take a deep breath and enjoy our embrace for another few seconds and then I pull away. “You ok, now?”

“Yeah, thanks Chris” I say. “Or should I say babe?”

“It slipped out before I could stop it, force of habit” Christen shrugs it off. I am not going to lie and say the pet name didn’t make my heartrate increase. “It could’ve been worse, I could’ve called you baby. You would’ve went weak at the knees at that.”

“Get over yourself Press” I say, playfully shoving Christen. “Anything is better than Toby.”

“Don’t deny it baby, you love it when I call you Toby” Christen says smugly before walking off.

“Do I even need to ask who put that smile on your face?” A-Rod asks.

“Probably not” I reply before making my way into the locker room.

Jill gives her usual half time speech, Tony gives us his half time tactical talk, Dawn gives us her fitness tips and then Ali finishes with a team talk and then we all head back out onto the pitch for the second half.

“Look alert Heath” Kelley says as she pushes past me. Clearly I wasn’t walking fast enough for her. “We haven’t got all day.”

“Cheer up Tobin” Christen says as she starts walking next to me. “If your dad said he would be here then he will be.”

“He isn’t the same guy that you remember” I tell Chris. “He’s changed.”

“You’re still his baby girl, he adores you” Christen says, giving me a comforting smile. “Maybe he has changed but I don’t doubt for a second that that will mean he loves you any less.”

“I’m not sure” I shrug.

“Trust me on this Heath, when someone falls in love with you it is impossible for them to fall back out of love with you” Christen tells me, squeezing my hand. “I am speaking from experience here.”

“Chris…”

“You don’t need to say anything” Christen replies before kissing my cheek and then we both exit the tunnel and join our teammates on the pitch.

~

“We were on fire the second half” Allie shouts. The game has just finished four to us, one to japan. I managed to notch an assist to Syd, Chris scored her second of the night and then JJ finished it off with a header from a Pinoe corner.

“Look in the stands” Christen whispers in my ear as she walks past causing me to look up and see my dad smiling back at me; so he did turn up. “Told ya” Christen winks and then she goes to chat to our coach Tony.

“Who’s put that smile on your face Heath?” Kelley asks, clearly trying to tease me.

“My dad’s here” I say happily as I wave into the crowd. My dad is the one who got me interested in soccer, he’s the one who made me believe that I could actually do it as a living. I am not suggesting my mom and the rest of my family didn’t believe in me, my mom was just more cautious.

“I thought it was maybe a certain Miss Press” Kelley says with a smirk.

“Should you not be all over Hope by now, that penalty save was awesome?” I retort.

“I should be, if I could fucking find her” Kelley says, looking a little pissed. “I don’t know what she does but she suddenly just disappears after all the handshakes.”

“She’s probably just trying to hide from you so she can get some peace and quiet to absorb the win before her loud girlfriend fills every silence there is” I say, earning me a punch in the shoulder from Kelley. “Ouch.”

“You deserved it” Kelley mutters.

“Since you hit me then I won’t tell you that I think I just saw Hope disappear down the tunnel with Ashlyn” I say.

“You just did” Kelley smirks before walking off. I guess I didn’t really think that response through.

I walk into the locker room and all I hear is noise; there’s music playing, showers running, giggling, talking, dancing and then there’s Christen. She’s doing her usual post game light yoga moves. It doesn’t matter how crowded a room is, I always manage to pick her out.

~

“Is everyone getting a flight out tomorrow?” Christen asks.

“I think so” Alex answers. “It would be good if we could all have a team breakfast together first.”

“That would be good” I add.

“I will try and arrange something” Alex says before walking off when she spots Servando waiting.

“Your dad turned up eventually then huh?”

“Yeah” I reply with a grin. “I presume he will come back here and meet me.”

“No doubt he will make some corny jokes” Christen says with a smile.

“Probably” I laugh. “You were always his favorite out of all his kids’ girlfriends or boyfriends.”

“I doubt he will feel that way now” Christen says with a nervous chuckle.

“Nonsense, he liked you from the first time he met you.”

“I was so nervous that night when I met your family” Christen says.

“So was I” I laugh.

# Flashback #

_“Promise me you will all behave” I warn my parents and my siblings._

_“Chill out Tobin” Jeff says._

_“You have nothing to worry about” my mom tells me._

_“What if dad makes a lame dad joke?” I ask._

_“I won’t” my dad says._

_“What if Perry embarrasses me?” I say before letting anyone answer. “What if mom and Katie interrogate her and she won’t ever come back? What if…”_

_“Relax” my mom says, hugging me tightly. “We won’t do anything to harm your relationship Tobin.”_

_“I just want you guys to make a good impression on Christen” I say. Christen and I have been dating for a just over a month now so I thought it was time she met my family. I didn’t anticipate how much I would freak out though. “If you guys give off a good first impression then she will like me more.”_

_“Can I just say I find this all so cute” Perry says. “You never care what we think of your girlfriends or boyfriends but you care so much what we think of this chick. She must be special.”_

_“Her name is Christen” I say with a glare. “And you are acting like I dated a lot of people, there weren’t that many.”_

_“Everything will be ok Tobin” Katie tells me. “Take a deep breath and calm down.”_

_“I just…” I start before sighing. “I really really really like her.”_

_“We know you do sweetheart” my mom says with a caring smile which is interrupted by the doorbell._

_“She’s here” I say a little panicked before composing myself and slowly making my way to the front door._

_“Am I too early?” Christen asks worriedly. “I got here like ten minutes ago and waited in the car. I didn’t want to seem too eager because technically I am still ten minutes early just now.”_

_“Its fine Chris, come inside” I say, gesturing for my girlfriend to come inside._

_“How are you?” Christen asks. “I am nervous, I just want them to like me.”_

_“I’m nervous too” I admit. “Promise whatever they do to embarrass me or themselves that you will still be my girlfriend.”_

_“Of course” Christen chuckles._

_“I’m serious babe, I don’t want them to scare you off” I say seriously._

_“Toby” Christen says with a happy sigh before she takes my hands in hers. “Nothing, I mean nothing will ever scare me away from you.”_

_“We’ve only been together for over a month, what if you realise you don’t like me?”_

_“Trust me, I won’t stop liking you” Christen says._

_~_

_“Do you play soccer too?” Jeff asks with a mouthful of food._

_“Yeah, I’m a forward” Christen replies._

_“Are you any good?” Jeff asks and I kick him under the table._

_“I am ok” Christen says with a nervous laugh. “I don’t have all the fancy tricks that your sister has but I can hold my own.”_

_“Do you play for your high school team?”_

_“Jeff, this isn’t twenty questions” I say annoyed. “Can you let Christen eat her dinner without you asking a question every two seconds?”_

_“I am just trying to get to know my third favorite sister’s girlfriend” Jeff responds. “Didn’t realise it was a crime.”_

_“Its fine” Christen says politely._

# End of Flashback #

“It went pretty well that night” Christen says and I agree.

“It really did” I say. “They didn’t scare you away and you still loved me so it was a pretty epic success.”

“There she is, my baby girl” I hear my dad’s voice from behind me, breaking Christen and my conversation.

“Hey dad” I say as I turn around.

“I missed you” My dad tells me, hugging me as tight as he can.

“You remember Christen” I say to my dad.

“Of course” My dad says with a smile. “Who could forget the girl who climbed up the tree in my front garden and entered my youngest daughter’s bedroom at eleven at night causing the neighbours to think we had a burglar?” I can’t help but laugh at my dad and also at the slight embarrassment on Chris’s face. “I’m so glad I was able to convince you to use the front door after that Christen.”

“Me too, I am not really good at climbing tress” Christen replies.

“You really aren’t” I say with a laugh, remembering the time Christen got stuck up a tree when we went to an adventure park one day that required us to abseil down the tree.

“You both played brilliant today” My dad tells us before pulling me into another hug. “I am so proud of you TPH.”

“Thanks dad.”

“I will give you guys some privacy” Christen says. “Nice to see you Jeff.”

“You too Christen.”

“Chris wait?” I say, catching Christen’s hand before she walks off. “Don’t leave tomorrow without saying goodbye.”

“I won’t, I will make sure I find you before I go to the airport” Christen says with a smile before kissing my cheek. “Bye Toby.”

“Bye” I respond as I watch Christen walk off into the distance.

“That longing look tells me it’s not over between you two” my dad says.

“It will never be over” I say with a deep sigh.

“I think we need some father-daughter bonding.” My dad then pulls me into his arms and we walk off to find somewhere we can hang out.

~

“Tell me what’s going on with you and Christen” my dad says as we begin eating the pizza my dad ordered.

“Nothing’s going on” I reply. “I mean nothing as in, we are not together.”

“You were pretty cut up after the breakup.”

“Obviously dad, the woman I thought I was going to spend my life with broke my heart” I say.

“I could’ve killed her for what she did but your mother wouldn’t let me” my dad says. “I was going to set a lion upon her or something, eaten alive you know.”

“Dad, please be serious” I say. He always tries to make a joke out of everything.

“I’m sorry” my dad apologises. “Her excuse for breaking up with you was pitiful though.”

“There was more to it” I reply. “Chris and I are both actively on the national team so we thought it would be best to talk some stuff through and prevent any further tension between us so we managed to have a good talk when I was back in LA.”

“Ok” my dad nods supportively.

“I love her dad” I say with a sigh. “That has never changed and will never change, what’s the point in trying to get over her when I have no intention of doing so.”

“If it is true love then you will be together” my dad says. “Just make sure if you get together then it is for the right reasons, sometimes love isn’t as straight forward as you think.”

“Do you mean mom and you?” I ask.

“Yeah” my dad answers. “I loved your mom and a part of me will always love her but I didn’t make her happy. Not happy in the way a husband is supposed to make his wife feel.”

“Were you ever in love with mom?” I ask, hoping my dad understood that I didn’t mean that to sound so harsh.

“Of course I was, I wouldn’t have had four beautiful kids with her or married her” my dad says with a smile. “Your mother and I were deeply in love for over twenty years.”

“What happened then?” I ask. “I’ve been in love with Chris for nine years, should I be worried that in another ten years I suddenly won’t feel the same. Twenty years is a long time to be married and then break up.”

“You don’t need to be worried” my dad assures me. “If you both love each other deeply then there is no reason you can’t be together until you are both over a hundred years old.” I smile slightly at the thought of that, I think I would be pretty happy spending all my life with Chris. “I ruined my marriage, I know you and Christen won’t do that. Neither the two of you are stupid enough to cheat on the other.”

“Cheat?” I say, finding that a random suggestion until I see my dad’s face. “You cheated on mom?” I say loud.

“I thought you knew” my dad says, a look of fear on his face.

“Do you think I would be fucking sitting here with you right now if I did?” I say as I stand up. “You cheated dad, that’s not ok with me.”

“Tobin…”

“Thanks for ruining my night.” And with that I storm out of the restaurant, tears streaming down my face as I go. I spent all day looking forward to seeing my dad and then he drops that bomb on me.

~

As soon as I get back to the hotel I make my way to the room two doors down from me and knock loudly.

“Hey Tobin…” Kelley says when she opens the door. “Are you crying, what’s wro…?”

“Can you get Christen for me?” I interrupt as I wipe away the tears on my face.

“Sure” Kelley says quickly. “PRESS, GET OUT HERE.”

“Why are you shouting?” Christen mutters before Kelley points at me. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I just…” I start before I end up crying again.

“Come here baby” Christen says, immediately pulling me into a hug. “It’s ok, let’s go inside.” I follow Christen inside the room and she leads me over to her bed.

“I will crash in Hope’s room” Kelley says before squeezing my hand and then leaving the room.

“What’s wrong baby?” Christen asks softly, wiping away my tears with her sleeve. “Did something happen with your dad?” I nod my head. “Did he upset you?” I nod again, scared if I speak then I will start blubbering again. “Was it something he said or something he did?”

“Both” I answer quietly.

“Oh, babe” Christen says before kissing my cheek and forcing me to lie down with her on the bed. “Let’s take a few minutes and then we can talk about it if you want” Christen says. “Or not, it’s your call Toby.”

“He cheated on my mom” I mumble against Christen’s chest after fifteen minutes.


	13. Because You Loved Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion

“Knock knock” Kelley says as she gingerly enters the room. “Is it ok to come in?”

“It’s your room Kelley” I say with a smile as I pull on one of Christen’s sweatshirts.

“I know but I didn’t want to interrupt something” Kelley says. “You looked pretty upset last night Tobs, are you ok?”

“I’m cool” I say coolly. “Thanks for letting me crash in your room last night.”

“Anytime” Kelley says. “Who am I to prevent two lovers from spending the night together?” I glare at Kelley and she just laughs. “What? I didn’t mean you and Press, I meant because I got to share with Hope last night.”

“Sure ya did” I respond.

“I did” Kelley says but her smirk tells me otherwise. “Where is Pressi?”

“She’s in the shower” I respond. “Do you have a hair tie, my hair looks like I have just been dragged through a bush backwards?”

“Is that what wild nights with Press does to you?” Kelley asks with a smirk, throwing a wink my way. “Did you not fancy joining Press in the shower for another round?”

“We talked and fell asleep, that’s all” I say.

“That looks a lot like after sex hair to me Tobster” Kelley teases.

“Well it isn’t” I reply. “Just a bad case of bed head.”

“How do you explain the gleam in your eye and the fact that you are wearing your girl’s clothes?”

“I am wearing Chris’s sweater because I was cold and had nothing else and the gleam in my eye is probably because my eye is watery from putting my contact lenses in” I answer.

“You have an excuse for everything don’t ya?”

“Not exactly an excuse if it’s the truth” I say. “Look, I had a minor situation with my dad last night and I was upset. I needed someone to talk to and Chris understands me in a way no one else does so I wanted her.”

“Right” Kelley nods.

“I do love her and I hope I can call her mine again but I’m not ready yet, this situation is complex enough that I am not going to make it worse by sleeping with Chris when I can’t give myself to her fully” I say, my voice quiet so Christen doesn’t hear. “Chris and I are more than just friends but are definitely not ready to be together again.”

“I understand, you are just so easy to tease sometimes” Kelley smiles. “I will be mature about this though, I know this isn’t easy for you.”

“Thanks.” And as if right on cue Christen comes out of the bathroom.

“Hey Kelley” Christen says.

“Good morning Pressi, did you have a good night?” KO says with a smirk. “Got the room all to yourself with the woman of your dreams.”

“Eh… Kelley” I say. “Did we not just talk about this?”

“I agreed not to tease you, we didn’t agree that I couldn’t tease Press” Kelley says. “Press is way easier than you to tease.”

“I need to be at the airport in like three hours so if we want to make team breakfast then we better go just now” Christen says.

“Yes mom, we wouldn’t want to deviate from you incessant scheduling” Kelley says.

“You are such a child sometimes KO” Christen says, shaking her head in mock annoyance.

“You love me though” Kelley smiles.

“That’s still to be determined I think” Christen says before ushering us out the door.

~

“Sorry to leave you ladies but I am going to spend time with my girlfriend before she flies off to Seattle” Kelley says as she departs.

“Thanks for last night Chris” I say. “I am sorry for unloading on you like that and acting a bit like a child.”

“Don’t apologise, I want to be there for you” Christen says. “I never want you to be upset so when there is something I can do to help then I will do it.”

“I feel so silly with the way I reacted to what my dad told me” I say. “My parents broke up just under four years ago. I am an adult now.”

“It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt” Christen says.

“I’ve always been close to my dad but when we broke up and then my parents broke up, I got so much closer to my mom” I say. “I am just so angry that my mom was trying to help me mend my broken heart when she was hiding something bigger; the man she loved betrayed her.”

“You have every right to be upset babe.”

“How could he do this to her, twenty years of marriage and that’s how he repays her” I say, anger rising again. “My mom would walk to the end of the earth for anyone, even her worst enemy, and my dad done that to her. I am absolutely furious with him.”

“Come here” Christen says as she pulls me into a hug before placing a gentle kiss on my neck. “Anytime you need me I am there, ok?” Christen says and I nod. “If it’s not in person then through facetime, Skype, text, phone call, whatever, I will be there.”

“Thank you Chris” I say sincerely, hoping the smile I give Christen is enough to show her how much that means to me.

“Go mingle with the others before everyone leaves” Christen instructs me. “I promise we can grab a quick coffee after breakfast before I go to catch my flight.”

“Ok” I nod before I kiss Christen’s cheek and then I go see some of my other teammates.

“Where were you last night?” Alex asks. “Did you hang out with your dad all night?”

“We talked for a bit, yeah” I answer vaguely.

“Did you do anything else?” Alex asks.

“Not really.”

“You didn’t come back to the room” Alex says.

“Sorry, I should have texted you” I apologise. “I didn’t intend to stay out all night, I just fell asleep.”

“At your dad’s hotel?”

“What’s with all the questions?” I say with a laugh.

“Tobin I saw you…”

“Saw me what?” I ask, slightly confused at what Alex is trying to say.

“I was coming back from seeing Servando when I walked up the corridor and saw you and Press embracing before disappearing into her room” Alex says. “Not only that, I find out that Kelley crashed with Hope last night and now you are wearing Press’s clothes.”

“Alex…”

“I know you love her Tobin but don’t ya think things are moving a bit fast?” Alex asks. “I understand it is not my business but sex really complicates matters not to mention you shouldn’t really be doing it while we are still technically in camp. I thought you wanted to figure out who you were before jumping back into a relationship?”

“I do” I say seriously.

“Tobin, you just slept with Press” Alex states. “She’s ready to be with you but I don’t think you are ready to be with her yet. Can’t you see how last night may have led her on and gave her false hope?”

“We didn’t have sex Alex” I say in a hushed tone. “We talked all night and then fell asleep. I had a slight disagreement with my dad and I was upset so I went to Chris for comfort.”

“What the hell did he do this time?” Alex asks, sounding angry. There have been some bumps in the road previously regarding my dad, a couple of times he was supposed to come to my games and ended up bailing and there was some other minor stuff.

“That doesn’t matter, I don’t want to discuss it again” I say.

“You know you could’ve came to me last night” Alex says gently. “I’m your best friend.”

“I know Al and I would’ve but I thought you were out with Servando” I say. “Truthfully, I just wanted Christen. Being around her makes me happy and she knows how to make me feel better.”

“Ok but I am always here for you Tobs.”

“I know and I am here for you too” I say with a smile. “I probably won’t be your shoulder to cry on when Portland beats Orlando but any other time I am there for you.”

“You’ve not even played a game with them yet and you are getting all cocky” Alex replies. “Let’s just let our soccer do the talking.”

“Agreed.”

“I love you Tobs” Alex says with a smile.

“I love you too” I smile back.

~

“Are you going to at least talk to your dad?” Christen asks and I frown.

“I don’t even want to look at him Chris” I say with a sigh. The dozens of missed calls and texts I’ve had from my dad don’t really help me forget about last night though.

“He cheated on my mom” I say, still in disbelief. “How can I forgive that?”

“It’s hard” Christen adds, placing a comforting hand on my knee.

“You know what annoys me, the fact that he never had the guts to tell me himself” I say. “I know he said he thought I knew but regardless of that, he still wasn’t going to tell me himself. Even if I did already know, he should’ve still told me.”

“He should’ve been honest with you but maybe he was embarrassed and ashamed” Christen suggests. “You were completely a daddy’s girl, could you imagine how he maybe struggled to tell you. He was a massive role model to you.”

“That’s the exact reason why I should’ve heard it from him” I say. “We were so close and that’s why I needed him to be honest with me. He knew everything about my life.”

“Maybe it wasn’t that simple” Christen shrugs. “Look baby, you are never going to know the answers to all these questions you have unless you talk to him.”

“How can I talk to him?” I ask. “I am absolutely furious that he could hurt my mom in this way, do you think my brother and sisters know?”

“I would doubt it, there is no way they would know and you wouldn’t” Christen says.

“I still don’t get it, how can you cheat on someone after being with them for so long?” I question. “Sometimes I get it, people cheat and make mistakes but surely not people in committed and loving relationships.”

“That’s why you need to talk to your dad.”

“I don’t even know if it was a full blown affair or if it happened once” I say, frowning at the whole thing. “It doesn’t even matter, it was still wrong.”

“I know you have every right to be angry about the cheating but is there anything else your dad has done or not done that’s making you angry?” Christen asks before turning on the sofa to face me. “You sorta alluded last night that perhaps your dad has let you down in the past.”

“I don’t have the same relationship with him that I used to have” I answer. “It was hard when he first moved out, he moved a lot for work and stuff so I never saw him that much.” It was tough, he would say he would come to a game and then he didn’t make it, he never had time to visit me in France. “We drifted apart slightly, soccer had me here, there and everywhere and I guess I didn’t try hard enough to see him.”

“You both have awkward jobs in that respect” Christen says.

“It just irked me that when I made plans to see him, I always followed through but when he made plans to come to me, he sometimes bailed last minute” I say. “When I do see him, I love it. I feel like I am a little kid again. I miss him so much and I hate being angry with him.”

“This may be the last time you see him for a while” Christen says. “He’s probably still at his hotel, maybe you should at least try to talk to him before you both leave.”

“I’m still so angry though” I say, taking a deep breath. “I just feel like if I start talking about how I feel then I will get upset. You know I hate being vulnerable, it scares me.” The only person I feel like I can be vulnerable around is Christen, or my mom.

“What if I came with you?” Christen suggests. “To talk to him, I mean.”

“Your flight is in a couple of hours” I say, waving off the suggestion.

“Ali’s on a later flight, I can just get a last minute ticket for her flight” Christen says. “We are the only two flying internationally so I would probably prefer to have her company than sit on my own.”

“No Chris, you can’t change your plans for me.”

“I can and I will” Christen says determinedly. “I would do anything for you, you know that. I know we are not together and we are not sure if we will get back together but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. Knowing you are angry and upset about something that I can’t fix literally tears me apart inside.”

“I don’t even know where to start, do I call him to meet or what?”

“Just text him to see if he would like to meet up” Christen says. “Ask him to meet us at the beach, I know you would probably feel better if we meet him somewhere you feel comfortable. The beach is your safe place.”

“Did anyone ever tell you that you’re smart Press?” I ask with a smile.

“Oh yeah, all the time” Christen replies, smiling back at me. “You text your dad and I will go and sort my flights out. Meet me in your room in twenty minutes.”

“Ok” I reply before Christen kisses my cheek and then she heads towards the elevators.

~

“You ready Toby?” Christen asks when she enters mine and Alex’s room.

“Two minutes and I will be” I answer.

“Where are you ladies going?” Allie asks. “I thought your flight left soon Press?”

“I had a change of plans, I am now booked onto a flight with Ali” Christen answers. “Tobin and I are going for a walk on the beach.”

“A romantic stroll is that it?” Allie asks with a smirk.

“So romantic that my dad is tagging along too” I say sarcastically. “I am not being funny but where is the white sweater I had on this morning?”

“I packed that in your luggage” Alex says. “You are so disorganised that I was worried you would forget something so I started packing for you.”

“Thanks” I say before retrieving the hoodie from my suitcase and placing it over my head.

“Is that mine?” Christen asks. “It is. I knew it looked familiar at breakfast.”

“I was cold and it’s comfy” I say. “You’re not getting it back by the way.”

“Sharing clothes, how couple-like” Allie says with a wink.

“Says the woman wearing Alex’s Nike t-shirt” I respond. “What kind of relationship do you two have with Bati and Servando if sharing clothes is a couple thing to do?”

“You have a point” Allie says.

“Stop teasing us then” I say. “I just need to find my other shoe and then we can leave Chris.”

“Tobin I left you in the lobby fifteen minutes ago, how on earth can you have lost my sweater and a shoe in that time?” Christen asks with a laugh.

“Tobin is Tobin, it really shouldn’t be that surprising Press” Alex says.

“Found it” I declare when I see the sneaker under Alex’s bed. “Let’s go, see you two later.”

“Bye” Christen says to Allie and Alex before we make our way to the beach.

“I’m nervous” I say quietly. “I am angry but I’m also upset, what if I don’t want to hear what he has to say.”

“Don’t overthink it babe” Christen tells me. “Take a deep breath, and keep a calm head, I will be with you.” I nod, taking the deep breath. “You can even hold my hand if you want to.” I know by the smile on Christen’s face she is trying to be playful but to be honest, I really could do with her holding my hand.

“I told my dad to meet us here” I say as I sit down at the beachside café, gesturing for Christen to sit on the sea next to me.

“That’s good, it is nice and peaceful here” Christen nods.

We wait for a few minutes and then I spot my dad approaching. I get a really weird feeling in my stomach, I desperately want to hug him but I am also angry with him.

“Hi sweetheart” my dad says, a sad look on his face before he hugs me. I want to melt into his arms like I’ve done since I was a kid but I can’t so I pull away after a few seconds. “Hi Christen.”

“Morning Jeff” Christen says, trying to keep things as upbeat as possible.

“I am so sorry baby” my dad starts with an apology when we sit back down. “I understand you are angry and probably have a lot of questions. I didn’t mean for you to find out how you did or for me to ruin your night.”

“Does mom know everything?” I ask. Obviously I would presume she knew he cheated but I wasn’t sure if she knew why and all the other details.

“Yeah. Your mom knows about everything” my dad says truthfully. “I thought she would’ve told you.”

“Why?” I ask with a scoff. “What mother should have to tell their children that daddy moved out because he didn’t love her or think she was good enough?” I feel Christen resting her hand on my thigh, letting me know she’s there if I need her.

“Tobin, that’s not what I meant” my dad says. “Your mother was good enough and I loved her so much.”

“Why did you cheat then?” I ask bluntly. “Why would you cheat on someone you were with for over thirty years, married for over twenty and had four children with?”

“Me cheating had nothing to do with your mother.”

“It had everything to do with her, she was your wife” I say, louder than I intended to. “You said vows dad, did that not mean anything to you.”

“I wasn’t good enough for her” my dad says. “I wasn’t a good husband.”

“So you thought cheating on her would make that better” I ask incredulously. “Was it an ongoing thing, the cheating I mean?”

“It only happened once.”

“Yeah, once more than it should’ve” I say. “I don’t actually know whether I am angrier that you cheated or that you didn’t tell me.”

“I hate myself for what I did, for breaking our family apart and for hurting your mother” my dad says. “I know I done a bad thing but I don’t like it when I feel like you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, I am just so angry and disappointed” I reply. “You know how I feel about marriage and dishonesty. I just don’t get why you didn’t tell me, I didn’t think we had secrets dad.”

“For that I am sorry, I know I should’ve told you but I didn’t know how to” my dad says, a sombre look on his face. “I still haven’t forgiven myself but I have accepted that I can’t undo it.”

“I shouldn’t have stormed out last night, I was just shocked” I say but by the look on my dad’s face I think he understands. “This is all quite a surprise to me so I think it is best if we can maybe take a break from this topic. I need time to get my head around it.”

“I understand” my dad nods.

“I am not saying I won’t forgive you, I just need some time to process” I say, taking another deep breath. “I need to speak to mom as well.”

“I know” my dad says. “I’ve really missed you Tobin, you played really well yesterday.”

“Thanks and thank you for coming to the game” I say sincerely. “Although I am angry it doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss you because I did. You’re still my dad.”

“And I always will be.”

“So Jeff, are you still into your golf?” Christen asks to try and break the tension. “I don’t know much about golf other than my dad talking nonstop about a new set of clubs he got.”

“I golf when I can” dad replies. “My knees are getting old now so I don’t play as much as I would like but I get some time. Jeffrey and the girls were never interested in it but I am hoping my grandson will like it if I get him some clubs for his birthday.”

“Good luck with Kate agreeing to letting you get Cole a metal stick for his birthday, he’s wild as it is. You don’t need to give him a weapon as well” I say, smiling at the thought of my nephew.

“That’s why my plan is to accustom my son-in-law to the idea” my dad smiles. “If anyone can make Katie do something she doesn’t want to it is her husband.”

“I am not sure about that dad, Kate is pretty set in her ways.”

“It must be so cool having a little kid around” Christen says with a smile. “You can do kids’ stuff without feeling guilty about it, you just say you are doing it for the child.”

“Like what?” I ask in amusement.

“I don’t know, watch cartoons or eat chicken dinosaurs, play kids games, color in pictures” Christen lists with a smile.

“If you wanna do all that stuff then take Kelley for a day” I say. “One day with a big kid like her and you will change your opinion about kids.”

“Kelley isn’t as cute as a kid though” Christen muses. “And the things she talks about aren’t exactly kid friendly.”

“Fair point” I say with a laugh.

“I am going to use the restroom” Christen says, giving my thigh a supportive squeeze before leaving.

“She seems to make you really happy” my dad says. “I know I am probably the last person you want to take relationship advice from but trust me when I say this; you two are meant to be together.”

“I know” I say with a weak smile. “That’s why I am so angry, I am so confused because I would never cheat on her so I don’t get why you would cheat on mom. I understand how you could break up, break ups do happen and they can happen to people who have been married for years. That I understand, it’s the cheating I don’t.”

“It’s not an excuse but I don’t know how I could do that either” my dad says. “I am disgusted with myself and if I could change things then I would.”

“I know you would” I say. “Let’s just try and put it behind us for just now, I want to spend time with my dad.”

“Me too sweetheart” my dad says, wrapping his arm around me. “Now that you are playing for Portland I was hoping to catch a few more of your games. Maybe I could visit you for a couple of days sometime.”

“That would be nice.”

“I just saw this cute little puppy and now it’s made me miss my two puppies” Christen says as she sits back down, a pout on her face. “I just want to hug the pup and pretend it was my two but I didn’t, I didn’t want to freak out the little girl who was holding it.”

“First little kids and now puppies, you are such a sap Chris” I laugh.

“What can I say, animals are cute” Christen shrugs.

“Not cats though” I say. “I don’t want to offend but I find cats scarier than cute, you don’t know what they are thinking when the meow at you.”

“I hope you didn’t think that about biscuit” my dad says, referring to our family cat that passed away when I was eight.

“Biscuit was the only cat I liked, he was more like a dog though” I say in thought. He had a leash and everything.

“You always said you wanted a snake” Christen says.

“Yeah, not anymore” I say. “They would be too much work for me.”

“Plus you can’t take them a walk along the beach or play fetch with them” Christen says. “Too boring for me.”

~

“How are you feeling now?” Christen asks as we walk back to the hotel. My dad went back to his hotel ten minutes ago while Chris and I stayed at the beach for a little longer.

“I’m ok” I shrug. “You made it easier.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You were there for me” I say. “Just your presence makes me feel calmer, I feel brave as well.”

“We’re not like anyone else Tobin, I just feel attracted to you” Christen says. “I mean like a magnet not like attracted as in I think you’re hot.”

“So you don’t think I’m hot?” I ask, acting offended.

“Yes, I mean no I don’t not think…” Christen sighs. “You are making me mince my words, you’re beautiful and super-hot to me. I am attracted to you but that wasn’t where I was going with my point.”

“I understood what you meant, there is like a pull between us” I say. “A force that pushes and pulls us together, like two magnets attract.”

“Exactly” Christen nods with a smile. “For the record though, you are incredibly attractive. When you walk into a room, you are the only person I see.”

“Thank you” I blush, I don’t quite know what I am saying thank you for but it does give me some confidence to know that Christen still likes me in that way. I know that seems vain but I spent so longing thinking I wasn’t good enough for Chris that I actually believed it myself. Now that I know that wasn’t true I actually feel slightly better about myself.

“Do you remember the first time you held my hand?” Christen asks before brushing her hand against mine as we walk.

“I think so” I chuckle. “We had just met that night and I walked you home from the party. You kept brushing your hand against mine so I eventually gave in and gave you what you wanted. I held your hand for the remainder of the walk.”

“As I said back then, I wasn’t intentionally brushing my hand against yours” Christen says. “You just kept walking too close to me.”

“Maybe I wanted to be close to you” I say with a smile.

“Or maybe you just had a little too much to drink that night and couldn’t walk in a straight line” Christen suggests.

“You’re probably right” I say with a laugh. “I had no game back then, there is no way sober me would’ve had the courage to hold your hand or ask you on a date like I did that night.”

“I am glad you did ask me out” Christen smiles. “I couldn’t sleep at all that night from the excitement at the prospect of seeing you again.”

“I was hooked from the moment I met you.”

“Me too” Christen replies. “I couldn’t believe I found someone that I could connect with on so many levels.”

“I’ve never met anyone like you before” I say, smiling shyly at Christen. “I was never scared to be who I was around you. I didn’t need to pretend to be someone else.”

“You shouldn’t ever need to pretend to be someone you’re not” Christen says. “Being who you truly are is what makes you special.”

“So you think I’m special?” I tease. I tend to use humour when I feel shy or nervous.

“I don’t think it, I know it” Christen confidently replies. “I only date special people so if you weren’t special then I wouldn’t have been with you for five years.”

“So how many special people have you met?” I ask, trying to be subtle but I can tell by Chris’s face that it didn’t work.

“Is that a sneaky way of asking me how many people I’ve dated?” Christen asks with a raised eyebrow. I am not going to lie, I kinda want to know but I also don’t want to know.

“I don’t know” I reply honestly. “I know it isn’t really my business but I also feel like I want to know.”

“I didn’t date much” Christen replies. “I find first dates awkward and I really just wanted to put my all into soccer.”

“How many relationships did you have?” I ask nervously.

“Toby, I don’t really want to talk about this” Christen sighs.

“I just feel like it’s something we should touch on at some point” I say. “Chris, I don’t know what the future holds but if we do get back together eventually then maybe this is a topic that should be covered.”

“I have no secrets from you and I definitely agree that we should at least talk about stuff like that” Christen says before stopping me from walking any further. “But we both have flights in a few hours and I don’t really want us to spend what time we have left talking about that. I won’t see you until September, let me enjoy your company Toby.”

“Ok” I say with a smile. “How about we head further down to the beach and make a sand castle?”

“Really?” Christen asks. “How old are you again?”

“Old enough to know there is no age limit on building a sandcastle” I answer before dragging Christen over to a shop so that we can buy a bucket and spade.

~

“Toby!!” Christen screams as she hits me on the back. “Put me down you idiot.”

“Not until you say it” I declare with a smile while I remain holding Christen in a fireman’s carry.

“No way” Christen says. “I refuse to say Arsenal is better than Man City.”

“Why?” I tease. “You know it’s true so why do you refuse, is it because if you admit it you know I will let you go and you won’t be able to stare at my ass any longer?”

“Says the woman who is practically groping my ass right now” Christen says.

“I am merely just tryna keep you steady” I say, a hint of mischief in my tone.

“Is that your story?” Christen asks with a laugh before I throw Christen on her bed inadvertently causing me to fall on top of her. I spend the next few seconds lost in the green eyes of the woman under me before I feel myself leaning in, it’s not even a conscious thought to kiss the soft lips in front of me.

“Tobin” Christen whispers, her hot breath hitting my lips. “Don’t…” I immediately come to my senses and pull myself away from Christen, removing my body completely to create some space between us. “You have no idea how much I want you to kiss me but we can’t.”

“I’m sorry” I say, taking a deep breath.

“I want to kiss you so bad but you’re not ready” Christen says. “I am sorry for leading you on.”

“You didn’t babe, you didn’t lead me on at all” I assure Christen. “I am the one who is not ready for this but yet I am the one giving you mixed signals. I didn’t mean to almost kiss you, it was the moment.”

“It’s ok” Christen says with a smile.

“I promise the next time you see me I won’t be as messed up” I say, chuckling lightly.

“You’re not messed up” Christen shrugs. “You’re human.”

“The last time I checked I was anyway” I laugh. “You’re amazing Chris.”

“You are not so bad yourself” Christen replies. “So tell me, how excited are you to be playing with the thorns?”

“I can’t wait actually” I say. “Don’t worry though, I am still going to find time to watch you kill it in Sweden.”

“I used to watch you all the time when you were at PSG” Christen says. “My flatmate before I moved in with Kling was a big PSG fan, I didn’t even know you played for them until you came on my screen one Saturday night.”

“Yeah, after I finished up with my club in the US I moved straight there” I say. “I just had to get away from LA, everything reminded me of us and what I lost.”

“We are making improvements now though.”

“Yeah, we are” I say.

“Come on, let’s get ready and meet everyone in the lobby” Christen says before grabbing her luggage and we head to the elevator.

“Be happy Chris” I say as we all say our goodbyes.

“I will” Christen replies. “Promise me the same thing though, be happy with yourself.”

“I promise” I reply before I pull Christen in for one last hug. A hug that says all the unspoken words in the air. A hug that conveys hope, love and belief. A hug that means our connection will never end.

“I love you Tobin Powell Heath.”

“I love you Christen Annemarie Press.”

“You guys ready” Kelley interrupts us.

“See you soon Toby” Christen says.

“See you soon Chris” I reply, wiping away the last of Christen’s tears. “Ali’s waiting for you.” Christen nods and then she walks over to an awaiting Ali so they can catch their flight.

“You ok?” Alex asks tentatively.

“I will be” I answer as I watch the love of my life disappear out of view. “Ash and Serv are waiting for you, go.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“I will be fine, Allie is going to be with me the whole day.”

“That’s what worries me, I don’t think wedding talk is what you need right now” Alex says, causing us both to laugh.

“I need a distraction anyway” I say before saying goodbye to Alex. I just need to find Allie and then we can head to Portland. Finally I can immerse myself in soccer again, you never know this Portland loan spell could turn permanent.


	14. Halo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halo - Beyoncé

“I’m so ready for this camp” I say excitedly. There is nothing like playing Canada, the rivalry between them and us is like no other. It’s been six weeks since our last camp and since I last saw Christen.

“You certainly look it” Kelley tells me. “Five goals in three games for the Thorns.”

“I usually provide the assists not the goals” I say. “I am not complaining though.”

“The Thorns are lucky to have you” Kelley tells me before looking at me seriously. “Tell us then, are you going to sign a permanent contract with them?”

“I’m not sure yet” I say truthfully. I would love to play for the Thorns permanently, they are a great team with amazing fans but I’m not convinced if I want to stay in the US all year round. “I want to for the sake of the national team but I’ve got some other stuff to decide.”

“Like what?” Kelley asks.

“Just some personal stuff” I say, not wanting to go into detail. I want to play in the US but I miss Europe and the different opportunities I get there. I am not sure if I am ready to be tied down to one place completely.

“I won’t pry” Kelley says before she connects her laptop to my TV to show the latest Women’s Champions League game. Some of us have decided to meet up before we head to the last national camp for this year in a few days. “Which teams are we rooting for?”

“Well KO, I am torn between the two” Allie says. “We have Lyon, a team I had a brief spell with and then we have Tobin’s girl on the opposition.”

“I am all for Press’s team” Kelley shouts. “I would never root against my best friend. Go Tyreso.”

“I am a PSG fan and former player so there is no way I am going for Lyon” I say before Allie and Kelley stare at me. “What?”

“Your choice has nothing to do with Lyon and PSG’s rivalry, we all know you are one hundred percent behind Christen” Allie says before giving me that look that says ‘you can’t lie to me’.

“She’s going to score a hat trick” Kelley says before I throw a cushion at her.

“Don’t be a jinx” I say annoyed. I feel kinda nervous to be honest, I desperately want Chris to do well. When she talks about playing in Europe and for her team I can tell how passionate she is.

“Didn’t know you were superstitious Tobs” Kelley says and I frown at her.

“I am not superstitious but we all know you have a terrible habit of jinxing stuff” I say, remembering all the times Kelley would make a statement and then it would backfire on her.

“Hush, the game is about to start” Allie tells us.

I quickly turn the volume up before I put all my focus on the TV. The first half goes by quick, Lyon are getting beat by two. Christen hasn’t scored any of the goals but she did assist one. Chris’s team are good, a little sloppy at times but overall they seem to be playing well.

“GO! GO! GO!” I scream at the TV, watching as the midfielder races up the centre of the pitch, Christen slightly ahead and to the left. “PASS!!! Fucking idiot.” I throw myself back on the couch. “How could you be so fucking selfish when you have the forward wide open in front of you?”

“Calm down there” Allie says with a soft laugh. “They are already up two to nothing.”

“Not the point, Christen was wide open” I say annoyed, there is nothing worse than a selfish player. “Why did the bitch not pass?”

“Two to nothing is a dangerous lead, they need another goal” Kelley says and I nod. Christen had the perfect opportunity to hit the back of the net if the midfielder actually passed to her.

“Lyon is coming at them tonight” Allie says as Lyon break on the counter.

“Precisely, that’s why some players need to be less selfish” I say, still annoyed. “You’ve got one of the best strikers in the world and you don’t pass to her, unbelievable. It really is.”

“Tobs, chill” Kelley says as she pats me on the thigh. “It was one wrong move, your girl will score. I know it.”

“She deserves to score, she’s the only decent player out there” I mutter. I am usually quite chill when it comes to watching games but when I watch someone I care about, I get all worked up like I would do if I was playing.

“That’s your biased opinion” Kelley says, raising her eyebrow at me. “I think the whole team are playing well, playing against Lyon is never an easy feat.”

“They would be playing a heck of a lot better if they actually utilised the talent they have” I say before Kelley and Allie laugh at me. “What?”

“You are so in love with her” Kelley chuckles. “I know you are passionate about football but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this wound up before.”

“Chris lost in the final in 2016, I don’t want that to happen again” I say. “Her team deserved to win that year but they didn’t so this is a time for redemption.”

“Did you want her to win in 2016?” Kelley asks.

“Of course I did, obviously I was angry and hurt at the time but I am a professional and I know her and Tyreso deserved to lift the trophy” I say. When Christen left for Sweden I was upset and angry with her but that doesn’t mean I wanted her to fail. I didn’t like watching her play because it gave me too many bad memories but that doesn’t mean I didn’t check up on her team and how they were doing during tournaments.

“How is that not a foul?” Allie shouts as she waves her hands in the air breaking me from my trance.

“That wasn’t a foul, she got the ball Long” Kelley says. “Back me up Tobs, no way was that a foul.”

“Wasn’t a foul” I add with a shrug.

~

After the game and a win for Tyreso I managed to take a deep breath. I decided as Chris would probably be too busy to talk or Skype then I would just text her.

Tobin: Hey!! I watched your game, awesome job tonight x

Chris: Thanks Toby. How are you? Xx

Tobin: I’m ok, I’ve got Allie and KO here so I’m slightly annoyed with them playing their usual tricks. How are you? X

Chris: I’m good, I’m looking forward to camp. When are you arriving? Xx

Tobin: On Monday, you? X

Chris: Tuesday night xx

Tobin: I can ask to borrow a van and pick you up myself x

Chris: I don’t get in until midnight, that’s too late for you xx

Tobin: it isn’t, I wanna do it x

Chris: Ok, thanks Toby. Make sure you bring a large van, Kling will be with me along with her suitcase which is big enough to fit the entire team in it xx

Tobin: LOL J

Chris: I am going to get ready to head home. Talk to you soon xxxxx

Tobin: Cool x

“What are you smirking at Tobster?” Kelley asks.

“Nothing” I reply before moving to tidy up the mess we’ve made while we were watching the football.

“If nothing is Christen’s new name then you must be smiling at nothing” Allie says with a smirk, trying to read my phone over my shoulder.

“Will you move and quit trying to look at my phone?” I say annoyed. Safely tucking my phone in my pants pocket so Allie and Kelley don’t grab it to snoop again.

“I am not being funny here but when are you actually going to get back together with Christen?” Kelley asks. “It’s clear you want to be with each other.”

“I am not ready yet” I say.

“It’s been six weeks since you last saw her, how long is it going to take?” Kelley replies and I frown at her.

“With all due respect KO I know you are our friend but my personal life is personal for a reason” I say before throwing a cushion at Kelley. “This isn’t some high school relationship, getting back together is a major deal for us.”

“Don’t you think you are putting too much pressure and expectation on everything?” Allie asks.

“Guys, I love you but please butt out” I say. “There is more to it than me dating my first love, there’s other stuff like how we live in different continents, we are both on the national team, there’s our bad memories… there’s a lot to figure out first.”

“I get that, I really do” Kelley says. “Christen can’t wait forever though.”

“Has she said something to you?” I ask nervously.

“No, of course not” Kelley assures me before moving to sit next to me. “What I mean is you can’t make Christen wait forever. Christen would wait an eternity for you but what I am saying is that you can’t make her do that. It’s unhealthy.”

“If it’s meant to be then why can’t Tobin ask Christen to wait?” Allie asks.

“Allie, don’t be naïve” Kelley says annoyed.

“I’m not, I am just…”

“Please can we just drop this subject?” I ask. “This is between Chris and I and I would appreciate if we kept it that way. I am going to bed, feel free to stay the night KO.” And with that I head to my bedroom and crawl into my bed, once again absorbed in the memories of Chis and I.

# Flashback #

_“Babe!” I shout. “Can you come into the bathroom for a minute?”_

_“What’s wrong?” Christen asks as she enters the room._

_“Can you zip my dress up?” I ask before turning my back to Christen so she can pull the zip up the back._

_“Sure” Christen answers. “I know I have just zipped your dress up but I kinda want to unzip it now.”_

_“I don’t think so babe” I chuckle before turning to peck Christen’s lips._

_“Why not?” Christen complains. “Toby you’re so hot, do you really need to go out tonight? Wouldn’t you rather stay at home with me, there are so many fun things we can do with a lot less clothes.”_

_“Baby, it’s my brother’s birthday dinner, I can’t miss it” I say regretfully, kissing Christen gently._

_“You’re just back from UNC and now you are leaving again” Christen says, pouting slightly._

_“I will be back after dinner “I say, hugging my girlfriend and kissing her for a third time. “Do your homework while I am out and then as soon as dinner is over I will come back here and we can spend the rest of my stay together?”_

_“I don’t want to do homework, I wanna do you.”_

_“Christen, come on” I laugh._

_“I just miss you” Christen says, being serious this time._

_“I miss you too” I reply. I love everything about UNC and all the opportunities I get but the one thing I hate is that I can’t see my girlfriend as much as I want._

_“Go and enjoy your dinner” Christen says before kissing me and pushing me out the door._

_“You look nice Tobin” Tyler says as Christen walks me to the door. “Hot date is it?”_

_“Brother’s birthday” I reply as I slide my feet into my shoes._

_“Right, I thought maybe you had finally found yourself a hot girlfriend” Tyler says with a smirk before winking at Christen. “Your current girl is a little bland.”_

_“Ignore her baby, she’s just jealous because we have each other and Jack won’t return her calls” I say, kissing Christen again. “See you in a couple of hours babe.”_

_“Love you” Christen says._

_“Love ya too.”_

# End of flashback #

I wake up with a start when I feel my bed move.

“Sorry” Kelley whispers.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask, annoyed before checking the time. “Its 3am KO.”

“Allie keeps kicking me, can I share your bed?” Kelley asks, trying to pull on the covers.

“Eh… let me think, NO” I say annoyed. “Sleep on the couch.”

“It’s too uncomfortable” Kelley complains. “I am here now, just let me stay.”

“Stick to your own side then” I say with a sigh before trying to get back to sleep.

~

“Jeez Kling, what have you got in that suitcase?” I ask when Kling and Christen approach towards the van. The rest of us have already been in camp for a day and a half but all we did was a light work out and go through statistics and plays.

“It isn’t that big” Kling says before struggling to lift it into the van.

“Want some help?” I ask with a chuckle.

“Not really, I enjoy struggling” Kling sarcastically replies before I help her load her stuff into the back and then I open the door for her to get into the van.

“Hi” I say to Christen.

“Hey” Christen replies with a smile before hugging me. I take a deep breath and enjoy the feel of Christen in my arms before I reluctantly pull away. “How are you?”

“I’m good, you?”

“Me too” Christen smiles. I put Christen’s stuff in the van and then I hop into the driver’s seat with Chris next to me riding shotgun.

“I’m going to nap, wake me up when we get to the hotel” Kling declares from behind us.

“Ok dude” I answer before driving off.

“Who am I rooming with?” Christen asks.

“JJ” I reply. “Kling is rooming with Moe and I’ve got Hope.”

“Cool” Christen nods. “How’s Portland, from the games I’ve managed to catch you have played awesome.”

“I’m having fun there, it’s different to PSG but its good” I answer with a smile.

“You are tallying up the goals” Christen smiles. “Tryna take my job on the national team are you?”

“Never” I say with a smile. “Portland don’t have a Christen Press to shot from anywhere on their team like the national team has so I need to try and fill that void for them.”

“I’ve missed you Toby.”

“I guess I have maybe missed you too” I say coolly.

“You guess?”

“I am joking, I’ve missed you too” I reply, placing my hand on Christen’s leg. “I’ve watched all your games recently, you really like Sweden don’t you?”

“It’s not necessarily Sweden but my team there” Christen replies with a smile. “We are all so close and have a good team dynamic.”

“I get the sense Portland is like that” I say. “I was nervous when I first turned up but having Allie on the team helped. It’s good when you are on a team that shares the same values as you.”

“Exactly” Christen says. We talk intermittently for the next forty minutes until I pull up at the hotel. “Kling, we’re here” Christen says, turning around to shake Meghan gently.

“I will unload the luggage and you get Kling out” I say before exiting the van.

The three of us make out way inside the hotel and head towards the elevators.

“So are you two together now?” Kling asks bluntly when we get inside the elevator.

“Us?” I question, pointing at Christen and I.

“Duh” Kling laughs.

“Eh… no” I reply.

“We’re just friends” Christen adds.

“Christen said…” Kling starts but Christen cuts her off.

“It doesn’t matter what Christen said” Christen says harshly, fixing Kling with a glare. “We’ve already established Christen was drunk when she said what she said.”

“This is your floor Kling, you’re rooming with Moe” I say when the elevator stops. “Breakfast is at the usual time tomorrow then we have a team meeting.”

“Ok” Kling smiles before winking at Christen and then the elevator doors close again taking us up to the next floor.

“So… what was that all about?” I ask as I play with the zipper on Christen’s suitcase.

“Nothing” Christen says, avoiding eye contact with me. I can’t help but laugh causing Christen to look at me.

“Chris, you looked like you could’ve killed Kling” I say. “What is it that you are not telling me?”

“Nothing” Christen frowns.

“Wrong answer” I say as I step towards Christen. “Look, it clearly has something to do with me because whatever it was you said during the drunk thing made Meghan presume you and I were back together.”

“I had too much to drink and I guess I let my feelings spill out” Christen says. “In a nutshell I basically said that I was in love with you and would do anything to make you happy. I talk rubbish when I’m drunk.”

“So you didn’t mean that then?” I ask.

“I did mean it, I am just not really one for confessing my personal feelings to my friends in the middle of a bar” Christen says. “I was drunk then and now I am embarrassed.”

“We all say stuff we wish we hadn’t when drunk?” I say, laughing lightly at the memory.

“Do you mean that time when you promised my dad that you wouldn’t get me pregnant until I was at least thirty?” Christen asks before we both burst out laughing. I learned a few lessons that night; one, don’t get drunk at your girlfriend’s father’s birthday; two, don’t even mention getting a guy’s daughter pregnant when you are seventeen and three, especially don’t do number one or two when you have just started dating your girlfriend and you want to make a good impression on her parents.

“No, I was actually thinking of the time I challenged your sister to a drinking contest and she totally whipped my ass” I say.

“There seems to be a recurring theme between you getting drunk and embarrassing yourself in front of my family” Christen says.

“At least I am only embarrassing myself in front of your family with words” I say with a smile. “Unlike you who went a little bit further than just letting her mouth run away with her.”

“You’re talking about the lap dance?”

“Yeah, I know it was my birthday and you wanted to give me another present but it could’ve waited until we were alone” I tease. “Trying to give me a lap dance in front of my family was a bit much.”

“Why did you need to mix my drinks?” Christen groans, trying to hide the small smile on her face.

“Are you saying that it was my fault?” I ask with a smile.

“Technically it was” Christen says just as the elevator pings on our floor and we get out. “You were the one who mixed my drinks and you were the one who got all dressed up, looking as hot as ever. It would’ve been hard to keep my hands to myself while sober never mind drunk.”

“I do see your point, I am irresistible” I say with a wink.

“How about less of the cockiness and you just help me to my room?” Christen suggests, walking ahead of me and leaving me with all the bags. The added sway to her hips as she walks definitely isn’t in my imagination, she knows exactly what she is doing and I am the fool who can’t take their eyes off of her.

~

“We have an hour and a half before the team meeting, anyone want to join me for a jog?” I ask everyone around me.

“Nah, running right after a gym session isn’t my thing” Kelley declines.

“I’ve got keeper drills” Ash says and Hope agrees with her.

“What about you Miss Press, want to come for a jog?”

“I don’t see why not” Christen says. “Give me ten minutes to go back to my room and then I will get you in the lobby.”

“Cool” I say with a smile as I watch Chris walk away.

“Yo, stop looking at your teammate’s ass” Ashlyn says before nudging me.

“I wasn’t looking at Christen’s ass” I say before punching Ashlyn on the arm who just gives me a ‘really’ look. “I was looking at Chris but not at her ass.”

“You are like a lovesick puppy Tobin, just woman up and be with her” Ashlyn says. “People would kill to be in your position, you know she loves you.”

“It isn’t that simple” I say. “I get that it looks easy to you guys but it’s not, this isn’t me avoiding some crush ok. This is my ex-girlfriend, the most serious relationship I have ever had so I can’t afford to go about it the wrong way.”

“Tobin, I was in college with you” Ashlyn says. “I know how serious you were about her, obviously I didn’t know it was Christen but I understood that it wasn’t just some pathetic teenage relationship.”

“I am not the same person I was back then so I need to figure out what it is that I exactly want from myself” I say before taking a deep breath. “Once I am who I want to be then I know what I can offer Christen.”

“Just don’t leave it too long” Kelley tells me. “I know you are not doing it on purpose but the longer you leave it the more you are stringing Chris along.”

“Chris knows I’m not ready, her opinion is the only one I care about” I say before standing up. “Are you sure you guys don’t want to come for a jog?”

“Nah, I’m good” Kelley replies with a smile and then I head off to the lobby to meet Chris.

There is no surprise that Christen and I end up on the beach after our jog.

“I was never happier than when I was with you” Christen admits. “You made the world better.”

“Oh… cheesy” I say with a laugh. I tend to make jokes when I get slightly nervous.

“You did though Tobin” Christen says as she nervously digs her hands into the sand as we sit looking over the sea. “I couldn’t rely on you to protect me forever, that’s why I had to be on my own for a while. Fight my demons so I could be a stronger person.”

“I know, if we hadn’t broken up then I probably wouldn’t have went to France” I say. “I wouldn’t be the footballer I am today because when you left all I had was soccer, I devoted my life to it.”

“Do you ever wonder if being a professional soccer player was the right choice?” Christen asks.

“Sometimes when times were hard I would question why I went down that route but there’s all those good times that completely outweigh the bad” I say, a smile on my face. “Soccer is my strength, it’s what I am good at and it’s one of the things I could never fall out of love with.”

“My first year in Sweden was terrible, I thought I made the biggest mistake of my career” Christen tells me. “I wasn’t good at all, I was nothing like the player I was at Stanford. There were so many times I wished I could rewind and go back in time.”

“It was a new experience for you, you were young.”

“In the end I am glad I went there, it was a massive learning curve for me” Christen says. “I hated myself for leaving you and I hated the soccer player I was. I had to fight that out on my own though.”

“In hindsight we needed to be apart to know we wanted to be together, it was too comfortable at times” I say. “I didn’t know it then but I know it now.”

 “I had to be my own person so I could prove that I was an individual” Christen says, looking me in the eye. “My journey took longer than I expected, it wasn’t supposed to be four years apart but life is unexpected.”

“Are you in a place now where you are happy and who you want to be?” I ask.

“Partly, I am” Christen answers with a gentle smile. “I am where I want to be with regards to my career and I am the person I want to be. I am not insecure anymore, I am Christen Press and I love who I am.”

“I can tell you are different” I say. “In a good way I mean, you are still the same person I fell in love with except you are more…”

“Confident?”

“Exactly, you are more confident” I say.

“It takes time to really be who you want to be” Christen says. “It doesn’t happen overnight.”

“I know it doesn’t” I say truthfully before taking a deep breath. “We should probably head back to the hotel, we have a team meeting in twenty minutes.”

“I guess we should” Christen says before standing up and then offering her hand to me to help me up.

“Thanks” I say before letting go of Christen’s hand. “I will race ya back.”

“Camp has only just started, do you really wanna lose a contest already?” Christen fires back before beginning to run away.

“That’s cheating, I wasn’t ready” I complain but it doesn’t stop Christen so I have no choice but to try and catch up.

~

After the team meeting we had a short practice on the pitch before we got the rest of the day off to do what we liked. I ended up getting cornered by Allie to help with the wedding planning which just winded up with me daydreaming every few minutes due to the boredom I felt. It’s not that I don’t like weddings or planning them, I just get really bored when it takes forty five minutes to decide if the napkins should be white or some other white. Honestly they looked the same to me. As the others have a huge debate on napkins and whatever else I let myself zone out and think about that one person that always seems to be on my mind at the moment. If I sit in silence for too long, eventually all these random flashbacks come back to me.

# Flashback #

_“How are you? Did you get there ok? Are you ok babe?” I ask, a million questions flying from my mouth._

_“Take a breath Toby” Christen says down the phone with a soft chuckle. “I’m fine and I got here safely, you don’t have to worry.”_

_“I know but you are going to college for the first time, I remember how daunting it was” I say._

_“Babe, my parents are with me” Christen tells me._

_“Yeah I know” I say. “I miss you like crazy.”_

_“I miss you too, we will see each other soon though.”_

_“Have you met your roommate yet?” I ask._

_“Yeah but she’s a little weird” Christen says. “She was so friendly and then as soon as I told her I was a forward on the soccer team she suddenly didn’t seem so nice.”_

_“Maybe she doesn’t like soccer players.”_

_“She plays too though. She’s also a forward; Kelley O’Hara” Christen says._

_“Kelley O’Hara” I say. “I know her, we’ve played each other a few times last year. I also met her at a soccer camp a few years ago when we were both in high school.”_

_“She actually seems quiet rude at times” Christen tells me._

_“She’s probably scared that you will take her spot on the team, a few of my teammates have been acting like that recently” I say. “All the sophomores are scared that the freshman will come in and take their place.”_

_“I take it Kelley is a sophomore then?”_

_“Yeah, same as me” I reply._

_“Honestly, I don’t really care if she doesn’t like me” Christen says. “But I don’t want this awkwardness for a whole year if we need to live together.”_

_“Just ask her what her problem is, I would.”_

_“And make things ten times more awkward?” Christen questions. “I will give it some time and if things don’t change then I will challenge the situation.”_

_“Ok” I respond “What are your plans for tomorrow then if classes don’t start until next week?”_

_“I will probably just take a look around campus and stuff, hang out with my parents before they leave” Christen answers. “Although I am nervous, I am actually quite excited.”_

_“I am excited for you” I say with a smile. “I was thinking, since we are both arriving back home on the Wednesday before thanksgiving then we will spend Wednesday night onto thanksgiving morning at my house, split up and have dinner with our own families since we don’t really want to have to choose and then we stay at your house when the dinners are done.”_

_“Check you out babe” Christen teases. “My girlfriend who hates planning too far in advance is making a plan for us.”_

_“Shut up, do you wanna do that or not?” I ask with a smile even though I know Chris can’t see me smiling._

_“Sounds perfect babe” Christen replies. “I better go, my parents want to treat me to dinner.”_

_“Ok, I will call you tonight.”_

_“Love you baby” Christen says before making a kissing noise._

_“I love you too.”_

_# End of flashback #_

“Tobin, are you listing to me?” Allie asks, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Sorry, what?” I say with a nervous chuckle. “I was lost in my thoughts.”

“I need help picking out the bridal bouquet” Allie says making me groan, I am not against weddings but do I really need to participate this much. “I am torn between two.”

“What goes better with the outfits?” I ask. “Bati will wear a light blue tie so just pick flowers that match to that.”

“Bati won’t be carrying the flowers though so it doesn’t matter which goes with his tie” Allie responds and I groan again. “Stop groaning, this is serious.”

“Not to me it isn’t, it is just flowers” I say with a laugh.

“Everything has to be perfect” Allie says. “I am only planning on doing this once so I got to get it right.”

“I get that but I don’t think the choice of flowers is that pivotal to how perfect the day will be” I say but as soon as I see the looks on everyone’s face I know I have said the wrong thing. Alex is looking at me like I am stupid, Allie is glaring at me, Kelley is looking at me like I kicked a puppy, JJ is shaking her head and Kriegs is shooting daggers at me.

“Every detail has to be perfect Tobin” Krieger says. “It is a once in a lifetime event.” Check out the bridezillas.

“It’s just flowers, I get the hype about the dress and perfect venue but the flowers?” I say.

“Wait until you get married Tobin, we will see how blasé you are then” Allie says and I can’t help but laugh.

“I certainly won’t be like you bridezillas that’s for sure” I laugh. “If you really want my opinion on the flowers then I suggest baby’s breath and some roses with a hint of some type of blue flower.”

“I am not sure” Allie says, deep in thought.

“You wanted my opinion and I gave it, can I be excused now?”

“Sure, it’s not like you were much help anyway” Alex says.

“Love you too Alex” I mutter before leaving the room and heading to Ashlyn’s to see if she wants to go for a surf.

~

“Ok ladies, are we all clear on the game plan for tomorrow?” Jill asks at the end of another long and boring team meeting.

“Yes” we all say in unison. I know we need team meetings to talk tactics and stuff but sometimes Jill has a tendency to talk at length about stuff I really don’t think is important.

“I want you all to head to dinner now and be in your rooms for ten o’clock” Dawn says. “Tomorrow morning we will have a very light fitness session and then you have the afternoon free before the game in the evening. You’re all dismissed.”

“Is it just me or do you ever feel like you are back in school again with all these rules?” Kelley asks.

“Rules are there for a reason KO” JJ says.

“Rules are also meant to be broken” Kelley replies with a mischievous smirk.

“Whatever you are thinking is probably not a good idea the night before a game” I tell Kelley but I know it will probably fall on deaf ears.

“My thoughts are always a good idea” Kelley says with a smile.

“You do realise my roommate is Hope so whatever you are planning then I will just tell her” I say.

“Tattling on me to my own girlfriend is not cool Heath” Kelley says. “Since when did you become so boring?”

“Since we have a game tomorrow against our biggest rivals” I say before walking off to get my dinner. Every game is important but we have so must history with Canada so it makes our rivalry all that much more important.”

I quickly plate up my food before making my way over to Allie and sit down across from her at the table. My plan for tonight is to eat my dinner, take a quick walk and then go to bed. I need plenty of rest before tomorrow.

“Seriously, are we really still talking about the wedding?” I ask with a sigh when I hear Allie muttering stuff about centre pieces and five course meals.

“What’s your big problem with talking about my wedding?” Allie questions.

“I don’t have a problem I just don’t think it needs to dominate every conversation that’s all” I say evenly before I sit down at the table. “I know you are excited but you are going to drive yourself crazy.”

“You mean I am driving you crazy” Allie says and I shake my head.

“I don’t” I disagree before looking Allie in the eye. “You are planning every detail so precisely that it’s going to get to the point where it feels like a chore for you and you lose the essence of what the wedding should be about; the love between you and Bati.”

“I just want it to be perfect” Allie says.

“I know you do but try to relax a little and let things flow naturally” I say, smiling at my best friend. “You are too busy trying to impress other people that you are forgetting that it shouldn’t matter, who cares if the food isn’t diverse enough for the guests, who cares if the bridal bouquet isn’t perfect” I add earning a soft chuckle from Allie. “If people don’t like the food they will have to eat when they get home and as for the perfect bouquet, that gets thrown across the room for all the single ladies at the end of the night anyway so there’s no point in worrying about that.”

“I am so glad you are my best friend Tobin Heath” Allie smiles before moving to hug me. “That’s the reason I love ya.”

“I love you too Al.”

“I need to cool it with the wedding stuff then?” Allie asks before going back to her seat.

“I’m not saying don’t talk about it or make plans, just relax a little” I shrug.

“I think I just got over excited” Allie says with a laugh. “You will know what I mean when it’s your turn to get married.”

“Seeing you channelling your bridezilla this week has put me off big weddings” I say with a laugh.

“Fancying the prospect of eloping are you?” Allie asks.

“Let’s just wait and see if the time ever comes before we plan how the wedding will go” I say.

“Does that mean you don’t know if you will get married?” Allie asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No, it just means I need to figure out if there is someone out there who would put up with being married to me” I say.

“They wouldn’t ‘put up with it’, they would be honored and insanely lucky to be married to you” Allie says, a serious look on her face. “Also, that someone… she’s right over there laughing at presumably something stupid Kelley has said.”

“Why am I not ready Al?” I ask with a sigh.

“What, to get married?” Allie says, looking a little confused.

“No, to get back together with Chris” I answer. “She’s so amazing and I know I love her so why do I still feel like I am not good enough?”

“You are good enough honey” Allie assures me before we both start laughing. “I don’t know where the honey came from.” Allie and I aren’t they type to call each other pet names that often unless it is a nickname or Harry. “I am serious though, you are an amazing person Tobin.”

“I guess I need more time” I say with a sigh. There are lots of factors which are impacting on how I feel. My feelings are crystal clear for Christen, which I am one hundred and ten percent sure about. The things I am not sure about: Christen in Sweden, me in the US; Christen and I being teammates; the fact that Christen and my relationship probably won’t be as private as it used to be; distance ruined our relationship before; Christen and I haven’t fully discussed what we want for our future.

I know there are probably a hundred things to counter against the doubts but it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I know what I want, I just need more time to be sure that it is what’s best.

~

“Oh my god, this is unbelievable” Hope groans from her side of the room.

“What’s wrong?” I ask when I look up from my book.

“It’s eleven o’clock and my girlfriend has got herself lost somewhere” Hope says with a sigh. “I need to go and find her, what happened to Dawn’s instructions of being in our rooms by ten?”

“They got ignored by Kelley” I say with a laugh.

“Not only does it scare me that she is out alone at this time of night in a strange place but she has also gotten lost so now I don’t even know where to go to try and find her” Hope says, annoyance and anger evident in her tone.

“Want me to help you look for her?” I offer.

“No it’s ok, I will find her” Hope says. “Can you just text her and tell her I am on my way?”

“Sure” I reply, watching Hope rush out the door. It really isn’t a proper camp without some sort of drama surrounding Kelley O’Hara. I quickly text Kelley back and forth for a bit until she informs me that Hope has found her. I then place my phone and book on my bedside table and try and get some sleep. Once again, my dreams are filled with flashbacks from my past with Christen.

# Flashback #

_“I am taking you on a date” Christen says to me as I throw myself on the couch next to her._

_“What if I already have a date planned?” I ask and Christen laughs._

_“Babe, you don’t plan” Christen says smiling._

_“Sometimes I do” I pout._

_“Yeah and when you do you always ask my opinion before putting the plan into action, so technically you never plan something on your own” Christen says._

_“You are so mean sometimes” I say, playfully glaring at Chris._

_“Ok baby, what date do you have planned then?” Christen asks, a smirk on her face._

_“Ok so I don’t have anything planned but I could surprise you one of these days” I say. “Before we were like official I planned most of our dates without your input.”_

_“I know you did” Christen says with a smile. “I was just teasing.”_

_“Where are you taking me on a date then?” I ask, pulling Christen closer so that I can wrap my arms around her in a hug._

_“It’s nothing fancy, we are college students we have to look after our money” Christen says, making me smile. I love how responsible and sensible she is. “But I was thinking we could go bowling and then I will take you out to dinner.”_

_“Sounds good” I reply, kissing Christen’s cheek. “As long as dessert is involved then I am in.”_

_“What kinda dessert are you looking for?” Christen asks with a smirk but I don’t catch on._

_“I don’t know, cheesecake or something” I answer. “Although I do feel like chocolate cake.”_

_“You see babe, my idea of dessert is sorta different” Christen says quietly before turning around to peck my lips. “My idea of dessert has to be eaten in the bedroom” Christen adds, this time kissing my cheek before making her way towards my neck, nipping my skin as she goes. “I like the kinda dessert that has me screaming your name.”_

_“I like that dessert too” I smile, pulling Christen down on top of me as we lie on the couch. “I like it a lot. So much so that maybe we skip the bowling and dinner and skip to dessert right now.”_

_“That sounds like a perfect pla…”_

_“What are you guys doing?” Jeff asks when he switches on the living room light and notices us on the couch. “Yuck, are you guys having sex in the lounge. I am telling mom.”_

_“Oh grow up” I say, throwing a cushion at Jeff as Christen and I move to sit up properly. “It’s the summer holidays, shouldn’t you be out making girls cringe with your idiotic pick-up lines?”_

_“Shouldn’t you and Christen be having sex in your room instead of where dad and I sit to watch sports” Jeff asks._

_“We weren’t having sex” Christen adds._

_“Really so you normally just lie on top of each other in public?” Jeff says before I throw another cushion at him and he finally leaves._

_“He’s an idiot” I mutter before moving back in for another kiss when Christen stops me. “What?”_

_“Let’s just go on our date” Christen says as she moves off of the couch._

_“Babe, come on” I say annoyed. “You said it yourself, students don’t have a lot of money so how about our date just included what we were doing before. It is cheaper.”_

_“Are you calling me cheap?” Christen raises her eyebrow._

_“Not at all” I say, grabbing Christen’s hand and pulling her towards me. “All I am saying is that you kinda got me worked up and I don’t really wanna bowl and go out for dinner now.”_

_“We have to get out of the house for a bit, we’ve got like two months off from university” Christen says. “We shouldn’t spend it indoors every day as much as we would like to, we need to get outside for a bit.”_

_“We were outside yesterday” I say._

_“Yeah, only to walk from my house, where we spend the majority of the weekend in bed, to your house” Christen says with a laugh. “That doesn’t really count as getting outside and getting fresh air.”_

_“We spend the majority of our university lives apart, why can’t we revel in the fact that we are now together for a full two months?” I say._

_“We can do that, I just don’t think lying in bed all day every day is very healthy” Christen says._

_“It’s healthy if we are exercising in bed” I say with a wink._

_“We need to get you outside, you are way too sex-crazed” Christen laughs._

_“Just tryna make up for all the times we couldn’t do it” I say with a smile. “Plus it’s kinda hard to keep my hands to myself when my girlfriend looks like you.”_

_“Flattery won’t work here babe” Christen smiles before kissing me. “How about we come to a compromise?” Christen places her hands on my shoulders. “We go out for a bit, it doesn’t need to be bowling and then when we come back we can do whatever you want.”_

_“Whatever I want?” I enquire with a playful smirk._

_“Yes” Christen laughs, kissing me again. “Let’s get ready to go out.”_

_“Ok” I agree before pecking Christen’s lips and then pulling her upstairs so we can change._

_# End of Flashback #_

I don’t think I realised I must’ve slept with a smile on my face until I wake up with a sore jaw.


	15. Life Is A Rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life Is A Rollercoaster by Ronan Keating

It’s Game day. Time to face Canada. The last time the national team played Canada I was out injured so I never made it to camp so I am definitely pumped up for today. There is always that bit more at stake when we play them.

“Oh my god, I have literally just had the most awkward conversation of my life” Alex says dramatically before throwing herself on my bed, right on top of the clothes I was folding. “Kelley, A-Rod and I were walking back from getting coffee at Starbucks, right?”

“Right” I say, waiting on Alex to continue.

“This guy walks right into Kelley and they are apologising and stuff then he and I make eye contact and you will never guess who he was?” Alex says.

“Who?” I shrug.

“Damien” Alex says, a bit of displeasure in her tone.

“Can you believe we met Damien?” Kelley asks when she enters the room.

“Am I supposed to know who Damien is?” I ask confused. Who is Damien, I don’t think I know someone called that.

“High school Damien” Alex says but that still doesn’t help.

“Sorry, I am still lost” I say before gesturing for Alex and Kelley to move off of my bed so I can finish folding my clothes.

“Alex’s high school boyfriend, the one who took her to senior prom and then left with another girl at the end of the night” Kelley clarifies.

“Oh right, I thought that dude was called David” I say with a shrug. “Anyway, how was the encounter with him at Starbucks awkward?”

“Because I don’t like the guy and he was acting like a jerk” Alex answers.

“You are married and totally over what happened in high school so just let it go” I say with a shrug and then Allie, Christen and Lauren arrive.

“Exactly” Kelley says. “I think the dude was just being a douche.”

“Who’s being a douche?” Allie asks. “We are ready to go shopping when you guys are.”

“My ex” Alex answers Allie’s question. “When Amy, Kelley and I were at Starbucks I bumped into my ex from high school, the one who cheated on me at prom.”

“At least you are with a decent guy now” Lauren says with a smile. “Who cares about an ex who clearly wasn’t good enough for you Alex?”

“I don’t think any of us would care for our prom dates nowadays” Kelley says. “They were all pretty much jerks judging by all the stories we have told over many camps.”

“Christen had the best prom date ever” I say, a smug smile on my face.

“You would say that” Christen smiles.

“Did you take Christen to prom?” Kelley asks and I nod.

“Tell me you have a picture somewhere of the two of you going to prom” Allie says with a smile. “That’s so cute.”

“Don’t patronise me” I say.

“I am being serious, it is very rare to still be madly in love with the person who took you to prom” Allie says.

“Are we going shopping or not?” I ask, receiving a yes from everyone. “Good so let’s go.”

~

“What do you think of this top?” Alex asks, picking up what must be her twentieth top in this store.

“My opinion is just the same as the last time considering it is the same flaming top” I say, getting annoyed. I am going to kill Kelley, Lauren and Christen for leaving me alone with Alex. Since I bought what I needed to buy within fifteen minutes I was the one who was left to make sure Alex didn’t go overboard while the other three sauntered off to some shoe store.

“Does it scream classy to you or does it look too cheap?” Alex asks, holding the top against herself again.

“With that price tag on it, it is definitely not cheap” I say. “The colour in the pattern matches your eyes.”

“Do you think Servando will like it?”

“Personally, I don’t think he would wear something like that so there is no need to worry that he will steal it from you or buy a matching one” I say, biting my tongue so that I don’t laugh at the annoyed face Alex is pulling. That would only anger her further.

“Not what I meant and you know it” Alex says before huffing. “You really are no help sometimes.”

“Look, Servando loves you for you” I say, squeezing Alex’s hand. “He won’t care what you wear. His opinion on your clothes don’t matter, you wear what you want to wear.”

“I just feel like when he and I actually get time together, we are both too tired to make an effort” Alex says. “I don’t want our relationship to get boring, that’s all.”

“If you like the top then buy it” I say with a smile. “Just go easy on the credit card, your relationship with Servando certainly won’t be boring when he finds out you wiped out all you guys savings on clothes, shoes and handbags.”

“Don’t worry” Alex says with a smile. “Text the others and see where they are while I go and pay for my stuff.”

I quickly text Kelley as I wait on Alex.

Tobin: Hey, where you guys at? Alex is finished the shopping spree in this store x

Kelley: We are on our way to you just now, wait outside x

Tobin: cool

“Where are they?” Alex asks as she battles with all her shopping bags.

“They are coming to meet us as we speak” I answer before I put Alex out of her misery and I take some of the bags from her.

“Thanks.”

It’s about five minutes later when the other three turn up, probably with as many bags between them as Alex has for herself.

“I am guessing those aren’t your bags Tobin” Lauren says with a laugh.

“Good guess” I say. “Just be thankful I managed to convince her not to buy anything else.”

“What did you ladies buy?” Alex asks nosily while trying to look inside Lauren and Christen’s bags.

“Just a few things for Jrue’s mom’s birthday and a few household items” Lauren answers.

“Christen got a nice lingerie set, I am sure she will model it for you sometime Tobin” Kelley winks.

“No she won’t” Christen says, elbowing Kelley.

“I am just trying to help you” Kelley tells Christen. “Those granny pants you had on in that changing room wouldn’t flatter anyone. And with the pace that Tobin is going at then I think you need to take matters into your own hands.”

“I don’t need any help Kelley” Christen says and then we all make our way back to the hotel.

“Did you actually buy a lingerie set at all?” I ask Chris as we fall behind the other three, leaving enough distance for us to have a conversation without being overheard.

“Yes but not for the purposes Kelley is making out” Christen says.

“When are you going to model it for me anyway?” I ask, giving Christen a cheeky smile.

“It certainly won’t be anytime soon” Christen says with a smile. “I wouldn’t want to distract you when we have an important game to win. You’re too important to this team so we can’t have you off your game.”

“Fair point” I shrug, smiling back at Christen.

~

“Tobin can you just calm down please?” Christen asks me.

“Calm down?” I ask incredulously. “How the fuck am I meant to calm down?”

“Christen’s right, just chill” Alex interrupts. “It was one mistimed tackle, Julie is ok.”

“I am fine Tobin” Julie says as she stands up.

“That’s not the point” I say furiously. “We are not playing rugby here, its soccer.” Someone just completely wiped out JJ.

“We expected this from Canada but we don’t expect this reaction from you” Alex says. “Don’t let them get to you, we can’t have you sent off.”

“There are at least six of them that should’ve been sent off” I say angrily, throwing my hand in the air. “REF!!”

I march over to the referee and give her a piece of my mind but it just winds up in me getting a yellow for protesting and the Canadian that wiped out JJ getting nothing more than a stern talking to.

“We need referees who can actually do their job correct” I say loudly but not loud enough for the ref to hear me. “What’s the use in having a ref who doesn’t know the difference between a clean tackle and a dirty tackle?”

“Tobin, let it go” Alex says annoyed. “The last thing we need is to go down to ten players.”

“Tell me that wasn’t a sending off Broon” I say.

“It wasn’t the best tackle in the world but you are overreacting slightly” Broon says, trying to calm me down.

“I’m not overreacting” I say before walking off to my spot so the game can be restarted from our free kick.

“Tobin…”

“What?” I snap, still fired up.

“Forget it” Christen says as she shakes her head and walks off. I didn’t mean to snap at Chris, I am just so frustrated. I hate losing full stop but fuck, if we lose to Canada… I will lose my shit.

Ten minutes later and I am fired up for a different reason, we are now leading. The difference is only a goal but if we remain on the front foot then it can be more.

“COME ON!!” I shout after Christen sends a ball into the bottom left corner. Now we are up by two goals, we can win this now.

We did end up winning the match, it was tight but we got there. I make my way around the pitch shaking everyone’s hand before I head to the locker room so I can apologise to my teammates for almost losing in during the second half.

“Chris…” I start as I sit next to the woman. “I am sorry for snapping at you.”

“I get it, you were frustrated” Christen shrugs like it was nothing. “We won in the end so it doesn’t matter.”

“I am sorry” I say sincerely.

“Toby, its fine” Christen smiles. “You were snapping at everyone, I didn’t take it personally.”

“I just hate the Canadians” I say. “I promise to be cool-headed when we play our next game against them.”

“Good” Christen says, giving me a warm smile. “Hurry up and get changed and showered so we can get to the restaurant.”

“Ok, I will meet you all there” I say as I get up and walk away, smiling widely at Chris as I do. Christen smiles back at me, making me weak at the knees. This woman really has some effect on me.

~

“Hey!!” Christen says as she slaps my hand. “You’ve got your own food, stop trying to eat mine.” Since the game was played so early Dawn decided to arrange for us all to have a team dinner at one of the local Italian restaurants after the game.

“I don’t like mine though” I complain, trying to reach for Christen’s plate again.

“That’s your own fault for picking that meal from the menu” Christen replies, swatting my hand away again.

“Don’t be mean babe” I say, trying a third time to reach for Christen’s plate and successfully managing to steal a baby tomato.

“Do you want to swap?” Christen asks, sighing slightly but I know she isn’t as annoyed as she is pretending to be.

“I don’t want all your food, maybe just half” I say before Christen takes some of my food and gives me half of hers. “Thanks” I say, planting a kiss on Christen’s cheek before I notice Kelley giving me a pointed look which I ignore.

“Why don’t you like this?” Christen asks as she swallows a mouthful of the pasta I ordered. “I like it.”

“I just thought your salad looked better, I didn’t not like it” I answer.

“You are so sly Tobin, you knew if you said you didn’t like it then I would swap with you” Christen says as she shakes her head but I just grin at her. “I hate you.”

“No ya don’t” I smile, intending to peck Christen on the cheek again but my lips land a little close to her mouth causing us both to blush slightly. I am twenty six and still blush like a teenager around Chris.

“What are everyone’s plans for the rest of the night, I was thinking a movie night?” Allie suggests. “Our next game is in two days so we should probably rest for a bit. Especially you Harry, you need the rest.”

“Me?” I question.

“Yeah, you were pretty hot-headed out there today” Allie says.

“Let’s just say I am not a fan of the Canadians” I say.

“I remember the first time you played Canada you incorrectly got sent off” Lauren says with a frown.

“Don’t remind me, that’s the reason I hate them” I say causing a few of my teammates to laugh.

~

“What movie are we watching?” I ask as I enter the room. “If it’s something sappy then I’m out.”

“Says the girl whose favorite movie is The Notebook” Alex says with a laugh.

“I could literally kill Christen for that” I say before grabbing the TV remote from A-Rod so I can look through the movies. “Chris will be here in ten minutes, she’s talking to the trainer just now.”

“That’s cool we can wait” Allie says. “I think there is still another few coming to join us anyway.”

“These movies are all old” I complain when I get to the end of the list. “Did anyone bring any movies with them?”

“Just pick one at random Tobs because it’s not like we would all manage to agree on the same one anyway” Alex tells me before she starts arranging cushions on the floor so it’s more comfortable to sit.

“A random one it is then” I say before selecting the first movie and pressing play.

“Shouldn’t we wait for everyone else to arrive before starting?” Alex asks as she sits down on the floor.

“They knew what time we were starting. It’s been ten minutes now” Kelley says before gesturing for me to press play again.

About twenty minutes into the movie and Christen comes bursting through the door.

“Sorry I’m late” Christen whispers into the room before tapping on my knee to get me to move over a bit so she can sit on the bed.

“It’s ok Press but please be quiet, the good bit is coming up” Kelley says before glaring at Christen.

“Wow, she takes movies seriously” Christen whispers in my ear making me laugh lightly.

“What did the trainer say?” I ask quietly. “Are you clear to play the next game?”

“Yeah, no damage done” Christen replies.

“That’s good” I smile at Christen.

“Ssh” Alex says, launching a pillow at us.

“Sorry” I reply, throwing the pillow back at Alex.

We settle to watch more of the movie when I feel Christen flinching next to me, creepy movies were never really Chris’s thing.

“I think there is a spider in here” I whisper in Christen’s ear. “It’s crawled out of the TV with those cockroaches we saw a minute ago.”

“I’m not buying it Toby.”

“Can you two shut up?” Kelley says annoyed before throwing a cushion at us. “Stop whispering to each other when we are trying to watch the movie.”

“Sorry” Christen and I apologise at the same time. It’s not like we were whispering that much, I just couldn’t resist teasing her.

“If you want to keep whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ear then I suggest you find another hotel room” Kelley states before focusing back on the movie.

~

“I can’t believe they threw us out of the room” Christen says in disbelief.

“Me neither” I reply. “It’s not like we were talking loud enough to disturb the movie.”

“Exactly” Christen agrees as we slowly walk to her room. “How about we just go back to my room and watch our own movie, JJ is hanging out with Moe so she won’t be in the room.”

“Sounds cool” I say.

“What do you wanna watch?” Christen asks when we get inside the room. “I have a few movies saved on my laptop.”

“Cool” I say before grabbing Christen’s laptop and switching it on.

“You will need my password to sign in” Christen says as she tries to tidy up the room slightly.

“You mean your password is not ‘I Love Tobin’, I am shocked Chris” I say playfully.

“I used that password too much so I had to change it” Christen answers back with a smile. “The password is M.O.R.K.A, all uppercase.”

“What does morka mean?” I ask as I type in the letters.

“It’s my dogs, Morena and Kahleesi” Christen answers.

“That’s so precious.”

“Stop making a fool of me and find a movie will you” Christen says with a soft smile before disappearing into the bathroom.

Five minutes later and Christen re-emerges in her pyjamas and I have finally decided on a movie.

“What did you pick?” Christen asks as she crawls onto the bed next to me and looks at the laptop screen. “Aw… Tobin...”

“There’s nothing else, ok” I say, knowing I am about to be made a fool of for picking The Notebook. “The rest of the movies you have on here are shit.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t breathe a word of this to anyone” Christen says before moving to get in a comfortable position so we can both see the screen. The close proximity of Christen to me makes my heart race slightly but then again, that’s not a new occurrence so I just have to power through it.

“Thanks.”

“You smell really good, what is that scent you are wearing?” Christen asks, moving closer to me. “It’s kinda like coconut.”

“That will be my shampoo” I answer.

“I like it” Christen says before lifting my arm so that she can lay her head on my shoulder and my arm is wrapped around her. “You always smell good.”

~

The movie has long finished by the time JJ comes back into the room but I didn’t want to leave because Christen fell asleep on me and I didn’t have the heart to disturb her.

“Has she been asleep for long?” JJ asks as she tiptoes around the room.

“About an hour” I answer. “I think my arm is sleeping as well but I don’t wanna move in case she wakes up.”

“She really loves you by the way” JJ says as she sits down on her own bed. “I know it is not my business and things are complex between you both but I can tell how much she wants to be with you.”

“I love her too, I really do” I say, facing my teammate. “I’m just scared about all the other factors, our relationship would need to be long distance again but that’s what broke us. I’m really not sure if I could cope if we were to break up again.”

“You are both older and more mature now” JJ says.

“I even found myself researching Swedish teams the other week there so I could be closer to Chris” I say with a nervous laugh. “I left PSG because I wanted to play in America so that I am closer to the national team but now I am thinking about moving back to Europe again because Chris is there.”

“Have you talked to Christen about all of this, explained to her why you are hesitant about getting back together?”

“Not really, I honestly don’t know how to broach the subject” I say with a sigh. “When I am around her I want to have fun and hang out, I don’t want to talk about sad or depressing stuff.”

“You need to talk to her, let her know why you aren’t ready yet” JJ says. “She isn’t going to ever say this but I know it is hurting that little bit more each day she isn’t with you.”

“I just wish things were simple.”

“Love is never simple” JJ says. “When I finished at Santa Clara, Zach and I split up for a while.”

“Really?” I ask. “I didn’t know that.”

“It was for about eight months” Julie replies. “We both had careers that were taking us across the country from one another and the distance was ruining things. I still don’t see him as much as I want to but we managed to work things out.”

“I think I want to continue playing in the US, my game isn’t really suited to the European style and I am having fun at Portland” I say before glancing down at Christen, still asleep in my arms. “But Chris isn’t in the US, I don’t want there to be a division between soccer and our relationship. Not like the last time.”

“It won’t be like the last time, this is different Tobin” JJ assures me. “I haven’t known Christen as long as you have but she’s been one of my closest friends for three years now, I know for a fact she wouldn’t let history repeat itself.”

“I guess I am just overcomplicating things by thinking too far ahead, it’s not like she will be in Sweden all year round” I say. “I guess we should just take it a day at a time.”

“I’ve never seen Christen look at any of her ex-girlfriends the way she looks at you, its painfully obvious how much she wants to be with you” Julie says, smiling gently at me.

“So you’ve met her exes then?” I ask before looking down at Christen to make sure she is still asleep.

“Yeah” JJ says with a nod. “I met Zara once or twice and Janine on quite a few occasions. She wasn’t with Zara for that long was she?”

“I don’t know, it’s not something Chris and I have really spoke about” I answer.

“Oh shoot, me and my big mouth” Julie says as she covers her mouth.

“It’s fine, it’s a subject I should cover with Chris anyway” I say with a shrug. “I should probably move and get back to my own room, breakfast is at seven tomorrow right?”

“Yeah seven” JJ confirms before she walks off to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

“Chris?” I say, gently nudging her. “I need my arm back babe so I can go back to my room.”

“What time is it?” Christen asks groggily as she slowly moves out of my grip. “Did I miss the end of the movie?”

“Yeah, you crashed about half the way through it” I answer with a soft smile before removing a few strands of hair from Chris’s face and tucking them behind her ear.

“Sorry.”

“It’s ok, it’s not like you don’t know how it ends” I say with a chuckle. “We both could practically re-enact the whole thing anyway.”

“We probably could” Christen smiles.

“I need to get back to my own room, JJ is in the bathroom” I say as I stand up and Christen follows me. “Thanks for your company Chris.”

“Thank you too” Christen says with a smile and I smile back. “Goodnight Toby.”

“Goodnight Chris.” And with that I leave a peck on Christen’s cheek before I exit the room.

~

“Another game down and another camp finished” Christen says as we sit on the beach. We had another comfortable win against Canada last night and now it is time for everyone to separate and head back to their club teams today.

“Last camp until January” I say, throwing a small pebble towards the sea.

“I will not see you for a couple of months, I bet you are relieved” Christen says jokingly.

“Relieved?” I say with a smile. “Try the opposite, I don’t get to spend enough time with you.”

“Maybe we will see each other before the next camp” Christen says before turning to look at me. “Will you be back in LA at any point?”

“Yeah, once the season is over with Portland I am going back home to LA for a while” I answer. “I wanna spend some time with my mom and hang out with little Cole.”

“I will be back in LA for the holidays so maybe we could meet up at some point.”

“That would be cool” I say. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Ok” Christen says, turning to face me. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I do love you, I never stopped” I start, looking Christen in the eye. “I maybe have tried to convince myself that I was over you and I didn’t need you in my life but it was all just a lie. I do want you in my life…”

“Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming?” Christen asks.

“There’s no but” I say with a smile before swallowing my nerves. “Chris, I want to be…”

“Christen!!!” Kling screams as she runs over to us.

“What’s wrong?” Christen worriedly asks our friend.

“I got the times mixed up for our flight” Kling says breathlessly. “We need to get to the airport now or we won’t make it back to Sweden on time.”

“Jeez Kling” Christen says, panic evident in her voice.

“I’m sorry, you can shout at me later but we should hurry to the airport right now” Kling says. “Come on.”

“Ok, ok” Christen says. “Tobin, I’m…”

“Its fine, go” I say with a smile. “Take care, ok?”

“You too” Christen says before kissing my cheek and hurrying off with Kling.

“Nothing ever goes to plan does it” I mumble aloud before kicking the sand. It has taken me months to finally admit I am ready to be with Chris and I had to leave it to the last minute. Well done Tobin. I’ve made my mind up though, there is no more delaying the inevitable. Christen and I will be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just a filler chapter, the next chapter should be up within a couple of days.


	16. The One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The One by Kodaline

“Are my eyes deceiving me or is that US Soccer superstar Christen Press?” I ask with a playful smile.

“It really is her” Christen replies with a smile before I plop down next to Christen on the sand.

“Why are you sitting on the beach on your own?” I ask. “It’s almost midnight, the New Year is fast approaching.”

“I needed some time to think” Christen says.

“This is your parent’s New Year’s Eve party, your favorite event of the year” I say, gently nudging Christen. “You should be partying with your crew.”

“My crew?” Christen questions before laughing lightly.

“Yeah” I say with a smile. “A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be sitting alone.”

“What are you doing here?” Christen asks.

“You know my family does their own thing on New Year’s Eve” I say. “We are having the big gathering tomorrow.” Christen nods. “My mom is with her new guy and my sisters and brother are spending the night with their respective in laws so I’m all alone.”

“You’re welcome to join our party” Christen says as she looks over the sea.

“You mean your family’s party or your pity party on the beach by yourself?” I ask, earning a slap on the arm from Christen. “The truth is; I was supposed to attend the party my friend Lisa was holding but I bailed at the last minute.”

“Why?”

“I heard about the annual Press party and that a certain soccer player was attending so I thought I would check it out” I say with a smile before I notice Christen’s sombre face. “Chris what’s wrong?”

“Nothing” Christen says, giving me a fake smile.

“Don’t lie.”

“I hate this time of year” Christen says.

“Since when?” I ask with a chuckle. “This and Christmas is your favorite time of year.”

“Things change Toby.”

“Nice try, tell me what’s really wrong” I demand gently before pulling Christen into a hug.

“Nothing really Tobin, I just wanted some peace to sit by myself for a bit” Christen replies. “My life is so hectic I just need to take a minute to reflect. To breathe.”

“I will go then since you want to be alone” I playfully say as I go to stand up but Christen pulls me back down.

“Stay please” Christen pleads with a smile. “I haven’t seen you since the last national team camp.”

“Ok.”

“How was your Christmas?”

“It was good, pretty quiet” I answer. “We opened the presents as a family in the morning then I went to visit my dad with my siblings and then I had dinner with my family at my mom’s house.”

“Sounds like a good day.”

“It was” I reply. “How was your Christmas?”

“Like it always is, lots of people, lots of presents, lots of food and plenty of alcohol” Christen says with a laugh. “Lots of surprises too; the main one being that Tyler is pregnant.”

“Congrats, welcome to the auntie’s club” I say with a laugh. “How was your birthday? You’re getting old now; twenty-six.”

“Not as old as you” Christen smartly replies. “My birthday was good, I got spoiled as usual.”

“Even Christen has a tendency to spoil Christen” I say with a laugh before I go into my pocket and pull out a small wrapped parcel. “I got you something.”

“Tobin…”

“It’s not much but I wanted to get you something so…” I trail off, letting Christen open the package.

“They’re gorgeous” Christen says as she looks at the pair of earrings.

“I figured they were pretty much the same as the ones you had that Kelley lost during our last camp” I say, slightly nervously to be honest. “I knew you loved them so I wanted to replace them for you.”

“Thank you Toby” Christen says before kissing my cheek.

“We should probably head back up to your house” I say as I glance at my watch. “Not long until midnight; seven minutes.”

“We should” Christen says before standing up. “I wanna put these earrings on first though.”

“Ok” I smile as I wait for Christen to put the earrings in and then we head back to her parent’s house. I used to love the fact that Christen stayed so close to the beach, it meant that I had an excuse to pass by her house every time I went surfing.

“You seem very happy and upbeat tonight Toby” Christen says. “I am not saying you are not usually happy but there is something different about you, you seem… just happy.”

“I am spending time with the most beautiful girl in the world, of course I am happy and cheerful” I say with a grin. “That and I am so excited to finally see you, I’ve missed you like crazy Chris.”

“I’ve missed you too” Christen replies with a soft smile.

~

“Has everyone got a drink in their hand?” Cody shouts. “If you don’t, hurry up because there is only a minute until midnight.”

“We should get a drink Tobin” Christen tells me.

“I got it covered” I say as I hand Christen a glass of champagne.

“Where’s yours?”

“I will get a beer after midnight” I say. “Champagne really isn’t my thing.”

“Ok” Christen smiles and I just look at her beaming face. This is the Christen I love to see, not the sad one from the beach.

“Ten seconds” I whisper in Christen’s ear as she stands slightly in front of me with her back to me. “Five seconds” I whisper again except this time I pull Christen gently to face me. “Two…” and then I kiss her, I kiss her like I did every other time we welcomed in a new year together. “Happy New year Chris.”

“Happy New Year” Christen says, looking a little surprised but happy.

“This is going to be a good year, I promise you.”

“I hope so” Christen mumbles as I envelope her in a hug.

“Come on Christen, give your mommy a hug” Stacy says as she approaches us before she pulls her daughter into a hug. “Happy New Year sweetheart.”

“Happy New Year mom” Christen replies and then Stacy pulls me into a hug.

“I am going to mingle, there’s more champagne in the lounge” Stacy says before winking at her daughter then leaving.

“Ok mom” Christen nods and then she grabs my hand and pulls me outside. “It was so loud in there, my family really are wild.”

“Is it ok that I kissed you?” I ask nervously. “I didn’t mean to catch you by surprise so much but I’ve been waiting months to kiss you, I just couldn’t resist any longer.”

“It was fine” Christen says and I frown slightly.

“Fine, the kiss was just fine?” I ask. “Press I am kinda hurt by that, fine means the kiss was boring. I was going for mind-blowing or out of this world, not fine.”

“I didn’t mean the kiss was just fine” Christen rolls her eyes playfully. “I meant that it was fine to kiss me as in I am ok with it. The kiss was earthshattering if you must know.”

“I don’t think it was quite that good” I say with a smirk. “I admit I can do better but it was definitely more than fine. Let’s just settle on it being mind-blowing.”

“If that helps massage your ego babe then we shall settle on that” Christen replies as she laces her hands through mine. “I’ve really missed you Toby.”

“I’ve missed you too but you don’t have to worry now because I am here and I am definitely not going anywhere” I say as I kiss Chris gently.

~

“Do you need to leave?” Christen asks, staring right up at me from her place on the bed with her sleepy eyes.

“I guess I could stay for a late breakfast” I say with a smile as I finish putting my shoes on. Nothing happened between us last night, after our kiss we just partied with Chris’s family and friends before passing out on Christen’s bed from dancing and laughing too much.

“I will be two seconds” Christen says as she rushes out of bed and into her en-suite bathroom. I quickly scan the room to see if Christen has any hoodies lying around that I could wear when I spot a Stanford one. I guess that will need to do.

I gently hum to myself as I walk around the room while I wait for Christen to come out of the bathroom. As I glance around the room a picture in the corner catches my eye. When I move closer I notice it is a picture of Christen with her sisters on her 21st Birthday, I smile at the memory. I remember taking that photograph.

“I’m ready” Christen says when she walks out of the bathroom, her hair brushed and her eyes more wide awake.

“So am I” I say with a smile before following Christen out of the room.

“Good morning you two” Tyler says with a smirk.

“Good morning” I reply as I walk over to the coffee machine.

“Did you have a little sleepover?” Tyler asks with a smirk, looking at Christen and I.

“None of your business” Christen says, offering her own smirk.

“Now that you got to meet Channing’s boyfriend officially last night, what did you think sis?” Tyler asks Chris while I busy myself with making a pot of coffee.

“He seems nice enough” Christen says with a shrug. “As long as she’s happy and he treats her right then I’m happy.”

“I agree” Tyler says. “Are you two back together then?”

“What?” Christen asks, almost choking on the grape she just put in her mouth.

“You and Tobin here, are you back together?” Tyler repeats.

“N-no” Christen says a little shakily.

“Don’t deny it, I saw the two of you kissing last night” Tyler states matter of fact.

“It’s complicated” I interject, hoping that will be enough.

“Ok then” Tyler says unsure, looking between Chris and me.

“Let’s make a start on breakfast” Christen says, changing the subject.

“What would you like to eat Chris?” I ask, Christen isn’t exactly the best cook around.

“That depends on what you are willing to make me” Christen says with a sweet smile.

“You want pancakes don’t you?”

“Yes” Christen says with an excited smile.

“Ok but if your parent’s don’t have enough ingredients then I am not going to the store” I warn playfully before I locate all the ingredients.

“Do you want some help?” Christen asks but judging by the way she is practically rolling around the floor with her dogs then I don’t think she means it sincerely.

“I’m sure I will manage” I say with a chuckle before frowning at Christen who just let the younger dog, Kahleesi I think, lick her face. I tend to get the two dogs mixed up, I don’t know them all that well and they look pretty similar to me. “Did you seriously just let him lick your face?”

“HER not him” Christen says with a scowl. “That’s just her way of giving me a good morning kiss.”

“Well if you want a good morning kiss from someone different later then I suggest you wash your face first” I say, throwing Christen a wink.

“If I promise to wash my face right now, can I have a kiss in like five minutes?”

“I don’t see why not” I shrug before smiling at Christen.

“I will be back” Christen announces before rushing out of the room, the dog running after her.

“How pissed do you think she will be when I tell her I was talking about the other dog ‘kissing’ her and not me?” I ask Tyler who laughs.

“Pretty pissed” Tyler answers. “In case you haven’t noticed Heath, she’s obsessed with you. Not to mention she has you wrapped around her finger.”

“Yeah I know” I smile before I turn serious. “I really love her, I know I said we aren’t back together but I meant that as in we haven’t discussed it yet. I do want to be with her, I am not setting her up for a fall.”

“I know” Tyler smiles brightly. “I trust you Tobin, I always have. I know you won’t hurt her.”

“Good” I nod. “Congratulations on the baby by the way, you must be excited.”

“So excited, although the morning sickness does dampen the mood” Tyler answers before subconsciously rubbing her very small baby bump. “I can’t wait though.”

“I am ready for my kiss now” Christen says, walking towards me with a smile.

“Cool, Morena is waiting in the living room for you” I smile.

“Mor… Tob-ee” Christen whines. “I hate you so much right now.”

“You won’t be saying that when you taste these pancakes” I say before gesturing for Christen to sit down at the table and I serve her the food.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome” I reply before sitting down next to Christen with my plate. “Hey, Chris…”

“Yeah?” Christen turns to look at me when I have her attention.

“Good morning” I smile before connecting my lips to Christen’s.

“It really is” Christen smiles back, her forehead pressed against mine.

“Get a room” Tyler mutters before leaving the kitchen.

“What are your plans for today?” I ask, pulling slightly away from Christen but remaining to hold her close. “Is it the usual Press routine?”

“Pretty much, we all have a lazy morning to recover from the party last night and then we will have the whole family over to celebrate our first meal of the New Year together” Christen answers. “It won’t be as elaborate as the Heath New Year extravaganza.”

“We know how to kick start the new year” I say with a smile. “No one celebrates New Year’s like my family.”

“Between my family’s New Year’s Eve party and your family’s New Year’s day celebrations we always had a hectic few days” Christen says nostalgically. “I loved that time of year.”

“Me too babe” I peck Chris on the lips. “Do you think you could sneak away for an hour tonight, come to my mom’s house?”

“I would love too but would I be welcome?” Christen asks. “I know your mom would be fine but Perry and Jeff, I don’t think so.”

“Fuck them” I say, smiling at Chris. “Pretty please, just an hour. I really wanna see you but there’s no way I will be able to leave my house.”

“Fine.”

“You’re awesome babe” I say before kissing Christen again.

“Since you made breakfast then it’s my turn to tidy up” Christen says as she pecks my lips and begins to tidy up the dishes. I can’t help but smile this morning, there are still some stuff Chris and I need to sort out but for the moment I am just content on spending time with Chris.

~

“There she is” Perry says as I walk into the kitchen. “Was it an all-night party or did you just get lucky and not come home?”

“It was neither” I say before kissing my mom on the cheek. “Happy New Year mom.”

“Same to you sweetie” my mom replies before going back to her cooking.

“Do you need me to prepare any food for tonight?” I ask. The answer is always no every year but it is still polite of me to ask.

“I have it all under control” my mom answers with a smile.

“Was it a good party last night sis?” Jeff asks as he eats what looks to be his fifth piece of toast since I arrived home. “I met your friend Neil when I was on my way home last night, he mentioned you bailed and never turned up to the party.”

“Did he?” I ask. “That’s strange.”

“It would only be strange if he was lying, which I don’t think he was” Jeff says before looking directly at me. “Where were you really last night?”

“What’s this, Chicago PD?” I ask with a nervous laugh.

“I just want to know where you were, you were acting really strange yesterday like you wanted to tell me something but didn’t know how to” Jeff says before moving to sit next to me. “If you wanna talk then I’m here.”

“OMG, I just figured it out” Perry announces loudly. “I know where Tobin was.”

“You do?” I ask surprised.

“She’s got a new love hasn’t she” Perry says, delight across her face. “It explains it all, she was acting strange yesterday because she was nervous to be meeting this new chick, hence the reason she didn’t go to the party she was supposed to go to because of the new love.”

“That will explain the cheerfulness and shit eating grin she had on her face when she came in this morning” Jeff adds, making me groan.

“My baby sister is in love, that’s so cute” Perry says before pinching my cheeks.

“Get off me you idiot” I say as I laugh. “You got me, ok. I didn’t go to the party because I was with a girl but that’s all I am telling you.”

“When can we meet her?” Perry asks as she jumps up and down excitedly.

“Perry, don’t jump around with a knife in your hand” my mom scolds my sister.

“I’m just excited” Perry responds before looking at me to answer her question.

“You will meet her when you meet her” I say calmly before walking off to my room to get ready for the day. I don’t think Perry will be this excited later when she finds out its Christen.

Just as I am stepping out of the shower my phone buzzes with a text message

Chris: Hey!! What time shall I come over tonight? Xx

Tobin: Anytime you want xx

I make my way back into my bedroom and pick my outfit for tonight. The party is usually casual dress but after my mom informed me the year that I turned up in soccer shorts that casual didn’t mean that casual I have tried to dress up a bit more.

Chris: 8pm? Xx

I quickly type out a reply before getting dressed.

Tobin: 8 is cool, see you then babe xxxxx

Chris: xxx

I pocket my phone before making my way back downstairs in search of my mom and find her still cooking away in the kitchen.

“Hey mom” I greet before casually trying to steal a piece of banana that my mom has obviously cut up for Cole.

“Hands where I can see them Tobin Powell Heath” my mom warns before kissing my cheek. “Are you ok honey?”

“I’m ok, I just wanted to talk to you” I say, swallowing a nervous lump in my throat. “You know how everyone thinks I’ve got a new girlfriend, well…”

“It’s Christen” my mom finishes for me.

“Mother’s instinct?” I question before my mom leads me over to the table so we can sit down.

“That and the fact that I know you” my mom says with a caring smile. “You broke up with Rhian because she wasn’t what you wanted, she wasn’t Christen, so it really wouldn’t be like you to start another relationship with someone new so soon.”

“I don’t want to hide anymore mom” I say with a sigh. “I am tired and fed up denying that I want to be with her. I never stopped loving her and I know she didn’t mean to break my heart.”

“No matter what happens, all I want is for my kids to be happy” my mom tells me. “I have always been very fond of Christen, what mother wouldn’t love the person who makes their daughter happy.”

“I know that there will still be some obstacles in our way but I am going to make it work this time” I say resolutely. “She will be in Sweden and I will be here in the US but I am not going to let that break us again.”

“I know you won’t, both are you are more grown up now and wiser” my mom says with a smile. “Everything about you screams happy right now, from that twinkle in your eye to that megawatt smile on your face.”

“She makes me so happy mom, I don’t even know how to describe it” I say, trying to contain the large grin on my face.

“I am glad you are happy sweetheart, I’ve missed seeing you like this” my mom says, kissing my cheek again.

“Are you happy mom?” I ask.

“When my kids are happy then I’m happy” my mom smiles. My mom is so hard to read sometimes, even if she was sad she would still smile. She would never show any hint of sadness when my siblings or I were around.

“I mean, are YOU happy” I ask, grabbing my mom’s hand.

“Yes” my mom says. “Don’t worry about me.”

“When I broke up with Chris, you were there for me despite the fact that you were going through your own heartbreak after splitting with dad” I say, squeezing my mom’s hand. “I just wanna know that you’re happy now.”

“I am sweetheart” my mom assures me.

“I’m glad.”

~

“I have just been informed by our cousin Tracy that you were just making out with some hot chick” Perry says, being painfully obvious that she is frantically scanning the room to see if she sees anyone. “Who is the babe, I want to meet her?”

“You’ve already met her, quite a few times actually.”

“Is it someone who was a friend?” Perry asks, once again searching the whole room to find a clue. “Is it a teammate, it’s not Kelley is it?”

“Jeez, no” I say with a frown. “Kelley has a girlfriend but even if she didn’t, I really don’t know how you could assume that.”

“You guys are close so…” Perry trails off with a shrug. “Just tell me who she is.”

“Don’t overreact but…”

“Don’t say it, sis please do not say the C word” Perry says before looking at me. “Oh Tobin…”

“Don’t even start” I warn, glaring at Perry. “I am so in love with her so please don’t be dramatic about this or try to interfere. I know what I am doing.”

“You could do so much better than her.”

“I just said don’t” I snap. “This is my business, ok.” Perry nods. “Ok?”

“Yes” my sister replies.

“Good” I say. “I am going to find her.” With that I walk off in search of Chris, who I eventually find talking to my mom.

“Hi sweetheart” my mom says with a smile. “Christen and I were just talking about her sister’s exciting baby news.”

“Its good news” I say with a smile. “You don’t mind if I steal Christen for a minute do you?”

“Of course not, I will go refill some drinks” My mom answers with a smile before walking off.

“Hi babe” Christen greets me with a kiss and I smile back. “You look pissed at something.”

“It’s just Perry, she was pissing me off” I reply before kissing Christen’s cheek. “Nothing for you to worry about.”

“She hates me, doesn’t she?” Christen says.

“She doesn’t hate you, she just…”

“She doesn’t like me” Christen says with a shrug. “It’s ok Tobin, I didn’t expect your whole family to forgive me for breaking your heart.”

“She will adjust eventually” I reply, pulling Christen in towards me. “I don’t really care what she thinks, I want to be with you so no one else’s opinion matters.”

“I wanna be with you too” Christen replies, placing a soft kiss on my lips before clasping her hands behind my neck.

“Good” I smile, placing my hands on Christens hips and looking deep into her eyes. “Your eyes really are mesmerising.”

“Thank you” Christen smiles.

“How was your day?” I ask as I gaze into Christen’s eyes.

“Uneventful really” Christen says before laughing lightly. “When I left the house my dad was trying to convince my gran to go for a lie down, she had too much gin.”

“That sounds exactly like New Year’s day in your house babe” I say with a laugh. “Thank you for coming to see me tonight, I really missed you.”

“I missed you too” Christen hums before pecking me on the lips.

“Aunt Tob, what ya doing?” Cole asks as he tries to pull on the hem of my top before looking up at Christen and I.

“I was kissing Christen” I say as Christen and I move apart slightly.

“Up” Cole says as he holds his hands in the air so that I can lift him up.

“What are you doing wandering around here on your own?” I ask after lifting the boy up. “Mommy and daddy will be cross, you know you don’t walk off.”

“Aunt Per said I should find you because you wanted hug” Cole says innocently. Of course aunt Perry said that because aunt Perry knew I would be with Christen and she is trying to mess with me.

“I always want a hug from my favorite boy” I say, peppering kisses on the little boy’s face. “Cole, I want you to meet Christen, she’s very special to me.”

“Hi” Cole says quietly before giving Christen a nervous wave.

“Hi Cole” Christen replies. “I like your jumper.”

“It’s Mickey” Cole says happily while looking at the Mickey Mouse character on his top. “He mouse.”

“That’s right” I say with a smile. “Tell Christen about the time you met Mickey.”

“He gave me toys” Cole says excitedly, remembering when he went to Disney World and met Mickey Mouse.

“You got all sorts of goodies from Mickey didn’t you?” I say, bouncing Cole on my hip.

“Mommy said, we go there again” Cole says as he plays with my hair. “I need to be good boy.”

“You do” I kiss his cheek. “We should probably find your mommy because she will be wondering where you are.”

“I wanna play ball” Cole says with a frown. “Mommy won’t let me play soccy. You play with me.”

“I can’t right now bud, we can play tomorrow” I reason with my nephew but he doesn’t look too happy with my suggestion. “I will teach you some new tricks tomorrow, I promise.”

“I want to play now” Cole whines before raising his voice. “SOCCY NOW!”

“Not today” I say firmly. “I will play with you tomorrow but right now we need to find your mom.”

“Down” Cole says in a huff while kicking me on the stomach so I will put him back on the ground. As soon as his little feet hit the ground he starts running.

“Wait” I shout as I chase after him but by the time I reach him he is already with his mom and dad. “Your son really can run” I say to Katie.

“I don’t like you” Cole points at me from his dad’s arms.

“Don’t say that buddy, you will hurt my feelings” I say with a sad face. “I want to play soccy with you too but we can’t just now. I promise I will play with you tomorrow.”

“Did he want to play soccer?” Katie asks before turning to her son and trying to calm him down.

“Chris, this is Cole’s dad and Katie’s husband obviously” I say with a nervous laugh as I introduce the two.

“My name is Stuart by the way, it seems to have slipped Tobin’s mind” Stuart says playfully as he shakes Christen’s hand.

“Nice to meet you” Christen says politely.

“Sorry Christen, I didn’t mean to be rude there” Katie says as she pulls Christen into a hug. “How are you?”

“I am good thanks” Christen replies.

“I don’t know if you have come across Perry yet but if you do, just ignore any cheeky remark she makes” Katie tells Chris. “You are always welcome in this family.”

“Thank you” Christen smiles.

“How do you like Sweden?” Stuart asks Christen. “I lived there for a while…” I zone out for a bit and let Christen and Stuart talk while I chat to my sister.

“You seem happy” Katie says with a smile. “I am guessing it has nothing to do with the new snapback you bought and everything to do with the girl who has been on your arm all night.”

“I just want to be with her again” I say as I look adoringly at Christen as she laughs at something Stuart has just said. “I am going to do whatever it takes to be with her.”

“I am happy for you Tobin.”

“Thanks” I say smiling. “I better rescue my girl from your husband’s lame jokes.”

~

“You really didn’t need to walk me home” Christen says as we stand outside her house.

“I didn’t want a pretty woman like you walking home alone in the dark” I say, smiling at Christen.

“What about you though?” Christen asks. “Now you are going to have to walk back home alone, unless...”

“What?” I whisper, moving even closer to the woman in front of me.

“Unless you stay with me tonight” Christen says nervously as she looks at the ground.

“Miss Press?” I say in mock shock. “What are you suggesting?”

“Don’t tease me. I didn’t mean it like that” Christen says. “I’ve missed you and I want to spend time with you. Tell me if I am reading this all wrong and going too fast but you said you wanted to be with me. I thought that meant…”

I cut Christen’s rambling off with a kiss. “Stop rambling baby.”

“Sorry” Christen apologises. “I love you Tobin and I feel like I can’t just be your friend any more. We’ve been in this limbo for months now, I know you weren’t ready and I respect that but if you’re still not fully ready then I need to know. All the kissing is giving me mixed messages, I…”

“I said stop rambling” I laugh before kissing Chris again. “I am ready babe, I wouldn’t intentionally lead you on if I wasn’t. We have a lot to figure out but we can just take it easy, one thing for sure is that I love you and we will be together.”

“Ok” Christen says with a nod. “Are you staying tonight then?”

“Try and stop me” I say, smiling again. In less than a week Christen will be back in Sweden again so I won’t see her for almost three weeks which means I want to spend as much time with her as possible.

“Christen, why didn’t you tell me Tobin was here?” Christen’s gran says when she spots us talking.

“She literally just got here” Christen answers before introducing us again.

“It’s nice to see you Mrs Press” I say politely.

“I’ve told you before Miss Heath, enough of the Mrs Press stuff” Christen’s gran says. “Call me anything other than that. It makes me sound old.”

“Sorry” I apologise.

“I am glad to see you putting a smile back on my granddaughters face” Fran says to me. “She was never fully happy than she was when she was with you.”

“We hit a stumbling block for a few years but we are back together for good this time” I say with certainty, kissing Christen on the cheek. “I am going to make her happy, you don’t have to worry.”

“I know that honey” Fran tells me. “I never have to worry about her when she has you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me at all grandma” Christen says to the older woman. “I am perfectly capable of looking after myself, I think it is you that we need to look after judging by the way you are swaying about.”

“Too many glasses of orange juice” Fran says to which Christen raises her eyebrow.

“If orange juice is code for gin then yes I agree” Christen says before helping her gran over to the couch so she can sit down. “Sit there, ok?”

“Yes my dear” Fran says, rolling her eyes.

“Now I see where you got your rolling eyes from” I say to Chris, earning me a slap on the arm.

“Stop being cheeky and get me a glass of wine please” Christen says with a smile and I do as I am told.

“I was thinking about taking you on a date tomorrow” I say as I pour Christen a glass of wine and then hand it to her. “Do you think you could spare the time?”

“That depends, are you not going to be sick of me?” Christen asks, sipping her wine. “We’ve only spent about four hours apart for the last twenty four plus hours.”

“Sick of you?” I question. “I need to make up for lost time. We’ve spent the last four years apart, I just got my girl back.”

“So I’m your girl, huh?” Christen asks with a smile.

“You know it” I answer before kissing Christen gently on the lips.

“Where are you taking me on the date?” Christen asks, lacing her hand through mine.

“You will just need to wait and see” I smile.

“I guess I will” Christen smiles.

After another half an hour most of Christen’s family and friends begin leaving, including her gran who was safely escorted to the guest bedroom by Stacy.

“Dance with me?” I say, grabbing Christen by the hips before I begin swaying us to the soft music in the background. “You know Tobin Heath doesn’t dance so take it as a compliment that she wants to dance with you.”

“Do you remember the last time we danced together?” Christen asks with a laugh. “It was a couple of national camps ago and you misjudged the beat on a fast song.”

“How could I forget, Kelley and the rest of the team were in hysterics” I say, laughing along with Christen. “I am actually pretty good at dancing when it comes to slow songs just not fast songs.”

“If you are so good then why have I not seen any good moves yet?” Christen asks before I twirl her around and then dip her over.

“There ya go” I say smugly before placing my hands on Christen’s hips to get her to sway to the music. “I had this friend in France who was a dancer, she told me that the key to performing a great dance is to find the beat and find yourself the right partner.”

“Clearly you have found neither of those” Christen says through her laughter after I unsuccessfully tried to twirl her around again.

“Listen here, sometimes it’s hard to find the beat when the song is ludicrously slow” I defend myself. “As for the partner, I know I have found the right one in you so my terrible dancing tonight is solely down to my issue with the beat.”

“Is that right?”

“Yep” I say with a smile. “I wanna dance all my dances with you even if it means we look like a hot mess.”

“Aw… you two are so cute” Tyler says interrupting us. “I wish my husband could be that sweet to me.”

~

“Do you have some clothes I can borrow?” I ask as we make our way upstairs to Christen’s bedroom. “I don’t want to sleep in these jeans.”

“Of course” Christen answers before opening the bedroom door and we walk inside.

“Why is it so messy in here?” I ask amusedly. “I woke up here this morning and your room was spotless and tidy…”

“I couldn’t find my favorite dress” Christen says with a sigh as she begins to tidy up. “I was running late and wanted to change before I went over to your house but I couldn’t find my dress and then I didn’t have time to tidy up.”

“You really must’ve been in a panic, I’ve never seen you leave anything as messy as this” I say with a laugh. “You surprise me sometimes Christen Press.”

“Are you going to mock me all night or help me tidy up” Christen asks with a raised eyebrow.

“What do I get in return for helping?” I ask, a playful smirk gracing my lips.

“You get to sleep in my bed and if you are lucky I may stretch to a makeout session and some cuddling” Christen says. “That just depends on how helpful you are.”

“Can I touch your boobs during the making out?” I bargain hopefully.

“Boobs and bum, BUT” Christen emphasises the last word. “Only if you are really helpful.”

“I will be really helpful” I say before moving quickly to help tidy up.

~

“I missed you so much” I say as I gently squeeze Christen’s ass as we cuddle in bed.

“Are you actually talking to me or my ass?” Christen asks, letting a small chuckle fall from her lips.

“It was you but I did miss certain parts of you too” I answer, pecking Christen’s lips.

“Like my ass?”

“Especially your ass” I reply with a cheeky grin. “I bet you there is at least one part of my body you missed more than the rest.”

“I missed every part of you” Christen responds. “From your pretty eyes to your soft lips to your strong muscly legs. Not to mention your hands, I love your hands.”

“You love my hands do you?” I tease, kissing Christen.

“I really do, they are so big and warm” Christen whispers. “They also contain your magical fingers, I really missed them.”

“They missed you too” I say back, kissing Christen’s neck this time as I let my fingers roam over her body.

“How much?” Christen whispers seductively before biting on my earlobe. “Show me how much your fingers missed me.”

I don’t waste any more time before I gently slide my hand across Christen stomach until I reach the waistband of her shorts. I look at Chris to make sure she is ok for me to continue when I see her biting her lip in that sexy way that always turns me on.

I slowly slide my hand under the waistline until I feel the soft skin and radiating heat coming from Christen.

“You’re wet” I say, not really expecting an answer.

“Just kissing you makes me wet” Christen whispers hotly, kissing my lips.

“I’m…” Suddenly Christen’s door flies open with Kahleesi running towards the bed and then the bedroom door shuts again.

“Who the fuck just let the dog in here?” Christen says angrily before Kahleesi jumps on the bed, causing me to remove my hands from Christen’s shorts. To say I am annoyed as well would be an understatement, I have nothing against the dog but I was sorta in the middle of something. “If that was one of my sisters then I will kill them.”

“I can help with the killing” I mutter causing Christen to chuckle slightly. I think if we both weren’t as frustrated we would find this situation a whole lot funnier but not right now.

Kahleesi looks at me before she lets out a low bark.

“Kahleesi NO!!” Christen scolds the dog who seems to listen to her owner. “You’re on her side of the bed, that’s why she is barking.”

“Her side?” I ask, laughing a little. “She has a side?”

“I get lonely sometimes and she likes to cuddle” Christen says.

“Unfortunately for you Kahleesi, you may be cute but this is my side of the bed now” I say to the dog as I scratch between her ears. “Thanks for making sure my girl gets some cuddles but I am here to take over now.”

“Come on K, let’s get you back to your own bed” Christen says before grabbing the dog’s collar and trying to get her to move. “Kahleesi, come on.”

“She’s clearly not going to move tonight babe” I say as I watch Christen fail one last time at trying to get Kahleesi to leave the room. “Just leave her where she is, we can move her in the morning.”

“I am honestly going to kill whoever let Kahleesi in here” Christen says, clearly still annoyed.

“Let’s just get into bed and get some sleep, you can kill someone in the morning.”

“Ok” Christen replies as I pull her towards the bed and usher her under the covers.

“Stick to that side of the bed Kahleesi” I say as I look over Christen to see the dog, sprawled out on my side of the bed. “I may be letting you sleep in the bed, on my side may I add, but you are not cuddling with my girlfriend.”

“I don’t mind sharing” Christen says before kissing me and then patting the dog on the head.

“Well I don’t share so…” I say with a shrug as I wrap Christen in my arms, interlocking her hands with mine.

“Goodnight Toby.”

“Goodnight babe.”


	17. Amazed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is Amazed by Lonestar.

“Which one of you three was it?” Christen asks as we enter the kitchen. “One of you opened my bedroom door last night and let Kahleesi in before closing the door.”

“That was him” Channing says as she points at Tyler’s husband Will.

“Kahleesi kept pawing at the door so Cody said to open your door and let her in so I did” Will says before continuing to eat his breakfast.

“So it’s dad I need to kill?” Christen says with an annoyed sigh.

“What’s the issue anyway?” Tyler asks. “You normally let her sleep with you.”

“Tobin was there last night” Christen says as I distract myself by making some more coffee.

“And?” Tyler says. “Does she not like dogs?”

“No, it’s not that” Christen says, taking a piece of toast from Channing’s plate. “We were just trying to have some time alone.”

“Kahleesi doesn’t demand that much attention” Channing says. “She can sleep in my room tonight if you don’t want her in your room.”

“It’s not that I don’t want her in my room” Christen says. “Just ask me next time or at least warn me.”

“Ok” Tyler says confused. “You always said when you are back home that you want her in your room because you get lonely and she gives good cuddles.” I can’t help but smile to myself; that is such a Christen thing to say.

“Knock on the door next time” Christen says.

“Ok” Tyler shrugs.

“What do you want for breakfast babe?” Christen asks me, wrapping her arms around me from behind as I finish pouring coffee into a mug for us.

“I am not really hungry to be honest” I reply before turning to face Chris, pecking her cheek. “I can make you something if you like.”

“Nah, its ok” Christen smiles as she sips the coffee. “I don’t feel hungry either, maybe we could have brunch together later.”

“Sure babe” I reply before I get lost in Christen’s eyes.

“What?” Christen blushes nervously when she notices me looking at her.

“You’re beautiful” I respond, gently tucking a few strands of Christen’s hair behind her ear.

“I don’t know how, I am not wearing any makeup and I am probably wearing the most unflattering clothes I have” Christen says with a nervous chuckle before I cut her off with a kiss.

“Don’t play down things when I compliment you” I say gently, kissing Chris once again. “It doesn’t matter what you wear or how you look because you always look beautiful to me.”

“Even with eye gunk in my eyes and messy hair?”

“Especially then” I respond, pulling Christen in close for a hug. “As Prince would say ‘could you be the most beautiful girl in the world’?”

“Tobin you are so cheesy” Christen laughs.

“And?” I reply with a smug grin. “It just makes you love me more.”

“Come here” Christen says with a smile, pulling me in for a kiss.

“Get a room, jeez” Channing says. “We put up with the first couple of kisses this morning but I draw the line at watching you two slobbering all over one another.”

“Grow up” Christen tells her younger sister before pulling me out of the kitchen and back upstairs. “Where shall we go for brunch?”

“Anywhere you want” I say before kissing Christen and then I make my way over to her bed to lie down. “I’m paying.”

“Champagne for breakfast it is then” Christen smiles.

“If that’s what you want” I say as I smile back, not being able to take my eyes off of Christen.

“What?” Christen says, a light blush covering her cheeks. “Why do you keep staring at me Tobin?”

“Because I want to” I reply from my place on Christen’s bed.

“You are making me feel self-conscious, I am beginning to think I have something on my face” Christen says.

“The only thing you have on your face is a beautiful smile” I say, watching as Chris rolls her eyes.

“You are literally so cheesy Toby” Christen tells me before lying down on the bed next to me.

“I am what I am” I reply, turning to face Christen. “Hi…”

“Hi” Christen replies with a smile before kissing me.

“You are so sexy with your wet curls” I say, feeling Christen’s soft breaths hitting my face. “Why did you object to me joining you in the shower earlier?”

“You know why” Christen tells me. “Because I knew you wouldn’t be able to behave and keep your hands to yourself.”

“I am actually offended by that” I feign annoyance before I move even closer to Chris, our noses almost touching. “I can control myself.”

“That’s debateable” Christen replies, pecking my lips lightly. As soon as I feel Christen’s lips leaving mine I move closer, leaning in for more. Christen doesn’t object and allows me to take her lips between mine, one of my hands running up and down the length of her body while I thread my fingers on my other hand through Chris’s wet curly hair.

With one last kiss to Christen’s lips I then work my way towards her neck, nipping and licking any skin I come in contact with.

“Toby…” Christen says slightly breathless.

“Yeah” I ask before going back to her neck and sucking just below her ear.

“Nothing” Christen whispers. “This feels too good to stop.”

After ten minutes of kissing and touching the rumble of my stomach causes Chris and me to break apart with a chuckle.

“Someone’s hungry” Christen says with an amused smile.

“I’m hungry for you” I reply, going back in to kiss Christen again but she stops me after a small peck.

“What?”

“We have to cool this a little, I am not having sex with everyone downstairs” Christen tells me causing me to groan. “I am as frustrated as you are baby but I don’t want our first time to be a quick fumble.”

“You are aware this won’t be our first time, right?” I ask with a cheeky smile. “I am pretty sure all those orgasms and screeches of my name from your mouth were not just dreams.”

“Don’t get cheeky” Christen says with a smile, pecking me on the lips again. “Babe I’m serious, I want our first time back together to be what it deserves to be. I want to be able to tease you; let you kiss your way down my body; I want to be able to trail kisses down your stomach and around you navel making you squirm like I know it does; I want your magical fingers to curl in all the right ways inside me; I want to lick and taste all your juices when you come in my mouth but most importantly I want to be able to scream out your name as loud as I want when you give me those earth shattering orgasms that I know you are only capable of inducing from me.”

I am not going to lie and say I am not turned on and extremely frustrated right now but I do have to agree with Chris.

“I agree babe” I say, kissing Christen. “That doesn’t mean we can’t make out though, you can’t leave me completely high and dry.”

“Don’t worry about that” Christen smirks before kissing me, expertly curling her tongue in my mouth and taking complete control.

~

“I need to leave now babe” I tell Chris before kissing her gently.

“Why?” Christen asks with a pout, leaning in to kiss me again.

“I have stuff to do” I say with a smile. “Don’t forget our date tonight, I will text you when I am on my way to your house.”

“Fine, I guess I will see you later then.”

“I love you” I say with one last parting kiss on Christen’s lips.

“I love you too baby.”

“Bye” I say with a smile, I am a little reluctant to leave but I do have to get organised for the big date I have planned.

“Bye” Christen replies, not letting me go.

“Babe I need to go” I say, trying to pull out of the hold Christen has on me but she just ends up gripping me tighter. “If I don’t go now then I won’t manage to arrange everything for our date.”

“Stay for another hour” Christen pleads with a pout.

“I can’t, I will see you in like six hours” I respond before giving Christen a more passionate kiss. “That’s not long to wait.”

“Fine” Christen complies, letting go of me. “Love you.”

“Love you too” I say with a large grin on my face as I walk towards the door. I am going to make sure this is the best date ever tonight.

~

“Oh my god, this is like our first date” Christen says as she looks at the picnic I have set up on the sand. “You’ve even used my favorite candles.”

“I went all out because you deserve the best” I say with a smile before I kiss Christen and then help her sit down on the sand.

“This all looks so romantic, when did you have the time to do all of this?” Christen asks.

“I just cut my evening run short” I reply with a smile before I press play on the playlist on my phone, letting the relaxing music set the tone. “Would you like some champagne?”

“Always” Christen answers with a smile as she holds out two plastic cups for me to fill. “Thank you babe.”

“Do you want to eat first or would you like your gift?” I ask.

“What do you think?” Christen asks with a smile before I pass the wrapped parcel to her, smiling at the look of intrigue and excitement on her face.

“It will probably seem kinda cheesy but I thought it would be something you would like” I say, feeling slightly nervous about giving Christen such a strange gift. “I know you like to plan stuff and make memories and I remember that when we used to date you kept something sentimental to remind you of our dates.”

“It’s beautiful Tobin” Christen says as she admires the wooden memory box.

“You used to use a cardboard box to store all the little items from our dates so I thought I would get you something better” I say, smiling gently at the beautiful woman in front of me. “Maybe if you find a sea shell today like you did on our first date then you can put that in the box.”

“Thank you baby” Christen says after kissing my cheek.

“I know it doesn’t look that pretty but you can paint it” I say. “When I was making it I didn’t want to ruin it so I thought it would be best to let you decorate it.”

“Did you make this from scratch?” Christen asks.

“Yeah” I reply with a smile. “Katie’s husband is into all that DIY stuff and building things so I got him to teach me some woodwork skills and then I made the box on my own.”

“You literally are the sweetest and most romantic woman ever” Christen smiles at me again, once again causing me to go weak at the knees.

“My initial plan was to make it into the shape of a heart but that was a little too advanced for a beginner like me so I settled with the rectangular box” I say with a shrug, I am kinda annoyed I never quite managed to make the heart shape.

“Tobin, this is the nicest gift ever” Christen says before kissing my cheek again. “It’s so thoughtful and the fact that you went to the trouble of actually making it rather than just buying something makes me love you even more.”

“I really really love you” I say seriously, so serious that it is actually making me a little teary. “I don’t know what the future holds but I do know that I don’t want to spend my life without you anymore. I need you in my life Chris, being with you makes me so happy…”

“Baby…” Christen says as she moves closer to me and takes my hands in hers.

“It probably sounds so cliché but it’s true, you are the love of my life Chris” I say as Christen catches one of my stray tears with her thumb. “From the moment I met you I knew I was in trouble, you brought me out of a dark place and you showed me what love is about. You know I am not very good at expressing myself or being vulnerable but you make me want to share stuff with you. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, always and forever” Christen replies before taking me in her arms and hugging me. “I swear I am never letting you go again, you are my whole world and you always will be.”

“You are my future” I say as I press my forehead against Christen’s. “You and me, finally together again.”

“Finally” Christen says with a soft but relieved laugh causing me to chuckle.

“We should eat now” I say before leaving a small peck on Christen’s cheek.

“What are we having to eat?” Christen asks as she moves out of the way so that I can take all the items out of the picnic basket.

 “We’ve got some fruit, a small chicken salad, champagne which you already know, couscous and some other small but kinda unhealthy items” I say as I lay everything out on the blanket. “I thought about oysters but we really didn’t like them the last time so I gave them a no.”

“Strawberries and melted chocolate?” Christen says with an approving hum. “You really did take this date seriously.”

“Of course I did” I say with a smile. “I was going to make your favorite pasta but I decided against it when I realised there was a lot of garlic in it.”

“What’s wrong with garlic?” Christen asks as she bites on a strawberry before dipping it in chocolate.

“Nothing other than the fact that I refuse to kiss you if you have garlic breath” I answer playfully before taking the remaining piece of strawberry from Christen’s hand and putting it in my mouth.

“Who says I was going to let you kiss me?” Christen asks with a raised eyebrow.

“When I have finished here tonight I am going to have trouble trying to stop you from kissing me never mind the opposite” I say cockily. “I am going to make sure this is the best date you’ve ever been on.”

“I like your confidence, very sexy” Christen replies before winking at me. “What else do you have planned then?”

“Once we have eaten I have another gift for you and then we are going to watch the sunset and then we get to lie under the moon” I answer as I laid out the rest of the food.

“You really don’t need to buy me gifts Toby” Christen says.

“I know I don’t need to do it but I want to” I say sincerely before reaching for Christen’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “I love you so much so I wanna spoil you.”

“I guess I shouldn’t complain then.”

“Exactly” I say with a smile.

~

“Oh whoops, you have chocolate on your face” Christen says through a laugh.

“I am not surprised, you were practically shoving those chocolate covered strawberries down my throat” I say with a laugh. “Can you pass me a napkin please?”

“It’s ok babe, I got you” Christen replies before reaching over and removing the chocolate from my cheek with her thumb. “That’s better.” Christen then licks the chocolate from her finger before kissing my cheek.

“Thanks” I reply before reaching for Christen’s hand and pulling her closer to me. “Come here” I say as I pat the space between my legs for Christen to sit down in front of me and I pull her back towards me to lean against my chest.

“This feels familiar” Christen says, settling against me with her arms leaning on my legs.

“Yeah it does” I hum in reply, my hands around Christen’s waist and my chin on her shoulder. “Late nights, sitting on the quiet beach with you was always my favorite time of day.”

“You make me feel safe Toby” Chris tells me as she absentmindedly trails her fingers across my bare legs. “I feel secure with you, like nothing could ever harm me because you are protecting me.” I let out a small laugh. “What?”

“It’s funny to hear you say that?”

“Why?”

“You’ve always been the one protecting me” I say. “You’re my armour, scaring everyone away.”

“I would do anything for you…” Christen starts, turning to face me. “Because I love you.”

I gently kiss Christen’s lips before I give her a small peck on the neck. “I love you too Chris.”

“Only a few days ago I felt sad and unhappy because it was Christmas and my birthday and I was alone” Christen starts, still tracing patterns on my legs with her soft fingers. “I know I had my family around me and I wasn’t totally alone but for some reason it hit me harder this time that I didn’t have you.”

“I know” I empathise with my girlfriend. “It shouldn’t have took this long for us to find one another again but we can’t dwell on our poor decisions, what matters is that we are together now. Whatever gets thrown at us then we will face together.”

“We can’t let things come between us again Toby, we are in this too deep” Christen says, turning around to face me. “I can’t leave Sweden, not yet anyway.”

“I know that and I have no intention of asking you to” I say sincerely. “We will make it work this time, it will be really hard but we are going to get through it.”

“I am not letting you go again” Christen states.

“I am never letting you go either.”

“Good” Christen smiles before kissing me.

“Let’s go in the sea” I suggest, changing the topic to something more upbeat.

“It’s almost midnight Tobin” Christen says, surprised at my request.

“So, live a little.”

“I don’t want my clothes to get wet” Christen says.

“Take your clothes off.” Christen raises a playful eyebrow at me.

“Is this just some ploy so that you can see me naked?” Christen teases, making me blush. I don’t know why I am blushing, I used to have more game than this. I guess Christen just has that effect on me.

“No” I say before gaining some confidence. “I don’t need to ask you to undress to see you naked. I’ve seen you naked plenty of times so all I have to do is close my eyes and envision it.”

“Tobin!” Christen admonishes, slapping my arm.

“I could imagine it right now” I say as I close my eyes.

“Tobin, stop” Christen says as she slaps me again.

“Are you coming in the sea with me?” I ask as I begin walking towards the water.

“Wait a minute” Christen tells me before removing her dress, leaving her in her underwear.  “You’re drooling babe.” Christen then saunters past me while throwing me a wink.

Is it any wonder that I am drooling? I quickly follow Christen into the sea, immediately feeling the cold water against my skin.

“This water is freezing” I say before Christen is pulling me into a hug and kissing me.

“For someone who surfs a lot, you sure do complain about the temperature of the water” Christen says before letting me go and then pushing me further into the water causing me to trip and fall.

“Fuck!” I say when the freezing cold sea covers my whole body this time.

“Whoops” Christen says, trying to stifle a laugh. “I didn’t actually mean for that to happen.”

“I am sure you didn’t” I reply as I get up and head towards Chris, time for a little payback I think.

~

“What do you wanna do now?” I ask as we head back towards our stuff.

“I want to finish what we started last night” Christen answers, giving me a playful wink. “Hopefully with no dogs this time.”

“We can go to my house” I suggest. “As far as I’m aware no one is home.”

“Your house it is baby” Christen says as she kisses me.

We casually walk to my house, making small chitchat along the way. I honestly can’t believe how happy Chris makes me feel, I feel like I am floating in the clouds or something. I know it is not going to be completely easy all the time and we will encounter some hurdles but I know we can do this.

“Hello, is anyone home?” I shout when we get through the front door but there’s no response.

“Maybe we are alone” Christen says with a smile.

“Hopefully” I say before threading my fingers through Chris’s and then I quickly lead her around the house to check there is no one here.

“Looks like we are alone” Christen says with a smirk before pushing me against the wall outside my bedroom.

“Uh-huh” I reply before leaning in and capturing Christen’s lips. I slowly lick across Christen’s top lip before taking her bottom lip between mine and gently sucking.

“Come on” Christen says, breaking the kiss to then lead me into my bedroom before she gently pushes me onto the bed. As soon as I sit down on the mattress I immediately pull Christen towards me, allowing her to straddle my lap.

It doesn’t take long before we are immersed in a heavy make-out session.

“You are wearing far too many clothes” Christen whispers in my ear before she begins to pull my jeans down over my thighs and then she removes my top. “That’s at least a little better” Christen says before latching onto my neck and biting softly.

I don’t know how I managed to do it with Christen attacking my neck but I successfully managed to unzip my girlfriend’s dress and unclip her bra at the same time. Christen momentarily stops her attack on my neck to allow me to remove the garments before I feel her teeth just below my left ear again.

The pressure I feel in my core and the knot in my stomach is getting too much for me to handle so I expertly try to flip us over and take control when I feel Christen pinning me to the bed.

“I don’t think so Heath” Christen says as she raises her eyebrow at me before squeezing her thighs tighter at the side of my hips and pins my arms above my head to prevent me from moving. “I am setting the pace tonight, you would only rush and I am not in the mood to be rushed.”

“But...” I try to protest through my frustration but Christen cuts me off with a kiss.

“You got to be in control on our date so I get to be in control now” Christen tells me before leaning back down towards me, pecking my lips ever so slightly before licking and sucking her way down from my chin to my navel at a torturously slow pace.

I frantically try to rub my thighs together to feel some friction but Chris stops me by putting one of her thighs between my legs and shifting her body weight on top of me. I almost come at the sheer feeling of her naked body against me but I manage to have a tiny shred of self-control and don’t let it happen.

I try to shift my weight so that I can remove my underwear, the only items of clothing left between the two us, but Chris doesn’t let me move.

“Chris… you’re naked and I’m not” I complain, desperate for my bra and panties to be removed so that I can feel Christen’s hot flesh against mine.

“I will remove them when I am ready” Christen tells me before going back to her sucking and biting assault on my skin.

“Oh Chris” I gasped out after my girlfriend slowly trailed wet kisses over my stomach before moving back up my body and sucking on my breasts through my bra. “Stop teasing…” I manage out while threading my fingers through Christen’s hair and pulling her head closer.

“Maybe I like teasing you” Christen replies with a smirk, placing a firm kiss on my lips and then licking her way down my stomach again, reaching my pubic bone and giving it the same attention as the rest of my body.

After I am sure more than just a few hickeys are left across my hip bones, I decide I can’t take the teasing anymore and I quickly flip us over so that I am laying on Chris. I fully intend on wiping the smug grin from Christen’s face the best way I know how.

“You’ve had your fun babe, it’s my turn now” I say with a smirk.

~

“TOBEE!!” Christen screams after I teasingly curled my fingers one last time before pulling them half way out of Chris. “Please…”

“Please what baby?” I ask with a smirk as Christen glares at me. “Did you not like that, do you want me to remove my fingers completely?” I ask, slowly pushing my fingers back inside Christen before removing them again slightly.

Instead of answering my question Christen grabs my wrist and pushes my hand so that my fingers go inside her as deep as they can. I curl them a few times, watching as Christen lets go of my wrist and jerks her body in pleasure with each curl. After a few more twists and strokes I go to remove my fingers again when Christen nearly head-butts me with how fast she moves to grip my wrist again.

“If you pull those fingers out of me again before I come then I swear to god you will never feel my tongue between your legs again” Christen warns with an annoyed voice, staring daggers at me. I don’t think the smirk on my face is helping the situation because Christen’s annoyance doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. “Finish what you started Heath.”

“My fingers are a little tired” I say as I gently push them in and out of Christen slowly, refusing to go as deep as Chris wants me to. “I think they are finished for the day.”

“I don’t think so” Christen says, squeezing her thighs together to trap my hand. “Finish it, NOW!” Christen demands, staring me straight in the eye. I do as I am told; curling, twisting, anything I can to make my fingers do the job and make my girl feel good.

I hold Christen close, helping her ride out her orgasm fully before I give her a sweet kiss on the lips.

“I was ready to kill you” Christen says as she pants to try and get her breath back causing me to laugh. “When I get my breath back, I am going to tease you so much you will wish you had never pulled that little stunt.”

“Oh, is that a threat?” I ask playfully.

“It’s a fact babe” Christen states as I watch her chest rise and fall quickly as she tries to regain her breath.

“We will see” I say with a smile before I roll over to look at my girlfriend, teasingly stroking patterns over her stomach. “You are very sexy when you are angry you know. It really turns me on.”

“Does it?” Christen replies, looking me in the eye and pretending she is not interested in that.

“Totally” I answer, leaning in for a kiss which ends up on Chris’s cheek when she turns away from me. “Is my girl pissed off because I almost didn’t let her come?”

“I am not pissed” Christen says but her face tells a different story.

“Really?” I ask with a smirk before I roll on top of Christen, placing random kisses all over her skin. “I would apologise but you know… I don’t really want to.”

“You are towing a very thin line” Christen warns, once again moving her head to avoid my lips from catching hers.

“Stop moving your head” I say with a laugh, catching Christen’s chin this time when I went to kiss her. “Give me a kiss please.”

“My lips are a little tired, I think they are finished for the day” Christen says with a smirk.

“Does that mean your tongue is tired too?” I ask and Christen nods with a smug smile. “I thought so, I am guessing that means I won’t be allowed to sit on your face.”

“Sorry babe” Christen smugly replies before reaching down to grab the bedcovers and put them over herself.

“It’s ok” I say before smirking to myself. “I always knew you were a pillow princess anyway.”

The next thing I know I am pinned to the bed with Christen on top of me, I knew that would get the reaction I wanted.

“Take that back” Christen states, hovering above me as she pins my arms against the pillows.

“Make me” I say with a smirk. “If you believe you are not a pillow princess then prove it to me, show me exactly that you’re not.”

~

When I wake I immediately turn over to cuddle Christen when I see her sitting up against the headboard playing with her phone.

“Morning” I mumble sleepily before Chris bends down and kisses me.

“Good morning” Christen replies, scooting down the bed and into my arms.

“Did you sleep ok?” I ask, kissing Christen’s shoulder.

“Yeah, you?” Christen responds.

“Of course, you were right next to me” I answer with a grin.

“I absolutely loved the date you planned yesterday” Christen tells me. “It was probably one of the best dates I’ve ever been on.”

“Why one of and not definitely the best?” I ask as I lightly trace patterns on Christen’s bare back with my fingers.

“Even though our very first date was a little awkward at times I would still say that was the best date because of the meaning behind it” Christen tells me. “Last night was up there though.”

“I think I would agree actually, our first date is what brought us here because it made me realise that you weren’t just another person to go on a date with” I explain. “You were the one I wanted to go on all my dates with.”

“I love you Toby” Christen kisses me. “Even if you do sound so corny sometimes.”

“I love you too, even though you keep mocking me because I am being sentimental” I reply as Christen kisses me again.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it” Christen says before moving from my arms. “We should get up, I want to go on a run before breakfast.”

“You mean to say you would rather go running than lie here with me” I ask, feigning offense.

“No but I have to, I haven’t done as much training these last few days as I wanted to” Christen says, giving me a quick kiss. “Someone has been distracting me.”

“I can’t help it if I find you insanely beautiful” I say as I kiss Christen, running my tongue against her lips to ask for access which is immediately granted. As soon as I feel Chris’s tongue gliding with mine, I also feel her hand slide down my back and rest on my hip. Just as I am getting lost in the kiss and the feel of my girl’s perfect body against me I feel her pulling away.

“We need to get up” Christen states but I stop her from moving.

“Baby, no” I protest. “Stay in bed with me, I promise that when I am finished with you then you will have done double the amount of exercise that you would do on a run.”

“We can’t stay in your bed forever, we need some fresh air” Christen says as she tries to slide out of my arms. “Toby, come on.”

“Fine” I say with a sigh, letting the woman go and then I watch her search the room for something. “What ya looking for?”

“I need something to wear, where are all your running clothes?” Christen asks, rooting through a heap of clothes on my bedroom chair.

“Why do you need running clothes?” I ask as Christen throws a tank top to the side.

“I am not going to go for a run naked now am I?” Christen says and I smirk. “As much as you would probably take great delight in that, I am not doing it.”

“I didn’t think you would go on a run naked, no” I say, sitting myself up in bed as I keep my eyes trained on Chris. “I just meant, why do you need specific running clothes? Can’t you just where the shorts and tank top I just saw you launch across the room.”

“They invented running clothes for a reason Tobs” Christen says and I just laugh before I get out of bed and head over to my closet filled with training gear.

“Take your pick beautiful” I say as I gesture to the closet.

“You are coming too you know” Christen tells me.

“I know I am coming, just not in the way I would like to come” I mutter but judging by the frown on Chris’s face she must’ve heard me.

“Seriously Tobin, with those bad lines and jokes I actually wonder how you managed to make me fall in love with you” Christen says but I can tell by her face she is joking. She loves it really.

“I love you too Chris.”

**

“When you said you wanted to go for a run I didn’t think you meant you would sprint the whole way” I say, managing to regain my breath. “I could barely keep up with you.”

“Maybe you are just exhausted after last night” Christen says with a wink. “You looked pretty tired.”

“I wasn’t tired, I was just reserving some of my energy” I say.

“Whatever you say babe.”

“Let’s go get some breakfast” I say before leading Christen into the kitchen.

“Morning sis” Perry says with a smile before looking at Christen suspiciously. “Christen.”

“Morning” Christen says awkwardly as Perry continues to stare at her.

“Perry!” I say loudly, breaking her from her gaze on Chris.

“Yeah” Perry says before going back to eating her breakfast.

“Do you know when mom will be home?” I ask my sister.

“I don’t know” Perry answers and then we all fall into an awkward silence. I hate all this tension, Chris and Perry used to get along so well but now it’s just weird.

“When did you get home last night?” I ask Perry, trying to drum up a conversation to fill the silence.

“It was around three this morning” Perry answers and then the awkwardness falls upon us again.

“Do you want coffee babe?” Christen asks me and I nod with a smile. “Do you some coffee Perry?”

“No thanks” Perry answers.

While Christen is making some coffee, I try to subtly get Perry’s attention but she is either really unobservant or blatantly ignoring me. I eventually kick my sister under the table, getting her attention this time.

“Talk to her” I whisper to Perry while gesturing my head to Christen who is finishing making a pot of coffee at the side.

“Why?” Perry whispers back as she continues to eat her cereal.

“Just do it!” I state through gritted teeth as Perry rolls her eyes. The last thing I want is for Christen to feel unwelcome in my family home.

“Do you have any soy milk babe?” Christen asks as she sits back down at the table next to me.

“I will get that for you” I say with a smile before I plant a kiss on Christen’s cheek and then I get her the milk.

“So Christen…” Perry starts getting Chris’s attention. “How’s life?”

“Life’s fine, yeah” Christen answers, sounding slightly confused by the question.

“Nothing new?” Perry asks.

“No, not really” Christen says.

“Still playing in Sweden?” Perry says.

“Yeah, still playing over there” Christen replies. “I am actually heading back there the day after tomorrow.”

“Leaving my sister again” Perry says, a frown clearly evident on her face. “It must be some love affair between you and Sweden for you to leave my little sister again to go there.”

“I am not picking Sweden over Tobin, my job is in Sweden” Christen says, a frown on her face this time. “I can’t just quit my job.”

“You wouldn’t need to quit anything if you hadn’t run off to Sweden in the first place” Perry says. “She was absolutely heartbroken, anyone would be after their girlfriend of five years dumped them.”

“Perry!” I warn. “When I asked you to talk to Christen, I didn’t mean attack her about something which is now in the past.”

“I know you are angry with me Perry, I would be the same if someone hurt one of my sisters” Christen says. “Things are different now, I am not going to hurt Tobin again.”

“For your sake Christen, I really hope you don’t” Perry states before standing up. “I need to get ready for work, Tobin may have forgiven you but I certainly haven’t. You will need to work a heck of a lot harder to earn my forgiveness.” And with that, Perry leaves the kitchen.

“I’m sorry about her” I say, kissing Chris.

“It’s ok Tobin” Christen says with a smile. “She’s just looking out for her little sister, she will see soon enough that I am going nowhere this time. We are for keeps this time.”

“Good” I smile before leaning in to kiss Christen.

“Careful with the PDA, young eyes here” Katie says with a smile as she holds a tired looking Cole in her arms.

“Morning” I say before I wave at Cole. “How long have you guys been here?”

“Long enough to hear our sister’s warning to Christen” Katie replies before sitting across from us at the table. “Don’t worry about Perry, she will come around soon enough.”

“I hope so” I say before I take Cole from Katie’s arms. “So what are you guys doing here this morning?”

“Cole was supposed to bake a cake with granny this morning but she doesn’t seem to be here” Katie says, wiping the booger from Cole’s nose before it falls on me. “Where is she?”

“All I know is that she was going out for dinner last night and wouldn’t be back until this afternoon” I answer before I help Cole down onto the floor when he tries to wriggle out of my arms.

“I guess she forgot she had plans with Cole” Katie says. “That leaves me in an awkward position now because Stuart and I had plans this morning because we thought mom was looking after Cole.”

“I can look after him if you want” I say, getting excited at the prospect of spending time with my favorite little guy. “I don’t get enough time with him.”

“I don’t want to interrupt you and Christen’s plans” Katie says but I wave it off.

“Its fine, I love hanging out with my favorite dude” I say, watching in amusement as Cole kicks a balled up pair of socks across the kitchen like they are a ball. “You’re ok with that babe, right?”

“Of course” Christen replies with a smile. “We didn’t have any solid plans anyway.”

“Thank you so much” Katie says before hugging us. “You know the routine Tobin.”

“Yeah of course I do” I answer. “Nap for five hours so he doesn’t sleep tonight, plenty of sugar after his nap to keep him energetic, give him two knives only to play with and let him lick all the electrical sockets on the walls.”

“I am serious Tobin” Katie tells me but I can tell she is slightly amused.

“I know what I am doing” I reassure my sister. “Chris is here too, you know she is super sensible so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Thanks again and have fun” Katie says before she goes over to Cole to kiss him goodbye and then she leaves.

“Right little man, how about we trade those socks for a real ball?” I say as I pick my nephew up and take him in my arms. “How do you feel about playing some soccy with Aunt Tee?”

“Yaaayy!!” Cole says before screaming excitedly.

“Go get your other shoes and we will put them on for you” I tell the little boy before watching him run excitedly to the hallway where the box of his soccer stuff is.

“He’s so cute” Christen says with a smile.

“He is part Heath so, duh?” I say with a wink.

“Heath’s are pretty cute” Christen smiles as she approaches me and gently kisses me.

“Do you want to play with us?” I ask as I wrap my arms around Chris’s waist.

“Give me ten minutes and then I will join you in the garden, I need to check my emails” Christen answers. “Can I use your laptop?”

“Of course babe, you don’t need to ask” I say before kissing Chris one last time and then I go to help Cole put his shoes on.


	18. Just a Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a Kiss by Lady Antebellum
> 
> So sorry I took forever to update. Here's the next chapter.

“I’ve made lunch” Christen says with a smile as Cole and I walk into the kitchen after playing soccer. “Tuna sandwiches for Cole and pasta for you babe.”

“Aren’t you the perfect woman” I say as I kiss Chris’s cheek before I sit Cole down at the table.

“Fish?” Cole questions as he holds up his sandwich.

“Yeah” I say with a smile. “Tuna’s your favorite, right?”

Instead of answering Cole just looks at me before slowly eating his sandwich.

“What’s the plan for after lunch?” Christen asks as she sits across from me with her own bowl of pasta.

“Cole will need to go for a short nap at some point before Katie picks him up” I answer. “Maybe we could take him to the beach for a couple of hours and then bring him back for his nap.”

“Sounds good” Christen replies with a smile.

Half an hour later and we are on our way to the beach, Cole bouncing about happily with his small bucket and spade in his hands.

“He looks so excited” Christen says from beside me as we both slowly walk behind Cole, making sure he doesn’t get too far in front of us.

“He does” I say with a smile. “I think the beach is one of his favorite places.”

“I used to love it when I was younger and I would go family trips to the beach, Channing and I would always have a competition to see who could make the best sandcastle” Christen says with a wide grin.

“I am presuming you always won” I say with a knowing smile, whether Christen will admit it or not but she is a bad loser. It doesn’t matter what she is competing in, she doesn’t like to lose. I don’t suppose any of us like to lose at anything, Chris is extra competitive though.

“You know me baby” Christen replies before letting go of my hand and pretending to chase Cole, causing him to squeal in laughter and excitement.

I know my mind shouldn’t go there but I can’t help but go weak at the knees thinking about Christen and what she could be like with our kids. I know it’s too early to be thinking about that, I don’t even know if kids are in Christen’s future. When we were together the first time, we were too young to think about having our own family so we never discussed it but it always seemed like we would be on the same page.

“You have all this fun to look forward to when Tyler has her baby” I tell Chris as I approach her and Cole as they continue to chase one another.

“I can’t wait for Tyler to give birth” Christen says with a wide smile. “I will need to get some tips from you though, Cole here says you are his favorite auntie so if I wanna beat out Channing for the cool auntie to Tyler and Will’s kid then I need some help.”

“As if you need any help, you will be that kid’s favorite without trying honey” I say with a smile before I kiss Christen’s cheek then I lay our towels on the sand. “Cole, come and get some sunscreen on buddy.”

“Sandcastle Tee” Cole says with a pout.

“It will take two minutes then you can build a sandcastle” I say, trying to coax the boy towards me. “If you let me put sunscreen on you then Chris will help you build a sandcastle, she’s won lots of sandcastle competitions.”

“Quickly” Cole says with a huff before standing in front of me, waiting for me to apply the cream. “Hurry up aunt Tee.”

“Anymore cheek and I won’t buy you an ice cream later” I warn playfully but with an air of seriousness.

“I’m sorry” Cole says before hugging me. “I promise to be good, I want ice c-weam later.”

“Thank you” I respond before covering Cole in sunscreen, I don’t really care if I put too much on him. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

“Babe, come on” Christen says with a laugh before taking the sun cream off of me. “It’s almost in his eyes, come here sweetheart.” Christen then begins to rub the sunscreen into Cole’s skin with more precision than I had the patience for.

“We build castle now?” Cole asks Christen hopefully who just nods.

“Yes sweetheart” Christen says before leading the boy further down the beach where the sand is a little more moist and easier to build with.

~

“Cole, wanna help me bury Tee in the sand?” Christen asks Cole who jumps up excitedly.

“I don’t think so Chris” I say with a smile.

“Why not?” Christen asks. “He looks really excited.”

“Fine but I swear to god if you bury me in the sand then tickle me when I can’t move then I will come after you” I say with a smile. “You did it before so I don’t know if I trust you to do it again.”

“You can trust me baby, I promise” Christen says but the smirk on her face is telling me otherwise.

“One wrong move from you Miss Press and I swear I will punish you when we get back home” I warn as Christen just shrugs nonchalantly as I get into my place in the sand. “Ok Cole, remember aunt Tee’s rules?”

“Yeah” Cole nods. “Don’t try to feed aunt Tee with sand?”

“Good boy” I nod with a smile. Perry and Jeff buried me in the sand the last time we had a family day at the beach and when no one was looking Cole thought it would be funny to try and put sand in my mouth. “And?”

“Don’t jump on her” Cole says and I smile at him again.

“Correct” I smile before laying down on the sand, ready for Cole to get to work burying me.

After ten or so minutes, my full body excluding my head is completely covered in sand.

“You look so cute babe, let me grab my phone” Christen says before snapping a picture of me.

“I may be cute but I am also uncomfortable so as soon as you are finished taking pictures I want out” I say, not enjoying the moist sand putting pressure on me and preventing me from moving. “Chris?”

“One more picture” Christen says with a pleading smile.

“Hurry up” I say, getting slightly impatient.

“Ok we’re done” Christen says before her and Cole set me free. “You should probably head into the sea and try to rinse the sand off.”

“I think I will do that, want to go in the water buddy?” I ask the little boy who nods eagerly. “You coming babe?”

“Nah, I think I will just read my book, you two have fun” Christen tells me with a smile before I give her a quick kiss and then I grab Cole’s hand and make my way towards the sea.

~

“That’s him finally down for his afternoon nap” I say as I throw myself on the couch next to Christen. It took almost half an hour and two small stories before Cole eventually fell asleep, I guess giving him that ice cream on the way home from the beach made him a little too hyper, not one of my best ideas I must admit.

“That’s good” Christen says with a smile before pulling me closer to her and wrapping her arms around me. “You are really good with him babe.”

“Thanks, I just hate that I can’t hang out with him as much as I want to” I say slightly sadly, it sucks sometimes when I don’t get to see Cole growing up.

“That’s what happens in our job” Christen says before kissing my cheek. “I just hope that when Tyler has her baby that I am around enough for it to know who I am.”

“That baby will be obsessed with you babe, I saw how good you were with Cole” I say with a smile before I kiss Christen. “I’ve waited all day to give you a proper kiss but I didn’t think it was appropriate in front of Cole.”

“Since you’ve been so patient how about another one?” Christen suggests with a smirk before pulling me closer into a more passionate kiss. We both get lost in the kiss and before we know it my hands are in Christen’s hair and her hand is dangerously close to my ass as our tongues both battle for dominance.

A cough and a clear of the throat from the living room door is all that it takes to break us apart, both of us frantically readjusting our positions on the couch.

“Good afternoon ladies” Jeff says with a smirk. “Mom and I didn’t quite expect to find this.”

“Sorry” I say sheepishly as I look towards my mom and brother. “Cole is in his bed napping.”

“Did you enjoy spending time with him that much that you two decided to try and make one of your own?” Jeff asks teasingly before I throw a cushion at him.

“Tobin, thank you so much for looking after Cole today” my mom says appreciatively. “I can’t believe that I let it slip my mind that I told Katie I would look after him today.”

“It’s cool mom, we had fun” I say truthfully. “Katie texted and said she should be back within a couple of hours.”

“I can wait for Cole getting up if you two have plans” my mom says with a kind smile.

“We don’t really have any plans until tonight” I answer causing Christen to look at me confusedly.

“Tonight?” Chris asks.

“Yeah, we have dinner with your family” I say. “Your mom text me earlier telling me to be there for six.”

“That’s news to me, I don’t know anything about this” Christen says before grabbing her phone and checking her texts. “Oh right, she did text me too. I must’ve missed it.”

“You girls relax, I will attend to Cole” my mom says before disappearing out of the room.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I ask Jeff as he stands in the doorway smirking.

“Not in particular, no” Jeff answers with a cheeky smile. “Are you wanting rid of me so that you can jump on Christen again?”

“Why do you act like such a tool, I literally feel like I have rewound eight years to when we were teenagers” I say to my brother. “Why do you need to act so immature?”

“I am just messing with you Tobin” Jeff says through a laugh. “It’s good to see you happy again sis.”

“Thanks.”

“I will leave you two alone, I have plans with dad soon anyway” Jeff says before sending us a wave and then he leaves the room.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” I ask as I grab the TV remote. “We have a few hours to kill before dinner.”

“Sure, just not the notebook” Christen says with a playful smile.

“Why do you always assume that when I want to watch a movie I will want the notebook?” I ask.

“Baby, nine times out of ten that is exactly what happens” Christen says with a soft chuckle.

“You know how most couples have like a song that represents them, well we have a movie” I say with a smile. “The notebook is how I got you.”

“Really, you think your obsession with the Notebook made me fall in love with you?” Christen asks amusedly, her eyes sparkling in the light.

“No, I think my sheer awesomeness and charisma is what made you fall head over heels” I say confidently, albeit a little cockily. “The Notebook just helped solidify it.”

“Whatever you say baby” Christen says with a soft laugh, she wasn’t denying it though was she. “Just pick a different movie today.” I nod and put the first movie on that I come across on the TV listings.

~

“Is this too much do you think?” I ask as I turn between my full length bedroom mirror and Christen. “Like, what’s the dress code for dinner tonight?”

“I don’t know babe” Christen chuckles. “You knew about the dinner before I did, you look perfect by the way.”

“I don’t want to look like I am not trying but I also don’t want to look too dressed up” I admit as I readjust my top, trying to decide if it looks better hanging loose or if I should tuck it into my jeans. “I want to impress your parents, make them see I am good enough for you.”

“Honey that dinner already happened like ten years ago” Christen says with a soft smile. “My family loves you, you don’t ever have to worry about impressing them.”

“Sorry, I’m just getting a little nervous” I say, taking a deep breath. I don’t know why I am so nervous, I’ve spent practically half of this week at Christen’s house. I guess it is just the formal setting of a planned dinner that makes me anxious.

“You’ve no need to be nervous babe” Christen says before kissing me, eliminating most of my nerves.

“This outfit will do then?” I ask, looking one last time in the mirror.

“To be honest, I think it makes you look a little too sexy” Christen says as she places her hands on my hips, pulling me closer. “I just hope I can keep my hands to myself.”

“Trust me, I don’t think it will be you who has a problem with keeping their hands to themselves” I say with a sigh. “If you do wear that red dress then my hands and eyes will be all over you.”

“Maybe that was my intention” Christen says with a smirk before kissing me.

“As much as I want to keep kissing you, we need to leave if we are to make dinner on time” I say as I reluctantly pull away from Christen.

“Ok” Christen agrees, placing one last kiss on my lips. “Are you going to sleep over at my parent’s house tonight?”

“Of course, I intend on spending as much time as possible with you before you leave” I say, a slight pang of nervousness and dread filling me at the thought of being apart from Christen in a few days.

“Good answer.”

We arrive at Christen’s house about fifteen minutes later, greeted at the door by Tyler.

“Hey!” Tyler says with a smile and we greet her back.

“I am just going upstairs to change” Christen says before looking at me. “I will be down in five minutes.”

“Ok” I nod with a smile before I kiss Christen and then she disappears upstairs.

“To be young and in love” Tyler says, breaking me from the trance I was in as I watched Christen disappear out of view.

“What?” I say, turning to Tyler.

“You and my sister, you are still in the honeymoon phase” Tyler says as we head to the kitchen. “It changes when you get married.”

“Well we are not doing that any time soon” I say with a small laugh.

“You said soon, that means not now but later” Tyler says with a smirk. “You going to marry Christen in the future?”

“I don’t know” I say with a slight element of panic in my voice. “We literally just started seeing each other again.”

“Yeah but you were going to propose to her the first time you dated” Tyler says and I look at her in surprise. How does she know that?

“I mean, it crossed my mind back then” I say as I scratch my neck nervously. This has took a really uncomfortable turn. “We are different people now.”

“Anyway, let’s go find Will” Tyler changes the subject, clearly sensing my discomfort. “He wants to ask you some stuff about soccer, he is playing in a charity game associated with his work.”

“Cool” I say, following Tyler into the kitchen where I am immediately greeted by Morena and Kahleesi. I am not going to pretend that I remember which dog is which because I don’t.

“Hi Tobin” Stacy says with a smile as she rushes about the kitchen stirring pots and chopping stuff.

“Hi” I say with a smile. “Do you need any help with dinner?”

“No thanks sweetheart” Stacy replies. “Thank you for the offer, no one else has offered to help.”

“Let’s be real mom, you’re not going to let anyone help” Tyler says with a shrug. “There is no point in asking anymore because you always say no.” Stacy just shrugs with a smile. “Have you seen my husband, mom?”

“I think he is out the back with your father” Stacy replies to her daughter while I amuse the dogs. “How long will Christen be because dinner is almost ready?”

“She said five minutes” Tyler answers.

“That’s Christen code for twenty minutes” I say, earning a laugh from everyone.

Ten minutes later and Christen finally graces us with her presence. She did wear that red dress and yes I am finding it very hard to focus on anything but her.

“What’s with dinner then?” Christen asks as we all sit around the dining room table.

“Since you are going back to Sweden in a few days then we thought it would be nice to have a family dinner” Stacy answers her daughter. I know Christen needs to leave but every time someone brings it up, it’s like they are punching me in the chest.

“We don’t know when we will all be around the table at the same time again” Cody says. “We may as well make the best of it when we can.”

“That’s true” Christen says with a smile before we all tuck into our food and enjoy the evening.

~

“Baby” I hear Christen’s soft voice as she shakes me gently. “Wake up.”

“Why?” I mumble sleepily.

“I’ve made you breakfast” Christen tells me.

“Really?” I say as I rub my eyes and slowly sit up against the headboard.

“Don’t act so surprised, I may not be as romantic like you are but I am not completely useless” Christen says as she places the tray on my lap before getting into bed next to me.

“I would never think you were useless” I say, kissing Chris gently. “This looks good.” I take a small sip from the glass of orange juice and then I begin eating the crepes and mixture of berries.

“I am going to the TOCA studio to do some training today, do you want to come?” Christen asks and I nod, my mouth is too full to answer with words. “I will take that as a yes.”

“Are you not having any breakfast?” I ask and Chris shakes her head before she sips on my coffee.

“I had my breakfast two hours ago, I was hungry and didn’t want to wake you up” Christen answers as she steals a strawberry from my plate.

“Are you looking forward to going back to Sweden tomorrow?” I ask, feeling sad at the thought of being apart from Chris.

“I don’t know” Christen answers. “I am looking forward to getting some playing time in so I am ready for the next national camp but I’m also going to miss you.”

“I am going to miss you too, what am I supposed to do for three weeks?”

“I am sure you will manage to occupy yourself somehow” Christen says.

“Hopefully the weeks fly by” I say as I place the tray on the bedside table and then I move to cuddle into Chris.

“This has been an amazing few days with you” Christen says as she winds strands of my hair around her fingers. “If someone had told me nine months ago that I would have you back in my arms by this time then I would have laughed in their face. I didn’t think it was possible.”

“I didn’t either” I admit truthfully as I play with the ties from Chris’s shorts. “I wasn’t even sure if our paths would ever cross again but then I got the email about the April camp and there was your name.”

“You’re stuck with me now Toby, there’s no going back” Christen then places a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

“That’s fine by me, I am not going anywhere babe.”

~

“This wine is disgusting” I complain with a frown. “I can normally tolerate red wine but not this, yuck.”

“Why did you order it then?” Christen asks from beside me.

“I fancied a change” I reply, once again frowning after taking another sip.

“Put the glass down and stop drinking it then” Christen says, seeming on edge.

“Babe, chill” I say as I place my hand on Chris’s thigh to try and get her to calm down.

“I am just nervous” Christen says. “What if they hate me?”

“They are my oldest friends, they are never going to hate you” I reply before squeezing Christen’s hand. “Plus, it’s not like you have never met them before.”

“That’s why I am nervous” Christen says. “They were there throughout our whole relationship so all the more reason they would be angrier at me for breaking up with you.”

“If I can forgive you then they will as well, they are never going to hate someone who makes me so happy” I assure Chris. “You trust me, right?”

“Of course.”

“Then trust me when I say they won’t hate you” I say, kissing Chris.

“Ok” Christen nods before leaning in for another kiss. “I can taste that wine on your tongue, it really isn’t nice.”

“I am going to order a beer when everyone arrives.”

“I don’t know why you didn’t just order one in the first place” Christen says with a small chuckle.

“I blame Perry, she told me this restaurant was fancy so she warned me not to order beer” I say.

“If my girl wants a beer then I will get her one” Christen says with a smile. “Perry has too much to say sometimes.”

“Too much to say about stuff she has no business having an opinion on” I agree before I spot some of my friends. “There’s Lisa and Brad.” Lisa and I were part of a solid group of friends that have manged to remain together since high school despite all of us being all over the country at different times. Brad is Lisa’s long-time boyfriend.

“Good evening ladies” Lisa says to us before she pulls me into a hug. “How are ya honey?”

“I’m good, you remember Chris right” I say as I introduce Christen again.

“Long time Christen, how are ya?” Lisa says politely with a smile.

“I’m fine, how are you?” Christen replies before she gets caught up in a conversation with Lisa. Not all of my group of friends could make it tonight but we have arranged to meet up for a night out at the end of the week. I am kinda annoyed because I wanted everyone to meet Christen again but I am sure there will be plenty of other times.

Ten minutes later and everyone is finally at the restaurant and seated ready to order.

“Have you made a decision yet?” I ask Christen impatiently. Christen has been holding us up for the last five minutes because she can’t decide what to eat.

“No” Christen says with a frown.

“Normally it is you that holds us up Tobin” my friend Ryan says.

“Babe, come on” I say, getting slightly annoyed. “I haven’t eaten since lunch, even that wasn’t a big lunch.”

“Ok, I am going to have the grilled salmon” Christen decides and I quickly get the waiter’s attention so we can order before Christen changes her mind.

“So Christen, what’s been happening with you?” My friend Courtney asks with a smile. “I was speaking to your sister Channing the other day, she mentioned Tyler’s good news.”

“Yeah” Christen nods with a smile. “We are all pretty excited, Channing and I have already started our competition to see who could be the best Auntie.”

“Still as competitive as ever” Courtney says with a small laugh. It is really helping me relax that my friends are trying to include Christen.

~

After four hours of dinner and catching up, the night is almost over. Christen has been welcomed back into our group by my friends and I can’t be happier. When I see her smiling and laughing it makes me feel happy.

“It was nice seeing you all again” Christen says with a smile.

“We should do this again sometime” Lisa says.

“Absolutely” Courtney adds.

“See you all soon” I say with a smile before Christen and I say our final goodbye to my friends and we leave the restaurant. The others are heading to a few bars but Chris and I declined the invitation since its Christen’s last night and we wanted to spend it alone. “That wasn’t so bad was it?”

“No, I had fun” Christen answers before grabbing my hand as we slowly walk back to my house. Just like always we opt to walk back via the beach. “I am glad you led me towards the beach because that means I can take my shoes off, my feet have been hurting with them all night.”

“You should’ve said babe and I would’ve swapped shoes with you” I say as Christen grabs onto me to steady herself as she removes her shoes.

“That’s ok” Christen smiles before interlocking our hands again and we carry on with our walk.

“I can’t believe it is going to be three weeks until I get to do this again” I say, squeezing Christen’s hand. “I just got you back and now I need to let you go again.”

“I don’t like it either but for the moment there’s nothing else we can do” Christen responds. “I love you Tobin, we are going to make it this time.”

“I know” I say confidently. “I’m just going to miss you.”

“I will miss you too baby.”

When we reach the end of the beach, I turn my back to Christen.

“Hop on” I say to Chris, gesturing for her to get onto my back for a piggyback. “It’s ok to walk on the beach with no shoes but you can’t walk along the sidewalk like that.”

“I can put my shoes back on” Christen says but I wave her idea off.

“I am not letting you wear them if they are hurting you” I say. “We either trade shoes or you just accept my offer of a piggyback.”

“Ok” Christen says with a smile before jumping on my back and we finish our route back to my house.

“Hi girls” my mom says when we enter the house. “How was your dinner?”

“It was nice” Christen answers with a smile. “It felt like old times.”

“It did” I add, smiling as well.

“I am going to head to bed” Christen tells me, placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

“I will be up in a minute babe” I say as Christen leaves to go up to my room.

“Are you ok sweetheart?” My mom asks as she shuts her laptop and pats the space next to her on the couch for me to sit.

“She’s leaving tomorrow mom” I say sadly as my mom puts her arm around me. “I thought I could handle the time apart, but I’m not sure I can.”

“It will be hard honey but it’s not forever, it’s just three weeks” my mom says as she rubs my back. “You will see her soon.”

“Yeah but it’s always going to be like this” I complain. “She lives in Sweden, our separation won’t always be three weeks or less. We’re continents apart.”

“Tobin, don’t panic” my mom tells me. “It won’t be like the last time, Christen’s season in Sweden ends in May and your season with the thorns will start in April. I am sure you two will be able to figure it out.”

“I hope so” I say before hugging my mom goodnight and then I make my way upstairs.

“Hey baby, where’s your blue t-shirt?” Christen asks as I walk into the room. “I want to wear it to bed.”

“I don’t know, try the bottom drawer” I answer as I watch Christen move around the room half dressed.

“I don’t think it’s in here babe” Christen says, moving my stuff around the drawer.

“I know, it’s in the top drawer” I say with a smile. “I just wanted to see you bend over in that thong.”

“You think you are so clever” Christen says with a smile, locating the t-shirt and putting it on.

“Maybe I am” I respond.

“Hurry up and get ready for bed, I wanna cuddle” Christen tells me, giving me one small kiss before gently pushing me towards the bathroom. “You will get a better kiss in bed so hurry.”

~

“It’s a beautiful morning isn’t it” I say as we stroll along the beach, Christen’s hand firmly in mine.

“A little cold though” Christen says and I chuckle.

“You’re a real Californian girl” I say with a smile. “I’m really going to miss you babe, these have been the best few days of my life.”

“I’m going to miss you too” Christen says, gently tugging on my hand to stop us from walking any further. “It won’t be like the last time.” That’s clearly a worry playing on both our minds. “I’m not going to let it happen again.”

“I won’t either” I say determinedly albeit a little nervous. I thought we tried hard the last time but everything still went to pieces.

“I’ve been thinking, we haven’t made things official between us yet” Christen starts, making me smile. “I think…”

“Wait, this isn’t you proposing is it?” I interject jokingly, Christen just rolls her eyes.

“You’re not that lucky” Christen replies with a smile. “I meant we haven’t officially confirmed ourselves as girlfriends.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to be my girlfriend” I tease, smirking at Christen.

“I suggest you tell that to your face, it is suggesting otherwise” Christen says before pulling me in for a kiss. “If I remember correctly this is the exact spot where I asked you to be my girlfriend the first time.” Christen then reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small jewellery box.

“Are you sure you’re not proposing?” I ask.

“Don’t spoil it” Christen says as she pinches the skin on my arm. “Where was I… yes, as we haven’t made things official then I want to do that today before I go off to Sweden.” I nod my head, letting Christen carry on. “I know it’s been tough and it will continue to be a challenge for us but I am convinced more than ever that this is a challenge I want to encounter with you. I love you Tobin, that has never changed and it won’t change.”

“I love you too” I say as I take Christen’s hand in mine.

“This distance won’t be forever, we just need to take each day or week as it comes” Christen says before looking me in the eye and then opening the box. “Tobin Heath, will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes, a million times yes” I say as Christen slips the ring on my middle finger. “This must’ve been pretty expensive” I admire the gold band.

“I have a lot of years to make up for” Christen says, kissing my lips gently again.

“I think we both do” I reply as we stand in silence for a few moments, absorbing the time together. “If I ever need to do some thinking then I come out into the middle of the ocean on my surf board and I just let the sound of the sea take over” I say as we look out across the calm waters.

“That’s like yoga for me” Christen adds.

“I like the peacefulness of the water so I can think things through” I say. “I don’t just come to think about the bad stuff, I also come to help me think through positive stuff.”

I feel christen relaxing against me, allowing me to wrap my arms around her.

“I remember this time when the ocean helped me when I had a major freak out” I say. “I fell in love with the most beautiful woman on the planet after like a day of meeting her and I was panicking. I thought it was too soon and I would scare her away so I went out on the water with my surfboard to calm myself down before I went on my first date with her.” I take a deep breath, sighing happily at the memory. “She literally took my breath away, she consumed every thought I had to the point that I nearly had a meltdown.”

“What a bitch” Christen chuckles softly. “The cheek of her to be so lovable.”

“She saved my life” I say, kissing the back of Christen’s neck. “She was exactly what I needed in my life, I was lost before I met her and within a day I was insanely in love.”

“She sounds like a keeper.”

“Nah, forward actually” I lamely joke. “I am serious Chris, I have loved you from the day I met you.”

“I know exactly how you feel, I think it will be tough for us but it won’t break us” Christen says and I just nod, already dreading Chris getting on that plane today and not seeing her for three weeks. “It won’t be like this forever, these sad goodbyes followed by weeks without one another.”

“I know” I say sadly. “I just got you back four days ago and now I have to wait twenty-one days, twelve hours, six minutes and thirty three seconds.”

“Not that you are counting or anything” Christen says with a smile before playfully nudging me.

“It just sucks Chris” I respond before Christen turns around and hugs me.

“I know baby” Christen gently kiss me. “Three weeks will fly by, I promise.”

“Yeah and then I will see you for two weeks at national camp which will fly by quicker and then what… six weeks apart while you start the last half of your season in Sweden?” I say, getting myself slightly worked up.

“Let just take it a day at a time babe, I am not off to Sweden yet” Christen says, trying to instil some positivity in me. “My flight doesn’t leave for several hours.”

“Yeah several hours which will be reduced due to driving to the airport, checking in and then waiting there not to mention that you will need to visit your parents before you leave” I say annoyed. “I just want to spend as much time with you as I can, you know I am quite clingy” I say, receiving a kiss from Chris.

“You’re not clingy babe” Christen tells me before we both look at one another and laugh. “Ok, so you are clingy but this situation isn’t you being clingy. It you being normal because you are going to be apart from the woman you love.”

“I suppose” I say, kissing Christen again.

“Let’s head back to your house so I can get my stuff and then go to my parent’s to get the rest” Christen tells me.

“Ok babe” I reply, interlocking my fingers with Christen’s as we walk back along the beach in the direction we just came. “What time is your flight?”

“Three o’clock but I will need to leave at noon” Christen replies. “My dad is going to drive me.”

“Wait, I’m not taking you to the airport?” I ask, momentarily causing us to stop our walk.

“Did you want to take me?” Christen counters with a question.

“Yeah babe, I want to spend every second I can with you” I say, sad that I will need to part with Christen earlier than I wanted.

“I can cancel my dad, it was already pre-planned that he would take me before we got back together” Christen says. “You can drive me, my parents were thinking of coming to Sweden to visit next week anyway so I will see them soon enough.”

“That’s settled then, I will drive you to the airport and then wait until you need to board your flight” I say with finality. “No one is taking my girl away quicker than needed.”

~

“Have you got everything?” I ask. I don’t really expect Christen to say no or to hesitate, she is the most organised person I know.

“Yeah” Christen answers with a smile.

“Let’s go to your parent’s then” I say as I walk towards the front door.

“Have a safe journey sweetheart” my mom says before hugging Christen. “Tobin will keep me updated.”

“I will, thanks” Christen replies politely before we make our way to the car.

“One more stop and then its airport time” I say, squeezing Christen’s hand before putting the car into drive.

“What’s your plan for the next three weeks?” Christen asks as we drive by the beach.

“Apart from moping around because I miss my girlfriend, not much really” I say with a light laugh. “Seriously though, I’ve got some plans to meet up with an old trainer of mine to help me with some defensive drills and I’ve also got a meeting with a company about using my pretty face on the cover of their advertisement for a new energy drink.”

“Sounds cool” Christen smiles.

“I think Alex and Servando may visit on their way back to Orlando after staying with Alex’s family over Christmas” I reply. “That should keep me busy too, also I might go fishing with my dad and Jeff.”

“I think the time will pass quicker if we are busy” Christen says. “I’ve got a good run of games coming up so hopefully I can keep my mind occupied with that.”

A few minutes later and I pull into the driveway, I quickly jump out of the car and rush around to the other side so I can open Christen’s door for her.

“Thanks babe” Christen says with a smile and then kisses my cheek.

“Morning” Tyler greets us with a smile. “I’ve just made coffee, do you want some.”

“Always” Christen answers as we head to the kitchen.

“Ready to go back sis?” Tyler asks, handing Christen and I a cup of coffee.

“I am and I’m not” Christen answers. “I can’t wait to play again but on the other hand I don’t want to part with this one.”

“She’s just worried I will have too much fun without her” I say jokingly.

“It’s the total opposite babe” Christen adds in.

“I know” I say, pecking Christen’s lips.

“Who do you think you will miss more sis, Tobin or the dogs?” Tyler asks her sister.

“Don’t ask me that” Christen says, playfully slapping Tyler. “I will miss everyone.”

“Morning girls” Stacy says as she enters the room. “Your father has went out to get a few groceries but he will be back in plenty of time to get you to the airport.”

“Actually mom, there’s been a change of plan” Christen says before looking at me. “Tobin is going to take me to the airport so dad doesn’t need to do it now.”

“If you are sure, your father doesn’t mind” Stacy replies but Christen waves it off.

“It’s ok, I kind of want to spend time with Tobin” Christen says, squeezing my hand.

“Ok sweetheart” Stacy smiles. “Do you want anything to eat before you go?”

“No thanks mom, we had breakfast earlier” Christen says before kissing me gently on the lips. “I am going to pack my stuff, we will leave at twelve o’clock exactly babe.”

“Ok” I nod as Christen walks out of the room.

“How are you doing?” Stacy asks me in her motherly tone that reminds me of my mom.

“I’m ok at the moment, the nerves are kicking in a little though” I admit honestly. “I don’t think it’s so much the distance bothering me but the thought of what happened the last time.”

“It will be different this time, you are both older and understand that your job will cause you to be apart a lot” Tyler tells me. I do have confidence that we can make this work, it doesn’t mean that I won’t always hate it though.

“It’s been so good to be around her again” I say, unable to keep the smile off my face. “It’s not even a full week yet but I feel like we’ve just picked up from our relationship before.”

“It’s been nine months of fluttering around the topic though” Tyler says before a small laugh escapes her mouth. “I remember the first night of camp back in April, Christen called me in such a panic because she got roomed with you and you wouldn’t so much as look at her.”

“I was angry and upset, it was the first time I saw her since we broke up” I respond, remembering that day. I don’t feel the hurt that I used to feel when I thought about how I felt when I first saw her. It doesn’t matter how beautiful she was, the hurt I felt that first night of camp overpowered everything else.

“I know you won’t but I feel like I should say this anyway; don’t hurt her Tobin” Tyler tells me and I sigh, I won’t do that. “I know she hurt you but she hurt herself just as much when she broke up with you. It wasn’t what she wanted at all.”

“I love her, probably even more than I did the first time because I know what it’s like to be without her” I state truthfully. “I’m not going anywhere so you guys are stuck with me.”

“You’ve always been welcomed in this family Tobin” Stacy says with a kind smile before we hear a thud from upstairs. “Sounds like she’s having a little trouble up there.”

“I will go and check it out” I laugh before quickly making my way upstairs to Christen’s bedroom. “Babe, are you ok?” I shout when I arrive and see no sign of Chris. “Baby!”

“I’m in the closet” I hear Christen’s muffled voice so I make my way over to it and find Christen surround by lots of shoes and empty boxes. “I knocked all the boxes off the shelf and the shoes fell out.”

“You really have made a mess” I say but judging by the look of frustration on Chris’s face that comment didn’t really help. “Sorry, you go pack the rest of your stuff and I will tidy the shoes.”

“Ok” Christen nods, leaving the closet and going over to her bed to finish packing.

“What’s this red box?” I ask out of curiosity. It is labelled in bold capital letters ‘PRIVATE’ so I probably shouldn’t have asked.

“Just some stuff” Christen replies before appearing at the closet door. “A few photos, some cards, a few poems…”

“What like from an ex or something?” I ask, feeling a little jealous. I know that seems a bit pathetic but I get really clingy for lack of a better term when it comes to Christen.

“Kind of” Christen replies with a shrug, looking a little nervous.

“What does kind of mean?” I ask as I stand up, the box still in my hand.

“Well from an ex but not really an ex” Christen says but I am still puzzled what that means. “It’s from you, technically you’re not my ex-girlfriend anymore because you’re my girlfriend but before you were.”

“This stuff’s about me?” I ask with a smile to which Christen nods. “I thought you had a wooden box for that stuff.”

“Maybe I kept a bit too much and couldn’t fit it into the one box” Christen says with a slight blush on her face.

“I know it says private but ya know, it’s not really relevant to me since I practically created it so can I look inside” I say, a little too eager if I do say so myself.

“Yeah but don’t laugh at some of the stuff I kept, I had my reasons” Christen says before turning around and going back to her packing while I look inside the box. At first I find some nice photos of us and then a few cards and then I find a bunch of movie ticket stubs, dinner receipts, sea shells and some other random stuff.

“What’s with all the movie stubs and receipts?” I ask as I leave the closet and sit on Christen bed next to where she is standing to pack her suitcase.

“You will think I am dork but I could probably tell you exactly why I kept each and every one of those dinner receipts” Christen tells me.

“Tell me then” I say with a smile, giving Christen the bits of paper.

“This one here is from that pizza restaurant just off the beach, this is the first time you let me pay for dinner” Christen says before taking the next receipt. “This is when we went for brunch for the very first time, the one in your left hand is from the dinner we had and I finally realised that I was in love with you, the yellow paper underneath is a receipt for breakfast when… Tobin stop smirking at me.”

“I’m sorry but you’re so sappy” I say as I laugh. “You tell me I am sappy but babe, this is way off the chart.”

“I am going back to packing” Christen says but by the smile on her face I know she isn’t that mad at me for making fun of her.

“Is this a naked picture?” I say jokingly as I look through the box some more but I get no reaction from Christen.

“I’m not stupid babe, I know I wouldn’t put a naked picture in an unlocked box” Christen says as she looks me in the eye. “All the naked pictures of you, I keep locked in a triple locked box that you will never find.”

“Wait, do you actually have a naked picture of me?” I ask, I was joking but Chris seems serious.

“I don’t know, probably” Christen answers with a shrug. “We took a lot of photos and were together for five years, I’m sure there will be something of that sort.”

“Look at this Valentine’s card” I say as I pull out a card that says ‘To My Valentine’ on the front with a picture of Chris and I in the middle of a heart surrounded by an obnoxiously amount of other hearts. “To the most beautiful girl in the world, every day is Valentine’s day with you” I read the inside of the card aloud. “Love you forever, Tobin” I finish laughing at the card, how cheesy I was back then.

“You may be laughing babe but there are like lots of cards like that, every birthday, Christmas, anniversary, Easter, thanksgiving” Christen says laughing. “Any day with a title and you got a card for it, professing your undying love inside.”

“Did you not like the cards?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

“You know I did” Christen says with a smile. “I loved everything you gave me.”

“Stop complaining then” I say before putting the stuff back in the box and helping Christen finish packing.

“I have to make a confession” Christen says as she locks her suitcase. “I may or may not have took one of your sweaters from your house before we left.”

“That’s ok, I am wearing one of your Stanford shirts right now and I don’t plan on giving it back” I say with a shrug and then I pull Christen closer to me for a hug. “I love you so much baby.”

“I love you too” Christen says, kissing my lips gently. “We need to leave just now though, I can’t miss my flight.”

“You grab your hand luggage and I will get the bigger bag” I say, pecking Christen’s lips one last time before we make our way downstairs so Christen can say goodbye to her family and then we can drive to the airport.

~

“You have to let me go babe” Christen whispers in my ear as I refuse to let her go. “I will call you as soon as the plane lands.”

“I don’t wanna let you go, I want to keep you in my arms forever” I complain, reluctantly letting Christen go before she pecks me on the lips a few times.

“I love you Toby, we will talk tonight.”

“I hate how calm you are about this” I say, seeking out Christen’s lips one last time. “I love you too, have a safe trip.”

“Bye baby” and with that I watch my girlfriend disappear out of view. I guess it is back to normality now, no more waking up in the arms of the woman I love. I send a quick text to Chris, telling her I love her even though I know she won’t get it until after the plane lands, and then I text Alex to see when she will be able to meet up.

Hopefully these next three weeks go by in a flash, I don’t think I could cope if they went painfully slow. I hear my phone sounding alerting me that I have a text, I know it won’t be Christen but I check it anyway just in case.

Alex: Serv and I are here, I am 10 minutes from your house xx

I quickly reply so Alex doesn’t turn up and realise I am not there.

Tobin: I’m not at home just now, meet you for lunch in an hour?

Alex: Ok Tobs, c ya in an hour xx


	19. Shine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Shine by Years & Years.

As soon as I get out the shower I text Christen.

Tobin: Facetime in ten minutes? Xx

Christen: Can we make it fifteen, I’m in the middle of yoga? Xxxxxx

Tobin: Can I not watch you do yoga? ;)

Christen: You wish baby, talk to you soon xxxxxx

Tobin: Sure babe xx

I quickly tidy up my room, since Christen and her organisational skills haven’t been around for the last few days I have kinda left everything in a mess.

“TOBIN!!!” I hear Perry scream from downstairs. What have I done now?

“What?” I shout back but get no response. The next thing I know Perry is bursting into the room.

“Have you seen my blue dress, I’ve got an important event at work tonight?” Perry asks and I shake my head.

“I’ve not seen it, no” I answer. “Maybe you left it at your boyfriend’s apartment.”

“Probably” Perry says before she grabs my hand. “Nice ring, Cartier?”

“Yeah, a present from Christen” I answer with a smile as I stare at the ring on my middle finger.

“Someone got a guilty conscience” Perry says and I frown at her. “Lavish presents, she must be feeling guilty about something.”

“Maybe that’s what happens in your relationships but not mine” I state in annoyance. “You don’t have to like Christen but that doesn’t mean you can make unfair judgements. I love her Perry and she loves me.”

“I just don’t like what she did to you” Perry says before sighing. “Tobin, I never want to see you upset again. I don’t ever want to find you sobbing and broken like I did that day.”

“You have to trust me on this, things are different this time” I say with sincerity. “We aren’t teenagers anymore, it’s serious between Chris and me.”

“I’m sorry” Perry tells me. “I promise I will try harder.”

“Good” I respond. “I am just about to Facetime with her.”

“I will leave you alone then, see you later sis.”

“Bye” I say with a wave before grabbing my phone and uploading Facetime.

“Hi baby” Christen says with a smile.

“Good morning beautiful” I smile back, my heartrate increasing at the sight of my girlfriend.

“It isn’t morning here” Christen says as she gestures to the darkening sky outside her window.

“How was your day babe?” I ask, smiling at Christen describing everything she has done.

I let Christen do most of the talking, I am quite content to just listen to her. Christen could talk for hours and I would be more than happy to listen. She could talk about the most mundane things and still have me hooked.

“What about you babe, how was your day?” Christen asks with a smile.

“The usual, I am just counting down the hours until I see you again” I reply honestly. “I knew it would be hard but this feels like torture.”

“I know” Christen says with a deep sigh. “I used to love it here but ever since we spent those few days together I can’t help but wish I could spend all my time with you. Even the thought of a game doesn’t excite me as much anymore.”

“I can’t believe it’s only been four days since I last saw you and got to kiss you” I say sadly. “Is it always going to be like this, I will see you in just over two weeks but what happens when it’s longer?”

“I don’t know Toby, I guess it is something we really need to talk through” Christen says with a sad smile.

“I don’t know if I’m being pathetic or if all long distance couples feel like this” I say as I move over to my bed and lie down with my phone in my hand. “I feel like I have separation anxiety or something.”

“I think it just feels so bad because we only got back together, I think it will get a little easier when we are more settled into a rhythm” Christen says and I nod. I really do hope it gets easier. “We just got to power through until camp then when we see each other in person we can put some plans in place.”

“When I see you in person, I don’t think making plans will be the first thing on my mind” I say with a chuckle. “I just wanna hold you in my arms and never let go.”

“Me too baby” Christen smiles and I melt. She’s giving me that smile that makes my heart speed up, the one where her eyes sparkle and her head tilts to the side.

“Just over two weeks to go” I say sadly but also determined.

~

It was two really long slow weeks but I made it, tonight I will see my girlfriend again. Her flight gets in a lot later than most of us but I am sure I can survive for an extra few hours.

“Welcome to another camp ladies, I appreciate not everyone is here yet but that doesn’t mean we can’t get started” Jill announces as soon as we are all sitting in the meeting room. I can’t sit at peace today, I am desperate to see Chris. I haven’t talked to her since last night due to the time difference and the fact that she will spend most of her day at the airport or on a plane.

“Where’s Kelley?” Alex whispers to me. “Shouldn’t she be here already, I thought it was just the ones from international teams that weren’t here?”

“I dunno” I shrug before listening to Jill again.

“Does everyone agree?” Jill asks and everyone shouts yes. I have no idea to what we are agreeing, probably some stupid rule that Jill has made up. “Ok ladies, let’s get down to business then. We will have our first proper meeting tomorrow morning but for today you are free to do what you wish but please attend breakfast tomorrow already to go.”

We all murmur before heading out of the room.

“What’s your plan today Toby?” Alex asks and I frown.

“Don’t call me Toby” I state before turning to my best friend. “I haven’t really got a plan, just going with the flow.”

“Good answer, you can help Allie and I do some planning for the wedding” Alex tells me and I immediately groan. I love Allie, I do but every time we are in camp there is always planning that has to be done for her wedding. “Quit groaning, you are part of the wedding party and the wedding is in March. We need to use all the time we can get to make plans.”

“You are aware that this is Allie’s wedding and not yours right?” I ask, earning a slap on the arm from Alex. “Jeez Morgan, just a question.”

“I have taken it upon myself to plan the wedding so you better bet I am going to give it my all” Alex answers causing me to laugh. “Talking of the wedding, are you still going alone or do you need a plus one?”

“I don’t know” I answer. Originally I was going to the wedding alone because Rhian couldn’t make it but now that is over and I am with Christen then obviously I want to go with her.

“When will you know because plans need to be put in place and I need to organise everything?” Alex asks.

“It’s only one more chair you will either need to fill or not, I am sure there is no need to panic” I say calmly and Alex shakes her head.

“It isn’t just one chair, I need to know if I should arrange another chair at the bridal table for your date or if she will sit with the other attendees” Alex says causing me to laugh slightly. What is it with weddings that gets people so worked up about the smallest details?

“Ok fine, let’s say I will bring a date and she will sit with everyone else” I reply, still amused at how quickly Alex seems to have gotten flustered. “Let’s just leave the main table for the bridal Party, I mean Servando isn’t sitting with you is he?”

“No, I’ve put him at a table with Dom so he has someone he knows to talk to” Alex responds.

“You’re his wife not his mom, he’s a big boy I am sure he can mingle himself” I say as Alex glares in response.

~

“Tobin is here to help” Alex announces loudly to the room.

“Brilliant, thanks” Allie says before handing me a stack of paperwork. “These are the responses I got from guests about meal choice, I need you to sort them into three piles. One for guests having chicken, one for beef and one for the vegetarian option.”

“What if someone was looking forward to the wedding and are now a bit disappointed because they fancied fish?” I ask, putting on a sad face.

“Do you want my left hand or right hand to slap you?” Allie says with a raised eyebrow. “Any more comments like that and it will happen.”

“Tobin, I think the best and easiest thing you can do for yourself is just shut up and help” Kelley says with a sigh.

“Oh goodness, they must be desperate if they asked you squirrel” I say with a laugh. Kelley is a bit energetic, she struggles to concentrate on the one thing for too long. She always has to be up and moving about.

“I say just slap her with both hands Allie” Kelley says before turning away and getting back to her task of whatever she was doing with a laptop.

“I am only joking” I say, feeling bad. “I will shut up and get on with my task.”

“Who do you think will be next to walk down the aisle?” Alex asks, momentarily looking away from her laptop screen.

“I was thinking perhaps JJ or Whitney” Kelley answers.

“Or Ali and Ash” Allie interjects. “They’ve been together for forever.”

“I love weddings” Alex says for a smile. “I love planning them too.”

“I highly recommend Alex to you ladies if you need a wedding planner” Allie says with a smile. “She’s very good.”

“I don’t think Tobin and I have any plans to marry each other but thanks for the recommendation” Kelley says through a chuckle.

“I’m pretty sure Hope would have something to say about it anyway” I add.

“I didn’t obviously mean marrying each other, I just meant if one of you need a wedding planner for your own weddings then Alex is good” Allie says with a shrug.

“Do you think Hope would marry me?” Kelley asks, sounding a little unsure. “We’ve been together for over a year unofficially.”

“Are you thinking of asking?” Alex asks with a smirk.

“I’m serious Alex, this is a genuine concern I have” Kelley says in a serious tone. “This isn’t some playful thing where I say, do you think Hope will marry me knowing deep down she will. I am not sure if she wants to get married again.”

“You know how to solve your conundrum?” Alex asks. “You talk to her about it, it’s as simple as that.”

“It’s not something I would describe as simple, if she doesn’t want to get married then do I just settle for that?” Kelley asks.

“No, you are jumping ahead” Allie says. “Talk to her first, when Bati and I got together we realised that the important conversations are worth having before taking a big step. I always said I didn’t want kids and then I found out that Bati did. It’s not always going to be easy but talking makes it better.”

“I suppose I should talk to her” Kelley muses aloud.

“I am finished organising these dinner replies” I say, changing the subject. “What do I have to do now?”

“You can help me with the seating plan” Alex says and I bite my tongue to stop a groan coming out.

“Ok” I sigh.

“What I was thinking is that for the meal, we sit all friends together on one side and family on the other side of the room” Alex starts. “Then after the meal everyone can mix in and we can lose the organised seating.”

“Sounds like you have it all figured out by yourself, am I free to go?” I say as I begin to stand up.

“No, sit down” Alex says as she pulls me down. “We need to figure out how many people can fit at the one table.” This time I do let the groan fall from my lips, this really isn’t my idea of fun. “The more you help the quicker we can sort this and then all head to dinner together.”

“Fine” I say with a sigh.

After a lots less time than I thought it would take the seating plan is finally finished.

“We can check that off the list now” Alex says before actually pulling out a long list and ticking off ‘seating chart’. “You were actually surprisingly helpful there Tobs.”

“I don’t know whether that was a complement or not” I say but I take it just the same.

“It was” Alex confirms and before she can find another task for me to do, I make an escape to the bathroom. I don’t really need the bathroom but I do need a break from wedding planning. Four hours we have been in Alex’s room.

After a few minutes to myself I decide to be brave and get back out there. When I do leave the bathroom, I notice a suitcase and then Alex’s roommate. I don’t know why but for a moment I am just standing still staring at Christen, my heart beating out my chest.

“Hey” Christen says with a sigh.

Words don’t even fall from my lips before I am shooting across the room and taking Christen in my arms. “I missed you so much” I whisper to my girlfriend, squeezing her tight before kissing her on the cheek.

“Jeez Tobin, let the girl breathe dude” Kelley tells me as I release Christen from the hug but leave my arm wrapped around her. “How was your flight Press?”

“Which one?” Christen chuckles with a sigh. “The one from Stockholm to London or London to here. One was very turbulent and the other had a choir or screaming babies.”

“Rough travel day then?” Allie says to which Christen nods.

“Why didn’t you text me to pick you up from the airport?” I ask as I look at Chris. I want to kiss her so bad but there is an audience and the kinda kiss I want to give her is not appropriate for an audience.

“Whit, Kling and Ali were there and had a van organised” Christen replies with a smile. “Plus it looks like you have been busy here.”

“We are going to grab some dinner Press if you wanna join?” Kelley says with a smile.

“When are you guys going because I really want to shower before I do anything else?” Christen asks before kissing my cheek and then moving away from me and over to her suitcase.

“We can wait for a bit, I wanna go find Hope and see if she is free for something to eat first anyway” Kelley answers.

“Cool, I will get a shower and then we can go” Christen replies and Kelley nods. Christen then makes her way into the bathroom and I sit on her bed trying to calm my heart rate.

“I think we are finished the wedding planning for today” Alex says as she and Allie tidy up. “You are free to leave now Tobs, we can meet in the lobby in an hour for dinner when everyone is ready.”

“I will wait here, I don’t mind” I say with a smile.

“You were desperate to leave earlier and now you don’t want to” Alex laughs before her face breaks into a smirk. “Oh, I get it. It’s because my roommate is here.” I just shrug my shoulders and then decide to play with my phone as I wait on Chris.

“I am going to find Hope, see you in an hour kids” Kelley declares before rushing out of the room.

“I should get this stuff back to my room, I will send out a group text to see who is up for dinner” Allie says before she then leaves as well. Maybe if I can get rid of Alex within the next few minutes I will get time with Christen alone before dinner.

~

“Hey” I say when I look up and see Christen leaving the bathroom. I love her hair when it’s all wet and curly.

“Hey, where’s Alex?” Christen asks as she pads around the room in one of the hotel’s custom robes.

“She wanted some privacy to call Servando so she went out by the pool I think” I answer as I stand up and follow Christen around the room. “Come here for a minute.”

“I need to find some clothes babe” Christen responds with a smile.

“I will help you find clothes after, I wanna kiss my girlfriend” I say with a pout, beckoning Christen to walk over to me. “You’re lucky I didn’t barge my way into the bathroom as soon as Alex left.”

“I would say I’m unlucky in that case” Christen replies with a wink before moving closer to me and pecking my lips.

“I need more than that babe, a peck won’t do” I say, leaning in to my girlfriend and capturing her lips in a slow and steady rhythm until we both get a little more hungry and the kiss turns more passionate.

“That was some welcome to camp” Christen says, chuckling softly.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to kiss you” I say with a sigh. “I just want to keep kissing you.”

“I am not stopping you” Christen says, moving closer to me again so our faces are not even an inch apart. “Kiss me again” Christen whispers and I do as I am told, gently placing my lips against Christens. This time though I don’t stop kissing her until we are physically unable to keep breathing properly.

“Did you miss me?” I ask shyly, pressing my forehead against Christen’s.

“Yeah, like you wouldn’t believe” Christen answers with a breathless chuckle.

“I missed you too” I say. “How was Sweden?”

“It was ok, nothing exciting” Christen answers with a shrug. “I am glad to be back here, its way too cold over there at this time of year.”

“Typical Californian girl, doesn’t like the cold” I say with a smirk.

“There’s cold and then there’s absolutely freezing Tobin, you would complain too” Christen tells me.

“You’re probably right.”

“Who’s your roommate?” Christen asks as she goes to her suitcase to get clothes.

“Crystal” I answer. “I was hoping it would be you since the team technically don’t know we are official yet but I guess that was just wishful thinking.”

“Don’t worry babe, I am happy to be your roommate any time outside camp” Christen says with a smile.

“Noted” I say, sliding back onto Christen’s bed.

“Are you just going to sit there while I change?”

“Pretty much” I reply with a grin. “I am not leaving you unless it is absolutely necessary.”

“I love you Tobin but I am not going to dinner with my girlfriend wearing a dirty pair of jeans” Christen says as she points to my knee. “Instead of watching me then maybe you should change too.”

“Damn, these were my favourite pants” I say as I rub at the stain on my knee, it must be from lunch. “I will just wear something of yours, do you have a pair of black jeans?”

“Yeah, they should be at the bottom of my luggage” Christen says as she points at her suitcase and then she walks back towards the bathroom with clothes in one hand and a makeup bag in the other.

~

“Are you sure we can’t skip dinner with the others and go somewhere ourselves?” I ask for the second time as Chris and I walk hand in hand down to the lobby to meet everyone.

“Sorry babe but we can go off and do something together after dinner” Christen bargains with me. “Maybe go for a walk, find a beach and make out all night.”

“I am going to hold you to that” I say, stealing a kiss and then I lead us over to the noisy group in the foyer. Yup, that’s definitely our teammates.

“Are we ready to go gang?” Kelley says, not really expecting an answer as the group of us walk out of the hotel. Christen getting pulled away from me by Kelley.

“So when did that happen?” Alex asks me and I look at her blankly.

“When did what happen?” I ask confused.

“You and Christen were just holding hands” Alex says and I nod. “It’s a little full on for two friends don’t cha think.”

“Is PDA banned in this state?” I ask with a laugh. “She’s my girlfriend, I can hold her hand if I wanna.”

“Whoa… back it up there Heath” Alex says, grabbing my hand to stop me from walking any further. “Since when did she become your girlfriend and why wasn’t I told?”

“Was I supposed to run it by you?”

“No, but…”

“Well there, I’ve just told you now” I respond, pulling Alex’s hand off of mine so I can continue to walk. “We got back together just after Christmas.”

“Congrats, I am happy for you. Being in love is a good look on you” Alex tells me as I stare ahead at Christen giggling with Kelley and Syd.

“Thanks” I say with a smile. “I’m not letting her go this time, she’s the one.”

“That’s so cute, I’ve never heard you talk like that before” Alex says with a smile of her own.

“Fuck off” I reply, slightly embarrassed.

“I am serious, I haven’t” Alex responds with a sincere smile. “At first, I wanted to kill Christen for breaking your heart but now I think I wanna kiss her for mending it.”

~

I don’t leave Christen’s side all night. We sat next to one another, left the restaurant together and walked back to the hotel together.

“I think it is probably time for you to go to bed” I say with a smile as I notice how tired Christen looks.

“I didn’t sleep on the plane at all” Christen says, yawning again.

“Why?” I ask. “Too excited to see me?”

“You wish” Christen says with a laugh. “There were too many crying babies and people snoring for me to get any rest.”

“You poor thing” I say before wrapping my arms around Christen to hug her. “Alex doesn’t snore anymore so you should get a decent sleep.”

“I hope so” Christen sighs out. “I’ve missed you Tobin.”

“I’ve missed you too babe, so much.”

“We should go to bed” Christen says before pecking me on the lips. “We need to be up early for our first day of training.”

“Ok” I reluctantly agree before stealing a few more kisses.

“Come on Toby” Christen says as she pulls me along the corridor until we reach Alex and her room. “Do you want me to wake you up in the morning?”

“Are you going to get up earlier than necessary to do yoga first?” I ask with a smile, Christen is such a morning person.

“I will get up a little earlier, yes” Christen answers. “Probably about six.”

“You don’t need to wake me up at that time, I am sure I can cope with not seeing you until a decent hour” I say to which Christen laughs.

“Ok then baby, Goodnight” Christen smiles and gives me a hug.

“Night Chris” I respond after kissing Christen’s cheek. “See you at breakfast.”

“See you then” Christen replies, showing me my favourite smile.

“You need to let my hand go” I laugh lightly.

“Sorry” Christen blushes before letting go. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

~

“Tobin, nice of you to join us” Jill says as I enter the meeting room late.

“Sorry coach, I got stuck” I reply, trying to be as vague as possible to hide my embarrassment.

“Stuck?” Kelley asks, loud enough for the whole team to stare at me. Everyone except one person looks at me in amusement, Christen looks a little worried rather than amused.

“I… eh…” I stumble as I scratch the back of my head. “I got locked in the bathroom in my room, I only got out because the hotel maid came in to clean. I left my phone in the bedroom.” Everyone starts howling in laugher, it’s not really that funny. I think they are just laughing because it is such a Tobin thing to do.

“Ok, let’s settle down and get on with the meeting” Dawn says and I quickly make my way and sit next to Ashlyn. If I took the open seat next to Allie then I know she would just make a fool of me during the whole meeting because of my mishap.

The meeting carries on for another forty boring minutes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I am not interested but I would prefer to practice tactics with the ball rather than talk about them beforehand.

“That’s all for just now, I will see you all on the field in ten minutes” Jill says, ending the meeting and we all disperse out of the room to get our training gear.

“If you need help going to the bathroom then make sure someone is around to accompany you” Alex cheekily says to me as she slides past me. I guess I am going to be the joke of the day. I don’t think it will be for long though, knowing this group so well then someone else will have a prank pulled on them before the end of the day.

“Just ignore the teasing” Christen tells me with a smile. “How come I didn’t see you at breakfast?”

“I slept through it” I answer bashfully as Christen laughs softly. “Crystal woke me up when she was leaving and I said I would be down once I got ready, I guess I just fell asleep again.”

“Did you not set an alarm in the event Crystal didn’t know to wake you up?” Christen asks and this time it is me who is laughing.

“My phone ran out of battery just after I finished texting you, I never thought it would affect my alarm” I say with a shrug, I can always grab some fruit and coffee to set me up for the day.

“For the rest of camp I am going to come to your room every morning before breakfast to check that you are awake” Christen says with a nod of her head and a laugh. I know she is serious though, she will be there every morning without fail.

~

 “I’ve got a question for you” I say as I throw myself next to Christen on the bed.

“Sounds intriguing babe, what’s up?” Christen asks, placing the book she was reading on the nightstand and turning to face me.

“You know how Allie’s wedding is in a couple of months?” I say and Christen laughs lightly, I think everyone knows given the fact that Allie talks about it nonstop. “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to be my date.”

“Oh…” Christen says, making me nervous.

“If you don’t then its cool, I just…” I start but Christen kisses me before I can ramble any further.

“I would absolutely love to be your date, I am just not sure if I can go to the wedding” Christen says, making me sad. “I am never one to turn down an opportunity to dress up and let you take me on a date but it is in March and that’s right in the middle of my season in Sweden.”

“Damn, I forgot it may clash with your schedule” I say with a nod.

 “I will talk to my coach first and then we can make plans” Christen says and I smile this time. “If I do get to go then I will definitely be your date babe.”

“Cool” I say, pecking Christen’s lips. “According to Allie it is going to be the wedding of the year, quite possibly wedding of the century Allie thinks.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything different from her” Christen laughs before looking at me. “I doubt I could handle planning such an extravagant wedding.”

“You are the most organised person I know, there is no doubt in my mind that you could plan a big wedding” I say with a smile. “I bet you could plan an even better wedding than Allie’s.”

“I don’t think I want a big wedding, just something simple” Christen says, grabbing my hand to pull me closer so I am leaning against her. “What about you?”

“What about me?” I ask.

“What kind of wedding would you like?” Christen asks and I smirk.

“This isn’t your way of proposing to me is it, it’s kinda lame if it is” I say jokingly.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself” Christen smiles. “I just want to know your stance on the topic, is getting married part of your future.”

“Yeah” I answer with a nod. “It scares me a little but it is something I want… eventually.”

“I am glad we are on the same page” Christen says as we both look at one another nervously. I think we both know we are implying that our future consists of us marrying one another but both of us are too nervous to say it at this point in our relationship.

“Me too” I reply, kissing Christen. “I should probably head to my own room, don’t want to be in trouble for being out after curfew.”

Christen chuckles softly before kissing me gently on the lips.

“Goodnight babe” I say.

“Night baby” Christen responds and then I make my way back to my own bedroom.

“Hey” Crystal says when I walk through the door.

“What’s up?” I greet as I make a beeline for my suitcase to find some comfy clothes to wear in bed. Crystal and I talking intermittently as we move around the room.

“So… what’s going on with you and Press?” Crystal asks as we get ready for bed. “Are you two dating again?”

“Yeah” I answer with a smile.

“It’s painfully obvious you are, I just didn’t want to say anything in case you two weren’t ready” Crystal tells me and I nod.

“We don’t mind people knowing, we just didn’t want to make a big deal about it” I reply as I take a seat on my bed. “I don’t really know how I’m supposed to act, I want to look professional but I also just want to be around Chris all the time.”

“You know she wouldn’t stop talking about you today during practice” Crystal says with a smile causing me to smile. “To be fair Alex kept bringing your name up, I think she was doing it deliberately to encourage Press.”

“Alex just loves putting her nose into other people’s business doesn’t she?” I say, both of us laughing again.

“You’re not wrong, if you want the whole team to know something then just tell Alex first and she will pass on the message” Crystal says and I nod. “You and Christen really suit each other, I have to admit it is not something I thought would ever happen because I though you hated one another but I can see now that you are so well matched.”

“It’s not that I hated her, I was just hurt” I say. “I don’t know what it is or how it happened but from the first time we met, we just clicked. It was the real thing right from the start and that’s why it hurt us both so much.”

“I can’t wait to find something like that” Crystal says with a thoughtful smile. “Soccer is my main focus just now, love can wait.”

“I have no doubt in my mind that you will find someone.”

“Thanks Tobin.”

~

“I am so excited, I can’t contain it” Kelley says as she bounces up and down on the spot.

“You must be the only person I know who likes the beep test” Alex says with a groan. “I can’t believe we are doing it again, we just done it a couple of camps ago.”

“It was nine months ago” Kelley says before clapping her hands together. “Hurry up you two, I don’t want to be late.”

“Let’s go” Alex says with a sigh. We got word at our morning meeting that today would be about assessing everyone’s fitness, starting with the dreaded beep test. I don’t like it but I wouldn’t say it’s something I struggle with, I just would prefer to do other things instead.

When we arrive at the sports complex mostly everyone else is there.

“Hey babe” I greet Christen. “You haven’t lost anything by any chance have you?”

“You mean apart from losing her mind by dating you” Kelley interjects and I gently push her.

“Funny, I just asked Hope the same thing” I say with a smirk as Kelley departs. “Perhaps this?” I ask as I hold out Christen phone.

“I wondered where I left that” Christen says, reaching to take the phone from me but I pull it away at the last second.

“Tobin?”

“Not so fast babe, you’re not getting this until I get something in return” I say, raising my eyebrow.

“Give me it” Christen tries to demand but it comes out as more of a question.

“Nope” I say with a grin.

“Give me my phone Tobin” Christen says again.

“Not until you kiss me” I respond with a cheeky grin. “You’re not getting your phone until I get my morning kiss.”

“You stole my phone so that I would kiss you?”

“I didn’t steal it, you left it on the table at breakfast” I reply before winking at Christen. “One kiss, on the lips please, and you will get the phone.”

“Fine” Christen says before moving closer and meeting my lips in a sweet kiss. “Happy now?”

“Over the moon babe” I answer as I place the phone in Christen’s hand and then I peck her lips quickly. “See you soon Chris.” I then run off to stand with the midfielders and defenders so Christen and the rest of the forwards can begin their specific training.

“What was that I just saw?” Kelley asks.

“I don’t know KO, you tell me since you were the one who saw whatever it is you are talking about” I answer cheekily.

“I just witnessed a little pre-training smooch.”

“Did you take a picture of you and Hope kissing again KO?”

“You and Press” Kelley says as she shakes her head. “Sarcastic shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone still reading, i promise to try harder to get it updated.


	20. For Once In My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is 'For Once In My Life' - Stevie Wonder

 “Chris… come here” I whisper, pulling Christen off to the side and kissing her.

“What is that for?” Christen asks with a smile.

“I felt like it” I say with a smile as bright as Christen’s. “I wanna take you somewhere tonight.”

“Where?”

“It’s a surprise” I say as I watch Christen pout. “It a good surprise, trust me.”

“Ok” Christen answers before kissing me. “Get back to work now.”

“I’m going” I say with a smile as I walk away from my girlfriend.

“You two are so precious” Kelley says with a laugh. “You both smile way too much though.”

“We’re happy, why can’t we smile?” I ask with a shrug.

“Because smiling that much is just creepy” Kelley says which I wave off, I love smiling.

“Kelley… Tobin… split up please” Dawn shouts over to us. “Defenders and midfielders are in separate groups, which means you two should be separate as well.”

“Later dude” I say as I walk away from Kelley who just waves and then runs off.

~

“Is this seat taken?” I ask playfully, pointing to the bus seat next to Chris.

“It’s all yours” Christen says with a smile as I sit down next to her.

“Did ya miss me?”

“You mean since I saw you at breakfast like an hour ago?” Christen asks with a smile.

“Well I missed you, like a lot” I say, gently kissing Chris’s cheek.

“I guess I missed you too” Christen responds, smiling wildly at me. It literally gives me butterflies every time she smiles at me. “Your sister sent me a cute video of Cole watching our last match, check it out” Christen says as she pulls the video up on her phone.

“He looks so excited” I say with a smile, watching as Cole jumps around in his tiny Heath US jersey.

“He adores you babe.”

“I have that effect on a lot of people, present company included” I say with a playful wink to which Christen just shakes her head in amusement.

“You know what they say, you can’t help who you fall in love with” Christen says, kissing me gently on the lips.

“Especially if they are as lovable as me” I say with a grin.

“Tell me more about this surprise tonight” Christen says and I can’t help but laugh.

“Like I told you earlier, a surprise is meant to be a surprise” I respond, nudging Christen playfully.

“Can I not at least get a small clue?” Christen asks. “Give me some insight into the dress code.”

“Wear something comfortable” I answer as Christen rolls her eyes.

“Comfortable, that doesn’t narrow it down at all” Christen says.

“That’s all I am telling you babe” I say, laughing at Christen rolling her eyes again.

~

“Are you gonna tell me why you’ve sneaked a van out and took us to the middle of nowhere?” Christen asks and I can’t help but smile at her cute but confused face.

“That would ruin the surprise and I don’t wanna do that” I reply, watching as Christen just stares at me.

“Seriously babe, what are we doing here?” Christen asks, gesturing to the empty parking lot and derelict buildings on our left.

“This is my grandpa’s farm” I reply with a soft smile.

“Your grandpa’s… farm, since when did he have one of those” Christen asks confused. “I thought your grandparents passed away before I met you.”

“They did” I nod, turning to face my girlfriend. “When my mom was a kid, her parents had a farm. This farm.”

“It doesn’t look very… farmy” Christen replies with a nervous chuckle.

“That’s because the new owners that my grandparents sold it to let it fall apart” I answer but Chris still looks confused.

“Right, so why are we here?” Christen asks.

“Two reasons actually, one; I want to show you part of my family’s history and two; I want to buy this place back so I can use the land to build a soccer facility for kids” I answer. This is just a pipe dream at the moment but when I finish playing then I want to give back to soccer and help future generations. “This place meant so much to my maternal grandparents and great-grandparents and so on, if I am going to make my dream a reality then why not use somewhere that belongs to my family.”

“Tobin… that’s amazing” Christen says with a bright smile. “You are exactly the type of person who is meant to be a soccer player.”

“Because I’m good with my feet?” I say playfully.

“No, because you care about soccer itself and not about the fame that comes with it” Christen answers as she grabs my hand. “You use soccer in a positive light not just to earn big money and become famous.”

“I don’t know if it’s entirely achievable to buy this place and do what I want to do with it but it’s a dream that I’m passionate about and I wanted to share it with you” I say truthfully as I look at my girlfriend. “It’s not far from where I grew up, where we grew up, so it seems perfect to me. Like I said, it is only a dream at the moment and I don’t think I am anywhere near finishing my playing career yet. My mom said it was going up for sale and it got me thinking.”

“Dreams do come true Toby” Christen says positively.

“I know, I’m living one right now” I respond with a smile. “I am playing soccer and I have the woman I love back.”

“Come here” Christen mumbles and then she pulls me into a kiss. “If I kissed you every time you said something sappy then I guarantee our lips would permanently glue together.”

“That wouldn’t be such a bad thing” I shrug, pulling Christen into a hug.

“Are you going to show me around this place then?”

“Yes” I reply with a smile as I pull Christen along with me. I show her around for about ten minutes before I lead her to one of the old barns that Ashlyn and Allie helped me tidy up and set out a small picnic inside.

“Look at this place” Christen says with a wide smile as she drops our interlocked hands. “When did you do all this?”

“I had some help” I say, leading Christen over to the blanket and cushions that I have laid out next to the picnic basket. “We are still in the middle of camp so don’t expect anything too exciting in this picnic basket, I had to stick to Dawn’s meal plan.”

“That’s ok baby” Christen answers, kissing me on the cheek.

~

“That is actually where I had my first kiss” I say as I point to a large oak tree in the distance.

“You mean to say I am not the only girl you have brought here?” Christen asks, pretending to be offended.

“No” I answer with a smile. “You are the first girl I have brought here, my first kiss was with the boy who lived on the farm next door, we were like ten or something and my sister dared us to kiss.”

“No need for me to be jealous then?” Christen asks and I shake my head.

“Not at all, I don’t even know what happened to that dude” I say. One day his family were there and then the next the farm was up for sale and no one heard from them again.

“I must’ve been really behind with the times because I didn’t have my first kiss until I was fifteen” Christen says and I chuckle softly.

“I wouldn’t call that silly peck with that boy my first proper kiss” I say as I think about it. “I would say I was thirteen when I had my first official kiss.”

“My first kiss was with my first girlfriend” Christen says as we continue to stroll around. “I don’t even know if you could class her as my girlfriend, we were only together for like three months and went on a few dates.”

“Did you kiss on the first date?” I ask.

“No, a kiss after the first date is too soon” Christen says as I laugh. “What?”

“Babe, do you remember meeting me?” I ask with a grin. “We kissed during our first date never mind after it.”

“You ambushed me” Christen says as I laugh even harder.

“Don’t act so innocent here Chris, you initiated our first kiss and you know it” I say as Christen just smiles, she knows I’m right.

“Ok, so you were an exception to my rule” Christen tells me, gently nudging me with her shoulder.

“Is that because I am special?” I ask smugly.

“Yes” Christen grins, kissing me gently on the cheek.

“I guess you are alright too” I shrug playfully as Christen rolls her eyes. “We should probably get back to the hotel, training bright and early tomorrow.”

“Ok” Christen nods.

~

“Listen up ladies” Tony says loudly. “Today we will be doing a team building exercise followed by dinner and then bowling.”

“This is so awesome, I am the best at bowling” Kelley says and I laugh. Kelley thinks she is the best at everything. “Tell everyone how awesome I was at bowling when we were at Stanford Press.”

“You were ok Kelley but I wouldn’t say awesome” Christen says, making everyone laugh. “I even bet you once and we all know I suck.”

“Is that true?” I ask through my laugher. “You can’t even beat Press? She can’t even lift the bowls never mind roll them.”

“Watch your mouth Heath” Christen warns and I stick my tongue out at her.

“You’re gonna pay for that comment Tobin” Ashlyn whispers to me as Tony gets everyone’s attention again. “Never make a negative comment about your girl in front of the team, I learnt that the hard way.”

“What did you do?” I whisper.

“Told Ali she was having a bad hair day, I don’t know if I got a bigger glare from Ali, or Syd and Crystal” Ashlyn says.

“You will all be split into teams and have to endure different challenges” Tony says. “Each team who wins each individual challenge will get a prize and then there will also be a prize for the team that performed the best overall.”

“Tony and I will pick the teams” Dawn announces. “Anyone who cheats or tries to cheat will be disqualified” Dawn says before looking at Kelley and Allie. The two most likely to cheat, usually dragging Alex and I down with them.

“Can we at least pick our teams for bowling?” Kelley asks, still jumping around like an excited kid.

“Nope, the teams for the team building exercise will also be your bowling teams” Dawn says, making Kelley groan.

“Right ladies, listen up for which team you are in” Tony says before running though his list of names. I end up with JJ, Hope, HAO and Syd. It’s painfully obvious right away who the winners will be and that’s team ‘glamorous’ as they just called themselves. It consists of Ali, Broon, Cheney, Alex and the prettiest girl in the room; Christen. They have the perfect mixture of brains, skill, strength and competitiveness. There is no way Alex would even be able to attempt at cheating with those four on her team.

“Each team will perform a different challenge at each time” Dawn says. “Every challenge is timed so the team with the quickest time will win an individual prize for that challenge and then as we said, the team who has the quickest time from all challenges will win.”

“Some challenges are in the hotel, some are not” Tony says before handing out leaflets telling us which order we should do the challenges and what they entail.

“You losers are going down” Kelley says as she walks by us with a smirk before she ends up tripping over her feet.

“Yeah, we are totally the losers” I say as I laugh with my group, Kelley limping away.

“Ladies, are you ready?” Tony shouts. “Get ready… GO!!!!”

We head off to our first exercise, we’ve got a mental challenge. We have to work out a few math puzzles to make a four digit code with the four answers so we can proceed to the next step. Hope and HAO decide to take the lead on this one, I am saving my energy for the physical tests. My brain doesn’t think quickly enough for a mental challenge.

“Syd, stop screaming at them” JJ says as she shakes her head. “They can’t focus if you keep telling them to change their method.”

“We are totally going to lose if we are this slow at every challenge” Syd huffs with a deep sigh. “HAO speed it up.”

“Someone move her away from me” HAO says through gritted teeth as Syd hovers around her. “I can’t concentrate.”

“Come on Syd, let them do the task in peace” I say as I pull the woman away from HAO and Hope.

“You know we are going to lose right?” Syd says, looking at JJ and me. “Becky will take one look at that puzzle and solve it, whoever’s team she is in is going to smash this task.”

“There are plenty of other challenges we can win” JJ says but Syd is still not happy. Competitiveness is good but sometimes on this team it can turn the atmosphere a little too sour.

“We’ve done it” Hope says with a deep breath and a smile. “That was tricky.”

“It was also painfully slow, I bet all the other girls are on their fourth challenge and we’ve just finished number one” Syd says to which Hope and HAO glare.

“We’ve got a swimming task at the beach next” JJ says as she read our schedule. “Let’s decide who is doing it as we walk, let’s go girls.”

“What does it entail?” HAO asks. Out of all of us Syd is the fastest swimmer but she wouldn’t be so good at swimming and doing a task in the water at the same time.

“I vote Syd if it is just swimming from one point to another” HAO says.

“I’m cool with that if it is just pure speed needed, if I need to swim and do a separate challenge then I’m not so sure” Syd says.

“It’s just swimming from A to B” JJ says with a nod as she reads the schedule.

“Syd’s doing this one then” Hope says and we all agree.

“The one after the swimming involves basketball” JJ says.

“Hope and Tobin for sure” HAO says and I smile, thankfully a challenge I can be down with.

We complete another few challenges before running into another team.

 “How you guys getting on?” I ask as we pass another team consisting of Ashlyn, Pinoe, Allie, Crystal and A-Rod.

“We are cruising to victory here Harry” Allie says as she munches on an apple. “You guys cruising for a losing?”

“We are doing just fine thank you” Syd says, giving Allie a fake smile. “We must go, more winning to do.”

“She’s competitive isn’t she?” Pinoe says as she nods to Syd.

“A little too competitive, she is driving Hope insane” JJ tells Pinoe.

“Tobin!! JJ!!” Syd shouts. “Let’s go, move your assess.”

“We better go Julie, see you guys later” I say to the other team as JJ and I quickly follow behind Syd.

“What’s our next task?” HAO asks.

“Read the information and you will find out” Syd says as HAO frowns at her.

“Is it just me or does anyone really feel for Dom Dwyer, what he must put up with at home?” HAO asks as Syd glares at her friend.

~

“Wait, I will lift that for you babe” I say with a smirk as I rush towards Christen and the bowl she was about to pick up. “You’re weak arms won’t manage to lift that.”

“Go away” Christen smiles, pushing me away from her and her bowling alley. “Go back to your own team, I got this.”

“I will be the one who will need to dry your tears tonight when you get the lowest score out of everyone” I say, placing my hand on Christen’s shoulder. “Let me help baby.”

“Heath! Get away from them” Dawn shouts. “Do you want your team to lose points because you are trying to cheat by taking Christen’s shot for her?”

“I swear to goodness Heath if you lose us points I will break your ankles” Syd shouts at me.

“Ok, calm down” I say as I walk away from Christen’s team and back to my own.

“What were you doing?” HAO asks, sighing in annoyance. “None of us want to lose so don’t try and throw the game just because you can’t leave your girlfriend alone for one second.”

“I was trying to intimidate them to throw them off” I reply.

“Intimidating and trash talking is fine but trying to actually take Press’s shot would have got us a penalty for cheating” Hope says before warning me to get it together and try and win.

“Don’t worry, we are only like a few points of the lead” I say calmly, we totally got this. “Only three strikes and we will hit the top.”

“That’s easier said than done when JJ can’t throw it straight, Syd is being too aggressive causing her shots to fall to the side before they reach the pins, you keep making moon eyes at Press and Hope won’t stop flirting with Kelley” HAO says to me while sighing. “Three strikes all on my own isn’t good enough, you guys need to help.”

“I feel bad for Dave when you get into a real mood” Syd says to HAO but her words are just received with a glare from the midfielder.

“HAO’s right, we need to win this” I say in support of my fellow UNC alum. “Coming closer to the bottom than the top earlier is embarrassing enough.”

“I agree” Hope says firmly. “We need to start playing good guys.”

“Ok, as they say in high school musical; get’cha head in the game” I say, everyone looking at me.

“You’re not seriously a fan of that are you?” Hope asks with a frown.

“No but your girlfriend made me watch it” I say with a smirk. “Chances are you’ve been forced to watch it too so don’t mock me.”

“Syd, you’re up” Hope changes the subject. “Less aggression and more power, that’s all ya need to nail this shot.”

“I know what I’m doing” Syd says as she grabs a bowl, launches it down the lane with abandon and misses every single pin.

“Or just do the opposite, whatever works for you” Hope says cheekily to which the team next to us finds very amusing.

“Are you guys deliberately trying to lose” Ash asks from the team on our left.

“Focus on your own team Harris, I don’t think you knocking down a maximum of two pins each shot is anything to boast about” I say with a smile. “We have the potential to clean up our game, you guys just don’t.”

“You’re fighting talk is kinda feeble Heath” Ash says and I laugh.

“It’s not fighting talk, just facts” I say with a shrug as I coolly walk over to my lane and pick up a bowl. I take a deep breath, get my technique together and roll the bowl like my dad taught me when I was younger. It works because I manage to get a strike. “Is that enough fight for you Ash?”

“It’s one shot Heath” Ash says before turning her back on me.

I don’t think anyone is going to beat Carli’s team but I refuse to say that to Syd, she still thinks we can do this even though the gap is growing and we are falling further behind after each round.

“Tobster, your girl just got a good shot” Kelley says as she nudges me.

“Congrats baby” I shout, throwing a thumbs up to Christen who is jumping around excitedly after getting a strike.

“Tobin, focus” Hope demands, pulling me away from looking at Christen. “You can congratulate your girlfriend later, we need you to focus right now. It’s your shot.”

“Right, right… ok” I say, pulling my eyes away from Chris. “It was your girlfriend who distracted me.”

“Kel does it deliberately, just ignore her” Hope says, trying her best not to look at O’Hara.

~

“How does it feel to lose?” Christen asks with a smile.

“I’m not bothered, winning at bowling isn’t that big of a deal to me” I say with a shrug. “I would prefer to win at life and have a beautiful girl on my side than win a game of bowling.” And with that I kiss Christen on the lips. “Well done on getting a personal best.”

“Thanks babe.”

“We should totally go bowling when we go back to LA” I say with a smile. I remember when we were younger and Chris and I wold gather all or friends and have a massive bowling competition. Chris was always on my team.

“We definitely should, that would be so much fun” Christen replies. “The nostalgia is getting me excited, those were some of the best days of our lives.”

“They were” I say with a nod. “Next time we are in LA, I am definitely arranging something.”

“Cool babe” Christen says, grabbing my hand as we slowly walk behind the rest of our teammates.

“When I was in France there was this really cool bowling alley, if you missed your shot then the bowl was swallowed by a large dinosaur” I say with a smile. “It would make this really cool noise like the dinosaur was chewing on it.”

“You look so cute, it’s like you are still fascinated by it” Christen says with a smile.

“It was pretty cool, I wish I could’ve showed you” I say, my smile disappearing lightly. “There was lots of cool stuff that I wish you could’ve been a part of.”

“I know babe, we missed out on a lot of each other’s lives huh?” Christen asks. “At least we’ve got the rest of our lives to make up for it.”

“Planning on keeping me in your life are you?” I ask with a smirk.

“Of course, who else would watch ‘The Notebook’ with you for the millionth time” Christen asks.

“You like it as much as I do Chris” I say as Christen just looks at me with a smile. “Ok, maybe not as much as me but you still like it more than you are willing to admit.”

“Maybe you’re right” Christen replies, kissing me on the cheek. “While we are on the topic of movies, there is this really good French movie coming out this spring that I want to see. Maybe you could translate for me.”

“Yeah right babe, I barely know a word of French” I say as I laugh. “I may have lived there for a few years but I definitely didn’t get even the basics of the language.”

“That’s a shame, I always though you would sound super sexy talking French” Christen says. “I guess I will need to watch the movie with subtitles.”

“Actually that’s a lie, I do know some French” I say before smirking. “Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”

“I knew you would know that line, everyone does” Christen says through her laughter. “I just hope you didn’t say that to anyone during your time in France, if you did, as your girlfriend I do not need to know.”

“FYI, I didn’t” I reply. “I wasn’t even remotely interested in picking up girls over there, I was there for soccer.”

“How many girlfriends did you have?” Christen asks, the conversation turning a little more serious.

“Do you actually want to know?” I ask.

“Not the in-depth details, no” Christen answers. “Just a rough number.”

“Just girlfriends?” I ask.

“What else was there, you didn’t have a wife did you?” Christen asks with a nervous laugh.

“No, but there were some girls I dated but weren’t my girlfriend” I answer truthfully.

“Both, I guess” Christen answers, our teammates far in the distance now so there are unable to hear our conversation.

“Rhian was my only proper relationship” I answer. “I dated another woman for maybe two to three months on and off and there was a few others I went on one or two dates with. Probably five in total.”

“Were you in love with any of them?” Christen asks and I laugh nervously.

“Is this not weird?” I ask.

“Weird, uncomfortable, nerve-wracking… all of the above babe but I think we need to share the information” Christen says, pulling me over to a bench so we can sit down. “I just want us to be honest with each, no secrets.”

“Rhian was the closest I got to loving someone” I answer. “I did love her, not as much as I should’ve done and certainly not in the way I love you.”

“Were the other girls just fun?” Christen asks.

“We had a good time but it was never going to be anything serious, soccer was everything to me when you left” I answer. “I didn’t want a romantic relationship because I was scared of getting hurt again so I didn’t bother trying.”

“You know I’m not going to hurt you again, right?” Christen asks, looking down at her hands.

“Hey, look at me” I say, turning Christen to face me. “I want this with you Chris, I am not going to lie and say you and I breaking up the first time didn’t change how I felt about relationships because it did. Being with you again has changed it back though, it’s always been just you.”

“I love you so much Tobin” Christen says and I kiss her.

“What’s your magic number?” I ask.

“I’ve only had two girlfriends” Christen answers. “There was Zara for a short while and Janine, that lasted a little longer. I dated a few people but it wasn’t serious.”

“Were you in love with any of them?” I ask apprehensively.

“No” Christen answers. “I was close to loving Janine but not close enough to falling in love with her. We both wanted a girlfriend we could make our number one priority but I failed at it so bad, she always put me first but I just kept letting her down. I couldn’t make her be my number one because I guess deep in my heart I didn’t care enough. That sounds so bad doesn’t it?”

“Sometimes the truth does seem harsh but it’s better than a lie” I say, squeezing Christen in a hug.

“I suppose” Christen says, hugging me back.

“Do you still want a girl you can make your number one priority?” I ask.

“Whether I still want one or not, I’ve already got a girl that IS my number one priority” Christen answers. “Honestly, you come first without me even thinking about it.”

“That’s cute, you’re so in love aren’t you?” I tease, pecking Christen on the lips.

“I am” Christen answers. “We should get back to the hotel, everyone will be wondering where we are.”

~

We had a few more full days of training and now we have another day off, Christen has got something planned for us.

“Where are we going?” I ask as we walk hand and hand down a street I don’t recognise.

“Firstly I am taking you to lunch” Christen responds and I frown.

“Its 10am, isn’t that a bit early for lunch?”

“It’s actually quarter past ten Toby, you were late” Christen says and I smile shyly.

“Oops” I say with a small smile.

“Anyway, we are going for a walk then we will have some lunch and then we are going to the zoo” Christen says with a bright smile.

“The zoo?” I question with a smile. “I wanna see a monkey so bad, I haven’t been to the zoo since like 2009.”

“The last time I went to a zoo it was in Sweden when my parents came to visit, it rained all day” Christen says with a pout. “I didn’t even get to see the lions because we were getting too wet to keep walking around.”

“Do you remember that time we went with your older cousin and his girlfriend?” I ask and Christen nods, a giant smile on her face. “And the chimpanzee kept throwing stuff at the window.”

“Yeah, I think it was because that little boy was teasing it” Christen answers. “It was pretty mean.”

“I know” I agree. “Where are you taking me to lunch?”

“You will just have to wait and see” Christen says, pulling me down another street that I don’t know.

“You do know where we are going right?” I ask. “I don’t want us to get lost.”

“Stop worrying Toby, I know where we are going” Christen says with a laugh.

~

“I don’t know if the woman from the gift shop was pleased because we spent so much money or annoyed because we practically bought all of the stock in the store” I say with a laugh as Christen grabs my hand and we make our way back to the hotel.

“I think I went a little over the top with my gift buying” Christen says through a laugh. “I couldn’t resist buying those teddies though, whenever Tyler has her baby I am going to spoil it.”

“I have no doubt that you will” I say with a smile. “So where to next?”

“I don’t know” Christen says with a laugh. “I didn’t plan much further ahead than the zoo.”

“You mean to say my avid planner girlfriend doesn’t have a plan?” I say in mock shock, placing my hand over my chest with a gasp.

“Obviously we have our team dinner at quarter past six but from now until then I haven’t made a plan” Christen says before slapping my arm. “Also, stop making a fool of me.”

“I am just teasing you babe” I say, offering Christen a kiss which she accepts.

When we got back to the hotel we decided that we would head down to the beach and meet up with some of our teammates. Alex and I decided to take a swim in the sea to cool down from the heat of the sun while the others continued to tan.

“Can I tell you both something?” Kelley asks as we take a break from swimming.

“Sure” Alex says with a smile, sensing the seriousness in Kelley’s tone.

“I think I’m moving to Seattle” Kelley says, a small smile on her face.

“Cool dude” I smile back. “I didn’t know the Reign had made an offer for you.”

“They haven’t” Kelley says. “I didn’t mean for soccer, I meant I think I am moving there as in, during the offseason.”

“What do you mean you think?” Alex asks.

“Well it’s not official but Hope and I were talking the other night and I think she asked me to move in with her” Kelley answers with a shrug. “She didn’t say the words outright but it was implied, we were talking about the future and stuff.”

“So Hope’s finally managed to tie you down, good for her” I say with a cheeky smile. “It’s about time someone took on the challenge.”

“You better be very careful Heath” Kelley warns. “You don’t want me teasing you about your relationship do you?”

“Tease me all you want, it doesn’t bother me” I reply coolly.

“If you are sure, I am quite happy to share the sappy poem I caught you writing for Press last night” Kelley says, causing me to blush. I didn’t know anyone saw me with the poem. “Not so smart now are you?”

“Let’s call it even?”

“Deal” Kelley replies, throwing me a wink. She won’t let it go, I know she will just hold it over me to tease me.

“I am going to head back up the beach to see the others” I say as Alex and Kelley start giggling. “What’s so funny?”

“You are aware that you won’t suddenly melt if you are apart from Christen for more than five minutes right?” Alex asks, continuing to giggle with Kelley.

“I am aware of that, yes” I answer. “I am still going to her anyway.”

“Later Tobs” Kelley says as I walk back up the beach.

“Can I ask something?” I ask as I sit down next to Chris, placing a small kiss on her lips.

“Yeah babe” Christen laughs.

“Why do you need to be so hot?” I ask with a smile as Christen laughs. “We are in public so I need to behave but that bikini is kinda distracting.”

“I’m sorry, I guess I can’t help it” Christen smirks and I kiss her again. “Did you enjoy your swim?”

“It was ok” I say as I wipe the remainder of the salty water from my hair. “Did you not want to join me?”

“I am quite happy sitting in the sun” Christen responds, giving me a smile.

“Me too” I reply, moving closer to Christen so I can sit right next to her. “Want to play some beach volleyball with me later when you’ve had enough of the sun.”

“Sure, as long as we are on the same team” Christen answers and I smile.

“Of course” I nod. I decide to grab one of Christen’s magazines to pass the time as she tans, knowing she probably wants some peace in the sun without me talking in her ear.

~

“Are you ready for volleyball lovebirds?” Alex calls out to us.

“Let’s go” Christen says, clapping her hands loudly. “Let’s beat some ass ladies.”

“I don’t want to be in Christen’s team” Kelley says, looking at her best friend. “Sorry Press, but you really are rubbish at sports apart from soccer.”

“I didn’t want to be in your team anyway” Christen says, frowning at Kelley. “I want to be in the winning team and you are a loser.”

“Come on children, play nice” Allie says before nominating herself as one of the team captains.

“I get to be the other captain” Kelley says quickly before the rest of us have a chance.

“I’m picking first” Allie declares before pointing at me. “Come over here Harry, you’re my first pick.”

“Cool” I say as I walk towards Allie before whispering in her ear. “Pick Chris next.”

“Morgan, you’re with me” Kelley says as Moe and Alex both look at her. “Moe, I mean you.”

“Ok” Moe replies, walking over to Kelley’s side.

“HAO, you’re with us” Allie says as I just look at her.

“Did I not just ask you to pick Christen?”

“You did but I will do it later, I want to get decent players on our team first” Allie says before turning away from me as Kelley picks Alex.

The teams are finally set with five players each, the rest not bothered about playing and Cheney umpiring or refereeing, whatever you want to call it. There’s Allie, Me, HAO, Kriegs and Press and on the other team there’s KO, Moe, Alex, JJ and Syd.

“Right team, you know how this goes right?” Allie asks as she makes us do a huddle. “Aim for Alex’s face, hit it to the left of Moe because she isn’t as flexible bending that way, Hope’s coming here in five minutes so her presence should distract Kelley and then we really only have to deal with Syd and JJ.”

“Isn’t that cheating to get Hope to help?” Christen asks as Allie looks at her like she’s crazy.

“Are you on this team or not Press?” Allie asks, moving closer to my girlfriend. “I am not losing to Alex and Kelley, there’s just no way.”

“Ok” Christen says with a small laugh. “I’m on this team.”

“Good” Allie nods. “A few more points before we start, Tobin and Press; you two keep your distance from one another so you don’t distract each other, Kriegs you stay on the left; away from the group of teammates on the sand on our right because Ash is in the group, HAO; use the game face at all times to intimidate and I will just be my perfect self.”

“This team is really so competitive about everything” Krieger says to which Christen nods.

“I know, right” Christen says. “I just wanted a fun game.”

~

“I was going to get a tattoo with your name on my wrist once but I decided against it” Christen says. “There is no point in having two tattoos of your name, I’ve already got your name tattooed on my heart.”

“Oh wow Chris” I laugh. “That’s so cheesy.”

“You asked me to tell you my best material” Christen says with a shrug.

“You two are absolutely made for one another” Kelley says after hearing the last part of our conversation. “No way would talking such nonsense be acceptable with anyone else.”

“Kelley, you do realise I heard what you said to Hope this morning” I say and Kelley shrugs.

“I don’t remember what I said but I can guarantee it wasn’t sappy shit like you two say to one another” Kelley says.

“I remember what you said” I say with a smirk. “You said something like; I am jealous of that coffee cup because it gets to kiss your lips and I don’t.”

“Yeah, well… Christen’s line was worse” Kelley retorts, looking a little red faced.

“Hey, we are not in middle school here” Christen says but Kelley just ignores her.

“Next time you want to make a fool of us, I recommend you have a think before opening your mouth if you don’t want to be embarrassed” I say, the smile still on my face. “I know plenty of embarrassing stories about you KO that I am more than happy to share.”

“I have a lot of tales about you too” Christen adds, looking at Kelley.

“You are like a right little battle team now that you are together, ganging up on people” Kelley says with a huff. “You were both a lot nicer to me when you were single.”

“I am sorry you feel that way KO but unfortunately I guess that’s the way it is” I say with a shrug and a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone still reading this, I haven't abandoned this story.


	21. No One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is "No One" by Alicia Keys

It’s just after our disaster of a game when I see my girlfriend walking towards me, a blonde woman closely behind her. “I swear I have been looking everywhere for you” Christen says before smiling at me. “Toby, this is my friend Olivia, we used to play together in Sweden.”

“What’s up?” I say casually.

“This is Tobin” Christen says to the blonde woman.

“Good to meet you” the woman replies in a thick Swedish accent. “Its good to meet the person Christen talks about so much.”

“Yeah” I agree with a nod, there’s not much else I can say. It’s not like Christen has ever really mentioned this Olivia woman before today.

“Olivia and I were going to hang out for a bit, is that ok?” Christen asks and I nod indifferently. “I need to talk to Tobin for a minute, can I meet you outside in like ten minutes?” Christen asks the blonde who nods with a smile and then walks off.

“What do you need to talk to me about?” I ask as I put my hands in my pant pockets and then look at my girlfriend.

“Toby, you kinda embarrassed me there” Christen says softly and I frown. “You were a little rude.”

“What did I say that was rude, I barely spoke?” I say and Christen looks at me before discreetly rolling her eyes.

“You just answered your own question there babe” Christen says as she takes a deep breath. “Would it have bothered you to converse a little more with Olivia, you basically just grunted a couple of times.”

“I’m sorry if I am not as happy as you are after a loss” I say to which Christen just shakes her head.

“I will see you later Tobin” Christen says calmly and then she walks off in the direction Olivia went a few moments ago.

“Hey Tobster, want to come to some bars with us?” Alex asks as she approaches me. “Camp is officially over, let’s let loose a little.”

“I don’t know” I say, I’m not really in the mood.

“Come on, Kelley and JJ are buying the first drinks” Allie says, nudging my shoulder before pulling me into a hug.

“Fine” I give in, walking towards my friends and following them to the exit.

“That’s my girl” Allie says, pulling me in for a side hug.

~

“I don’t know if it is just me or not but I definitely sense a bad vibe from you Tobin” Kelley says and I frown at her. “Why are you walking around sulking, I swear I have literally never seen you frown so much in all my life.”

“I am not sulking” I huff out causing Kelley to raise her eyebrows at me. Ok, so maybe I am in a mood.

“You are” Kelley responds. “What’s up?”

“Christen’s annoyed at me” I say with a shrug and notice Kelley trying to stifle a laugh.

“Tobs, you’re being a baby” Kelley replies bluntly. “Are you seriously in such a mood because you pissed off your girlfriend? Welcome to real life Tobin, it’s not a real relationship if you guys don’t at least get mad at each other a little sometimes.”

“You know one of her friends from Sweden is visiting right?” I ask and Kelley nods with a smirk.

“Yeah, the hot blonde” Kelley nods.

“I was rude when Chris introduced us and now she’s annoyed with me” I say, feeling sorry for myself I must say.

“This is so cute, the first argument” Kelley says in a cheeky tone. “You really are so innocent at times.”

“Don’t mock me Kelley” I warn, not in the mood to be teased either.

“Why were you rude anyway?” Kelley asks, smiling momentarily at Hope who placed a beer in front of her before she looks back at me.

“To be honest, I’ve been in a terrible mood since I woke up today” I admit, looking at Kelley. “Tomorrow Christen is going to leave for Sweden and I won’t see her for at least six weeks so that in itself put me in a horrible mood then we lost the match to South Korea and then I realise that Christen wants to spend our last night with her friend and not me.”

“You were not wrong when you told me you were quite a clingy girlfriend” Kelley says and I stand up annoyed. “Sit down Heath, I am only messing.”

“Well don’t” I snap and then I sit down again, taking a deep breath. “Kelley, I can’t lose her again, six weeks is almost an eighth of the year. I don’t want to be apart from her for that long.”

“Have you talked to her about this?” Kelley asks and I shrug, we’ve touched on it but we haven’t discussed it in depth. That’s probably my fault, I don’t like when we need to have miserable conversations.

“Not really” I answer. “The last time we tried to do long distance between Sweden and the US caused us to break up, I know it is completely different from the last time but it’s still in the back of my mind.”

“It’s not going to be easy but if anyone can do it then it’s you and Christen” Kelley tells me. “Tobin, she’s besotted with you dude, you guys will be fine.”

“I hope so” I reply.

“You need to talk to her though” Kelley says and I nod.

“I know I do” I answer as Allie approaches me and sets a beer down in front of me. “Drink that Harry.”

“Thanks” I reply.

“Press is mad at her” Kelley says as Allie sits down next to us.

“What did you do?” Allie asks and I frown.

“Why would you assume it was my fault?” I ask, punching Allie’s leg lightly.

“If it was Press’s fault then she would be mad at herself and not at you” Allie answers as if it is obvious.

“It’s minor really, I was in a bad mood and was rude to her friend” I reply, sipping on the beer.

“The blonde?” Allie asks and I nod. “I’m sure I’ve seen her somewhere before.”

“She plays for the Swedish National Team” Kelley says to Allie. “She played with Press on the first Swedish team she was on.”

“Oh yeah, I know who she is now” Allie says as if a light bulb goes on in her mind. “She dated Christen didn’t she?”

“Sorry… what?” I say, that sentence immediately getting my attention.

“No, they didn’t date” Kelley says and my heartbeat goes back to normal. “It was her Spanish teammate she dated, Vero Boquete.”

“Who?” I ask before Allie goes into a long story about the woman. She sounds like a really good player and I probably do know who she is, I just don’t like that she has dated my girlfriend.

~

“Hey” Christen says when I walk into my room just after 9pm.

“Hi” I reply with a smile before walking towards Chris and kissing her cheek.

“I met Crystal on my way back to the hotel and she gave me her key for you guys room” Christen says and I grab her hands in mine.

“I’m sorry about earlier” I apologise, feeling Christen squeeze my hands. “I’ve been in a terrible mood all day, I am sorry for being rude to you and I am sorry for embarrassing you.”

“Its fine babe, I am sorry too” Christen says, looking into my eyes. “I haven’t been in the best of moods myself, I think the fact that we are going to be apart after tomorrow is weighing us both down.”

“Six weeks… it’s…”

“I know” Christen interjects. I think it’s worse because we will be in different countries. We are not just a few hours on a plane away from each other. “I wasn’t being mean by not spending tonight with you, Olivia wasn’t here for long and I promised her I would meet her.”

“Its fine Chris, I am sorry for being so moody” I say, kissing Christen gently on the lips. “Did you have fun with Olivia?”

“Yeah, it was nice” Christen answers with a smile. “I’ve missed her, she was such a good person for me when I first moved to Sweden.”

“I’m glad you had fun babe” I say and then we both go silent. We both know we need to discuss what is going to happen moving forward, we managed three weeks apart at the beginning of the year but this time it is double that amount.

“So… tomorrow” Christen starts and I nod. “We can do this Toby, six weeks will fly by. It won’t be like five years ago.”

“I know that, it just makes it worse because I don’t have any soccer to distract me” I say. “You’re leaving to play in your season but I’m still in the middle of my off-season.”

“Why don’t I try and sneak you into my suitcase” Christen says jokingly.

“I don’t think I would fit in your suitcase” I reply with a small laugh. “I could be a travel companion.”

“What do you mean?” Christen asks, moving so she is sitting on my lap.

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before” I say, excitement bubbling up inside me. “How about I buy a ticket and go to Sweden with you?” I ask.

“Really?” Christen asks and I nod.

“That’s if you want me to” I answer. “Like we just said, my season doesn’t start until April so why not?”

“Ok then” Christen answers, kissing me on the cheek. “I would love for you to come with me” Christen says smiling. “Are you sure about this? I will have a lot of training to do which means you will be alone a lot.”

“I’m sure I could find something to do, it is certainly better than not seeing you at all” I say with a smile. I just want to be around Christen as much as possible.

“I guess we better hurry to get you a ticket for my flight.”

“I guess we better, thank you Chris” I say excitedly.

“This will be so good, I can’t wait to get to Sweden now” Christen says and I kiss her.

“Me neither” I answer.

“Once we have booked you on the flight, I should probably go back to my own room” Christen says and I pout.

“Don’t give me that face, we are about to spend six weeks together I am sure one last night apart won’t harm us” Christen tells me and I laugh lightly.

“I love you.”

“It’s hard not to right?” Christen says, making me laugh again.

~

“You two are looking all loved up again, have you made up?” Allie asks us the next morning as we make our way downstairs for our last breakfast before everyone departs camp.

“Everything’s cool with us” I reply with a smile. This smile has been on my face since last night.

“I can tell with the smiles on both your faces” Allie says, leading us towards the food.

“I am going to speak to Kriegs, I will meet you in your room after breakfast” Christen tells me, placing a quick peck on my lips and then she walks off.

“It’s good to see you in a better mood” Allie says with a laugh. “I am not used to seeing you without a smile on your face so last night was awkward for me.”

“Sorry about that, I am all good now” I reply. “I am great in fact because I am going to Sweden.”

“You’re leaving the Thorns?” Allie asks shocked and I chuckle.

“I am not going to play in Sweden, I mean I am gong a trip to Sweden to spend time with Chris” I answer, placing some fruit in a bowl. “It’s still the offseason for us so I am going over there for a few weeks, I will be back for preseason and back for the wedding of the year.”

“Are you making fun of my wedding, I can’t tell if that last comment was in jest or something?” Allie asks.

“The amount of preparation for it, it better be the flaming wedding of the year” I say as Allie gently shoves me. “I don’t think I’ve ever been forced to add so much input into a wedding before, I don’t think I would even put that much effort into my own wedding.”

“We will reserve that judgement until your wedding comes around” Allie says. “When are you leaving to go to the airport?”

“I don’t know yet” I answer.

“When is your flight?” Allie asks and I shrug.

“I don’t know that either.”

“Let me guess, Christen has planned everything and you are just going to follow on her instruction?” Allie asks and I nod and smile. “Your laidback nature would really annoy me sometimes if we were dating.”

“Eugh…yuck, that’s disgusting” I say with a frown. “You and I would never date.”

“You don’t need to act so repulsed” Allie says, pushing me again.

“Can you stop harming me, that’s the third time you have hit me today?”

“You hurt my feelings so I hurt you” Allie replies and then we sit down at Alex’s table.

“Can you two ever behave?” Alex asks and I shrug. “It’s nice to see you in a better mood Tobin, last night was weird.”

“Sorry about that, I’m all good now” I answer.

“Are you two going back to Portland together?” Alex asks and we both shake our heads.

“No, I’m going to Sweden with Chris” I say and Alex smiles. “Since our season hasn’t started yet, I am going to go out there to spend time with Chris and just do some independent training.”

“Cool, are you just going for a couple of weeks?” Alex asks.

“Six weeks” I reply as Alex begins to frown.

“Is that not a bit much?”

“No, why?” I ask.

“It’s a bit of a long time without any proper training plans, preseason is like eight weeks away” Alex says. “Plus you two haven’t been back together for that long, are you sure you are ready for six weeks together, living together I presume.”

“I’ve known Chris for ten years Alex, I think six weeks living together will be a breeze” I answer but this time it is Allie who looks at me sceptically.

“Alex has a point here, it may be overwhelming for the two of you” Allie says. “Six weeks of constantly being in each other’s presence when you both probably don’t know each other as well as you think. A lot could’ve changed when you were apart, who is to say you are both the same people you were ten years ago.”

“I know we are not the same people, that’s why it will work this time” I reply, my earlier happiness dying down. “I am kinda hurt you guys feel this way.”

“We love you Tobin and we absolutely love that you have found happiness with Christen” Alex says. “All we are saying is don’t rush too much too quickly, you will need to practice being apart at some point anyway.”

“Maybe just go for a couple of weeks” Allie suggests.

“I will think about it” I say and I will.

“We didn’t mean to upset you” Alex says. “I just want you to be cautious, I don’t want you to rush too quickly to try and get back what you had five years ago and force something that you are both not ready for.”

“Rush?” I question. “It’s been five years.”

“Nine months ago you hated Christen” Allie says. “All we are saying is don’t jump in so quickly, we are not saying don’t go to Sweden.”

“Six weeks of living together is a lot for two people who have only been back together a month and probably have never lived together before” Alex says. “I know you guys were inseparable and probably did spend a lot of time together when you were first together but this is different, it’s a place you don’t know and it’s just the two of you. It can be intense.”

“I know what I am doing” I say with a smile. “Thanks for caring.”

“We always have your back Harry” Allie says as Alex nods.

~

“Can you talk Swedish?” I ask as we exit the airport, searching for a cab.

“A little bit, I am by no means fluent” Christen answers. “I mostly speak English or Spanish with my teammates.”

“You can just stick to English with me then” I say as I laugh. “Although, I bet you sound super sexy talking in Spanish.”

“Sexy is exactly what I am going for when I speak Spanish to my teammates” Christen says with a cheeky smirk. “It sounds terrible when I speak Spanish, its Spanish words that come out but their hampered by my American accent.”

“That’s exactly what I am like when I try to speak French” I say with a nod, it sounds ok in your head but as soon as it leaves your mouth it is horrific.

“We have that in common” Christen says.

“Where are all the cabs?” I ask as I look around. “Should they not be hanging around the airport?”

“This isn’t the US honey, in Sweden the flow of cabs is not as frequent” Christen responds, directing me across the road. “It’s all to do with congestion and trying to promote other methods of travel.”

 “Is a cab quicker than waiting here for whatever we are waiting for?”

“We are waiting for a shuttle type bus to take us to the railway station so we can get a train into the center of town and then we can walk the remaining ten minutes to my apartment” Christen answers and I frown, not liking the thought of having to trail all this luggage on and off a train then walk with it. “To answer your question, a cab could take us straight to my apartment.”

“Call a cab then, I don’t care how expensive it is” I say, giving Christen my cell phone. “I will pay for it.”

“It is extremely expensive baby” Christen says but I wave it off.

“Its fine Chris, I just want out of the cold and to cuddle up with my girl in a nice warm bed” I reply. “The sooner that happens, the better.”

“Fine, don’t say I didn’t warn you” Christen says as she takes the phone and orders the cab.

~

“It’s how much?” I say loudly to the driver, completely shocked at the price. “Jeez, all it was was two people, some luggage and a thirty minute journey. It’s not like you drove us and our sixteen kids from one end of Sweden to the other.”

“Babe, lower your voice” Christen says before handing the driver some Kronas as she gives him a polite smile and then she pulls me out of the car.

“How can you afford to live when they charge that amount for cabs?” I say, still in disbelief. “I thought us American’s overcharged for things and inflated prices but that was a cab man.”

“Tobin, calm down” Christen says, pecking me on the lips before grabbing our luggage from the trunk and then the car drives off.

“Do you not find it ridiculous?” I ask as Christen tries not to laugh.

“Yes babe, I do” Christen replies, pointing to the suitcase she wants me to carry. “Which is why I tried to warn you but you were pretty insistent.”

“I guess I should listen to you more often” I say as Christen nods. “I will pay you back when we get to your apartment.”

“Its fine Toby, I am just glad we are finally here” Christen says, leading us inside the apartment complex. “I used to love travel days, now I just loathe them.”

“What do you have in this suitcase, a brick?” I ask, struggling to manoeuvre the object.

“Yeah babe, I always carry bricks in my bag” Christen replies sarcastically as I laugh. “Can you do me a favour and pull my keys out of my pocket so I can unlock the door?”

“Of course baby” I reply, sitting down everything I was carrying and slipping my hand into Christen’s pant pocket.

“My jacket pocket?” Christen says with a laugh. “That wasn’t an invitation to feel my ass, did it really look like there was keys back there?”

“You said pocket, how did I know it wasn’t the bum pocket?” I ask in innocence but it was fairly obvious to me the keys weren’t there. “Here you go” I say, giving my girlfriend the keys once I find them in the correct pocket.

“Thanks Toby” Christen kisses my cheek and then opens the door, leading me inside. “This is my apartment”.

“Oh wow, it’s so big” I say sarcastically.

“Don’t be cheeky, I like that it is small.”

“Small doesn’t even cover it, this place is tiny” I say. “Imagine having a roommate in this, you would hear absolutely everything each other was doing.”

“I actually do have a roommate, a temporary roommate” Christen says. “After Kling left, I couldn’t afford our apartment on my own so I got this smaller apartment and then my friend Vero had to move in after she couldn’t afford her apartment when her roommate left.”

“Vero…” I question. “As in your Spanish ex-girlfriend?”

“She’s not my ex-girlfriend and she never has been, we are purely just friends.”

“But it’s the same Vero that was linked to you?”

“Yes” Christen replies with a sigh. “People think we dated because of some stupid comment Kling made.”

“So there’s no romantic history between you and your friend?” I ask nervously.

“No” Christen says. “Nothing apart from friendship.”

“Cool” I say with a sigh of relief.

“Even if there was, it’s you that I want to be with” Christen says, kissing me on the cheek. “It’s you that I love.”

“I love you too babe.”

“Want a tour of the place?” Christen asks.

“Do we have time, a place as big as this is going to take a while to walk around?” I say sarcastically, laughing lightly.

“Since when did you become so sarcastic?” Christen asks before pulling me into what looks like a kitchen. “This is the kitchen, as you can see it is just as small as the rest of the apartment but its fine for me. Who needs a big kitchen when all you make is meals for one? That sounded a lot more dramatic than I meant it to.”

“Well for the next few weeks, you won’t need to worry about that” I say, kissing Christen on the lips gently.

“Come on I will show you the rest” Christen says, taking me into the living room, bathroom and lastly bedroom.

“Ah… this will be my favorite room” I say as Christen bursts out laughing. “I mean because I like to nap and your bed looks comfy.”

“I’m sure that’s what you meant” Christen says, pulling me over to the bed and we both lie down. “I could fall asleep right now, I am so tired.”

“Me too” I reply, holding Christen in my arms. “I am so excited to spend time with you, just us. Camp was good and hanging out just after Christmas was good as well but now there is no teammates or family, it’s just you and me. We can do what we like without getting interrupted.”

“My roommate will be here at some point babe” Christen tells me as she plays with the toggles on my pants.

“Can’t you kick her out?” I ask. “We’ve never had like an apartment to ourselves before, there’s always been other people.”

“I can’t kick her out that would be rude” Christen says. “Actually, she was only here temporarily so maybe she is almost ready to move out. She does spend a lot of time at her girlfriends anyway.”

“Imagine we had the place to ourselves, we could have sex every day or walk around naked” I say as Christen laughs against my chest.

“So that’s where your mind goes to when you think about us being alone?” Christen asks and I smirk at her.

“Yours doesn’t?” I counter, still smiling. “You don’t wanna see me naked or me to wake you up with an orgasm.”

“Those things would be nice but my first thoughts would be cuddling with a movie; cooking romantic meals; getting up super early so you can watch arsenal.”

“I suppose that’s cool too” I agree before kissing Christen on the head. “I promised I would call my mom when I arrived so I should go do that.”

“Ok honey, I am going to grab a quick shower” Christen says before moving from the bed.

~

“Honestly mom… I can’t believe they charge that for a cab” I say down the phone to my mom as Christen rolls her eyes and chuckles from beside me. Yes I am still complaining. “Yeah I know… I better go just now… love you too mom, bye.”

“Complaining to mommy” Christen says with a laugh and I lightly punch her on the arm.

“What do you want to do tonight?” I ask, placing my hand on Christen’s thigh.

“Go to sleep” Christen says with a laugh. “I am so tired, no matter how many times I travel between Sweden and the US, I still can’t get used to the time difference and jet lag.”

“We can go to sleep soon but we need to eat something first” I say, I haven’t eaten properly since breakfast this morning. “How about I make us something?”

“There will be no food here, I haven’t been here in three weeks” Christen says, moving to cuddle into my side, her wet hair leaving a mark on my t-shirt. “I don’t fancy going out grocery shopping at this time either.”

“Is there a takeout we can order?”

“There’s Burger King” Christen mumbles into my shoulder. “Shall we go there?”

“Yeah, as long as we don’t need to take a cab” I say to which we both chuckle. “Come on beautiful, let’s change then head out.”

“Ok” Christen says with a sigh, slowly making her way to the bedroom.

“Can I wear your blue jeans?” I ask as Christen chuckles lightly.

“You will need to be more specific, I have like six pairs of blue jeans” Christen says, kissing me on the cheek. “You can wear them.”

“Thanks babe” I say with a grin. “I should be ready in about five minutes, you will not be long right?”

“I don’t think so” Christen replies, taking off her shirt.

“Good, because I am starving” I say as I head for Christen’s clothes to find the jeans I want to wear. “Do we need to order in Swedish at Burger King?”

“I think we will probably manage with a bit of English and Swedish” Christen tells me, grinning back at me. “I’m sure we will get away with just pointing at a picture of what we want.”

“That’s cool” I say, quickly getting dressed. “Are you ready yet?”

“I’ve not even got my clothes out yet babe” Christen replies, laughing at my impatience.

“Seriously Chris, I will eat you in a minute if you don’t hurry up” I say.

“Oh really?” Christen says with a smirk as she moves to stand in front of me. “Eat me or eat me out?”

“I am so hungry, I don’t think I would have enough energy to eat you out” I say as Christen kisses me on the lips.

“Let’s get you to burger king then” Christen says, quickly dressing into the first items of clothes she can find. “Have you got money to pay?”

“Yeah, let’s go” I say, grabbing my girlfriend’s hand and pulling her out the door.

~

“Sweden is actually quite nice at night” I say as we stroll hand in hand back towards the apartment. “It’s very peaceful.”

“It is” Christen nods. “It still doesn’t compare to home though, I like living and playing here but eventually I want to finish my career in the US.”

“I want that too, hopefully we can have that together.” It makes me nervous and excited to think that we could actually have that together; playing for the same team and living together. It is probably a little far off at the moment but it is definitely something I think about.

“I hope so” Christen smiles, pecking me on the cheek. “Would you stay with Portland or do you think you would want to move to a Californian team if they created one.”

“I don’t know to be honest” I reply, swinging our interlocked hands. “I’ve not been at Portland that long but the club is so amazing. I love their passion for soccer. I think I could be happy in Portland but if a team came up near our hometown then it is definitely something I would need to think hard about.”

“I want to finish my career in California if I can” Christen says. “If it doesn’t happen then it’s not the end of the world, I am sure I could settle in another American team if the fit was right.”

“We just have to wait and see what happens, remain in the moment for now” I say, Christen nodding along.

We spend the next ten minutes in silence, enjoying each other’s company as we walk back to Christen’s apartment.

“Thanks babe” Christen says with a smile when I hold the apartment door open for her and she steps inside.

“You’re welcome” I reply, following Christen inside and locking the door behind me.

“Oh hey, I didn’t know you were here” Christen says when we get back inside the apartment, I presume the person she is talking to is Vero and she not just being friendly with a burglar.

“Yep but not for long, I am going to stay with my girlfriend for a couple of weeks. That will let you have the apartment to yourself” Vero says with a smile.

“You don’t need to do that” Christen says and I hope she is just being polite, Vero moving out would be brilliant when I am here. It’s not that I don’t like the woman, I don’t know her, but the apartment is very small and being able to have alone time with Chris will be good.

“I don’t mind, I’ve probably stayed here long enough any way” Vero says, what looks to be a genuine smile on her face.

“You know where I am if you ever need a place to stay again” Christen says politely, hugging her friend.

“I’m Vero, by the way since your girlfriend was rude and didn’t introduce us” she says with a smile, holding her hand out for me.

“Tobin” I reply, shaking her hand.

“Good to meet you” Vero says, giving me a small smile.

“You too” I reply with a polite smile.

“Christen says you played in France, for PSG” Vero says and I nod. “I am in talks with PSG for next season.”

“They’re a good team, if it wasn’t to be closer to the national team and my family then I probably would’ve stayed over there” I say truthfully. Obviously I want to be closer to Christen too but if she remains in Sweden then it wouldn’t matter whether I was in the US or France. I do feel like the US will be the best fit for me if I want to make the world cup roster.

“You have to do what’s best for you” Vero says before hugging Christen. “I am going to go now, I will see you in a few days Christen.”

“See you then, bye” Christen says as Vero departs.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask as I move closer to Christen and wrap my arms around her.

“Sure babe” Christen replies before pecking me on the lips.

~

“First day back at training for me” Christen says, kissing me on the cheek as I drink my coffee. “What’s your plan today baby?”

“I don’t know yet” I answer, swinging around on the stool. “I thought I might go out and explore for a bit, maybe pick us up something nice to make for dinner.”

“Sounds nice” Christen says, pouring herself some coffee. “While we are on the subject of dinner, I figured we could host a little American dinner party at the weekend.”

“Here, in this tiny place?” I ask with a laugh as Christen slaps my arm.

“Yeah babe” Christen answers. “We could invite Kling, Whitney since she is playing out here now and maybe my friend Cami who has just moved here. There’s a men’s national team game on that we could watch together.”

“Sounds like fun babe” I agree with a smile.

“I better go, I want to get there early” Christen says, standing in front of me waiting for me to stop swinging on the stool so I can kiss her.

“I love you” I say, kissing Christen’s lips.

“Love you too Toby, have a good day.”

“You too” I reply as I walk Christen to the door, giving her one last kiss before watching her disappear out of view. I miss her already but at least I get to see her tonight which is better than if I stayed in the US. I want to make her something really special for dinner tonight, show her how much I love her.

~

The first week goes by really quick, Christen is really busy with training leaving me to my own devices. I was bored to begin with but then I found this cool soccer field and also met with Whitney whose coach said I can train with them.

“Babe, I went to visit Whitney today and her coach is letting me train with them” I say when Christen sits next to me. “Between that and some time at the gym then I will be all set for preseason back in the US when it comes around.”

“That’s good Toby” Christen smiles. “I am so glad you have something to do with your time, I feel really bad going to training every day and leaving you alone.”

“It cool, we knew this would be the situation anyway” I answer although I have to admit, I did think I would see Christen more than I have done. I know she is busy with training and stuff but sometimes she is out all day, leaving extremely early and getting home late. That’s just training, the matches haven’t even started yet.

“I meant to tell you that I spoke to my coach and I will be able to go back to the US for Allie’s wedding” Christen tells me, a wide smile on her face. “If you still need a plus one then I am your girl.”

“Cool, Allie will be glad you can come.”

“What are we making for our dinner party tonight?” Christen asks as she sits down on one of the stools in the kitchen.

“You mean, what am I making?” I say as Christen shrugs.

“I am happy to help” Christen says, beginning to eat an apple.

“Its ok babe, I think I got it covered” I say as Christen nods.

“I figured you wouldn’t want me to help anyway, as much as you don’t want to admit it but you are pretty dominant in the kitchen” Christen says as I smirk at her.

“Kitchen isn’t the only room I am dominant in” I smirk, Christen grinning back at me before she pecks me on the lips.

“I am going to go for a shower, wash the grime from training off before our guests arrive” Christen says. “I meant to mention that Cami can’t make it tonight, it’s just going to be you, me, Kling and Whitney.”

“That’s fine, we will just need to eat more” I say before kissing Christen on the cheek as she leaves to go for a shower.

I make a start on dinner while Christen is showering, I decided to go with a small buffet of food. Some items healthier than others but its only one night, no one will tell Dawn. I also made brownies for desert but that part is a surprise for Christen; I made them earlier today before going to the gym.

“Babe, have you seen my Heath jersey?” Christen shouts from the bedroom. “Since we are watching the men’s national team tonight then I want to rep the stars and stripes.”

“I didn’t even know you had a Heath jersey” I say as I walk into the bedroom, a dishtowel in my hands.

“Yeah, I swiped it after the game against Canada” Christen says as she searches through all her clothes. “Game worn obviously.”

“I hope you washed it” I say before I notice something white hanging out the corner of Christen’s closet. “There’s something at the end of the closet.”

“That’s it” Christen says, grabbing the jersey and putting it on. “How long until dinner is ready?”

“Fifteen minutes so I hope the girls are here soon” I answer, sitting down on the bed for a moment to wait for Christen to finish getting ready. “Whitney is bringing some wine that you like, I can’t remember what the name of it was but she said you liked it.”

“Whitney is very good with her wine choices” Christen says before turning to me. “How do I look?”

“Fuckable” I smirk as Christen frowns back at me.

“In future when your girlfriend asks you that question, please her and say something a little more flattering even if your mind is thinking something else” Christen says as she plops down on my lap.

“Honesty is a very big thing in relationships so are you asking me not to be honest?” I ask playfully before wiping the frown from Christen’s face with a kiss. “You look beautiful. Period.”

“Thanks baby” Christen says, kissing me a few more times before standing back up. “Come on, I don’t want you letting dinner burn because of me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone who is still interested in the story.


End file.
